......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
again!
What should I do?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: davidvoth@ihateclowns.com (Wheeeeee! The Nurses!)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: davidvoth@ihateclowns.com
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 1:33 PM
Message-ID: <38feee5f.185852739@news>
On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
<whartenb@swbell.net> was kind enough to write:
>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>again!
>What should I do?
For on ly $100 per day plus expenses ICEKNIFE will follow you around
with a big stick and whack you when you look like you are thinking
about eating.
--
Screamin' South Park Music invites you to download our songs FREE!
http://stations.mp3s.com/stations/6/screamin_south_park_music.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 1:52 PM
Message-ID: <38FDF278.109EE48B@swbell.net>
"Wheeeeee! The Nurses!" wrote:
> On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
> <whartenb@swbell.net> was kind enough to write:
>
> >......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> >again!
> >What should I do?
>
> For on ly $100 per day plus expenses ICEKNIFE will follow you around
> with a big stick and whack you when you look like you are thinking
> about eating.
Thanks. But I've already tried that & not only does it make me HUNGRIER,
it makes me REALLY horny! Or does it make me horny then hungry? Either
way, it doesn't work. But thanks for the Jenny Craig Advice.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: König PrüB, GmbH <saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 2:05 PM
Message-ID: <sfrtb74leoc104@corp.supernews.com>
"Rev. Blanket Ass" escrivened:
>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>again!
>What should I do?
>
A Mexican woman once told me that she didn't like the way
gringos smell, she thinks Mexicans smell good like tortillas.
When I travel in the desert, I carry tortillas, if I get hungry,
I eat two tortillas and a pinch of salt. At least you will smell
like sweet corn then.
Also, if you drink mint tea, you will smell like mint, and mint will
calm your stomach so you won't be so hungry.
Dr. Bronner's soap is good, you can get it at health food stores.
It comes in peppermint, but I like the almond soap better.
Try some saunas, too. Drink lots of water. And mint tea.
You can put a little lime juice in the water, but no sugar.
PS-President Clinton is going to give telephones to all the Navajo.
I bet they pawn the 'phones to get Thunderbird wine!!!!!!!!!11!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Abbess Abyss" <abbessabyss@uswest.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 2:12 PM
Message-ID: <5MmL4.306$CP3.4773@news.uswest.net>
"Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote in message
news:38FDE9F7.F7AFB769@swbell.net...
> ......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> again!
> What should I do?
>
Cash in for group appearences w/ 4 other people who sweat aromatically of
mayonnaisse, lettuce, toasted bread and tomato, billing yourselves as "The
BLT's". This may be as close as some vegans will get! Beware biting.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: MEANIE <nenslo@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 2:47 PM
Message-ID: <38FDFF5C.7090@subgenius.com>
Wheeeeee! The Nurses! wrote:
>
> On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
> <whartenb@swbell.net> was kind enough to write:
>
> >......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> >again!
> >What should I do?
>
> For on ly $100 per day plus expenses ICEKNIFE will follow you around
> with a big stick and whack you when you look like you are thinking
> about eating.
>
For only $5.00 I will send you a picture of ICEKNIFE that'll put you off
your feed for a good long while.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: Unit180@SputSouth.Com
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 2:43 PM
Message-ID: <ocvrfs4e6qjru6e4g98eoki1c70scdibtn@4ax.com>
On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 18:05:27 GMT, König PrüB, GmbH
<saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
~"Rev. Blanket Ass" escrivened:
~
~>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
~>again!
~>What should I do?
~>
~ Dr. Bronner's soap is good, you can get it at health food stores.
~It comes in peppermint, but I like the almond soap better.
And you don't even have to eat it; you can just wash with it!!1!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: König PrüB, GmbH <saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 3:40 PM
Message-ID: <sfs2t1o2eoc67@corp.supernews.com>
180 escrivened:
>On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 18:05:27 GMT, König PrüB, GmbH
><saurkraut@weinerschnitzel.com> wrote, in alt.slack:
>
>~"Rev. Blanket Ass" escrivened:
>~
>~>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>~>again!
>~>What should I do?
>~>
>
>
>
>~ Dr. Bronner's soap is good, you can get it at health food stores.
>~It comes in peppermint, but I like the almond soap better.
>
> And you don't even have to eat it; you can just wash with it!!1!
>
>
But if she DOES drink Dr. Bronner's Soap, it would act as a purge
and she could lose even more weight, AND she'd the ability to blow bubbles
in the bath tub!!!!!!11!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 6:08 PM
Message-ID: <02bsfso0ga501gis1vve0keqcsbqgcpig8@4ax.com>
On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
<whartenb@swbell.net> wrote, in alt.slack:
}......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
}again!
}What should I do?
Sew together all the pieces from 50 lbs. of bacon into a marvy meat mu-mu
and wear it for two weeks, then wear it into a sweat lodge. The bacon
spirits that are bothering you will go away, as will most of your
neighbors.
===
A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
When the timer went off she opened the door.
The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 10:20 PM
Message-ID: <daqsfskl22c70ope1aoag5hv7bn21hvkf7@megaHAL>
# 4 on today's alt.slack hit parade is Rev. Blanket Ass and AcuBeater
Extordinaire doing their rendition of :
>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>again!
>What should I do?
i think richard simmons just released a "sweatin' to the coldcuts" tape.
--
"and my friend said, come inside of me
and your speakers are telling the truth." --the verve
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 19, 2000 11:26 PM
Message-ID: <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>
Unit 4 wrote:
> On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
> <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote, in alt.slack:
>
> }......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> }again!
> }What should I do?
>
> Sew together all the pieces from 50 lbs. of bacon into a marvy meat mu-mu
> and wear it for two weeks, then wear it into a sweat lodge. The bacon
> spirits that are bothering you will go away, as will most of your
> neighbors.
>
> ===
>
> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
> When the timer went off she opened the door.
> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
I love it!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: HellPope Huey <hphuey2000@my-deja.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 12:46 AM
Message-ID: <8dm232$c39$1@nnrp1.deja.com>
In article <daqsfskl22c70ope1aoag5hv7bn21hvkf7@megaHAL>,
SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com> wrote:
> # 4 on today's alt.slack hit parade is Rev. Blanket Ass and AcuBeater
> Extordinaire doing their rendition of :
>
> >......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> >again! What should I do?
>
> i think richard simmons just released a "sweatin' to the coldcuts"
tape.
>
THAT colostomy-inducing rump ranger?! Naw, go for death metal. You'll
exercise more slowly, but you'll be too depressed to eat.
On the other hand, if you were sweating hash, you could simply go to
Amsterdam and make a fine living being licked for your sacred issue.
Failing that, lose a quick 30 pounds like I did: trepan yourself
carefully and use the small grapefruit spoon to dig out the childhood
traumas and bad PinkLessons. Leave enough to remember which mushrooms
are bad (all of them) and not to yell at cops. SuperGlue the plug of
bone back in and you'll be DAMN FINE in a coupla weeks. Aside from the
loss of a portion of my spelling prowess, I'm quite
alrrrightrrgightrrrotRriRightrightrightRIGHTImean*RIIIIGHTTTT*
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 2:05 AM
Message-ID: <ak6tfsockl5ar48t40al0jcfj6rtafuuh3@megaHAL>
# 30 on today's alt.slack hit parade is HellPope Huey and Deja.com -
Before you buy. doing their rendition of :
>In article <daqsfskl22c70ope1aoag5hv7bn21hvkf7@megaHAL>,
> SubGenius Spice <anon2166@hushmail.com> wrote:
>> # 4 on today's alt.slack hit parade is Rev. Blanket Ass and AcuBeater
>> Extordinaire doing their rendition of :
>>
>> >......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>> >again! What should I do?
>>
>> i think richard simmons just released a "sweatin' to the coldcuts"
>tape.
>>
> THAT colostomy-inducing rump ranger?! Naw, go for death metal. You'll
>exercise more slowly, but you'll be too depressed to eat.
you left your soiled underwear in my senior yearbook.
> On the other hand, if you were sweating hash, you could simply go to
>Amsterdam and make a fine living being licked for your sacred issue.
pass the salt.
> Failing that, lose a quick 30 pounds like I did: trepan yourself
>carefully and use the small grapefruit spoon to dig out the childhood
>traumas and bad PinkLessons. Leave enough to remember which mushrooms
>are bad (all of them) and not to yell at cops. SuperGlue the plug of
>bone back in and you'll be DAMN FINE in a coupla weeks. Aside from the
>loss of a portion of my spelling prowess, I'm quite
>alrrrightrrgightrrrotRriRightrightrightRIGHTImean*RIIIIGHTTTT*
note that whatever decisions made now will be in another text that we'll
be using in this vortex and reruning in the past.
--
"and my friend said, come inside of me
and your speakers are telling the truth." --the verve
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: prostata@bronze.coil.com (Rev. Prostata Cantata)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 4:47 PM
Message-ID: <8dnqdb$lks$1@news.concourse.com>
In article <38feee5f.185852739@news>,
Wheeeeee! The Nurses! <davidvoth@ihateclowns.com> wrote:
>On Wed, 19 Apr 2000 12:16:40 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
><whartenb@swbell.net> was kind enough to write:
>
>>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>>again!
>>What should I do?
>
>For on ly $100 per day plus expenses ICEKNIFE will follow you around
>with a big stick and whack you when you look like you are thinking
>about eating.
>
yeh, but then you gotta worry about all the folks following
ICEie-poo around whacking him with sticks for their own reasons.
Everywhere you go it is gonna look like yer being followed by the seven
dwarfs.
Tell ya what. For only $19.95, I'll sell you a stick that you can
use to whack yourself whenever you think about food with no per-whack or
per-day charges! It's a great deal!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: Charles Mark Bee <c-bee1@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 7:30 PM
Message-ID: <38FF9310.866A0FA9@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu>
Rev. Blanket Ass wrote:
>
> ......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> again!
> What should I do?
Lay off the gin-n'-crisco highballs.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 7:43 PM
Message-ID: <friday-ya02408000R2004001943000001@news.tiac.net>
In article <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
<whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
>Unit 4 wrote:
>> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
>> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
>> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
>> When the timer went off she opened the door.
>> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
>
>I love it!
Is this supposed to rhyme or something? I don't get it.
--
Eternal salvation or TRIPLE your money back!
www.subgenius.com
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 11:45 PM
Message-ID: <38FFCED5.F361EB9A@swbell.net>
Friday Jones wrote:
> In article <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
> <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
>
> >Unit 4 wrote:
>
> >> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
> >> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
> >> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
> >> When the timer went off she opened the door.
> >> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
> >
> >I love it!
>
> Is this supposed to rhyme or something? I don't get it.
>
I'll explain it to you. Unless you've done a sweat lodge you wouldn't get it.
Being the Blanket ass I am, I've done what they call "traditional sweat lodge"
thingies, & when you enter (it's VERY ceremonial-kinda like going to church)
when you enter/exit you're supposed to say "ALL MY RALTIONS." Which simply is
just a thing you say that means all your relations to everything (I think).
Correct me on this if I'm wrong Unit 4. Anyway, the turtle is supposed to have
been in a sweat lodge, being the microwave. It's just another stupid
tradition. I hope this helps you understand & doesn't confuse you more.
I cracked up at this one! So far, this has been the BEST advice I've gotten for
my weight loss plan!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 11:45 PM
Message-ID: <38FFCEF4.2C4DC226@swbell.net>
Friday Jones wrote:
> In article <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
> <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
>
> >Unit 4 wrote:
>
> >> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
> >> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
> >> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
> >> When the timer went off she opened the door.
> >> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
> >
> >I love it!
>
> Is this supposed to rhyme or something? I don't get it.
>
I'll explain it to you. Unless you've done a sweat lodge you wouldn't get it.
Being the Blanket ass I am, I've done what they call "traditional sweat lodge"
thingies, & when you enter (it's VERY ceremonial-kinda like going to church)
when you enter/exit you're supposed to say "ALL MY RELATIONS." Which simply is
just a thing you say that means all your relations to everything (I think).
Correct me on this if I'm wrong Unit 4. Anyway, the turtle is supposed to have
been in a sweat lodge, being the microwave. It's just another stupid
tradition. I hope this helps you understand & doesn't confuse you more.
I cracked up at this one! So far, this has been the BEST advice I've gotten for
my weight loss plan!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: "Rev. Blanket Ass" <whartenb@swbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 11:51 PM
Message-ID: <38FFD045.A405A1A0@swbell.net>
Charles Mark Bee wrote:
> Rev. Blanket Ass wrote:
> >
> > ......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
> > again!
> > What should I do?
>
> Lay off the gin-n'-crisco highballs.
Hmmmmmmm.....I always thought those were low-cal. What would you suggest
that I wash my pork rhines down with then?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: joy@bronze.coil.com (Joy D'Veeve)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 20, 2000 11:39 PM
Message-ID: <8doiif$pv8$1@news.concourse.com>
In article <38FDE9F7.F7AFB769@swbell.net>,
Rev. Blanket Ass <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
>......but every time I sweat it smells like bacon & then I get hungry
>again!
>What should I do?
Scramble up some eggs & break out the toast.
Ummmmm, toast.
Joy D'Veeve
--
-------------------------
I have never met Napolean...but I plan to find the time.
Steely Dan
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Fri, Apr 21, 2000 12:21 AM
Message-ID: <pllvfsktve3p03na8st76m7umcfr1ajn69@4ax.com>
On Thu, 20 Apr 2000 19:43:00 -0400, friday@fridayjones.com (Friday Jones)
wrote, in alt.slack:
}In article <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
}<whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
}
}>Unit 4 wrote:
}
}>> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
}>> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
}>> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
}>> When the timer went off she opened the door.
}>> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
}>
}>I love it!
}
}Is this supposed to rhyme or something? I don't get it.
GOOD, SOMEONE ASKED.
I hate explaning a joke before I tell it.
"All my relations" is what you say when you want to come out of a sweat
lodge.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Fri, Apr 21, 2000 12:57 AM
Message-ID: <38FFDFBA.6E49@succeeds.com>
Rev. Blanket Ass wrote:
>
> I'll explain it to you. Unless you've done a sweat
> lodge you wouldn't get it. Being the Blanket ass I
> am, I've done what they call "traditional sweat lodge"
> thingies, & when you enter (it's VERY ceremonial-kinda
> like going to church) when you enter/exit you're supposed
> to say "ALL MY RALTIONS."
I did a traditional sweat lodge once.
I thought there would be chanting and stuff, but
all the guys did was kiss and hug a lot. One of
them even tried to take my towel.
It smelled kinda funny. Like perfume.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT......
From: Unit 4 <UnitIV@SPUTUM.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: unit4@sputum.com
Date: Fri, Apr 21, 2000 4:13 AM
Message-ID: <t530gsgshm3fnokcpl45gjq2gn1s2464vp@4ax.com>
On Thu, 20 Apr 2000 22:45:25 -0500, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
<whartenb@swbell.net> wrote, in alt.slack:
}Friday Jones wrote:
}
}> In article <38FE78FC.A4AA8B@swbell.net>, "Rev. Blanket Ass"
}> <whartenb@swbell.net> wrote:
}>
}> >Unit 4 wrote:
}>
}> >> A city indian girl married a traditional guy and went to live on the rez.
}> >> One day he brought home a turtle and asked her to cook it.
}> >> She stuck it in the microwave, set it for 25 minutes, and waited.
}> >> When the timer went off she opened the door.
}> >> The turtle stuck its head out and said "ALL MY RELATIONS!"
}> >
}> >I love it!
}>
}> Is this supposed to rhyme or something? I don't get it.
}>
}
}I'll explain it to you. Unless you've done a sweat lodge you wouldn't get it.
}Being the Blanket ass I am, I've done what they call "traditional sweat lodge"
}thingies, & when you enter (it's VERY ceremonial-kinda like going to church)
}when you enter/exit you're supposed to say "ALL MY RALTIONS." Which simply is
}just a thing you say that means all your relations to everything (I think).
}Correct me on this if I'm wrong Unit 4.
Yup. Cepting I only heard it about coming out, not going in.
}Anyway, the turtle is supposed to have
}been in a sweat lodge, being the microwave. It's just another stupid
}tradition. I hope this helps you understand & doesn't confuse you more.
}
}I cracked up at this one! So far, this has been the BEST advice I've gotten for
}my weight loss plan!
What a microwave? Not a good idea.
But hey, free ride on the go-roundy thing, huh?
Original file name: HELP ME! I'M TRYING TO LOSŠ
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