Weird things to ponder

From: xenu <noway@not.com>

1. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
2. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
3. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
4. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
5. Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
6. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
7. The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
8. Did anyone see my lost carrier?
9. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
10. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
11. He who laughs last thinks slowest!
12. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
13. "More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"
14. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
15. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
16. Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.
17. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
18. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophilic.
19. Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
20. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
21. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
22. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
23. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I. Double your
drive space - delete Windows!
24. What is a free gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
25. Assassins do it from behind.
26. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
27. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
happy.
28. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
29. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
30. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
31. Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
32. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
33. The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
34. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
35. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
36. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
37. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
38. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
39. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
40. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
41. All generalizations are false, including this one.
42. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
43. C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
44. I may not know what I'm doing, but I know how to do it.
45. Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
46. Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
47. "Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."
48. Officer, I know I was going faster than 55MPH, but I wasn't going
to be on the road an hour.
49. it's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
50. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
51. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
52. If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
53. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to
feed it.
54. My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm
good, she'll give me the other one next year.
55. I had amnesia once or twice.
56. I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

---------------------------

He's an obese Jewish master criminal who hides his scarred face behind a mask.
She's a provocative tomboy Hell's Angel from a secret island of warrior women.
They fight crime!
-------
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety
deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759.

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Original file name: Weird things to ponder - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08