Law of Unintended Consequences

Date: Tue, Mar 26, 2002 12:12 PM

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> Now they'll ALL expect to win oscars!

Yeah, god damn it. "Best Animated Feature." Well what about PIXILATED
features? What about Best Feature Using Sock Puppets? What about Best
Feature Compiled Entirely of Stolen Stock Footage? How come Documentary
is ONE CATEGORY? Why not Best Good Documentary and Best Bad
Documentary? Indeed, what of BADFILM in general? Where's the "Best
Inadvertent Bulldada" category? "Worst Deliberate Bulldada"? The whole
thing is rigged I tell you, rigged.

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From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>

A bunch of millionaires get together to give a few other millionaires
an "I Love You THIS MUCH" figurine in a way that they can pretend it's
an important cultural phenomenon. That pretty much defines "rigged."
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From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

An Oscar is just a giant suppository and essentially unrelated to the real
sweat of those involved. Halle Berry & Denzel rock as actors; disregarding
someone's undisputable high-quality work due to race is unconscionable, as good
acting ITSELF doesn't just fall from trees. I don't give a step or a fetchit
what color dey is. *I* care if the SCRIPT sucks.

Besides, the best films are rarely up for Oscars anyway. The lasting works are
foreign, independent or quirky left-field items: "Cinema Paradiso," "Merry
Christmas, Mr. Lawrence," "A River Runs Through It," "The Cell." Where the hell
was "O Brother, Wherefore Art Thou?" Uh huh.

I intend to see "Monster's Ball" and "A Beautiful Mind." I'm told the latter is
riveting. I prize good character plays above all else in film. But let's keep in
mind the vast chasm between the air-kissing ASS-kissing of the Oscars and the
golden moment when the huge number of people required to put a film on the
screen hit The Mark.

And please don't let the fact that I hold some positive anticipation for the
"Spider-Man" movie cause you to spit with derision. Hey, so much fantasy has
SUCKED lately, we deserve one that clicks. I sho' nuff lahks dat Green Goblin
rig.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
I fart people's likenesses
in green clouds on street corners
and they throw money in a hat to make me stop.

I love to put funny things on my head.
Sometimes its the nut dish,
sometimes its the spaghetti colander,
but the hats I've seen fly fishermen wear
were funnier than either
and I had to have one.
- P. J. O' Rourke

A disciple asked,
"Why is there evil in the world?"
Krishnamurti replied,
"To thicken the plot."

"The MEAT! The horrible MEAAAT!"
- "

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Original file name: Law of Unintended Consequences. - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:09