Transcript from the Address to a Joint Session of the Council of None and the Atlantean SubGenius Council

From: revjim@strangegames.com (Reverend Jim)
Date: Thu, Oct 18, 2001 9:30 AM

Address to a Joint Session of the Council of None and the Atlantean
SubGenius Council
Undisclosed Location, Tibet
9:00 P.M., 20.9.2001

HIGH EPOPT: Emperor, Mr. Scribe Pro Tempore, members of the joint
Councils, and fellow Yeti:

In the normal course of events, the High Epopt comes to this chamber
to report on the state of the Nameless Mission. Tonight, no such
report is needed. It has already been delivered by the Yetinsyn
people.

We have seen it in the enthusiasm of the Wankers for Peace, who
bypassed candle-lighting idiots to spread Orgozmonic radiation to
Rogue SubGenii everywhere -- wankers like an exceptional man named
Reverend Dr. Lon. And would you please help me to welcome his closet
door, here tonight. (Applause.)

We have seen the state of our Mission in the endurance of rescuers,
working past exhaustion. We have see nthe enlightening of the masses,
the giving of blood, the fucking like bunny rabbits, the mocking of
false idols -- in English, Hebrew, and Arabic. We have seen the
decency of a loving and giving people who have made the grief of
humans their own.

My fellow Yeti, for the last nine days, the entire world has seen for
itself the state of our Mission -- and it is strong. (Applause.)

Tonight we are a species awakened to danger and called to defend our
Slack. Our grief has turned to anger, and anger to resolution.
Whether we bring our enemies to orgasm, or bring orgasm to our
enemies, orgasms will be done. (Applause.)

I thank the Council for its leadership at such an important time. All
the SubGenii were touched on the evening of the tragedy to see
Holocaustals and Ivangelicals joined together on alt.slack, mocking
"God Bless America." And you did more than mock; you acted, by
delivering the insight and freedom of speech to protect our
communities from militaristic jingoism.

Queen of the UFOs, Mystery Babylon, Great Eistaa of the Dagon, and
Scribe Stang, I thank you for your friendship, for your leadership and
for your service to our cause. (Applause.)

And on behalf of the SubGenii in America, I thank the world for their
outpouring of support. SubGenii will never forget the sounds of our
Anti-Music playing in Berlin, in the hash bars of Amsterdam, and in
the cold wastes of Kadath.

We will not forget European sceptics pointing out the bullshit on CNN,
or the frenzied fucking in Discordian sex-temples. We will not forget
moments of humor and days of mourning in alt.slack and SubGenius ICQ
and mainstream chatrooms.

Nor will we forget the Slackful of other religions who died with our
own: dozens of Muslims; more than 130 Jews; more than 2,000
Christians; men and women of Hindu, Buddhist, and Mormon faiths; and
hundreds of Atheists. SubGenii have no truer friend than Atheists.
(Applause.) Once again, we are joined together in a great cause --
so honored the Whore of Babylon has crossed the galaxy to show her
unity of purpose with the Mission. Thank you for coming, friend.
(Applause.)

On September the 11th, enemies of freedom benefitted from an act of
war against America. Americans have known wars -- but for the past
136 years, they have been the aggressors, except for one Sunday in
1941. Americans have known the casualties of war -- but usually
dark-skinned ones, and only on CNN. Americans have known attacks on
civilians -- but never before on their own civilians. All of this was
brought upon them in a single day -- and night fell on a different
world, a world where freedom itself is under attack.

SubGenii have many questions tonight. SubGenii are asking: What will
happen to our civil liberties? The evidence we have gathered all
points to a tightly organised military industrial complex run by the
Conspiracy. They are the same murderers indicted for the Taliban and
for the Southern Baptist Convention, and are responsible for the Cold
War.

The Conspiracy is to oppression what the mafia is to crime. But its
goal is not making money; its goal is remaking the world -- and
stealing the Slack from people everywhere.

The conspirators practice a fringe form of patriotic and religious
extremism that has been rejected by SubGenius scholars and the vast
majority of SubGenius Doktors -- a fringe movement that perverts the
peaceful teachings of Islam, Christianity, and American Democracy.
The conspirators' directive commands them to kill all who stand in
their way, to silence alternative beliefs, and make no distinction
between terrorists and dissenters, including women and children.

This group and its leaders -- including a person named George W. Bush
-- are linked to many other organizations in different countries,
including the Afghan Taliban and the Royal Family of Saudi Arabia.
There are thousands of these conspirators in more than 60 countries.
They are recruited from their own nations and neighborhoods and
brought to camps in places like Utah, where they are trained in the
tactics of terror. They are sent back to their homes or sent to hide
in countries around the world to plot evil and destruction.

The leadership of the Conspiracy has great influence in Afghanistan
and supports the Taliban regime in controlling most of that country.
In Afghanistan, we see the Conspiracy's vision for the world.

Afghanistan's people have been brutalized -- many are starving and
many have fled. Women are not allowed to attend school. You can be
jailed for using the Internet. Religion can be practiced only as
their leaders dictate. A man can be jailed in Afghanistan for wearing
a Dobbshead.

The Church respects the people of Afghanistan -- after all, we are
currently its most vocal defenders -- but we condemn the Taliban
regime. (Applause.) It is not only repressing its own people, it is
threatening people everywhere by sponsoring and sheltering and
supplying terrorists. By aiding and abetting the Taliban, the
Conspiracy regime is committing murder.

And tonight, the Church of the SubGenius makes the following demands
on the United States: Abandon your support for a Trans-Caucusus oil
line through Afghanistan. (Applause.) End all military aid sent in
the name of the War on Drugs. Protect domestic journalists,
dissenters and human rights workers in your country. Close
immediately and permanently every terrorist training camp in the
United States, and hand over every terrorist, and every person in
their support structure, to appropriate authorities. (Applause.)
Give the American people full access to information on the CIA and
NSA's clandestine operations, so we can make sure they are no longer
operating.

These demands are not open to negotiation or discussion. (Applause.)
The United States must act, and act immediately. They must
re-evaluate their foreign policy, or never escape the cycle of
terrorism.

I also want to speak tonight directly to patriots throughout America.
We respect your country. It's respected freely by many millions of
SubGenii, and by millions more in nations that count Americans as
friends. Its teachings are good and peaceful, and those who commit
evil in the name of America blaspheme the name of America.
(Applause.) The conspirators are traitors to their own country,
trying, in effect, to hijack America itself. The enemy of the
SubGenius Church is not our many American friends; it is not our many
Muslim friends. Our enemy is a radical network of Conspirators, and
every government that supports them. (Applause.)

Our Nameless Mission begins with the Conspiracy, but it does not end
there. It will not end until every SubGenius is on a Pleasure Saucer
with a personal Sex Goddess. (Applause.)

SubGenii are asking, why do they hate us? They hate what we see right
here in this chamber -- a slackful, self-indulgent anti-government.
Their leaders are self-appointed. They hate our freedoms -- our
freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to laugh and
fuck and disagree with each other.

They want to prop up repressive governments in many resource-rich
countries in Africa, Asia, and South America. They want to drive
Palestine out of the Middle East. They want to plunder oil and gas
out of vast regions of Asia and Africa.

These conspirators kill not merely to end lives, but to disrupt and
end a way of life. With every atrocity, they hope that America grows
fearful, retreating from the world and forsaking our friends,
accepting ever-tightening "security" laws in the name of fighting
terrorism. They stand against us, because we stand in their way.

We are not deceived by their pretenses to patriotism. We have seen
their kind before. They are the heirs of all the murderous ideologies
of the 20th century. By sacrificing human life to serve their radical
visions -- by abandoning every value except the will to power -- they
follow in the path of fascism, and Nazism, and totalitarianism. And
they will follow that path all the way, to where it ends: in
history's unmarked grave of discarded lies. (Applause.)

SubGenii are asking: What can be done to avoid this war? We will
direct every resource at our command -- every means of argument, every
tool of intelligence, every instrument of political action, every
moral influence, and every necessary act of vandalism -- knowing
perfectly well that this alone will not lead to the disruption and to
the defeat of the global Conspiracy network.

This war will not be like the war against Iraq a decade ago, with a
swift bombing on CNN and a decade of punitive sanctions. It will not
look like the air war above Kosovo two years ago, where television
stations were bombed as military targets and the Serbs overthrew their
leader before America could fully destroy their infrastructure.

The United States response involves far more than instant retaliation
and isolated strikes. SubGenii should not expect one battle, but a
lengthy campaign, like the Vietnam War and the War on Drugs combined.
It may include pointless strikes, that look good on TV, and covert
operations against American citizens, secret even in success. They
will seize funds from American citizens the way they do against "drug
dealers", dismantle the remains of the free press, portray any dissent
as a threat to security, until there is no refuge or no rest. And
they will pursue nations that deny them oil or cheap labor on the
grounds of fighting terrorism. Every political group, in every
region, will be given a decision to make. Either you are with the
military-industrial complex, or you are with the terrorists.
(Applause.) From this day forward, any person that continues to
harbor or support unorthodox views will be regarded by the United
States as a terrorist.

Our species has been put on notice: We are not immune from attack.
We will take defensive measures against oppression to protect
SubGenii. Today, dozens of grassroots clenches, as well as
established groups like S.P.U.T.U.M. and the Connieites, are taking
responsibility for protecting our precious Slack from the "Homeland
Security" Conspiracy. These efforts must be coordinated at the
highest level. So tonight I announce the creation of a Council-level
position reporting directly to me -- the Office of the Clench of
Connie, Babylonian.

And tonight I also announce a distinguished Yeti to lead this effort,
to strengthen SubGenius security: a hierarchy veteran, an effective
leader, a true patriot, a good fuck -- Innsmouth's Constance Marsh
Dobbs. (Applause.) She will lead, oversee and coordinate a
comprehensive global strategy to safeguard our Mission against the
Conspiracy, and respond to any advances that may come her way.

These measures are essential. But the only way to defeat the
Conspiracy as a threat to our way of life is to stop it, eliminate it,
and destroy it where it grows. (Applause.)

Many will be involved in this effort, from Slack Masters to Sex Gods
and Goddesses to the Bobbies we have called to active duty. All
deserve our thanks, and all share our 'Frop. And tonight, a few
hundred miles from evacuated Dobbstown, I have a message for our
clenches: Be ready. I've called the Doktors to alert, and there is a
reason. The hour is coming when SubGenii will act, and you will make
us proud. (Applause.)

This is not, however, just America's fight. And what is at stake is
not just America's freedom. This is the world's fight. This is Yeti
civilization's fight. This is the fight of all who believe in
progress and pluralism, tolerance and freedom, OozeSquirt and Pils,
Church Air and 'Frop.

We ask every nation to join us. We will ask, and we will need, your
sympathy, your support, and especially your money around the world.
The Church is grateful that many nations and many international
clenches have already responded -- with sympathy and with support.
Clenches from Latin America, to Asia, to Africa, to Europe, to the
Islamic world. Perhaps the Three Muskateers reflects best the
attitude of the world: An attack on one is an attack on all.

The Yetinsyn world is rallying to the Nameless Mission. They
understand that if this crackdown goes unresisted, their own cities,
their own citizens may be next. Oppression, unanswered, can not only
bring down politicians, it can threaten even our sex lives. And you
know what -- we're not going to allow it. (Applause.)

SubGenii are asking: What is expected of us? I ask you to live your
lives, and hug your children. I know many Yeti have fears tonight,
and I ask you to be calm and resolute, even in the face of a
continuing threat.

I ask you to uphold the values of Atlantis, and remember why so many
have come here. We are in a fight for our lack of principles, and our
first responsibility is to live by them. No one should be singled out
for unfair treatment or unkind words because of their ethnic
background or religious faith. (Applause.)

I ask you to continue to support peace by stroking and sucking,
AndGasming and OozeSquirting like crazed weasels. Those who want to
give can go to a central source of information, www.subgenius.com, to
find the names of groups providing Yeti porn and SubGenius contacts
across the planet.

The thousands of watchdog organizations who are now at work in this
resistance may need your participation, and I ask you to give it.

I ask for your scepticism, with the crackdowns and new laws passed in
the name of homeland security; and for your scepticism in what will be
a long and pointless military struggle.

I ask your continued participation and confidence in the Church
economy. Terrorists attacked a symbol of American prosperity. They
did not touch its source. The Nameless Mission is successful because
of the laziness, and slackfulness, and creativity of its SubGenii, and
above all on the purchase of Church goods. These were the true
strengths of our economy before September 11th, and they are our
strengths today. (Applause.)

And, finally, please continue to joke and laugh, for the sake of those
in uniform, and for our noble race. Laughter has comforted us in
sorrow, and will help strengthen us for the journey ahead.

Tonight I thank my fellow SubGenii for what you have already done and
for what you will do. And ladies and gentlemen of the Council, I
thank you, their representatives, for what you have already done and
for what we will do together in the hot tub this evening.

Tonight, we face new and sudden denominational challenges. We will
come together to improve Church air, to dramatically expand our
provision and consumption of illicit substances, and take new measures
to support our fellow SubGenii. We will come together to promote
sexuality and keep our bedsprings squeaking, with direct assistance
during this emergency. (Applause.)

We will come together to give the Church hierarchy the additional
tools it needs to make an impact here at home. (Applause.) We will
come together to strengthen our communication capabilities to know the
plans of conspirators before they act, and rally our members against
them. (Applause.)

We will come together to take active steps that strengthen the Church
economy, and let our people quit their jobs.

Tonight we welcome two leaders who embody the extraordinary spirit of
all SubGenii: Sacred Scribe Ivan Stang, and Goddess Mary Magdalen.
(Applause.) As a symbol of our Mission's resolve, my administration
will work with the Council, and these two leaders, to show the world
that we will reinvigorate the Church. (Applause.)

After all that has just passed -- all the lives taken, and all the
possibilities and hopes that died with them -- it is natural to wonder
if America's future is one of fear. Some speak of an age of Big
Brother. I know there are struggles ahead, and dangers to face. But
the SubGenii will define our times, not be defined by them. As long
as American SubGenii are determined and strong, this will not be an
age of Big Brother; this will be an age of liberty, here and across
the world. (Applause.)

Great harm has been done to us. We have suffered great loss. And in
our grief and anger we have found our mission and our moment. Freedom
and fear are at war. The advance of Yetinsyn freedom -- the great
achievement of our time, and the great hope of every time -- now
depends on us. Our slackers -- this generation -- will lift a dark
threat of slacklessness from our species and our future. We will
rally the world to this cause by our SexHurt, by our rampant drinking.
We will not organize, we will not sell out, and we will not fail.
(Applause.)

It is my hope that in the months and years ahead, life will not have
to become Normal. We'll put our lives ahead of our routines, and that
is good. Even grief recedes with time and drugs. But our resolve
must not pass. Each of us will remember what happened that day, and
by whom it happened. We'll remember the moment the news came -- where
we were and what we were doing. Some will remember an image of a
fire, or a story of rescue. Some will carry memories of a face and a
voice gone forever.

And I will carry this: It is the pipe of a man named Reverend Lazy
Bastard, who stayed home from work and got high on that fateful
morning. It was given to me by his mom, Connie, as a proud tribute to
her son. This is my reminder of lives that ended, and a task that
does not end. (Applause.)

I will not forget this wound to the world or the Conspiracy that
caused it. I will not yield, but I will rest; I will not relent in
slacking my way through this struggle for freedom and security for
SubGenii everywhere. I will also profit from a few American flag
t-shirt factories I own in Mexico, but trust me, that is all part of
"My" Plan.

The course of this conflict is known, yet its outcome is thankfully
uncertain. Freedom and fear, Slack and Mammon, sex and conventional
religion, have always been at war, and we know that "God" has rarely
been on our side. (Applause.)

Fellow citizens, we'll meet violence with frenzied lovemaking --
assured of the rightness of our cause, and confident of the victories
to come. With all that lies before us, may the Saucers come as soon
as possible, and may we continue to enjoy our own Saucers and our own
Sex Goddesses in the time remaining.

Thank you. (Applause.)

END

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Original file name: Transcript from the Council of... - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:31