Original file name: Most likely asked QuestionsÉFrom: absent <absentNOabSPAM@wcnet.org.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 23, 2000 8:36 AM
These are my candidates for the most likely
questions/demandinding statements asked about XXX.
This is what I get for posting straight outta bed.
I have tried several myself.
At admissions:
"I make (insert crudely made item with a dobbs head on it.)I
want a free member ship/ admission."
"Hey; I'm in a band with (insert third string member from group
such as Brewer and Shipley, some punk band no one's ever heard
of, or Joe Lynn Turner). What will you pay us to play after we
get free camping/admission?"
"Will "Bob" be there"?
"Hey... I gots a band... can we get in for free?"
"Hey...waitaminnit...are these people at bruswood (gasp) PAGANS?
" The Xists *really are* coming this year...ARENT THEY???"
"What the hell is wrong with that guy??? What is that thing on
his face?"
"Hey...these poeple don't look *hip* AT ALL!!! It's like the
gene pool from a sci fi convention met a rock concert gone AWRY"
"Where the fuck is that (insert alt.slacker) bastard?? (Insert
threat)"
"Who's that dork with the facial hair?"
Most commonly unasked questions:
"Is that the Hot Tub Or the Four Flusher?"
"Is this really Xday?"
"Is this for real?"
"Is Legume going to mash our heads while we sleep?"
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Subject: Re: Most likely asked Questions about XXX
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 23, 2000 12:04 PM
Message-ID: <3953A6BE.7B54@subgenius.com>
absent wrote:
> "Is Legume going to mash our heads while we sleep?"
Can you think of a BETTER time?
--------------------------------
Dr.K'taden Legume
--------------------------------
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Subject: Re: Most likely asked Questions about XXX
From: HellPope Huey X <radiopopeNOraSPAM@hotmail.com.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 23, 2000 1:21 PM
I'd think any REAL man would have the stones to come at me with
a blunt object in full daylight, screaming like a mutated
12-foot-tall babboon, but since none of us is necessarily in the
"real" category to begin with and "man" being a relative term
within the Yeti realm, its a toss-up. Much like the aftermath of
eating the bad bad sausage patties. Or licking the cloned
infiltrator cooze with the secret ipecac microbal ingredient that
makes yer intestines feel like they're doin' a high-kick chorus
line shtick on a heaving ship in a stormy sea. The old line IS
true, you gotta WASH that thang.
HellPope Huey,
Savage Gestures For Charms' Sake
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Subject: Re: Most likely asked Questions about XXX
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Hell, I gave that Real Man shit up when I discovered that some smooth
words and good barbecue could grease up any gal's thong.
Besides, it's all a matter of slack. Why fight when you can just whack a
sleeping lump? FUCK opponents, I'd rather have VICTIMS. It's quicker,
easier, and I can be back in the hot tub before the women get all
pruney.
--------------------------------
Dr.K'taden Legume
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Subject: Re: Most likely asked Questions about XXX
From: Popess Lilith von Fraumench <lilith@ZubJenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Jun 23, 2000 11:19 PM
Message-ID: <230620002219145908%lilith@ZubJenius.com>
In article <3953A6BE.7B54@subgenius.com>, Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
wrote:> > "Is Legume going to mash our heads while we sleep?"
>
> Can you think of a BETTER time?
Yeah. Wait until they're really stoned, then tell them you've got a
neat trick you want to show them.
The Prophet Lilith
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Subject: Re: Most likely asked Questions about XXX
From: Legume <legume@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jun 24, 2000 10:11 AM
Message-ID: <3954DD9C.592C@subgenius.com>
andreux wrote:
> Mein gott in himmel, you HAVE turned into a Zen Slack Buddha.
I've recently come to the realization that I've made many bad turns in
my ministry. For years, I've worked to try to achieve a level of
"manliness" that would inspire my fellow he-yetis to do the same.
Foolish me. What I SHOULD have been doing is achieving a sense of REAL
manliness that'd inspire the WOMEN to join us. The men would of course
follow.
I feel like such a homo. And a DUMBASS.
All those years wasted recruiting MANLY MEN when I could have been
concentrating on SEX GODDESSES.
Sex Goddesses would always prefer good conversation and good barbecue to
some drooling idiot in a tank top yelling "get me a beer, bitch" and
standing around with "the guys" scratching his nuts and farting.
Let's face it, women are plain BETTER THAN US, SMARTER than us, and have
evolved FARTHER than us. They just smile and let us THINK we live in a
male-dominated society. And like the stupid drooling primates we are, we
just huh-huh-huh and shamble away, secure in the knowledge that we're in
charge, while the women sit back and think to themselves, "foolish
little monkey".
> >Besides, it's all a matter of slack. Why fight when you can just whack a
> >sleeping lump? FUCK opponents, I'd rather have VICTIMS. It's quicker,
> >easier, and I can be back in the hot tub before the women get all
> >pruney.
>
> Where do I send my $30? I want to join the Church
> of Legume, Zen Buddhist and Hot Tub Guru.
I've emailed you the secret address.
> (i've been waiting for YEARS for the Church to have an
> final solution to the Pruney Girl Problem....)
It's just a matter of building a pump that'll keep the hand lotion
bubbling in the tub. We DID have a problem with the heater at first, and
dipping the women into that hot oil was an ugly scene; we should have
breaded them first. (They were still delicious).
--------------------------------
Dr.K'taden Legume
--------------------------------
"The best political weapon is the weapon of terror. Cruelty commands
respect. Men may hate us. But, we don't ask for their love; only for
their fear."
- Heinrich Himmler
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