****For Immediate Release****
Monday, June 5, 2000, at approx. 3:15 p.m. est., Rev. Commandrix Jewyl
spoke to Roseanne, et the world on a telephone call during a live taping
of the Roseanne Show, on behalf of the Church of the Subgenius.
A psyched and intrigued Roseanne inquired as to the upcoming end of the
world on *May 5 200*, at which point, Rev. Cmx Jewyl corrected her,
telling the correct date being July 2. Roseanne questioned as to the
"flying saucers," and again, Rev. Cmx Jewyl corrected her , telling about
the "pleasure saucers." Roseanne seemed both bemused and delighted.
During the ONE MINUTE of air time Rev. Cmx. Jewyl shared with Roseanne,
The Church of the Subgenius was mentioned thrice, Rev. Ivan Stang was
referred to as "the holy scribe," and after hearing a summary of "what
slack is.." Roseanne herself admitted to being an uber goddess of the
word.
Upon hearing she could become a reverend for the fee of thirty dollars,
Roseanne promptly asked.."How much do I have to pay if I want to be a
Saint?" "Thirty bucks." said Rev. Cmx Jewyl matter-of-factly, at which
point, Roseanne shouted.."What a deal!" and ordered a member of her
staff to send "this woman a check so I can be a Saint!" Jewyl corrected
her again, explaining the money would need to be sent to the Church of
the Subgenius...
Roseanne agreed to send the money!
The airing of this show will be June 12 - more information to follow.
! Praise Bob and Praise Roseanne....!
***end copy***
Cmx. Alicia Jewyl
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Celebrity Joins Church of the Subgenius!
From: HellPope Huey X <radiopopeNOraSPAM@hotmail.com.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jun 5, 2000 11:02 PM
Message-ID: <345d09f2.c0cd76fb@usw-ex0103-019.remarq.com>
In article <V7__4.821$l41.67414@news.intnet.net>, "Cmx. Alicia
Jewyl" <jewyl@brainpuke.REMOOVE-THIS.com> wrote:
>****For Immediate Release****
>
>Monday, June 5, 2000, at approx. 3:15 p.m. est., Rev. Commandrix
Jewyl spoke to Roseanne, et the world on a telephone call during
a live taping of the Roseanne Show, on behalf of the Church of
the Subgenius.
>........
>Upon hearing she could become a reverend for the fee of thirty
dollars, Roseanne promptly asked.."How much do I have to pay if I
want to be a Saint?" "Thirty bucks." said Rev. Cmx Jewyl
matter-of-factly, at which point, Roseanne shouted.."What a
deal!" and ordered a member of her staff to send "this woman a
check so I can be a Saint!" Jewyl corrected
>her again, explaining the money would need to be sent to the
Church of the Subgenius...
>
>Roseanne agreed to send the money!
>The airing of this show will be June 12 - more information to
follow. Praise Bob and Praise Roseanne....!
>>***end copy***
>>Cmx. Alicia Jewyl
>
EXCELLENT!! Fellow oddwads, WE HAVE A NEW *LONG-TERM*
SHORDURPERSAV!!!! ALL HAIL SAINT JEWYL!!! Honey, you just GOTTA
make it to XXX-Day so we can take turns bathing your feet with
our slavishly devoted TONGUES!!! ME FIRST!!!! Well, after Pee
Kitty, but ME SECOND!!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!!! Now all we gotta do is
land Al Gore, snort.
Sweet Dobbs, this rivals the Time magazine triumph of a few
months back! I mean, bleepin' Roseanne, a natural Sub if ever
there wuz one! Are we on the verge of gettin' a DobbsHead in
every other window in the country or WHAT!? Today Brushwood,
tomorrow, all the McDonald's outlets in CHINA!! Shit a gawdDAMN!!
YEE "BOB!!"
HellPope Huey,
Beside myself with gleet
"...can be passed off as real if push comes to shove."
- overheard on QVC
"Magic is the cheat codes for the world.
Sending a signal to reality's operating system, see?"
- "Planetary"
And furthermore, yackity shmackity blah blah blah blah fnord blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah woof woof blah blah blah
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet - Free!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: Celebrity Joins Church of the Subgenius!
From: SWILBERT® <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Jun 6, 2000 12:46 AM
Message-ID: <393C9E2A.30B8@subgenius.com>
Cmx. Alicia Jewyl wrote:
>
> ****For Immediate Release****
>
> Monday, June 5, 2000, at approx. 3:15 p.m. est., Rev. Commandrix Jewyl
> spoke to Roseanne, et the world on a telephone call during a live taping
> of the Roseanne Show, on behalf of the Church of the Subgenius.
>
> A psyched and intrigued Roseanne inquired as to the upcoming end of the
> world on *May 5 200*, at which point, Rev. Cmx Jewyl corrected her,
> telling the correct date being July 2. Roseanne questioned as to the
> "flying saucers," and again, Rev. Cmx Jewyl corrected her , telling about
> the "pleasure saucers." Roseanne seemed both bemused and delighted.
>
> During the ONE MINUTE of air time Rev. Cmx. Jewyl shared with Roseanne,
> The Church of the Subgenius was mentioned thrice, Rev. Ivan Stang was
> referred to as "the holy scribe," and after hearing a summary of "what
> slack is.." Roseanne herself admitted to being an uber goddess of the
> word.
>
> Upon hearing she could become a reverend for the fee of thirty dollars,
> Roseanne promptly asked.."How much do I have to pay if I want to be a
> Saint?" "Thirty bucks." said Rev. Cmx Jewyl matter-of-factly, at which
> point, Roseanne shouted.."What a deal!" and ordered a member of her
> staff to send "this woman a check so I can be a Saint!" Jewyl corrected
> her again, explaining the money would need to be sent to the Church of
> the Subgenius...
>
> Roseanne agreed to send the money!
>
> The airing of this show will be June 12 - more information to follow.
>
> ! Praise Bob and Praise Roseanne....!
>
> ***end copy***
>
> Cmx. Alicia Jewyl
I turned my TeeVee on one day and one of those People On A Couch shows
was on and I said my god who is that squawking shriveled-up hag? She
looks and sounds like Roseanne's SKELETON! And it was the WHOLE
Roseanne. What there was left of her.
Hey, if I didn't think Roseanne was second only to Madonna as the primal
archetype of the Evil Hag From Hell I'd say PUH-RAAAAISE "BOB"! Just
pretend I did say it. Good work to you!
Original file name: Celebrity Joins Church of tŠ
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