The Better Days

From: "Rev. T Scuggins" <mantooth@pr0k.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Jan 27, 2002

I remember some days that were better than these.

I was employed by a crazy Mormon family, who operated an office supply
business. They supplied medical offices with filing systems. Being an
unskilled drunkard, I was stuck with assembling custom-designed folders,
gluing and pressing pockets and fasteners into place. This gave me an
opportunity to insert anything I wanted into the pockets.

To relieve the boredom and to "get back" at my Mormon opperssors, I took
the liberty of sending out photocopied Dobbsheads and various home made
church propaganda (w/the proper address, of course) with every order I could
stash one in, for about nine months. I must have sent out a thousand
Dobbsheads, copies of "What the Hell" and other amateur propaganda that I
made myself.

The business mainly supplied the states, but there were several acounts in
Australia, various places in South America and Guam. The original intention
was to relieve boredom, which gradually changed into the realisation that
the only persons who would ever view the propaganda would be nurses.
Recruiting nurses seemed like a noble cause, so I continued sending out CoSG
propaganda until the bitter end, when I was injured and had to quit.

Damb Mormons, the only good one was Seldom Seen Slim
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPope Huey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

So were you injured because you were so drunk you slipped on something or fell
into a machine or a belt snapped and knocked out an eye or did you just piss off
a Mormon so badly they "injured" you personally? How bitter WAS that particular
end? Decrepit Sub-minds wanna know.

I worked the night shift at a news radio station in Little Rock and as I looked
for a REAL job after 3 years of crap, I sloooowly increased the size of the
moustaches I drew on the portraits of the executive staff in the lobby. It
happened so gradually, no one reacted at all except the 3 cool people, who
laffed like dawgs. One of the news guys called me later and said the manager
noticed it one morning 3 months LATER and shit a piston. Went around the place
in a hot froth and demanded for someone to fess up, even.

The Pinker they are, the slower on the uptake they are. I wish they'd at least
LOOK when you kick them; it takes part of the fun out of it when their nervous
systems are so deformed, they flinch on a TIME-DELAYED basis. Phooey.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
MicroSoft will market the SuckTronic 2000XE
and then be sued by asswipes
who don't clean the receptacle and
get cockonella from the mung buildup

"Watching CNN Breaking News is like
watching sausages being made."
-Rocknar

"Look at me, having sex with a pig.
I've become my father!"
- "Family Guy"

"I'm going out on the loading dock
to eat a sardine sandwich
and soak up some abuse."
- "Nig
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. T Scuggins" <mantooth@pr0k.net>

It wasn't anything so exciting as loosing an eye, or having an extremity
ground into pulp. Alas, it was a simple back injury that laid waste my
"career" with the Mormons. Of course, the end result of my time with the
Mormons is a permanently tweaked upper back, which twinges away any time I
hold my hands out in front of my body for too long.

It was an odd time, some how it was bad and good at the same time. Everyday
was a contest between the Mormon family who owned the business and the
gentile employees. There were a few weeks where I was subjected to the most
awful of torments, installing shelving in medical offices with the patriarch
of the family. All day long I was assailed with tales of high school sports
and how being a high school athlete made one "king of the town." After a few
hours of that drivel, the bastard with start in with "the Mormon lifestyle
is far better than the way you are living, young man."

And I learned of how the Mormons are stockpiling water, grains and weapons.
The guy had plans. He was hoping for a catastrophe to strike the world, so
the Mormons could rise up and take over. He wanted to "annex Canada" and
flood the central US with water from the Great Lakes.

One very sad thing, was how beautiful one of his daughters was. She was
almost perfect in every way, except for the most important part, her brain.
She was ugly inside and would speak of nothing except how great she is. She
married at eighteen and had told me she wanted at least six kids.

While I'm blabbing away here, I might as well relay a fun story about
Mormon hospitality. Once, while I was employed by these fine, upstanding
folks, the employees decided to have a pot luck lunch, for employees only.
We okayed it with the owner and his wife, they seemed fine with it. The day
of the pot luck came and we put some tables together and spread out our
foods. Then people began arriving. Not anyone we knew, they were friends and
family of the Mormons, from their church. They sat down at the tables we had
intended to use as a buffet and began eating. We, the employees were stunned
at first. They weren't invited, they didn't bring anything and of course, we
didn't bring enough for all these people. I grabbed what I could and started
eating, progressively getting angrier. Eventually I took the plate of fried
wontons I had brought off the table and thew it in the trash.

There's more Mormon Tales, like when they took the refridgerator, the
microwave and drinkable water away from the employees, but the above should
give a good idea of what those days were like.

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Original file name: The Better Days.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:06