Mind candy for the masses - RISE UP AND SUCK SHIT THROUGH A STRAW-- You bohemians!!!!!

From: "Royster T. Oyster" <royster.oyster@verizon.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Nov 6, 2001 11:48 PM

There comes a time in a persons life when hes suppose to take a stand for
something...BU:LLSHIT...stand all you want..and it gets you NOTHING..you
stand for service at the deli counter...you stand in the bread line to get
your moldy piece of garlic toast...Hell...you even have to stand in line at
Great America to ride on the Demon..one of the more neato rollercoasters..
All in all, standing sucks...You want to make an impact?? You want to make
people wonder what the hell is going on?? Don't stand up...sit down and shut
the fuck up...sit there and make all kinds of either little chirping
noises...or perhaps little fishie gurgling noises...whatever you feel more
comfortable with...on the day that I SAT DOWN...I had some really bad fluid
building up in my lungs from an infection and so the gurgling little fishie
noises was much much more feasible...

Now, sometimes when you take a seat to show your resolve to your
principles...you have to occasionally deal with an aggressor...usually some
brainless simp who cannot comprehend whats going on and feels the need to
lash out at anything alien and/or different...YES!! Thats right!!! another
tool of the oppressor..This is why I personally carry on my person at all
times a superstraw that I have filled with sakreet quick dry cement...so its
really a little cement wind...I wait for the aggressor to start his shit...I
let him yell, rant, foam at the mouth, accidentally launch his denture into
the crowd while screaming...whatever it takes...but then..while I'm sitting
down...if he should happen to come to kick me...Whack!!! right in the back
on the knee...feel the pain, you fucking toady of the toejam pirates...you
slime covered discharge from the boil of some Xist's ass..

Sitting down for your principles can also make way for many delightful
escapades...people notice ones whos sitting down...especially large breasts
women..who will look at you, lick their lips..and sometimes evening as you
if you would like to come over to their home and swim in their kidney shaped
pool right after a marathon stretch of bump ad grind in a sweaty, sexcapadic
kinda of way..This will happen as long as you have been throwing your
vitamins out the window, taking your PILS <(c) 1971 Bob-ba O'reily and
assoc.> , and eating eggplant every blue moon while naked under a weeping
willow on a riverside.

IMPORTANT SIDELINE - If someone comes and sit down next to you..its very
important that they pay some type of surcharge...Your the one that started
all this fucking sitting down in the first place...who the hell do those
bastard Johny-come-lately's think they are...you tell them to fork over some
bucks..and if they refuse...show them the cement straw in a menacing kid of
way..if they don't get the message...one stitch in time <on him> will
usually save nine on you.

FINALLY - stop being so fucking scared of things you can't control - Don't
just eat that hamburger..give it to me...I'm fucking hungry over here from
all this sitting - for a different change of pace, stick your tongue waaay
up your woman's ass...she'll like it!!

DON'T TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYONE = Elvis didn't take any shit..and he kicked
some ass, shot some TV's and got more pussy than your entire family line has
gotten since day one...someone wants to give you some shit...tell em where
they can go..and if they persist...maybe a thunk on the head is in
order...sometimes people are just like old pieces of shit television
sets...they work ok..but when they fuck up...you need to hit it to get it
back on the right track..

STOP TRYING TO FIND ALL THE ANSWERS - No one else has..what makes you think
your so fucking special??
Sometimes things happen for no good reason...I Blue fish may devour the
earth tomorrow and there's nothing much you can do about it...unless you
have a really really big fucking worm on the end of an even larger fishing
pole.

You can Praise Bob, and that's ok..but remember..has kind of smelly...I've
never heard of the son of a bitch bath a single time...hes a stinky
bastard...you probably spend 5 seconds around him and start puking your
lunch...I saw the bastard in the IGA the other day and I doused his with
fucking Lysol..he snorted the shit like it was Panama REd...not a good
scene..

Ah well, fuck the fucking fuckers...and remember...Dont stand up for your
rights...SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP... for your rights that is...

This has been a Royster T. Oyster special service announcement
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Mind candy for the masses - RISE UP AND SUCK SHIT THROUGH A STRAW-- You bohemians!!!!!
From: lyonderboy666@hotmail.com (Anti Pope Lupus of SI)

"Royster T. Oyster" <royster.oyster@verizon.net> wrote in message news:<l23G7.309$o16.48210@typhoon2.gnilink.net>...
> [snip] This is why I personally carry on my person at all
> times a superstraw that I have filled with sakreet quick dry cement...so its
> really a little cement wind...I wait for the aggressor to start his shit...I
> let him yell, rant, foam at the mouth, accidentally launch his denture into
> the crowd while screaming...whatever it takes...but then..while I'm sitting
> down...if he should happen to come to kick me...Whack!!! right in the back
> on the knee...feel the pain, you fucking toady of the toejam pirates...you
> slime covered discharge from the boil of some Xist's ass..

That settles it. I've decided that the best animator for Xday would
be none other than John Kricfalusi, creator of Ren & Stimpy. That
show was prime fukin' slack.

[snip]
> IMPORTANT SIDELINE - If someone comes and sit down next to you..its very
> important that they pay some type of surcharge...Your the one that started
> all this fucking sitting down in the first place...who the hell do those
> bastard Johny-come-lately's think they are...you tell them to fork over some
> bucks..and if they refuse...show them the cement straw in a menacing kid of
> way..if they don't get the message...one stitch in time <on him> will
> usually save nine on you.
>
> FINALLY - stop being so fucking scared of things you can't control - Don't
> just eat that hamburger..give it to me...I'm fucking hungry over here from
> all this sitting - for a different change of pace, stick your tongue waaay
> up your woman's ass...she'll like it!!

Yeah, I know. "Just one light wipe". I've been hearing this a lot
lately.

[snip]

> Ah well, fuck the fucking fuckers...and remember...Dont stand up for your
> rights...SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP... for your rights that is...
>
> This has been a Royster T. Oyster special service announcement

So what you're saying is we should sit down, a normally free
institution of pure slack, but pay you surcharges for it?

You're going to have to CON better than that if you're going to sap
the few remaining cents from the oily, dishelved Subgeniuses at THIS
site.

-APLY
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Mind candy for the masses - RISE UP AND SUCK SHIT THROUGH A STRAW-- You bohemians!!!!!
From: phloighd@my-deja.com (Phloighd)

"Royster T. Oyster" <royster.oyster@verizon.net> wrote in message news:<l23G7.309$o16.48210@typhoon2.gnilink.net>...
<snip>
> DON'T TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYONE = Elvis didn't take any shit..and he kicked
> some ass, shot some TV's and got more pussy than your entire family line has
> gotten since day one...

He died on the fucking TOILET, moron.

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Original file name: Mind candy for the masses - RIS - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:31