whirling at walmart

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Mar 5, 2002

I dunno about all these protests, but I was in Wal-Mart the other day
when I espied the most astounding inadvertent visual surrealism, a
vision worthy of Magritte.

In the middle of the Walmart foyer was a life size 5 foot tall plastic
M&M CHARACTER MAN. A big plastic 3D model -- grinning oval head/body,
bandy tube legs and arms, BRIGHT BLUE PLASTIC.

Standing next to him, clueless as to the visual synchronicity, stood a
little fat lady, 5 feet tall, oval in shape, with bandy tube legs, and
a BRIGHT BLUE OVERCOAT, innocently peering around. She looked like the
M&M man's sister.

It's not uncommon to be standing amid department store dummies and be
shocked when one of them suddenly appears to "come to life," since it
wasn't a dummy in the first place, but merely a Pink that resembled a
department store dummy. But rarely does one find oneself mistaking a
human -- or maybe a Subgenius in this case -- for a life size cartoon
character.

I couldn't wipe the grin off my face for several minutes after seeing
that accidental miracle of proportion and mystical correspondence. It
made me feel blessed, it really did, like I had been privileged to see
a moment of pure magic. As above, so below.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
A subsidiary of:
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc. / P.O. Box 140306, Dallas, TX 75214
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sanfordandson40@hotmail.com (Kat Suit Model)

Of course, response is going to be swift and brutal (except, of
course, at Bed, bath & Beyond, where it will be sluggish and
relaxing). But what you've all failed to point out, is that while the
commie pinko righties and the commie pinko lefties are busy inserting
shopping carts, night sticks, peace pipes, and handcuffs in each
others bollocks, this makes it a great time to shoplift.

Of course, I was never much of a shoplifter - I get the stomach
butterflies and worry about Grandma reportin' me or hidden cameras -
but SOMEONE should be taking advantage of this opportunity. Hell,
doesn't really even matter if they have cameras, onnacoounta the
insecurity guards are out there dealing with the cart people.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com> hunched over
a computer, typing feverishly;
thunder crashed, Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench
<lilith@ZubJenius.com> laughed madly, then wrote:

>In article <3c859903.137152699@News.CIS.DFN.DE>, Joe Cosby
><joecosby@mindspring.com> wrote:
>
>> the only thing scarier than the thought that the gods don't have a
>> sense of humor is the thought that they do.
>
>You're almost to that point of realizing that the only thing scarier
>than thinking that gods exist is thinking they DON'T. Just hang in
>there a bit longer, the ride's almost over... keep your limbs inside
>until the vehicle reaches a full stop....
>
>AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!

my real nightmare is I'll meet god and he'll be wearing a tie.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

Any business that requires you to listen to a machine for more than ninety seconds
which tells you that your call is very important to them, rather than providing you with
a live human being to talk to, is by definition lying.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Her Ladyship Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>

In article <3c86e873.69810999@News.CIS.DFN.DE>, Joe Cosby
<joecosby@mindspring.com> wrote:

> my real nightmare is I'll meet god and he'll be wearing a tie.

I like Michael Peppe's version of God--a big burly guy, balding,
wearing a long sleeved shirt rolled up at the cuffs, a tie loosely
knotted about His neck, coffee stains in His beard. Certainly beats the
idea of God being a big protoplasmic figure with a throbbing red
nucleus that glares out balefully at all creation with disdain--that's
the God *I* lucked out with. Ugly creep. We don't get along too well.
Might explain the depression, and the bills.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sanfordandson40@hotmail.com (Kat Suit Model)

lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI) wrote...
> Fuck that. I say we do a SubGenius sex-protest where we meet in one
> of those 25cent booths on 42nd Street, stand silently still with our
> arms folded, and NOT masturbate.

I'm game, but how are we all going to fit in one booth? And won't the
smell be overpowering?

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Original file name: Re- whirling at walmart.txt - converted on Friday, 20 September 2002, 16:06