The Frog and Peach (Long)

From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.binaries.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sun, Jul 22, 2001 12:24 AM
Message-ID: <3B5A557F.4CAA@succeeds.com>

"The Frog and Peach" Interview.
Peter Cook as the guest and Dudley Moore
as the interviewer. A classic.

PC: Good evening.

DM: Good evening.

PC: Good evening.

DM: Good evening. We're talking this evening to Sir Arthur
Greeb-Streebling.

PC. Streeb-Greebling.

DM: Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I thought it was Greeb-Streebling.

PC: No, Streeb-Greebling. You're thinking of Greeb-Streebling.
The "T" is silent, as in "fox". Good evening.

DM: Good evening.

PC: Good evening.

DM: Good evening.

PC: Good Greebling.

DM: We'd like to ask Sir Arthur actually about his rather unique
restaurant, the Frog and Peach.

PC: Good evening.

DM: Good evening. If you would tell us something about it, Sir.
Arthur.

PC: Yes, well, ah, the idea for the Frog and Peach came to me in
the bath. A great number of things come to me in the bath,
mainly sort of mosquitoes and adders, but in this case a
rather stupendous idea. I suddenly thought, as I was
scrubbing my back with a loofah, I thought, "Where can a
young couple, who are having an evening out, not too much
money, and they want to have a decent meal, y'know, a decent
frog and a nice bit of peach, where can they go and get it?"
And answer came there none. And so I had this idea of
starting a restaurant specializing in these frogs legs and,
er, peaches, and on this premise I built this restaurant.

DM: These premises, in fact.

PC: In these precise premises. Good evening.

DM: How long ago did you start this venture? Was it recently?

PC: It was certainly within living memory. Shortly after the
First World War.

DM: Ghastly business, wasn't it?

PC: Oh, absolutely ghastly business. And, er, I started it
shortly after that and ever since then, it's sort of been
here, y'know.

DM: And how has business been?

PC: Well, ah, business hasn't been, in the strict sense of the
world. Rather, let me answer that question in two parts.
There hasn't been any business and nobody's been. It's
been a quiet time for the last 15-18 years, really, in the
business.

DM: But don't you feel in a way you're at some disadvantage
being stuck out in the middle of Dartmoor here?

PC: I think the word "disadvantage" is awfully well chosen
there, yes. This is what we're at. We're at a
disadvantage. You see, when I had the idea, I weighed
up the pros and cons and I came to the conclusion,
rightly or wrongly, or possibly both -

DM: Or neither.

PC: Or neither, or nye-the, as they say in some part of the
country.

DM: Or cointreau.

PC: Indeed. I thought that the pros outweighed the cons by
two and a half ounces, and I thought the people in
Britain were crying out for a restaurant where there
wasn't any parking problem. In fact, I heard somebody
in the street crying out for a restaurant without a
parking problem. Norwegian sailor, I believe, on leave.
He was saying, "Oh, for a restaurant without a parking
problem!" And this sort of inspired me to start this
one. There's no parking problem here, situated as we
are in the middle of a bog in the heart of Dartmoor.
No difficulty parking. Some difficultly extricating
your car, but otherwise well-situated. Good evening.

DM: Good evening. Don't you feel, again, you're at a
disadvantage because of your menu? I mean -

PC: The menu! Oh dear! Yes, that is - Oh! This has been a
terrible hindrance to us building up a business. The
menu is the most - have you seen it?

DM: Yes, I have.

PC: It's the most appalling thing. There's so little to
choose from. You start with - what's that?

DM: Spawn cocktail.

PC: Spawn cocktail. One of the most revolting dishes known
to man. Then there's only two other dishes really.
There's frog a la peche, which is a frog done in
Cointreau and with a peach stuffed in its mouth And, ah,
then, of course, there's peche a la frog, which is really
not much to write home about. A waiter comes to your
table. He's got this huge peach on it, which is covered
in boiling liqueur, you see, and he slices it open to
reveal about two thousand little black tadpoles squiggling
about. It's one of the most disgusting sights I've ever
seen. God, it turns me over to think of it. Squiggle,
squiggle, they go.

DM: Rather nauseating. Who does the cooking?

PC: My wife does the cooking and, luckily, she does the eating
as well. An amazing creature. Of course, she's not a well
woman.

DM: No.

PC: Not a well woman at all, so she very much resents having
to go down the well every morning to sprinkle "Swoop" on
the toads. An amazing creature, my wife, an amazing
creature.

DM: Yes.

PC: I met her during the war actually.

DM: You did?

PC: Yes, she blew in through the drawing room window with a
bit of shrapnel, became embedded in the sofa and, you
know, one thing led to her mother and we were married in
the hour.

DM: Um, yes, I suppose actually -

PC: Would you like some pond water?

DM: No, I won't actually.

PC: It's two shillings.

DM: No, no.

PC: It's revolting stuff. I wouldn't touch it.

DM: No....er, um

PC: Good evening.

DM: Good evening.

PC: What are you about to ask me about?

DM: I'm about to ask you, um, I suppose this sort of menu
could, in fact, appeal to the French.

PC: It could appeal to the French and I've tried appealing
to the French over Radio Streeb-Greebling which, as you
know, is situated in the moat, not a stone's throw from
here, but, ah, the response has been - oh - it's not
been excessive.

DM: No.

PC: It's been nil.

DM: Well, it all sounds rather disastrous to me.

PC: Catastrophic, I think, would be a better word, really,
for it.

DM: Do you have any other plans for other business ventures?

PC: Nnnnn-- yes and no. I thought of starting a sort of
sophisticated restaurant with kind of, ah, sophisticated
music somewhere up in Peebleshire. Somewhere where a
young couple who're out for the evening, y'see, who've
got about 85 guineas to spend to get a really decent meal.

DM: Hmm. What are you going to call it?

PC: The Vole and Pea.

DM: What sort of food?

PC: Well, ah, I was thinking largely: simple English roast
vole, you know and, ah, a decent British pea. Put the
two together and I think you're on pretty good ground.

DM: Y-e-s-s, indeed. Do you feel you've learnt by your
mistakes here?

PC: I think I have, yes, and I think I can probably repeat
them almost perfectly. I know my mistakes inside out.

DM: I'm sure you will repeat them. Well, thank you very
much, Sir Arthur.

PC: Thank you very much.

DM: And good night.

PC: Would you like one for the toad?

DM: No, thank you.

--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."

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Original file name: The Frog and Peach (Long) - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:28