Caked Feces

Date: Sun, Feb 17, 2002 5:00 AM

From: iDRMRSR <alexithymia@depression.org.east>

...oh, nothing.

I just realized what a great phrase this was.

It sells a lot of newspapers. You read "the corpse was covered with
caked feces" or "when the girl was freed from her closet prison, her
hair was caked with feces".

I'm diabetic. Tonight, well actually, this morning, the old insulin
drove my blood sugar way down. When that happens, the old brain starts
choking up for glucose and misfires. If you're sound asleep, you start
having these really strange disturbing dreams, and then you wake up.

There's some elderly residents here at the condoplex. I woke up hearing
this occasional scraping sound. Scrape, clunk. Scrape, clunk. In my
low sugar state, I thought perhaps this was the sound of a feces uncaker
being used on an emergency basis to fix up one of the elderly residents.

It turned out to be a snow plow in the parking lot.

Then it occurred to me that, what a loser you are if you have to get up
really early to go to work. That seems like the greatest crime against
Slack, even if you are a morning person.

I mean, here's this snow plow driver, sitting in some bar around noon
after 8 hours of work, thinking, golly-gee I made $50 today already!
Whee! And then gleefully fanning out the bills, pulling out two bucks
for another beer.

Yeah, that's the life. Loser. Ken Lay makes $50 in the time it takes
him to fart.

And, come to think of it, early risers are most likely to have to deal
with caked feces on the job. Elderly people seldom require care during
convenient hours. Nope, it's always some gawd awful hour of the night
when grannie needs them feces uncaked in a big hurry.

But I guess, thanks to losers, their drives might be plowed!

Well, fellow SubGs, I'm going to obtain some glucose real quick so I can
get back to sleep. Those of you getting up for work may want to do more
research on the subject:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22caked+feces%22&btnG=Google+Search

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

What a delightful little whimsical slice-o-life essay. You could be the
next Erma Bombeck, Mister Sister.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mturyn@world.std.com

Uhhh...unfortunately, _all_ the high-powered super-earning execs I've
met (Proctor & Gamble, IBM, ATG, a couple of ad agencies) were early
risers. Further proof I'll die poor if "Bob" doesn't take us up
first.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

I sewage processing and disposal, the concetrated sludge can be dried into what
they call "cake"!

The cake is then either buried in a land fill, used in making fertilizer, or
served at McDonalds as Chocolate Milkshakes.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"Just think, the next time I shoot someone I could get arrested!"

Lt. Frank Drebin, "The Naked Gun"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: thereheis99@hotmail.com (Rev. Crawford)

mturyn@world.std.com wrote...

> Uhhh...unfortunately, _all_ the high-powered super-earning execs I've
> met (Proctor & Gamble, IBM, ATG, a couple of ad agencies) were early
> risers. Further proof I'll die poor if "Bob" doesn't take us up
> first.

Depends on your definition of "poor."

In the course of my trip through the American employment meat-grinder,
it's been my misfortune to know and have to interact with high-level
execs from impressively-greedy firms such as Honeywell and General
Motors. Sure, these guys made lots of money.

They also had NO concept of slack. None whatsoever. The closest
thing they got to slack was opening up the financial section and
seeing that their imaginary fortunes were worth 2.3% more than they
were yesterday. Then they went back to their 16-hour day of lying,
cheating, stealing, backstabbing, asskissing, appointment-making,
note-taking, book-cooking, neighbor-coveting, and - of course -
early-rising.

If that's your definition of wealth, you're welcome to it. After all,
it's a free country, for now. You may want to consider another
religion, however.

YFNR

Rev. Crawford

Back to document index

Original file name: Caked Feces.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08