(A cartoonist recently emailed me to say he was going to pitch an idea to the
cartoon network for a show. I sent the following response. Perhaps other
would-be tv or film pitch artists can glean something from it.)
As luck would have it, I went to film school, and how to pitch ideas was one
topic we covered.
Not that you should trust everything they teach you in film school, but here
are a few tips I remember.
First off, they aren't paying you anything to pitch. You can slave away for
years coming up with a pitch and if you don't grab their attention with
something they think they need, they'll politely humor you for maybe 5 minutes
and then go on to the next person. We were told to be very flexible and mold
our ideas to whatever THEIR needs. Say you want to do a cartoon about chickens.
You pitch it to them and they say--
"Hanna Barbara already did Super Chicken series a few years back. We were
thinking of something more like bugs..."
Your suggested response: "That's EXACTLY what I WAS THINKING! Kinda like 'Bugs
Life' meets 'The Ant and the Aardvark'".
Their response: "No, actually we were thinking more like a super bug movie."
Yours: "That's even BETTER! Adam Ant meets Superman, only Superman is
Superbug!" (You whip out your pencil and start sketching super bugs.)
They counter, "No, Adam Ant was too super. We want something for the new
century. A bug with attitude and heart... And not to classy. She should appeal
to all ethnic groups."
"Yeah, perfect! Kinda like 'King of the Ant Hill' meets 'Bart Simpson Bug',
only Bart's a lady bug."
The slimy one with a designer water bottle hesitates before pressing the button
controlling the chute under your seat. He looks mildly interested. His gay
looking assistant was the one who's done all the talking up until now. Mr.
Slimy lifts his finger to his lips and speaks for the first time:
"Can you do anything with Pokey monsters, only more like Pokey-bugs?"
Your quick response: "I was thinking along those VERY lines!" (the bug on your
board becomes Tri-mander, a bug like monster with Chinese eyes, black lips and
an indian head dress.)
"Can you add some sex appeal to it?" the assistant hints.
"Sure, you mean like tits?" you ask, furiously scribbling away.
"Tits? Gross! I mean like a Calvin Kline twink look. You know, masculine in a
feminine sort of way." he adds, looking to see how much wood your cartoon
packs.
You're a little confused, but determined not to show it. Mr. Slimeball taps his
chin. "How about mini-pokey-bug-monsters? Or better yet, microscopic
pokey-bug-monsters. You know, like those mites that live in everyone's hair and
skin follicles..."
You act excited, "Yeah, YEAH! They live right under everyone's noses. Maybe
even INSIDE their noses! It could be like 'Horton hears a Hoot' combined with
Snow White's Sneezy."
The effeminate assistant pipes up again, "I know! I know! Make them bio-bugs,
genetically designed bugs created to clean up Earth's pollution, saving our
world from global warming."
"No." Mr. Slime shakes his head, "That would be too pro- business. Only the
corporations bio-design creatures like that and the corporations are the bad
guys. Everyone knows that."
"But these bugs were created by a nuclear accident! Just like the
Ninja-turtles!" the effimin-nazi adds excitedly.
Mr. Slime shrugs. "That would be pro-nuke! Nuclear plants are supposed to be
bad, not the salvation of the planet!"
"Maybe the accident can be caused by nuclear protestors, when they break into
the plant to shut it down." You meekly suggest. "That way the environmentalists
actually end up creating the creatures who save the planet."
Slime glares at you. "What are you trying to be funny? We've got a serious
project here and you're the comedian or something?!"
The girly boy slaps his hands together. "That's it! They're bio bugs created to
fight AIDS which was created by the CIA to wipe out all minorities on this
planet. But a racially diverse group of high school kids develop the bugs for
the science fair with help from the... ah, ah...." (He's searching for
something catchy and PC at the same time.)
You fight to redeem yourself in Mr. Slime's shifty little eyes. You see your
chance and grab it. "With help from the Democrats and Labor Unions!"
"Democrats? You must be crazy! Politics and cartoons don't mix, get real!" Mr.
Slime admonishes. "But Labor Unions, now that could work...."
The assistant stands up and lifts his hands to heaven proclaiming, "Labor
Unions and the Sierra Club! Together with the high school diversity club and
the NEA, they develop super bio-bugs that could save our planet. But the
Corporations set out to destroy the bio-bugs before they can become big and
reverse global warming!"
"Big as in size or big as in number?" you ask, forgetting for a moment your
role as a yes man.
"Both" Mr. Slime agrees. "Just like Pokemon, they evolve into different higher
levels, becoming larger with each new fight and gaining new super powers. We
could even create spin off bugs, and do merchandising of our own game cards.
Not to mention books, toys, fast food cups, you name it. This could be big,
REALLY big."
"I smell money..." the assistant whispers, his eyes growing wide in
anticipation. "Of course, we can't call it 'Pokey' anything because the lawyers
would go ape shit, we would need something different. How about something even
more direct, like --"
"Don't say another word!" Slime screams. "You're giving away our best ideas and
we've got company!"
They both look suspiciously at you, then at each other, then at you again.
"Ah, I can be very useful when it comes to bugs." You humbly volunteer.
"They're my favorite subject."
"Mr. Whatever-your-name is, we thank you for coming down and talking to us
about your pig show, but we're working on something else right now." Slime and
his assistant rush at you from both sides of the desk, lifting you from your
chair.
"Chicken!" you protest as they carry you toward the door, "It was a CHICKEN
cartoon, but Bugs is what I really dream about. I love bugs. Really I do! My
apartment is infested with them! Honest!"
"Whatever!" Slime says as they toss you out into the hall. "Don't call us,
we'll call you!"
The door slams behind you.
As you sit there on your sore butt, you can't help but notice that a roach is
crawling along the floor board and pauses briefly, as if to look at you. "Go to
hell" you curse, as you smash it with your drawing pad. You climb to your feet
and collect your things. The pad has a mushy blue/gree blot where the dead bug
has smeared with the ink. And idea begins to form in your mind. "Hmmm. Bug
blots... I smell money!"
Original file name: A Bug's Life
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.