the HORROR,,,, the HORROR

From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 17, 2002

Blackout wrote:
> http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/020416/170/1ep8h.html

Personally, this thing of just posting news stories to the group
leaves me cold. It's not like nobody else can use a browser or look
at yahoo. Why not try actually saying something, maybe some idea that
you had yourself, not just something you read somewhere. This goes
for everyone else who robotically forwards news items to this group
every day. HEY GUESS WHAT! I can look at yahoo any time I want! And
that's not what I look at alt.slack for.

Okay, now have your little emotional reaction, everybody.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org> hunched over a computer, typing
feverishly;
thunder crashed, dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org> laughed madly, then
wrote:

>Okay, now have your little emotional reaction, everybody.

http://www.confessionalism.com/newfy.html

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Can someone explain the point of having a 1.2 GHZ Pentium IV demon if you're going
to attach things to the parallel port?
- Lupus Yonderboy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus <tartarus@rome.com>

dyskolos wrote:
> Okay, now have your little emotional reaction, everybody.

I like links. When you hang out in alt.slack or any other newsgroup
where folks share like sensibilities (here, I think the only "like"
sensibility is irreverence) you get the browsing power of the entire
group. I can't afford to spend all day scouring the internet for the
ridiculous and the obscene, so it's good to have some help. And you
don't have to follow links. Just ignore them if you don't want to swing
that way.

--
Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus

Cathareuse Ordre de Frites
Salvian HP Synod

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus <tartarus@rome.com>

Kevan wrote:
>
> On Thu, 18 Apr 2002 07:25:53 -0600, Monseignor Tartarus
> Sanctus <tartarus@rome.com> from University of Colorado at
> Denver wrote:
>
> >I like links. When you hang out in alt.slack or any other newsgroup
> >where folks share like sensibilities ....
>
> My sensibilities are undergoing a paradigm shift to leverage
> the synergy IN MY PANTS!

If I had a paradigms for every time I've heard that one.....

--
Monseignor Tartarus Sanctus

Cathareuse Ordre de Frites
Salvian HP Synod
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"dyskolos" wrote

> Personally, this thing of just posting news stories to the group
> leaves me cold.

.Personally, this thing of what leaves you cold leaves me cold.

now go warm up, you're turning blue
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3CBE5AAB.616A2AF1@menander.org>, dyskolos
<dyskolos@menander.org> wrote:

> Okay, now have your little emotional reaction, everybody.

You and Huey are just confused cuz you don't have KILLER KICK ASS
SUPERFAST CABLE MODEM DSL CLUSTERBUTT PIL-filed MODERN DAY FANCY
SHMANCY GEAR!

What we have here is a failure to communicate at a rate any faster
than about 56000 bps.

No offense, but the Internet is a whole nother thing when you spend $70
a month on it. (I'm including a big Giganews habit in that.) It takes
NO time to click on that link and see that awful picture and come back.
I mean NO time.

I had to choose between cable MODEM and cable TV because I didn't want
to pay for both, especially in MY TIME, so I went for the cable modem.
My TV is only 13 inches across but my processor is 400 mhz. The
computer's titties just looked more inviting to me as teats go than the
TV did.

Thus the quick-linky references do not bother me. I'm not trying to
show off, I'm trying to explain why it's not "clutter" to some as it
might be to you. I remember being able to smoke a whole Marlboro
waiting for one post to come through. I quit smoking and I also quit
waiting. I have to run a litle faster on this fucking treadmill, but I
was gonna do that anyway on account of the years slipping by so
devilishly fast.

Thus your frequent references to these obsolete, obscure "television
shows" and "books" are as lost on me as the damn fool Slack of another
geek is lost on you.

I can see how the quick-linky news things would irritate you. They used
to irritate me. It's because you have a MUCH SLOWER OFF BUTTON. Or
"next" button, as the case may be.

That is my knowing, wise and patient judgement. You may now all go back
to your writhing down there.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 204206, Austin, TX 78720-4206
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com
For SubGenius Biz & Orders: call toll free to 1-888-669-2323
or email: jesus@subgenius.com
PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: dyskolos <dyskolos@menander.org>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> You and Huey are just confused cuz you don't have KILLER KICK ASS
> SUPERFAST CABLE MODEM DSL CLUSTERBUTT PIL-filed MODERN DAY FANCY
> SHMANCY GEAR!

Huey and I are not confused, just bored by people whose closest thing
to an intelligent thought is the 21st century equivalent of clipping
something out of a newspaper and reading it out loud to all their acquaintances.
>
> What we have here is a failure to communicate at a rate any faster
> than about 56000 bps.

What we have here is people who try to communicate when they have
nothing to say.

> No offense, but the Internet is a whole nother thing when you spend $70
> a month on it. (I'm including a big Giganews habit in that.) It takes
> NO time to click on that link and see that awful picture and come back.
> I mean NO time.

It takes even less time to not click on that link at all. And that
$840 a year is 2.6 months of free rent I get that you don't because
you are flushing it down the toilet to get to see something a netgeek
thought was funny, REAL FAST. Offense.

> I can see how the quick-linky news things would irritate you. They used
> to irritate me. It's because you have a MUCH SLOWER OFF BUTTON. Or
> "next" button, as the case may be.

You can't see your own butt, fleegenstein. I'm not "irritated"
because somebody posted a news article or a url and my computer is TOO
SLOW, I'm disgusted that this many alleged "subgeniuses" have got
about two and a half ideas between them (and two of them are Hooey's)
and fill in the rest with cut and paste UPI news stories about the
fascinating adventures of some celebrity, or someone who hurt himself
in an unusual way.

> That is my knowing, wise and patient judgement. You may now all go back
> to your writhing down there.

And you may go back to sleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Blackout" <blackout@404infomagic.net>

"HellPopeHuey" wrote

> >"dyskolos" wrote about how his major contribution to society is
> >WHINING about how things SHOULD be.
> >
> >news flash: that's not a new idea either sport. it's been done to
> >death.
> >P.S. you seem to think things should be set up to entertain YOU. try
> >jacking off more, it's an easier enviroment to control.
>
> Not necessarily. The man has a cock like the Worm Ouroborous. It will
> take more than just two hands. Would you like to assist?

Arkansas's gonna be a long ways to drive just to help you jack off a
crybaby.

throw in a shrimp job and $12.00 and you got a deal.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <3CBFB7AD.C6356DCF@menander.org>, dyskolos says...

>Huey and I are not confused, just bored by people whose closest thing
>to an intelligent thought is the 21st century equivalent of clipping
>something out of a newspaper and reading it out loud to all their
>acquaintances.

I was slightly confused as to why a 22-year-old asshole could total my car and
leave me here under near-house-arrest for 1.5 years without one, but then I
realized it was due to The Law and the fog lifted. Many things still suck, but
knowing WHY has merits.

>I'm disgusted that this many alleged "subgeniuses" have got
>about two and a half ideas between them (and two of them are Hooey's)
>and fill in the rest with cut and paste UPI news stories about the
>fascinating adventures of some celebrity

I want royalties for these, you cloud of clattering jackanapes. I need a new
effects box so I can add the proper zing to more of my brilliant ideas. "Bob"
needs artifacts. HoS needs material. Stang needs cash. And I need to shower if I
expect to get head this evening.

>or someone who hurt himself in an unusual way.

You mean like paying money to join the Church?

When I was a kid, I had a neighbor whose 9-year-old briefly taught the
high-chair-enthroned baby to slap herself in the face whenever he said "Hit the
baby!"
After about 2 weeks of this charming scenario, the baby figured it out. I still
warm with glee to recall the day she screamed "NO!" and hit him in the head with
a plate full of Toddler Chow.

Now I have alt.slack for this.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Too bad Life has no Mute button but a .38

Cynics regarded everybody as equally corrupt...
Idealists regarded everybody as equally corrupt,
except themselves.
- Robert Anton Wilson

"Walk slower...
my Huggies are already holed up in Box Canyon."
- "Family Guy"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <lsg1cuokjo1iftm6gbi02cj0n3o8dij865@4ax.com>, UnitCLXXX@SputSouth.Com
says...
>On 19 Apr 2002 12:54:13 -0700, HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>
>wrote, in alt.slack:
>
>>After about 2 weeks of this charming scenario, the baby figured it out. I
>>still warm with glee to recall the day she screamed "NO!" and hit him in the
>>head with a plate full of Toddler Chow.
>
> Not only did it make me laugh, but it's a *great* story
> about developmental psychology, or something. Just had to say.

Sort of reminds me of Legume's Rock & Stick paradigm. I stay away from rocks &
sticks. I really want to hit a few people lately and I mean REAL HARD, like
until they stop squirming. If I did this, someone might shoot me. Some might say
that this would be a bad thing. I mean, I'd be worth $32 in dry chemicals if
someone wanted to go to the effort of rendering me. C'mon, do your worst, ye
weeds, ALLA YA!

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Mother Dobbs' Grappling Hooks
for Determined Toddlers

If you think this Universe is bad,
you should see some of the others.
-Philip K. Dick

"I have no proof...only logic...logic and faith."
- Reed Ri
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <e2j3cu04eq5707ah0conpi83qqj4k2ee85@4ax.com>, unit24@cabal.net
says...
>On 20 Apr 2002 09:28:15 -0700, HellPopeHuey
><hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com> wrote:
>>If I did this, someone might shoot me. Some might say
>>that this would be a bad thing. I mean, I'd be worth $32 in dry chemicals if
>>someone wanted to go to the effort of rendering me. C'mon, do your worst, ye
>>weeds, ALLA YA!
>
>Fuck, Unless you are in really bad health, yer body parts is worth
>Thousands if not Tens of Thousands.
>Didn't ya see the 60 Minutes segment about Donated bodies being
>rendered down and bits resold to for profit labs. Skin, Bones,
>Cartilage, etc...
>Skin for face lifts and for Penile Enlargement was going for $2k for a
>4x5 inch square.
>Hell, we could get a lotta those offa you.

People have been after my ass for years, but there are still a few choice
tender bits on the lower cheeks I've jealously guarded against all comers.
If I last until XD6 in 2003, card-holding members can have 2x2" squares for $30
a pop. All profits go to Dobbs, minus the cost of ointment.

Sorry, the brain is long gone and I'm KEEPING the penis, such as it is. (rim
shot) (not rim job, rim shot)

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Mother Dobbs' Grappling Hooks
for Determined Toddlers

If you think this Universe is bad,
you should see some of the others.
-Philip K. Dick

"I have no proof...only logic...logic and faith."
- Reed Richards
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <190420020017598659%stang@subgenius.com>, "Rev. says...

>You and Huey are just confused cuz you don't have KILLER KICK ASS
>SUPERFAST CABLE MODEM DSL CLUSTERBUTT PIL-filed MODERN DAY FANCY
>SHMANCY GEAR!

You mean if I look at shit FASTER, it won't be SHIT anymore? And all I have to
do is pay 3.5 times what I'm paying now to SEE the turdulation? Oh, if only I'd
known! I thought it was about CONTENT!! I feel like such a doofus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Honk.blrpHOOOARGHH@excuseMe.com (Big "Nick" Snotnozzle)

On Thu, 18 Apr 2002 12:20:02 -0700, "Blackout"
<blackout@404infomagic.net> wrote:

>
>"SubGenius Spice" wrote
>
>> original?
>>
>> i miss ICEKNIFE.
>
>that's ok, I miss kevbob.
>
>get it?

I miss roller derby.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Honk.blrpHOOOARGHH@excuseMe.com (Eat My Shit-In Shorts, Gutbreath)

On Thu, 18 Apr 2002 07:06:57 GMT, joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
wrote:

>http://www.confessionalism.com/newfy.html

http://some.dumbasssite.nobody.givesafuckabout/

Check it out. BY ALL MEANS. I got nothing better to do than flop
around the web looking for shit like this, because I get no pussy, own
no cool hats, and can't even figure out how to make instant grits.

"Something smells out there. I don't what it is, but I don't like the
look of it. At least not enough to bring it in the house and have it
for breakfast."

--Johnnie Cochran

----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Honk.blrpHOOOARGHH@excuseMe.com (Eat My Shit-in Shorts, Goosedirt)

On 19 Apr 2002 13:01:47 -0700, HellPopeHuey
<hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com> wrote:

>In article <3cc0034d.79831843@news.mindspring.com>,
>Honk.blrpHOOOARGHH@excuseMe.com says...
>
>> I get no pussy, own
>>no cool hats, and can't even figure out how to make instant grits.
>
> You people take pride in the strangest things.

Yeah. I'm a big Art Linkletter fan, too.

Sad there aren't too many of us around.

Fans like.

Least I think so. Sad I mean. But who cares? I'm completelty full of
shit.

Shit does the darndest things.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: HellPopeHuey <hellpopehuey@subspamgeenyus.com>

In article <3cc20fcc.214123343@news.mindspring.com>,
Honk.blrpHOOOARGHH@excuseMe.com says...

>Shit does the darndest things.

Yeah...like getting into arguments with Keebun, purble or Bugout. Or floats in
punch bowls at VFW soirees.

Back to document index

Original file name: the HORROR,,,, th... - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:06