alt.slack Match Game (TM)

Date: Tue, Jan 15, 2002 11:54 PM

From: "Unclaimed Mysteries" <k4doh@mindspring.com>

If the only tool you have is _________,
all your problems look like __________.

Corry
--
It Came From C. L. Smith's Unclaimed Mysteries.
http://www.unclaimedmysteries.net
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From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

If the only tool you have is your dick,
all your problems look like festing bungholes begging for penetration.

Her Ladyship Lilith

--
\m/ -=8=- http://lilith.foolspress.com/ -=8=- \m/
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From: sockfumes@Bahooga.com (Rev. Fried Egg)

>If the only tool you have is _________carp
>all your problems look like __________mayonnaise

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From: mshotz@aol.comnospam (James T. Rex King of the Monsters)

>If the only tool you have is a pocket pussy_,
>all your problems look like _Dick Cheney__.

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

"Just think, the next time I shoot someone I could get arrested!"

Lt. Frank Dredin, "The Naked Gun"
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From: "rev_cletus" <rev_cletus@hotmail.com>

If the only tool you have is a Pink brane,
all your problems look like Catie Kouric's colon.

If the only tool you have is a Yeti brane,
all your problems look like "Bob"'s colon.

If the only tool you have is an elbow macaroni,
all your problems look like Schrodinger's cat.

--
Rev. Cletus Aurelius
Q4"B"4L
Flower Town Detachment, Dobbs-on-a-Stick
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From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>If the only tool you have is __SLACK__,
>all your problems look like __"Bob"___.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
OH MY SWEET DOBBS! A GIANT FLY!
And its OPEN, AIEEE!!

"'X-Files' is mysterious; YOU're a head job."
- "Bob Patterson"

"It isn't the flags on your car,
its changing the car."
- Bill Maher

"..and then he got the bloody Victoria's Cross
for gettin' his ARSE shot off!"
- "The Man Who Would Be King"

Hunter S. Thompson speaks
http://espn.go.com/page2/s/thompson/index.html
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From: "duke0uke" <osama@bin.laden.org>

If the only tool you have is a metaphor,
all your problems look like similies.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "The Not Quite Sane One" <blargh---spam---3@yahoo.com>

If the only tool you have is a hammer,
all your problems look like folk singers.

--
Rev. St. Klyf "Not Max Cannon" the Not-Quite-Sane, ESB

"This place is swell.
But the swelling's gone down."
--Tank Girl
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From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

If the only tool you have is a banana,
all your problems look like J. Fred Muggs.

If the only tool you have is a septic tank,
all your problems look like Kevunh.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Next Big Fad: Aroma Therapy for Necrophiliacs

"Well, to be fair I did have
a couple of gadgets he probably didn't,
like a teaspoon and an open mind."
- The Doctor

"So maybe I'm over-thinkin' it,
but hey, its what I do."
-Bill Hicks, "Arizona Bay"

"Why is it so hard?"
"Because its a white piece of paper."
- "The West Wing"
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From: "Jonny Bravo" <jonlberg@nospamolahotmail.com>

If the only tool you have is a fifth of Jack
All your problems will look doubled......

--
Jonny Bravo

If it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger..Nietzche
Ya but I bet it still Smarts like the dickens...J. Bravo

http://boneheadgrafix.tripod.com

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From: Kopi Luwak <kopi@plopmail.com>

>If the only tool you have is _________,

undertow

>all your problems look like __________.

prison sex.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com (William Barwell)

When your only tool is a hammer,
all your problems resemble hamsters.

Pope Charles
SubGenius Pope of Houston
Slack!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com (William Barwell)

In article <a27o7u02chp@drn.newsguy.com>,
HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com> wrote:

> If the only tool you have is a banana,
> all your problems look like J. Fred Muggs.
>

C'mon, how many people here'd know who J. Fred Muggs is.
They be ignernt.

If your only tool is vast piles of money,
all your problems look like greedy Congressmen.

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From: "Col. Sphinx Drummond" <sphinx@subgenius.com>

If your only tool is your wit, all of your problems are a joke.

-Col. Sphinx Drummond TWSR
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com says...
>
>When your only tool is a hammer,
>all your problems resemble hamsters.

When your only tool is a hamster
all your problems look like really big hamster pills.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Creator of the Teleporting Cat Box

"...and always remember
the last words of my grandfather,
who said 'A truck!'..."
- Emo Philips

"If you want to know what God thinks of money,
just look at the people He gave it to."
- Dorothy Parker

"You cannot drink
the cup of the Lord
and the cup of demons."
- I Corinthians 10:20-22
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From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com says...

>C'mon, how many people here'd know who J. Fred Muggs is.
>They be ignernt.

Or maybe just younger'n me & Stang. J. Fred Muggs was a trick chimp on the old
Today show EONS back when it was hosted by Dave Garroway. He was smarter than
Letterman.

>If your only tool is vast piles of money,
>all your problems look like greedy Congressmen.

If your only tool is "Bob"
all your problems look like
passes for a free cornholing of the supermodel of your choice

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infi.net>

> If the only tool you have is a remote pacemaker discombobulator,
> all your problems look like Vice-President Cheney.

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett
----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

William Barwell <wbarwell@starbase.neosoft.com> wrote:

> In article <a27o7u02chp@drn.newsguy.com>,
> HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com> wrote:

> > If the only tool you have is a banana,
> > all your problems look like J. Fred Muggs.
> >
> C'mon, how many people here'd know who J. Fred Muggs is.
> They be ignernt.

I was reading through this thread last night and had burst out laughing
about that point. Actually laughed out loud for awhile at the J. Fred
Muggs reference... it had been building up... Princess Wei came up to
see what i was laughing at. She didn't quite get the J.Fred Muggs until
I reminded her that J. Fred Muggs was the chimpanzee star of his own
crude children's TV show of the 50s.

I'm like 2 years older than she is... so I remembered it directly, but
she only remembered references to it. I had a stuffed animal doll
chimpanzee that was named J. Fred Muggs. We used to pretend to cook him
in the toy oven. But it was really just to bother my sister.

Kids.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

>I'm like 2 years older than she is... so I remembered it directly, but
>she only remembered references to it. I had a stuffed animal doll
>chimpanzee that was named J. Fred Muggs. We used to pretend to cook him
>in the toy oven. But it was really just to bother my sister.

YOU have a SISTER!?? AAIIEEEE!!!!!!!!

Eh, the younger of my two younger sisters once "cooked" some KFC in a Suzy
Homemaker oven...until we triangulated on the source of the stench. Dear GOD,
the unutterable gorge-clogging FOULNESS of fried chicken well-aged at room
temperature in an enclosed space...I thought it was a dead kitten for a while. A
vile precursor to the Vapors of Janor. Of course, they DID save us from
Communism, but PHEWWWWEEEEEE.....

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
It takes leather balls to play rugby and
a leather heart to be a politician,
but it takes a leather BRAIN to be a SubGenius

"Humanity is inherently evil.
(It has something to do with opposing thumbs.)"
-Sean Scott

"Menopause hit her hard
and then dragged her for 50 yards."
- "Drew Carey"

"I think I hate the pity more than the puke."
- "The Ripping Frien

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Original file name: alt.slack Match Game (TM).txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:08