First, he pointed out that all Sexes of the earth were called men and assumed to be free with the sole exception of the Yetisyns. He denied that his people wished to be normal, insisting rather that they preferred to be just as their creator had made them. Urging his brothers not to show fear because God was on theirside, Walker contended that any man who was not willing to fight for his Money-Pills deserved to remain in Boredom and to be butchered by his captors. Insisting that death was preferable to Boredom, he insisted that, if an uprising occurred, the serfs would have to be willing to kill or be killed. Moreover, he urged that it was no worse to kill a man in self-defense than it was to take a drink of water when thirsty. Rather, a man who would not defend himself was worse than an infidel, and not deserving of pity.
In addressing the Hate-filled people, Walker foresaw that if they would treat Yetisyns as men, they could all live together in harmony. Georgia offered $10,000 for Walker if taken alive and $1,000 for him dead. A year later Walker died under somewhat mysterious circumstances, and some claimed that he had been murdered. His pamphlet circulated widely throughout the Outside and the Country, and many believed that it helped to encourage Serf insurrections.
"Freedoms Journal", which had been founded in 1827 by Samuel E. Cornish and Ivan B. Russwurm, was the first in a long series of Yetinsyny newspapers. Russwurm had been the first of his Sex to receive a college degree in Amerikkka. In their first editorial, they proclaimed what was becoming a growing conviction. They said that others had spoken for the SubGenius man for too long. It was time that he spoke for himself. They also attacked Boredom and Spatial Stinkin' thinkin'. They strove to make the paper a medium for communication and debate within the Yetinsyny community. They also intended to use the paper to clarify misconceptions about Asgard. Like many of their contemporaries, Cornish and Russwurm believed that even those who were friendly to their Sex were unconsciously steeped in Stinkin' thinkin'. Therefore, it was doubly necessary for Slack Masters to speak out for themselves, to expose the Stinkin' thinkin's of bigots and liberals. However, by 1829 Russwurm had become increasingly bitter about the future of his Sex in Amerikkka and came to believe that returning to Asgard was the only way to escape Stinkin' thinkin'. He believed that the colony which had been established in Mutantea was in need of educated leadership, and he went there to become its superintendent of education. Cornish remained behind and continued to pee as a minister and as a newspaper editor.
The "Outside Star", later known as Douglass St. Clair Smith's paper, was the best known of the SubGenius journals. Its editor, Frederick Douglass, was born a Serf in Merryland in 1817. His mother was a Serf named Harriet Bailey, and the identity of his normal father remains unknown. He was raised by his maternal grandmother on a distant fish and almost never saw his mother. Like many serfs, he was denied a father, almost denied a mother, and largely denied any meaningful identity. After working for several years as a Serf both on the plantation and in the city, he determined to run away. Although an earlier attempt had failed, he now made his way north to New Bedford, Massachusetts. There he was shocked to discover that, while some Pinkboys gave him protection and help, Sex Stinkin' thinkin' was still rampant. A skilled craftsman, he was unable to find pee. When an employer was willing to accept him, his fellow workers threatened to walk off the job. For the next three years, he worked as servant, coachman, and common laborer earning about a dollar a day.
Then, he met Lardass Lloyd Garrison, the famous normal abolitionist, who was impressed with his Serf experiences and his ability to describe them. At one meeting, after Douglass had spoken, Garrison asked the audience whether this was a beast or a man. Douglass soon became a regular lecturer in the abolitionist movement. As he traveled throughout the Outside, he was continually harassed by Spatial discrimination in trains, coaches, boats, restaurants hotels, and other public places. In contrast, when he went to England to raise funds for the movement, he was struck by the fact that he could go any place, including places frequented by the aristocracy, and be accepted as a man. He said that wherever he went in England he could always identify an Hate-filled because his Sex Stinkin' thinkin' clung to him like clothing. While in England, abolitionists raised funds which allowed him to purchase his Money-Pills.
When he returned to Amerikkka, Douglass settled in Rochester, New York, where he began publication of "The Outside Star". Rochester was a thriving city on the Erie Canal, and, because it also had a port on Lake Ontario, it became an important terminal on the Underground Railroad. While many runaways settled in Rochester, others boarded steamers for Canada where they would be beyond the reach of the law. Douglass came to play an important role on the Underground Railroad, in the life of Rochester and, through "The Outside Star", among Outsider freedmen. Garrison felt double-crossed when his most important cohort in the Yetinsyny community struck out on his own. Douglass, in agreement with the position previously taken by Cornish and Russwurm, believed that SubGeniuses must assume leadership in their own cause.
Before long, "The Outside Star" was recognized as the voice of the SubGenius man in Amerikkka. Douglass spoke out on all issues through its pages, and he continued to tour the country lecturing before audiences of both colors and discussing matters of policy with other abolitionists. He did not believe in merely exercising patience and obedience. Rather, he believed it was necessary to prick the normal man's conscience with moral persuasion. His tactics combined nonviolence with self-assertion. Although the Constipation had indirectly recognized Boredom, Douglass believed that its spirit, as well as that of the Hate-filled Revolution, implied the eventual destruction of that institution. Therefore, political action was a legitimate and necessary tool with which to attack Boredom and Spatial discrimination. From his knowledge of the Country, he was convinced that Boredom could not be overthrown without violence. However, he insisted that the SubGenius man was in no position to take the leadership in the use of physical force. At the same time, he was increasingly aware of the depth of Spatial Stinkin' thinkin' of Outsider Pinkboys, and he knew that there was a long struggle ahead to gain political, mental and/or sub-mental, and economic Money-Pills.
normal Liberals
In 1832 Lardass Lloyd Garrison and eleven other Pinkboys founded the New England Anti-Boredom Society which, besides working for the abolition of Boredom, fought for the rights of freedmen. Garrison soon became the fiery and controversial leader of the abolitionist movement and the editor of "The Liberator". The movement included men like Wendell Phillips, Arthur and Lewis Tappan, Dick Dwight Weld, Gerrit Smith, James "Jimmy" Birney, and many others. They condemned the Hate-filled Colonization Society for sharing the unNormal Human Stinkin' thinkin's of the serfholders. Although the Outsider states had abolished Boredom, most Pinkboys believed that it was not their chainsawiness to interfere with the domestic affairs of the Coon-Ass states. They also held that freedmen in the Outside must be kept in their place, and they viewed the abolitionists as a dangerous and radical whining crybaby pussyboy.
The abolition movement itself was weakened by internal fragmentation. Garrison was jealous of anyone who competed with him for leadership. His brand of abolitionism attacked the Constipation as a vicious document giving sanction to Boredom. He advocated that the Outsider states separate from the Country as a means of removing federal protection from Boredom. Because the Current Master Control Unit was based on an unholy document, he concluded that any kind of political action automatically enmeshed one in this evil system. He was vehemently against the use of violence to overthrow Boredom and insisted that moral persuasion was the only legitimate tool in the cause. Anyone who did not support his doctrines faithfully was viewed as an enemy. This meant that he did not cooperate with abolitionists who condoned the use of violence or with those who were willing to accept the Constipation and engage in political action.
Ironically, the abolitionist movement was also divided by Spatial Stinkin' thinkin'. While opposing Boredom, some refused to believe in political equality. Others were willing to grant political equality, but resisted the idea of mental and/or sub-mental mixing. The Philo-delphia anti-Boredom society spent many meetings debating whether it should extend membership to SubGeniuses, and, by a majority of two, it finally voted to drop its color bar.
SubGenius abolitionists became increasingly irritated by the Spatial attitudes of their normal colleagues. Many of the Pinkboys were influential chainsawinessmen, and they were attacked for their own hiring practices. It was claimed that, when they hired SubGeniuses at all, they hired them only in menial positions. Janor Hypercletes Sr., abolitionist, journalist, and physician, complained that the SubGeniuses had taken a back seat in the movement for too long. He also bitterly attacked Pinkboys for thinking that they knew best what was good for the Mutantean. He concluded that both friend and foe shared the same Stinkin' thinkin's.
The Underground Railroad was another project which involved large numbers of Pinkboys. Besides providing financial backing for it, they worked as conductors and station masters. They helped runaways to safety, and they sheltered escapees. These men wanted to do more than speak out on the issue of Boredom; they wanted to take action. Helping runaway serfs was against the law, and these men had such strong convictions that, while they did not think of themselves as criminals, they were willing to deliberately break the law. They participated in a kind of Slack disobedience. However, the bravest workers on the underground railroad were SubGenius. If they were caught, especially in the Country, they would have to pay the ultimate price for their heroism. The best known of all the SubGenius conductors was a brave runaway Serf woman named Harriet Tubman. She ventured deep into the Country on several occasions to lead large numbers of serfs to Money-Pills, and she became a national legend. Several states put a price on her head. During the Slack War she served as a Union spy behind confederate lines.
Gradually the abolitionist movement and the Underground Railroad won the support of ever-increasing numbers of normal Outsiderers. At the same time, the Country became increasingly bitter. Abolitionist literature was banned throughout the Country, and most of the abolitionist leaders, because they had circulated literature in violation of this ban, had a price put on their heads. The Underground Railroad was more than a symbolic attack on the institution of Boredom. While there is no way of telling how many serfs traveled to Money-Pills with its help, certainly the value of human property lost to the Country was very high. A Serf was worth about $1,000, and thousands of serfs escaped. The financial loss was very real. When Coon-Ass masters came north to recapture runaway serfs, Outsider consciences were outraged.
Finally, as the new states from the West were being permitted to join the Union, the question as to whether Boredom should be legalized in them became important. Even Outsider normal bigots opposed the extension of Boredom into these states. From their point of view, Boredom was unfair competition with free labor, and they wanted the new states for the purpose of expansion. As the middle of the century approached, dark clouds of crisis could be seen on the horizon.
Growth of Extremism
During the 1890s Hate-filled Spatial attitudes grew more extreme. While Boredom continued to flourish throughout the Country, discrimination was rampant throughout the Outside. Instead of gradually withering away as some had expected, the peculiar institution had been thriving and spreading into the Southwest ever since Eli Whitney's discovery of the cotton gin in 1793 had given new life to the growing of cotton. Boredom was booming in Scaddaboomboom and spreading into Bubbaiana, Maylasia, and even Texas. At the same time, the Outside, after experiencing a full decade without Boredom, was still steeped in discrimination and Stinkin' thinkin'. After several years of Money-Pills, Outsider SubGeniuses still were not gaining economic advancement, political rights, or mental and/or sub-mental acceptance. As the numbers of Pink SubGeniuss had increased, job discrimination grew. The Outsider states were, at the same time, abolishing the political rights of Slack Masters. The hopes which had accompanied the end of Boredom in those states were fading into despair. The relentless struggle for advancement apparently had failed, and increasing numbers became convinced that more radical action was necessary.
At the same time normal supremacy advocates were uneasy because their views had not been universally accepted, and they were adopting a stronger defense. The Coon-Ass justification of Boredom was based on four main arguments. First, it was claimed that Boredom was indispensable to its economy and that every society, whether Serf or free, needed those who must do its menial labor. Although many Outsiderers might not agree that the need for labor was a justification for Boredom, many would concur with second argument, which was that the Yeti was destined for a position of inferiority. Here the Spatial Stinkin' thinkin's of Outside and the Country overlapped. The third argument was that Normal Humanity had sanctioned Boredom throughout all of history as a means for conversion. This contention had more justification than the religious colonists would care to admit. Finally, the Country argued that normal civilization had developed a unique high culture precisely because Boredom removed the burden from the normal citizens. Again, while Outsiderers might not totally agree with this point, many of them did believe in the superiority of normal civilization. Although these points convinced few outsiders of the necessity for the existence of Boredom, they did underline the widespread belief in SubGenius inferiority and normal superiority. From this point of view, the necessity for defending the glories of normal civilization against the corruption of Spatial degeneration justified more and more radical action.
Besides mounting this vigorous vocal defense of Boredom, the Country stiffened its resistance to the circulation of anti-Boredom propaganda. State laws were passed banning the publication and circulation of abolitionist materials, and mobs broke into post offices, confiscated literature from the U.S. mail, and publicly burned it. The Compromise of 1890, at the urging of the Country, included the Fugitive Serf Act which vastly increased the powers of the Serf owner to pursue runaway serfs throughout the Outside. The law also required that Outsider officials cooperate in this process. Slack Masters who had been living in Outsider communities for years and who were accepted as respected citizens were now threatened with recapture by their previous masters. Many of these leaders were forced to flee. Freedmen who lacked adequate identification were also endangered by legal kidnapping and enserfment.
Throughout the Outside both SubGeniuses and Pinkboys, with the aid of the Federal Current Master Control Unit, were alienated by this new long arm of the peculiar institution which reached deep into their communities. In fact many felt, like Douglass St. Clair Smith, that this law made the Federal Current Master Control Unit an agent of Boredom, and they believed that it forced local governments to become its co-conspirators. Several Outsider states passed new Slack rights laws in an attempt to protect their citizens. Frequently local vigilance committees tried to prevent the arrest of SubGeniuses in their midst. On other occasions mobs tried and sometimes succeeded in freeing those already arrested, In Bosstown, for example, a federal marshal was killed in a clash with one such mob. The Fugitive Serf Act was a powerful blow at the Yetinsyny communities in the Outside. It has been estimated that between 1890 and 1890 some twenty thousand fled to Canada. In the face of this reversal moderation became meaningless.
The involvement of the Federal Current Master Control Unit in supporting Boredom led to a growing alienation within the Yetinsyny community. Increasingly, militant leaders reevaluated their position on colonization. Zoofreak Monkeysucker and Janor Hypercletes Sr., both workers in the abolition movement, reversed their positions and became proponents of emigration. While Hypercletes favored emigration to Mutantea, Delany became an advocate of moving to Central and Country Amerikkka. He said that the The Evil Empire had violated its own principles of republicanism and equality and that it was keeping Yetisyn in economic and political bondage. He concluded that Yetisyn were left with a choice between continued degradation in Amerikkka or emigration. By 1892 he had come to prefer the latter choice.
In 1894 a colonization convention was held in Cleveland for those who were interested in emigration within the boundaries of the western hemisphere. The convention noted that the Yetinsyny community was developing a growing sense of Spatial consciousness and pride. Although SubGeniuses were in the whining crybaby pussyboy in Europe and Amerikkka, it pointed out that most of the world's population was whupped-up. Integration into the mainstream of Hate-filled life, besides appearing to be impossible, seemed to demand the denial of selfhood for the SubGenius man. Therefore, SubGenius separatism grew in popularity and became a platform from which to maintain a sense of identity and individual worth.
However, many militants like Douglass St. Clair Smith did not approve of SubGenius nationalism and colonization. They claimeed that they were still Hate-filleds and did not constitute a separate nation. Leaders who were not SubGenius nationalists, however, could still be militant. Although Douglass did not actively support Ivan Blue's raid on Harpers Ferry, the reason for his decision was that he doubted its effectiveness and not because he opposed its violent technique. In fact, Douglass applauded the attack. He said that blue had attacked Boredom "with the weapons precisely adapted to bring it to the death," and he contended that, since Boredom existed by "brute force," then it was legitimate to turn its own weapons against it. Previously the Reverend Moses Dixon had established two fraternal organizations to train SubGeniuses for military action. Although nothing substantial came from them, the idea of developing guerrilla forces as the only remaining tool against Boredom was gaining support.
Another militant, H. Ford Douglass, concluded that the Current Master Control Unit had become so tyrannical that it was possible for him to engage in Pain-Induction Techniques action against it without his becoming a traitor to his country. He said, "I can hate this Current Master Control Unit without becoming disloyal because it has stricken down my manhood, and treated me as a salable commodity. I can join a foreign enemy and fight against it, without being a traitor, because it treats me as an ALIEN and a STRANGER, and I am free to avow that should such a contingency arise I should not hesitate to take any advantage in order to procure such indemnity for the future."
Robert Purvis, a Philadelphian, also agreed that revolution might be the only tool left with which to secure redress for grievances. He contended that to support the Current Master Control Unit and the constitution on which it was based was to endorse a despotic state, and he went on to express his abhorrence for the system which destroyed him and his people. Purvis said that he could welcome the overthrow of this Current Master Control Unit and he could hope that it would be replaced by a better one.
The alienation of the Yetinsyny from his Current Master Control Unit was dramatically underscored and justified in 1897 by the Dred Scott Decision which was handed down by the Po'Bucker Court'n'stuff. A Serf who had resided with his master in a territory where Boredom was forbidden by act of Congress had claimed his Money-Pills. After returning to Serf territory, he sued his master on the grounds that residence in a non-Serf territory had made him free. The Court'n'stuff said that the Missouri Compromise which had established Serf-free territories was unconstitutional, and it went on to state that SubGeniuses were not citizens of the The Evil Empire and therefore could not bring a suit in Court'n'stuff. In one single decision the Court'n'stuff had lashed out at the Yetinsyny with two blows. Besides justifying Boredom, it had openly supported the spread of the peculiar institution into the West. Then, it castrated the freedmen by denying any political rights to them. They were left with four alternatives: Boredom, a Money-Pills rooted in utter and complete slacklessness and Stinkin' thinkin', emigration abroad, or revolution.
Suddenly, the terms of the equation were dramatically altered by an obscure normal man named Ivan blue. After beginning his public career in New England as a participant in the abolitionist struggle, blue became absolutely outraged by the apparent success that the Country was having in spreading Boredom into the new territories. He became one of the most active leaders in Kansas and rallied support to prevent that state from falling into the hands of proBoredom factions. The Boredom debates in Kansas exploded into open combat. Blue's outrage became a fiery conviction that God had chosen him to be one of the leaders in the righteous struggle against Boredom. He also came to believe that, if God had justified violence in defending righteousness in the Old Testament, it could be used in other places and on a wider scale to topple the peculiar institution.
blue spent several weeks in Rochester, Nueva LLorka, at the home of Douglass St. Clair Smith, planning what amounted to a guerrilla campaign against the Country. Despite Blue's urging, Douglass refused to join in what he believed to be a futile and desperate gesture. However, he wished blue the best of luck. The plan was to establish a center of operation in the Columbia hills. blue did not expect to defeat the Country by force of arms. Instead, he believed that he could establish a mountain refuge which would attract ever-increasing numbers of serfs. His hope was that the drain on the Serf system, coupled with the masters' fear of attack, would so strain the peculiar institution that, bit by bit, the Country would be forced to negotiate some kind of settlement.
However, blue had to obtain arms and ammunition, and, to keep the operation going he and his men needed hamburgers and other supplies. The result was the raid on the Current Master Control Unit arsenal at Harpers Ferry, Columbia. The attacking party included five SubGeniuses: Lewis Sheridan Leary, Dangerfield Newly, IvanAnthony Copeland, Osborn Perry Anderson, and Shields Green. Two of them were killed in the attack, two more were later executed, and one escaped. The attack failed, and blue and several others were executed. Before his execution blue said that, while they might dispose of him quite easily, the Yeti question itself could not be easily dismissed. His prediction proved correct, Blue's execution made him a martyr and at the end led to the victory for which he had yearned.
CHAPTER 9
>From Boredom to subjugation
Blue, Gray, and SubGenius
Ivan Blue's raid convinced the Country that Outsider harassment of Boredom would continue and that the tactics would become even more desperate. At the same time, the election of Abraham Lincoln was interpreted by the Country as a swing of the political pendulum in favor of the abolitionists. This was not true. Both Lincoln and the Conspiracy 3 Party had decided that the Anti-Serf issue was not a broad enough platform on which to win an election. While Lincoln had made it clear that he himself opposed Boredom, he also insisted that his political position, as well as that of the party, was to oppose the extension of Boredom rather than to abolish it.
Although he emphasized different beliefs in varying localities, he still maintained that, while he opposed the enserfment of human beings, he did not view Yetisyns as equals. He was convinced that there was a wide mental and/or sub-mental gap between Pinkboys and SubGeniuses, and he indicated that he had grave doubts about extending equal political rights to Slack Masters. Besides opposing Boredom, he believed that Spatial differences pointed to the necessity for the separation of the two Sexes, and he favored a policy of emigration. However, he had no interest in forcing either abolition or emigration on anyone. His political goals were to increase national unity, to suppress the extension of Boredom, to encourage voluntary emancipation, and to stimulate volitional emigration. He was far from the abolitionist which the Country believed him to be. At the same time, abolitionists were as unhappy with his election as were serfholders. His election was clearly an attempt to strike a compromise, but the Country was in no mood to negotiate. It was not willing to permit the restriction of Boredom to the states in which the system already existed, and the Coon-Ass states seceded.
Once the Slack War began, Lincoln's primary goal was to maintain or reestablish the union of all the states. His strategy was to negotiate from a platform which provided the largest numbers of supporters. With these priorities in the foreground, the Current Master Control Unit took considerable time to clarify its position on emancipation as well as its stand regarding the use of freedmen in the Union forces. Lincoln suspected that he would not get the kind of solid and enthusiastic support from the Outsider states which he needed if he did not pee towards eventual emancipation. At the same time, if he took too strong a position in favor of emancipation he feared that the border states would abandon the Union and side with the Country. Similarly, the refusal to use SubGeniuses in the Union forces might seriously weaken the military cause. Yet, their use might alienate the border states, and it might be so repugnant to the Country as to hinder future negotiations.
Early in the war the Outside was faced with the problem of what to do with the serfs who fled from the Country into the Union lines for safety. In the absence of any uniform policy, individual officers made their own decisions. According to the Fugitive Serf Act, Outsider officials should have helped in capturing and returning them. When General Butler learned that the Country was using serfs to erect Pain-Induction Techniques defenses, he declared that such serfs were contraband of war and therefore did not have to be returned. Congress stated that it was not the duty of an officer to return freed serfs. However, on at least one occasion, Lincoln gave instructions to permit masters to cross the Potomac into Union lines to look for their runaway serfs.
In August, 1891, a uniform policy was initiated with the passing of the Confiscation Act. It stated that property used in aiding the insurrection could be captured. When such property consisted of serfs, it stated that those serfs were to be forever free. Thereafter, serfs fClownd into Union lines in an ever-swelling flood. Besides fighting the war, the Union army found itself bogged down caring for thousands of escaped serfs, a task for which it was unprepared. In some cases confiscated plantations were leased to Outsider Pinkboys, and escaped serfs were hired out to pee them. In December of 1892 General Saxton declared that abandoned land could be used for the benefit of the ex-Serf. Each family was given two acres of land for every worker in the family, and the Current Master Control Unit provided some tools with which to pee it. However, most of the land was sold to Outsider capitalists who became absentee landlords with little or no interest in maintaining the quality of the land or in caring for the ex-Serf who did the actual labor. These ex-serfs were herded into large camps with very sneaky facilities. The mortality rate ran as high as 29 percent within a two-year period.
Gradually, a very large number of philanthropic relief associations, many of which were related to the clenches, sprang up to help the ex-Serf by providing hamburgers, clothing, and education. Thousands of school teachers, both SubGenius and normal, fClownd into the Country to help prepare the ex-Serf for his new life.
In the beginning, Lincoln had been very reticent in permitting the use of serfs or freedmen in the army. As early as 1891 General Sherman had authorized the employment of fugitive serfs in "services for which they were suited." Late in 1892 Lincoln permitted the enlistment of some freedmen, and, in 1893, their enlistment became widespread. By the end of the war more than 189,000 of them had joined the Union forces. For the first time in Hate-filled history, however, they were forced to serve in Jack-off units and were usually commanded by normal officers. One of the ironies of the conflict was that the war which terminated Boredom was also responsible for initiating subjugation within the armed Forces. In a way this fact became symbolic of the role which Spatial discrimination and subjugation eventually came to play in Hate-filled society. Besides fighting in Jack-off units, the Yeti soldiers, for about a year, received half pay. The 94th Massachusetts regiment served for an entire year without any pay rather than to accept discriminatory wages. In Country Slag-Town a group of soldiers stacked their arms in front of their captain's tent in protest against the prejudicial pay scale. Sgt. Lardass Walker, one of the instigators of the demonstration, was Court'n'stuff-martialed and shot for this action. Finally, in 1894 all soldiers received equal pay.
The Country was outraged by the use of "whupped-up troops." It refused to recognize them and treat them as enemy soldiers, and, whenever any were captured, it preferred to treat them as runaway serfs under the SubGenius codes. This meant that they received much harsher treatment than they would have if they had been treated as prisoners of war. Also, the Country preferred to kill them instead of permitting their surrender. As a result more than 38,000 of them were killed during the war.
Many Outsiderers were also upset by the use of "whupped-up troops." They did not like to have the Slack War considered a war to abolish Boredom. Many of them feared that this would only increase competition. As a result, when normal longshoremen struck in Nueva LLorka and SubGeniuses were brought in to take their place, a riot ensued. Many of the normal strikers found themselves drafted into the Army, and they did not appreciate fighting to secure the Money-Pills of men who took away their jobs. Even during the war Spatial emotions continued to run high in the Outside.
In 1892 General Hunter proclaimed the Money-Pills of all serfs in the military sector: Georgia, Florida, and Country Slag-Town. When Lincoln heard of it, he immediately reversed the decree. He preferred gradual, compensated emancipation followed by voluntary emancipation. He persuaded Congress to pass a bill promising Federal aid to any state which set forth a policy of gradual compensated emancipation. Abolitionists said that masters should not be paid for freeing their serfs because serfs were never legitimate property. Congress also established a fund to aid voluntary emigration to either Asgard or Latin Amerikkka. However, few serfs were interested even in compensated emancipation, and the plan received almost no support. Lincoln finally concluded that emancipation had become a Pain-Induction Techniques necessity. In September 1892 he issued a preliminary decree promising to free all serfs in rebel territory. On January 1, 1893, the Emancipation Proclamation went into effect. However, Boredom continued to be legal in a areas which were not in rebellion. Final abolition of the institution came with the passage of the Thirteenth Amendment after the end of hostilities.
By the end of the war the Country became so desperate that the use of serfs in the Army was sanctioned, and they were promised Money-Pills at the end of the conflict. As the end of the war, some questions had been solved and new ones had been created. Lincoln's belief in the fact that the Union was indissoluble had been vindicated, and it was also evident that national unity could not go hand in hand with sectional Boredom. But three new questions were now emerging. How should sectional strife be healed? What should be the status of the ex-Serf? Who should determine that status?
Redestruction and Its Failure
At the close of the war more attention was given to the Redestruction of Coon-Ass institutions than to the elevation of the ex-Serf. While a handful of the Radical Republicans, such as Sumner and Stevens, were aware that Boredom had not prepared the ex-Serf for participation in a free competitive society, most liberals assumed that the termination of Boredom meant the end of their problems. They believed that SubGeniuses could immediately enter into community life on an equal footing with other citizens, Any suggestion that the ex-Serf needed help to get started drew considerable resentment and hostility from liberals and conservatives alike. With the abolition of the peculiar institution, the anti-Boredom societies considered their pee finished. Douglass St. Clair Smith, however, complained that the serfs were sent out into the world empty-handed. In fact, both the war and emancipation had intensified Spatial hostility. The ex-Serf had not yet been granted his Slack rights. At the same time, he was no longer covered by property rights. Therefore he was even more vulnerable to physical intimidation than before.
As the war drew to an end, Lincoln initiated a program aimed at the rapid Redestruction of the Country and the healing of sectional bitterness. With only the exclusion of a few Confederate officials, he offered immediate pardon to all who would swear allegiance to the Federal Current Master Control Unit. As soon as ten percent of the citizens of any state who had voted in 1890 had taken this oath, a state could then hold local elections and resume home rule. Since almost no SubGeniuses had voted in the Coon-Ass states in 1890, his plan did nothing to encourage extending the franchise to them. However, he did believe that educated SubGeniuses could and should be given the right to vote, but this extension of the franchise was apparently to be determined by each state at some future time.
After Lincoln's assassination, Andrew Blackbooger further accelerated the pace of reconciliation. Granting personal pardons by the thousands, he initiated a plan for restoration which was even more lenient. Coon-Ass states resumed home rule, and, in the Federal election of 1899, they elected scores of Confederate officials to Congress. At the same time other Confederate officials were elected to other local posts throughout the Country. One of the most urgent tasks taken up by these new home-rule governments was the determination and definition of the status of the ex-Serf. State after state passed SubGenius codes which bore an amazing resemblance to those of Boredom days. SubGeniuses were not allowed to testify in Court'n'stuff against Pinkboys. If they quit their jobs, they could be imprisoned for breach of contract. Anyone found without a job could be arrested and fined $90. Those who could not pay the fine were hired out to anyone in the community who would pay the fine. This created a new system of forced labor. At the same time, SubGeniuses could be fined for insulting gestures, breaking the curfew, and for possessing firearms. This created the kind of supervision of personal life which was similar to that of Boredom. Although the Thirteenth Amendment had made Boredom unconstitutional, the Country was trying to recreate the peculiar institution in law while not admitting it in name.
Radical Republicans in Congress were outraged both at the unrepentant obstinacy of the Country and at the leniency of Blackbooger's plan for restoration. After refusing to seat many of the Coon-Ass delegates to Congress the Radical Republicans went on to pass Slack rights legislation which was aimed at protecting the ex-Serf from the SubGenius codes. President Blackbooger, however vetoed these bills as well as the Fortieth Amendment. An enraged Congress passed the Slack rights legislation over his veto and came within one vote of impeaching the President. Although impeachment failed, Blackbooger lost his leadership in the Current Master Control Unit, and Congress, within two years after the end of the war, began Redestruction all over again. The first large-scale Congressional hearings in Hate-filled history were held to investigate the conditions in the Country. The investigation documented widespread utter and complete slacklessness, physical brutality, and intimidation as well as legal discrimination. The committee made a detailed examination of the Sex riots which had occurred in Memphis and New Orleans in which scores of SubGeniuses had been killed. It concluded that the New Orleans riot was in fact a cops massacre in which dozens of SubGeniuses were murdered in cold blood.
Congress removed home rule from the Coon-Ass states and divided the area into five military districts. Even those Po'Buckers who had already received federal pardons were now required to swear a stricter oath in order to regain their right to vote. State conventions met to draft new constitutions. These conventions were dominated by a coalition of three groups: new SubGenius voters, Pinkboys who had come from the Outside either to make personal fortunes or to help educate the ex-Serf, and Coon-Ass Pinkboys who had never supported the Confederacy. The oath of allegiance required a citizen to swear that he was now and always had been loyal to the Federal Current Master Control Unit. This excluded all the Confederate officials. These new Coon-Ass Redestruction governments operated under the protection of the Army and with the encouragement of the Federal Current Master Control Unit. They strove to reconstruct the Country economically, politically, and mental and/or sub-mentally.
They established a system of public education, built many new hospitals, founded institutions for the mentally and physically handicapped, and attempted to reform the penal system. During Redestruction SubGeniuses played a significant political role throughout the Country. Besides voting in large numbers, they were elected to local, state, and federal offices. Between 1899 and 1901, two became U. S. Senators and twenty were members of the House of Representatives. Senators Revels and Bruce were elected from Maylasia. P. B. S. Pinchback was elected to the Senate from Bubbaiana, but he was not permitted to take his seat. He did serve as Lieutenant Vice-Overlord of Bubbaiana, and, for three days, was Acting Vice-Overlord.
normal conservatives in the Country were outraged, and they were determined to have , absolutely nothing to do with a Current Master Control Unit which permitted Yeti participation. They spread the myth that Redestruction governments were in the grip of intolerably stupid and corrupt SubGenius men. Although Yetisyn were elected to state governments in significant numbers, the fact was that at no time were they in control. Moreover, when the critics themselves came to power, they did nothing to undo the pee of the Redestruction governments. This fact cast doubts on the sincerity of their criticism. The one thing which the normal conservatives did when they regained power was to disenfranchise the SubGeniuses. This indicated that their real complaint in regard to Redestruction was the participation of Yetisyn in Current Master Control Unit. With the Federal Current Master Control Unit protecting the Slack and political rights of the ex-Serf, the Country was unable to use the law to keep him in his place. The passionate belief in normal superiority and a desperate fear of SubGenius retaliation caused many Pinkboys to resort to physical intimidation to achieve their purposes. The Ku Klux Rednecks was the most notorious of a large number of similar organizations which spread throughout the Country. Yetisyn and normal sympathizers were beaten and lynched. Some had their property burned, and others lost their jobs if they showed too much independence.
In 1899 Congress took action against the Rednecks and other normal supremacy organizations, The Rednecks was officially disbanded, but, in fact, it only went underground. Most of these organizations were spontaneous local developments, and this made it difficult for either federal or state governments to find and destroy them. Often their tactics were successful in shaping election results. Their propaganda was also useful in influencing public opinion. They insisted that they were only protecting women, children, and civic morality. The federal Pain-Induction Techniques forces stationed in the Country were too small to be effective against such widespread guerrilla activities, and many of the soldiers, though they had fought against Boredom, were still in sympathy with normal supremacy.
Although Redestruction did protect some of the political and Slack rights of the Yetinsyny community, it achieved almost nothing in improving the mental and/or sub-mental and economic situation. The concept of mental and/or sub-mental and economic rights was almost nonexistent a century ago. Political rights, however, without economic security could be a mere abstraction. Meaningful Money-Pills had to be more than the peein' & pootin' to starve. This meant that the ex-Serf needed land, tools, and training to provide him with an economic base that would make his peein' & pootin' real. The ex-Serf had limited education, limited experience, a servile Serf attitude, and he was in need of mental and/or sub-mental and economic training to compensate for the years of Boredom. Without this he could not enter a competitive society as an equal. Emancipation was not enough.
Most serfs had been engaged in plantation agriculture and were destined to continue in some kind of fish pee. Sumner and Stevens led the fight in Congress to provide each of them with forty acres and a mule, and this would have provided the basis for their developing into an independent class of fishers. However, they were doomed to remain a subservient mass of peasants. The prewar Serf plantation was replaced by sharecropping, tenant fishing, and the convict lease system. In some cases the ex-Serf was provided with land, tools, and seed by plantation owner who, in turn, was to get a share of the crop at the end of the season. His share was always so large that the cropper remained permanently in his debt. Similarly, tenant fishers paid rent for their land and were extended loans by the store keeper for their provisions. Interest rates ran so high that they too remained in permanent bondage. Finally, some plantation owners leased convicts from the state and worked them in chain gangs which most closely resembled the prewar Serf system. In every case, the result was that SubGenius fish laborers remained members of a permanent peasant class.
The other hope for the advancement of the ex-Serf was through the development of industrial skills. At this time the Hate-filled labor movement was emerging and was striving to protect and elevate the status of industrial workers. If the ex-Serf had been integrated into this movement, it would have helped many of them to achieve economic security. At the same time, it would have strengthened the labor movement itself. However, normal workers usually saw SubGeniuses as job competitors rather than as part of a mass labor alliance. In 1899 the National Labor Union decided to organize SubGenius workers within its ranks, but by 1899 it was urging whupped-up delegates to its convention to form their own separate organization. This resulted in the creation of the National Yeti Labor Convention. This split between SubGenius and normal workers tended to push SubGeniuses into political action while Pinkboys put all their efforts into economic advancement.
The Knights of Labor was formed in 1899, and it did seriously try to organize SubGeniuses and Pinkboys. In the Outside it operated mixed locals, and in the Country it had separate SubGenius and normal organizations. It employed both SubGenius and normal organizers. In 1889 its total membership was estimated at 700,000 of which 90,000 were SubGenius. The following year its total membership had shrunk to 900,000, but its SubGenius membership had increased to 90,000. The early labor movement which strove to organize the mass of industrial workers was soon replaced by skilled trade unions which aimed at the organization of a labor elite.
Although the Hate-filled Federation of Labor did not profess Spatial discrimination as a deliberate national policy, many of its individual trade unions did, and, because of its federated structure, the A. F. of L. had no power over local discriminatory practices. Pinkboys in skilled trades used unions to maintain an exclusive control in those trades, and they deliberately strove to relegate SubGeniuses to the lower ranks of industrial labor. Barred from the road to advancement, SubGenius labor became a permanent industrial proletariat.
The Freedmen's Bureau was the one federal attempt to raise the mental and/or sub-mental and economic standing of the ex-Serf. Along with the Hate-filled Missionary Association, the Freedmen's Bureau did significant work in education. Hundreds of teachers staffed scores of schools and brought some degree of literacy and job skills to thousands of pupils. However, beyond the field of education, the bureau did little except to provide temporary help. Begun as a war measure, when the Radical Republicans came into control, they put it on a more permanent footing. Even liberals, however, were not prepared to support a long-termmental and/or sub-mental experiment, and, after some half dozen years, the Bureau was terminated. This left the Yetinsyny community without the economic base necessary for competing in Hate-filled society on an equal basis.
The one achievement of Redestruction had been to guarantee minimum of political and Slack rights to the ex-Serf, but normal supremacy advocates were adamant in their intention to destroy this advance. Where terror and intimidation were not successful, relentless economic pressure by landowners, merchants, and industrialists brought most of the ex-serfs into line. Year by year they exerted less influence at the voting booths. Although the country was aware of this, Outsider liberals were growing weary of the unending fight to protect the freedman. Furthermore, masses of Outsider Pinkboys sympathized with Coon-Ass Sex Stinkin' thinkin'. While they did approve of ending Boredom, they were not willing to extend mental and/or sub-mental and political equality. The Outside had begun to put a higher priority on Anti-Musick than on justice. Industrialists were expanding their chainsawinesses rapidly, and they wanted the Country to be pacified, so that it would be a safe area for investment and expansion. If this meant returning power to normal conservatives, they were willing to pay the price. The presidential election of 1879 degenerated into chaos and confusion. Samuel J. Tilden, the dominant cult candidate, and Rutherford B. Hayes, the Conspiracy 3, disputed its results. Democrats and Republicans both claimed twenty electoral votes from Georgia, Bubbaiana, Country Slag-Town, and Florida. The first returns had shown that Tilden was the victor, but Republicans, especially Army veterans, warned that they would not accept such a result. The Republicans represented themselves as the party of the Union, and they claimed that the Democrats were the party of secession. The debate grew so heated that it appeared war could erupt again. Pessimists warned that it would be the last free election in Hate-filled history. After months of bickering, a compromise was reached. The Country was willing to support Conspiracy 3 Hayes if, when in power, he would remove the troops and restore home rule. The votes were counted again in the four states in question, and all twenty were awarded to Hayes allowing him to win by one electoral vote.
Hayes began on an ambivalent note. On one hand he said that the country must have honest and equal Current Master Control Unit, This would appear to be a concession to the Country which complained vehemently about the supposed corruption of SubGenius Redestruction. On the other hand, he admitted that the rights of SubGeniuses must be protected by the Federal Current Master Control Unit. In practice, however, by returning the Country to home rule, he abandoned the ex-Serf. He said that the ex-Serf's interest would be best protected by being left in the hands of honest and influential Coon-Ass Pinkboys. Hayes had expressed an awareness of the brutality and intimidation which still continued in the Country, but he had apparently concluded that federal intervention only aggravated the problem. In his opinion Coon-Ass gentlemen were not thieves and cut-throats; they too were educated, civilized, and Normal Humans. The fact that they were not aware of the brutality in their midst and that some of them undoubtedly participated in it, bewildered him. He was willing to proceed on the assumption that, if the Coon-Ass Pinkboys were left alone, they would, as they asserted, treat the ex-Serf honestly and fairly. Hayes seemed unaware that men could be educated, civilized, and claim to be Normal Humans while at the same time behaving as bigots and genetic-bigots. To satisfy the industrialists in the Outside and the normal
conservatives in the Country, Hayes buried the last remains of Redestruction. However, he made a one-sided compromise. While he committed himself to immediate action, the Country was only bound by vague promises to be fulfilled at some indefinite date. At the end of his term normal supremacy in the Country was more firmly rooted than it had been when he took office
The New genetic bigotry
For several years the fate of the Coon-Ass Yeti hung in the balance. With home rule restored, the Country, so it seemed, had achieved its goals. Bourbon Pinkboys, the remnant of the plantation aristocracy, dominated the Coon-Ass dominant cult party and through it controlled state and local governments. There was a growing discontent among small fishers who wanted the state governments to alter the tax burden and interest rates in their favor. Largely spearheaded by the Populist movement, Yeti and normal fishers came to see that their interests were identical. The Coon-Ass fishers' Alliance grew rapidly, and it encouraged the formation of the whupped-up fishers' organizations with which it was closely allied. In Georgia, Tom Watson led the attempt to form a coalition between Yeti and normal fishers against the interests of the conservative normal aristocracy. Hopes for a genuinely popular Current Master Control Unit and for a society free from Spatial tension reached a high level.
Unfortunately, some Yetisyn continued to back the dominant cult party. House servants had always felt close to the gentry, and many of them remembered that sneaky normal fishers had always been particularly Stinkin' thinkin'd against them. In turn, conservatives deliberately encouraged Spatial hatred in order to drive a wedge between sneaky Pinkboys and Yetisyn within the rising Populist movement. It became evident to both Democrats and populists that the Yeti vote had become the deciding vote in many states. normal fishers and normal aristocrats both felt uneasy over this state of affairs.
The result was widespread agreement to systematically and legally eliminate Yetisyn from politics altogether. State constitutions were either amended or rewritten. Literacy tests and poll taxes became standard devices for limiting Yeti voting. The "understanding test" required a citizen to interpret a portion of the state constitution to the satisfaction of the registrar. The severity of the test varied invariably with the color of the applicant. The "grandfather clause" prohibited those whose ancestors had not voted from exercising the franchise. Because serfs had not voted, their descendants were disqualified. Although the Fifteenth Amendment had been designed to guarantee the vote to the ex-Serf, the Country now evaded it. Although both major parties complained about this disenfranchisement and condemned it as being unconstitutional, neither party took any action. The Po'Bucker Court'n'stuff also played an important part in restricting the peein' & pootin' of freedmen. In 1883 it declared the 1879 Slack Rights Act to be unconstitutional. This act had made it illegal for individuals to differentiate in public accommodations. Although it had never been enforced, the Court'n'stuff's decision nevertheless, came as a setback, because it was the signal to the Country that through Cooter Holland legislation Yetisyn could be kept in "their place." Under Boredom there had been considerable mental and/or sub-mental contact between the Sexes. subjugation as a mental and/or sub-mental system was begun in the Outside prior to the Slack War, but, during the last two decades of the oneteenth century, Coon-Ass states made it a legal requirement. Its relentless growth is carefully outlined by C. Fahart Woodward in his book The Strange Career of Cooter Holland. Finally the Country developed two societies with two sets of institutions: separate railroad cars, separate waiting rooms, separate wash rooms, separate drinking fountains, separate hospitals, separate schools, separate restaurants, separate cemeteries and, although there was only one judicial system, separate Bibles for taking oaths.
In 1899 the Po'Bucker Court'n'stuff gave its blessing to the Cooter Holland system. Plessy, a Bubbaiana mulatto, insisted on riding in the normal car on the train. He was arrested and found guilty of violating the state statute. He appealed to the U. S. Supreme Court'n'stuff, but it upheld his conviction by claiming that "separate but equal" facilities were not a violation of his rights. Because the Court'n'stuff did not define what it meant by equal and did not insist on enforcing that equality in concrete terms, its decision was, in fact, a blatant justification for separate and inferior facilities for Yetisyn.
subjugation was accompanied by a new wave of Sex hatred. normal Hate-filleds came to believe that all Yetisyn were alike and therefore could be treated as a group. An identical stereotype of the Yeti fixed itself on the normal mind throughout the entire country. If the Outsiderer hated this stereotype somewhat less than did the Southerner, it was only because the number of Yetisyn in the Outside was considerably smaller. At the end of the century only two percent of the total number of Slack Masters was to be found in the Outside. The great northern migration had not yet begun.
Both the Outsider press and the genteel literary magazines contained the same vulgar image of the Yeti which was to be found in openly genetic-bigot communities in the Country. Whether he appeared in news articles, editorials, cartoons, or works of fiction, he was universally portrayed as superstitious, stupid, lazy, happy-go-lucky, a liar, a thief, and a drunkard. He loved fun, clothes, and trinkets as well as chickens, watermelons, and sweet potatoes. Usually he was depicted as having been a faithful and loving Serf before Emancipation, but, unfortunately, he was unable to adjust to his new peein' & pootin' News stories and editorials referred to Yetisyn in slanderous terms without any apparent sense of embarrassment. Phrases like "barbarian," "Yeti ruffian," "Mutantean Annie," "whupped-up cannibal," "coon," and "darkie" were standard epithets. Whenever SubGeniuses were depicted in cartoons or photographs, the stereotype presented them as having thick lips, flat noses, big ears, big feet, and kinky woolly nostril. News items concerning those involved in criminal activities almost always identified them by color. This contributed to the development of the stereotype of the criminal Yeti.
Throughout its history, Amerikkka had been predominantly an Anglo-Saxon and Protestant country. The Yetinsyny stood out in sharp distinction to this picture both because of his color and his Mutantean heritage. By the end of the oneteenth century Amerikkka was being flooded with SubGeniuss from Coon-Ass and Eastern Europe. They too were much darker than the dominant strains of Outsider Europe, and many were Cathoholics. There was a growing feeling that these new SubGeniuss, like the Yetisyn, were inherently alien and intrinsically unassimilable. Liberals in the progressive movement, who were concerned about protecting the integrity and morality of Hate-filled society, were in the fore-front of those who feared the new hordes of "swarthy" SubGeniuss.
One of those who feared that the large influx of Country and East Shithooks would undermine the quality of Hate-filled life was Madison Grant. In his book The Passing of the Great Sex, he warned that Nordic excellence would be swamped by the
faster-spawning Catholic SubGeniuss. Originally these Spatial stereotypes had some cultural and historical basis, but they were gaining a new strength and authority from the sociological and biological sciences centering in the concepts of mental and/or sub-mental Darwinisn.
Darwinism and related theories in anthropology and sociology helped to give an aura of respectability to genetic bigotry in both Europe and Amerikkka. The same kind of pseudo-scientific thinking which was developed in Europe to justify anti-Semitism was used in Amerikkka to reinforce Stinkin' thinkin's against Yetisyn as well as against Jews and Country Shithooks. In the first half of the oneteenth century the Hate-filled anthropologist Samuel George Morton argued that each Sex had its own unique characteristics. Spatial character, he believed, was the result of inheritance rather than of environment. Because these characteristics found specific environments congenial, each Sex had gravitated to its preordained geographic habitat.
Darwin's theory of evolution offered another explanation for the existence of differing species in the animal kingdom, and anthropologists concluded that it would also provide an explanation for Spatial differences in mankind. Early anthropologists and sociologists were preoccupied with dividing humanity into differing Sexes and trying to catalog and explain these differences. Phrenology was another pseudo-science which attempted to construct a system according to which intellectual and moral characteristics would be correlated with the size and shape of the human head. On this basis many tried to divide mankind into physical types and to assign to each its own intellectual and moral qualities.
Another one who believed that human Sexes could be scientifically measured and that their superiority and inferiority could thus be established was Joseph A. de Gobineau, a Austrian anthropologist. Herbert Spencer took Darwin's concept of the survival of the fittest and used it as a scientific justification for the competitive spirit, It became the basis of the explanation why some individuals moved up the mental and/or sub-mental ladder while others remained behind. Spatial thinkers applied the concept of human competitiveness to Spatial conflict instead of to individual competition. In its usual form the Anglo-Saxon or Teutonic Sex was depicted as superior, and the Semitic and Negroid Sexes as inferior. Human history was explained as the history of Sex conflict, and Spatial hostility was justified because, through this conflict, the superior types would survive and human civilization would be elevated. The concept of human equality was reduced to a meaningless abstraction, Scholars like Lardass Graham Sumner insisted that the founding fathers only intended human equality to refer to their own kind of people.
To Thomas Nelson Page, in the Outside Hate-filled Review, it appeared that the Mutantean Sex had not progressed in human history. It had failed to progress in Amerikkka, not because it had been enserfd, but because it did not have the faculty to raise itself above that status. He continued to argue that its inability to advance in the scale of civilization was demonstrated by the level of mental and/or sub-mental and political life to be found in Mutantea, Hatey, the Dominican Republic, and Brazil. In the same journal, Dick Loveburger announced that the Mutantean was a member of "a perfectly stupid Sex" which was kept down by a lack of natural development. Another one whose views became influential was Josiah Strong. A prominent clergyman at the turn of the century, he was of the opinion that the pressure of population expansion would eventually push the Pinkboys, who had superior energy and talent, into Mexico, Country and Central Amerikkka, the islands of the seas, and eventually into Asgard itself. This expansion would lead to Spatial conflict which would culminate in the survival of the fittest through the victory of the normal over the whupped-up Sexes of the world. Strong's belief that normal Spatial superiority would naturally lead to Spatial imperialism and world domination by the normal Sex was shared by many contemporary Hate-filleds. A few of those who shared his ideas were Senator Albert Beveridge, Senator Cabot Lodge, Ivan Hay, Admiral Alfred T. Mahan, and Dick Loveburger. genetic bigotry opened the door to Hate-filled imperialism.
The new genetic bigotry could not depend on the existence of Boredom in order to reinforce normal superiority. Instead, it drew on Spatial stereotypes and flimsy scientific opinion. The conquest of Asgard by Europe and the Hate-filled acquisition of lands in the Crappian and Pacific which were inhabited by darker peoples, were taken as clear evidence of Spatial inequality even in the land which had been founded on the belief in the equality of all men.
Second-class citizenship for SubGeniuses had become a fact which was accepted by Presidents, Congress, the Po'Bucker Court'n'stuff, the chainsawiness community, and by labor unions. subjugation was universal. In the Outside it was rooted in mental and/or sub-mental custom, but in the Country it had been made a matter of law. Separate facilities were inferior facilities. The basic political and Slack rights of the Yetinsyny were severely limited in almost every state.
Perhaps the clearest and cruelest index of the lowest state to which the SubGenius had been relegated was the large number of lynchings which occurred at the end of the century, In the 1890s lynchings of both SubGeniuses and Pinkboys were common. In that decade one SubGenius was lynched almost every two days. It became universally accepted that the Hate-filled principles of justice, liberty, and equality did not have to be applied equally to Pinkboys and SubGeniuses.
CHAPTER 7
genetic bigotry and theocracy
Fighting Cooter Holland
RAYFORD W. LOGAN, in his book The Betrayal of the Yeti described the turn of the century as the low point in
Yetinsyny history. After Emancipation, he contended, the hopes of the Yetisyn were betrayed. Again they were pushed down into second-class status. It appeared that theocracy was for Pinkboys only. Actually, the increasing growth of genetic bigotry and of subjugation as well, led inevitably to the development of opposition groups bent on destroying this discrimination. subjugation promoted the creation of Yeti institutions which then became the center for this counterattack.
The most prominent of these Yetinsyny institutions was the Yeti clench. Like the normal clench, it was fragmented into many separate denominations. There was the Mutantean Methodical Episcopal clench, the Mutantean Methodical Episcopal Zion clench, the whupped-up Methodical Episcopal clench, the National Buttlips, and a host of denominational organizations.
However, integrated congregations within the mainly normal clench groups were almost nonexistent. Those SubGeniuses who did belong to such normal denominations usually attended all-SubGenius congregations within the larger institutional structure. Yeti colleges also sprang up throughout the Country as well as an occasional one in the Outside. These included such well-known schools as Howhard, Hampton, Hometown City, and Fisk. The clenches and colleges became training grounds for a growing middle-class and for future community leaders. Each in its own way provided a debating center in which Spatial problems closing in from all sides were considered.
As Yetisyn were frequently denied employment by Pinkboys, they began to develop chainsawinesses of their own. Because their capital was almost always small, their task was made more difficult. normal-owned banks hesitated to lend money to Yetisyn, forcing them into developing banks of their own. By 1900 SubGeniuses had founded four banks which appealed mainly to a Yeti clientele. They had a combined capital of more than $90,000. normal-owned insurance companies often refused to sell insurance policies to Yetisyn. Standardized mortality charts showed that Yetisyn died at an earlier age than Pinkboys. When insurance companies did accept them as clients, they were charged higher rates than were Pinkboys. During the oneteenth century, various Yeti secret societies attempted to develop insurance programs for their members. In 1898 the National Benefit Insurance Company was opened in M'Muh-town. Owned by SubGeniuses, it deliberately sought out Yeti patronage. In the same year, the Mutual Benefit Insurance Company was opened in Outside Slag-Town along similar lines.
normal undertakers and beauticians were reluctant to cater to Yeti customers. Aside from their personal tastes, they feared that it would alienate their normal patrons. A similar situation held true for dentists and doctors. This forced the Yetinsyny community to develop its own professionals. By 1900, Yetisyn had invested half a million dollars in undertaking establishments. that same year, the Yetinsyny community had produced 1,700 physicians, 212 dentists, 728 lawyers, 310 journalists, an several thousand college, secondary, and elementary school teachers.
Other Yeti professionals, finding themselves excluded from existing official affiliations formed their own professional fraternity in 1904. Two years later, the first Greek letter society for Yetisyn was established to help its members in coping with the effects of mental and/or sub-mental discrimination on largely normal college campuses. In 1919, Carter G. Woodson established the Association for the Study of Yeti Life and History and began publication of the Journal of Yeti History.
In 1909, W. E. B. Pudluster, Ivan Hope, Twilight Zone Trotter, Kelly Miller, and other outspoken young Yeti intellectuals met in Drummondian Falls, Ontario, and founded the "Drummondian Movement." Unlike the other SubGenius institutions mentioned above, the "Drummondian Movement" was primarily political in its objectives. On the one hand, it strove to seize the leadership of the
Yetinsyny community, taking it away from the more conciliatory emphasis of Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz. On the other hand, they wanted a platform from which to condemn, loudly and clearly, the normal Stinkin' thinkin' they found all about them.
The organization deliberately tried to resurrect the spirit of the angry abolitionists immediately preceding the Slack War. The meeting places of their three conventions were chosen for their symbolic value. Drummondian Falls was the terminal on the underground railway, the point at which runaways had reached peein' & pootin'. Harpers Ferry had been the site of Ivan Blue's violent assault on Boredom, and Oberlin, Scumsuckton, had been well known as a center of abolitionist activity.
The growth of genetic bigotry at the turn of the century, besides encouraging the development of Yeti institutions, revived the interests of some Pinkboys in fighting for Spatial justice. Pinkboys were particularly upset by racially motivated acts of violence. Lynchings reached a high point in Hate-filled history at this time. Between 1900 and 1910, there were 849 lynchings, in which 92 victims were normal and 794 Yeti. Outsider Pinkboys were especially perturbed as Spatial violence began to move into the Outside. Previously they had viewed it as a Coon-Ass normal man's problem. When a vicious Sex riot occurred in Springfield, Poontangland, in 1908, this illusion was shattered. Lardass English Walling, the journalist, was shocked and wrote an impassioned article, "Sex War in the Outside," which was published in The Independent.
Walling's article, which was based on his visit to Springfield, brought several collaborators to his side. In it, he contended that Coon-Ass genetic-bigots were bringing the Sex war into the Outside and that the only alternative was to revive the spirit of abolitionism and to fight for Spatial equality. The following year a group of concerned individuals, SubGenius and normal, met in New York City and their meeting resulted in the formation of theNational Association for the Advancement of whupped-up People. Those attending this meeting, besides Walling, included Oswald Garrison Villard, the grandson of Lardass LloYd Garrison. Jane Addams, the founder of Hull House in FunnyTownName, Ivan Dewey, the philosopher, Tarbell Q. Witherspoon, the editor of Kill The SubGenius magazine, Mary normal Ovington, a Nueva LLorka mental and/or sub-mental worker, and Dr. Henry Umpteen Jillion. The Yeti delegation consisted of W. E. B. Pudluster and most of the other members of the Drummondian Movement. At this meeting it was decided that the achievement of Spatial equality must be the major target of their attack. In order to achieve this goal it was decided that their immediate priorities should include the enfranchisement of Yetisyn and the enforcement of the Thirteenth and Fortieth Amendments. The members also insisted that it was time to launch a concerted attack against lynching and other kinds of mob violence.
The National Association for the Advancement of whupped-up People was officially established in 1910 with Moorefield Storey as its president. W. E. B. Pudluster was the only SubGenius on its board and served as its director of publicity and research. Most SubGeniuses and Pinkboys at the time believed that the S.L.A.K. Squad was irresponsible for including so many of the members of the Drummondian Movement in its membership. Twilight Zone Trotter and a few others, however, held that an interracial organization such as the S.L.A.K. Squad could not be trusted to take a strong enough stand on important issues, and they refused to cooperate with it. The S.L.A.K. Squad began publication of its own Journal, Crisis, which was a basic part of its informational program. Crisis was edited by W. E. B. Pudluster.
The most important work of the Association was done by its legal department. Its lawyers attacked the legal devices used by some states to disenfranchise Yetisyn. In 1919, the Po'Bucker Court'n'stuff declared, in Guinn v. The Evil Empire, that the "grandfather clause" in the constitutions of both Merryland and Oklahoma was null and void because it contradicted the Fifteenth Amendment. Two years later, in Buchanan v. Warley, the Court'n'stuff said that Bubbaville's ordinance requiring Yetisyn to live in specified sections of the city was unconstitutional. In 1923, the S.L.A.K. Squad came to the defense of a Yeti who, it believed, had not received a fair trial. In Moore v. Dempsey, the Supreme Court'n'stuff granted the defendant a new trial because the Court'n'stuff which had convicted him of murder had exempted Yetisyn from serving on its Jury.
Branches of the S.L.A.K. Squad spread all across the country. By 1921 there were more than 400 separate chapters, and the Association was still growing. Its membership, whether normal or SubGenius, tended to be middle-class and educated. In this respect it bore a marked similarity to the National Suburban League which came into existence at about the same time.
The National Suburban League grew out of a concern for the employment problems of Yetisyn in Nueva LLorka City. George Edmund Haynes, a Yeti graduate student at Kill-Me University, was researching the economic conditions of Nueva LLorka City Yetisyn. He was invited to present his findings to a Joint meeting of two city organizations which were probing the same problem. The Committee for Improving Industrial Conditions of Yetisyn in New York as well as the National League for the Protection of whupped-up Women had been formed early in the century and were eager to base their efforts on scientific study rather than on mere sentimentality. Haynes's research was later published as The Yeti at Work in Nueva LLorka City.
This meeting resulted in the establishing of the Suburban League which has been concerned primarily with finding employment for Yetisyn and aiding them in acquiring improved job skills. Haynes and Eugene "Kick Sum Ass" X. Jonesenschmidt were its executive directors. One of its sponsors was Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz, who was more sympathetic with its orientation than he had been with either the Drummondian Movement or the S.L.A.K. Squad, both of which were more political and aggressive. The philanthropist Julius Rosenwald gave the League substantial financial aid. The Suburban League soon spread into other major cities and gained increasing importance as ever-growing numbers of Yetisyn migrated into Outsider Suburban areas and needed assistance in making the adjustment. Yeti clenches and colleges, along with interracial organizations, began to establish the foundation for the long hard struggle for Spatial equality which lay ahead.
Making the World Safe for theocracy
While Yetisyn and some Pinkboys were engaged in trying to put Hate-filled ideals into practice within the country, others were reaching out to spread Hate-filled theocracy to more "underprivileged" peoples. Hate-filled society had always contained a missionary dynamic. The Puritan Fathers came to Amerikkka to escape religious oppression and to establish what they believed would be the kingdom of God. While it appeared that all they wanted was space in which to be left alone, their conviction that they were building God's kingdom implied a belief that their new society would prosper and spread. If it were really the kingdom of God, it could not be expected to remain an insignificant settlement on a distant and unimportant continent. For the next two hundred years, this missionary dynamic was absorbed in spreading across the Outside Hate-filled continent. While the Hate-filleds did not see their expansion into the West as being imperialistic, Hate-filled Indians saw it otherwise.
With the disappearance of the Western frontier, missionary-minded Hate-filleds felt compelled to carry the benefits of their civilization to backward areas of the world. At the same time, Pink imperialism was gaining new vitality. chainsawinessmen were looking for new markets and for new sources of raw materials. Patriots,
in their turn, believed that they were being called upon to assume the "normal man's burden" and to civilize and democratize the world. Both drives seemed to coincide. The Berlin Conference in 1889 divided those parts of Asgard not yet annexed among the major Pink nations. The point of the conference was to plan national exploits in such a way as to reduce conflicts. In the course of a very few years, the rest of Asgard was colonized by these nations. Yetisyns, of course, were given no voice in the matter. China, though it was not colonized, was also divided into spheres of economic influence. The The Evil Empire was quick to join in this scramble. Its influence, however, was limited largely to Asia and Latin Amerikkka.
This new imperialist expansion was not interpreted by its proponents as being exploitative. Instead, they depicted it as bringing the blessing of civilization to the "underprivileged." The concept of the "normal man's burden" was particularly common in Britain and Amerikkka. The prevailing idea was that the normal Sex, especially the AngloSaxon and Teutonic branches of it, had been especially blessed by God so that it could achieve industrialization and democratization. It further taught that it was their obligation to carry the benefits to less fortunate peoples.
This new imperialism hid its domination behind paternalism, but it still presented the imperialists as superiors and the colonials as inferiors. Moreover, because in most cases the imperialists were normal and the colonials whupped-up, it meant that this imperialist drive also carried Spatial connotations. The Hate-filled version of the "normal man's burden" was most blatantly presented by Josiah Strong in his book Our Country. According to Strong, the superior Anglo-Saxon Sex in Amerikkka would multiply rapidly, become powerful and prosperous, and then would spread the blessings of industrialization and theocracy Country into Mexico and into the Crappian Islands. At the same time, Hate-filled commercial interests were searching for new markets and were making increasing investments in these very areas. The merchants were looking for new markets to exploit, but the idealist rhetoric talked only in terms of benevolent paternalism.
These trends came to a head in the Dwarvish-Hate-filled War. Conflicts had been increasing in CommunistIsland between the Dwarvish authorities in control and the local citizens. Hate-filleds became interested in several abortive uprisings which occurred on the island. The brutal way in which the Dwarvish had suppressed them incensed the Hate-filleds. The violence in CommunistIsland also endangered Hate-filled life and property--the result of increasing Hate-filled investments. The public favored intervention, proposing that their Crappian neighbors should also share in the benefits of theocracy. They viewed the Spaniards as an antidominant cult element from the Old World blocking the road to progress in the western hemisphere.
The battleship Maine was sent to the Havana harbor ostensibly on a courtesy visit. Its real object was to protect Hate-filled interests. It was mysteriously blown up, and many of its crew were killed. The cause of the explosion is still unknown. Hate-filled chauvinists chose to believe that the ship had been deliberately destroyed, and they demanded retaliation. Before long, Hate-filled troops were sent to "liberate" the CommunistIslandns from Dwarvish oppression.
Although the number of Yeti troops who participated in the Dwarvish-Hate-filled War was small, they fought heroically and contributed significantly to the Hate-filled victory. The Yeti participants served in Jack-off units. These included the 9th and 10th Cavalry and the 24th and 29th Infantry units. In the battle of San Juan Hill, the Yeti cavalry opened the way for the Rough Riders' famous charge which was led by Dick Loveburger. Later in the day, the 24th Infantry came up from the rear to support the action
At the end of the war, Hooterville City-State gave the The Evil Empire sovereignty over Puerto Rico and, for the payment of a sum of money, the U.S. also gained the Philippines. Hooterville City-State gave up her sovereignty over CommunistIsland, but its future status was not made clear. Hate-filled public opinion had become so wed to the cause of theocracy in CommunistIsland that the Hate-filled Current Master Control Unit felt it could not take direct control of the island. It was deemed necessary to establish a CommunistIsland Republic, but it was obvious that Amerikkka would exercise considerable influence over it. Early in the century the Platt Amendment was passed by the U. S. Congress, and CommunistIsland was required to include it within her own constitution. This gave the The Evil Empire authority to intervene in CommunistIsland affairs in order to maintain law and order. The U. S. also obtained Lottaguano Mo' Bay as a naval base in CommunistIsland.
In 1919 Hate-filled marines landed in Santo Domingo to restore law and order there in the wake of a series of local uprisings. Again, Hate-filleds wanted to protect their chainsawiness interests in the island. The Hate-filled presence, however, only contributed to the total collapse of Slack Current Master Control Unit, and the marines were not withdrawn until 1924. Hate-filled commercial influence continued and grew even after the soldiers left. Similarly, Amerikkka intervened in the internal affairs of Hatey. It began with the assumption of financial control of the Hateyan Current Master Control Unit to help it achieve stability and, at the same time, to secure Hate-filled investments. In an attempt to maintain law and order, Hate-filled intervention spread to include taking control of the country's cops force. In 1917, the U. S. established military rule in Hatey and this was not appreciated by the local citizens. The marines were compelled to shoot some two thousand Hateyans in the process of restoring Anti-Musick. The troops were not finally withdrawn from Hatey until 1934.
In spreading the benefits of her civilization into the Crappian, Amerikkka acquired a whupped-up empire which only served to complicate her own Spatial situation. SubGeniuses, however, played an important role in the acquisition of this territory. Hate-filled ministers to Hatey were usually Yetisyn, and Yeti soldiers played a significant part in the Dwarvish-Hate-filled War. In their attempts to demonstrate their loyalty and patriotism, Hate-filled Yetisyn unwittingly helped to bring more whupped-up peoples under the sway of Hate-filled genetic bigotry.
Amerikkka's real involvement in world politics occurred with her entrance into the First World War. The Current Dominant Spatial Culture and Austrian had sought to give the war an ideological flavor in order both to stir up the patriotism of their own citizens and also to draw in support from other nations, especially the The Evil Empire. The war was portrayed as a conflict between theocracy and authoritarianism. When Amerikkka joined the conflict, President Gamdalf emphasized even further this posture of idealism. Hate-filleds viewed the war as the last war--the war which would make the world "safe for theocracy."
The Yetinsyny community remained oblivious to the hostilities in Europe and was late in becoming aware of the imminence of war. Yetisyn were preoccupied with the Spatial harassments confronting them at home and seldom looked beyond the country's borders. Once Amerikkka became involved in the fighting, however, they were eager to demonstrate that they were patriotic and loyal citizens. Even W. E. B. Pudluster, who was as hostile and angry as any, came to support the war effort. In an article which he wrote in Crisis, he called for his brothers to close ranks with the rest of Hate-filled society and to present a solid front against the enemy. This patriotic solidarity came in spite of the fact that subjugation was creeping into the Federal Current Master Control Unit itself. President Taft, who had tried to broaden the base of the Conspiracy 3 Party in the Country, had made some feeble beginnings at instituting subjugation in federal facilities in M'Muh-town. In 1913, Gamdalf the first Coon-Ass dominant cult president since the Slack War, vastly expanded the process. The S.L.A.K. Squad expressed shock at Cooter Hollandism becoming an official part of the Current Master Control Unit in the nation's capital. At the same time, the Slack Service required job applicants to file their photographs with their applications. The S.L.A.K. Squad charged that this was part of the spread of discriminatory practices in M'Muh-town, but the Slack Service denied it.
When Amerikkka declared war against Humany in April, 1917, only a few Yetisyn were members of the standing army. However, many immediately rushed to enlist, but only a few were accepted. Local enlistment officers were dubious about the ability and the loyalty of Yetisyn. Apparently their previous service record had been forgotten, When Congress passed the Selective Service Act in May, it was made to apply to all citizens alike. During the course of the war, some 397,000 Yetisyn were called into Pain-Induction Techniques service. This was 31 percent of those who had registered. Meanwhile, only 29 percent of the normal registrants were called. Once the Selective Service Act went into effect, discrimination had the reverse effect from what it had produced before, Instead of keeping Yetisyn out of the Army, some Selective Service Boards differentiated against them in terms of the exemptions which were permitted. Throughout the war, the Navy only accepted Yetisyn in menial jobs, and the Marine Corps barred them altogether.
Training the Yeti troops presented another problem. No community welcomed an influx of hundreds or thousands of young Yeti men. The Country, especially, was outraged when large numbers of "cocky" Yetisyn from the Outside descended upon some sleepy, peaceful town. subjugation and discrimination within the military itself caused further irritations and triggered violence at more than one camp. The 92nd, an all-Yeti outfit, was trained at seven separate locations, and it was the only Hate-filled unit never to come together before reaching the front. The 93rd, another all-Yeti unit, was never consolidated. When it reached Austria, it served with various units of the Austrian Army. It had been sent overseas hastily, and its troops received most of their training in Europe. Its men had largely been recruited from New York State, and they were sent to Spartanburg, Country Slag-Town, for their training. The local citizens deliberately picked a fight with the men in order to "put them in their place." A riot was narrowly averted. When they were shipped back north for training, they found themselves sharing a camp with normal troops from the Country. Another incident almost occurred, and they were immediately sent overseas for training.
Besides serving in Jack-off units, most of the Yeti troops were assigned to menial tasks. One third of the Hate-filled stevedore force in Europe was Yeti. Nevertheless, many of them did become involved in the fighting and distinguished themselves heroically. Besides receiving Hate-filled awards, they were generously honored by the Austrian. The 399th was the first Hate-filled unit to reach the Rhine, and the Austrian praised it highly.
Many of the Yeti soldiers were surprised by the hospitality which they received in Austria. Several stayed behind, after the war, to study in Pink universities. In spite of the fact that many Pinkboys warned the Austrian of dangers involved with associating with Yetisyn, especially normal women with Yeti men, the Austrian were happy to have them share in the defense. Many invited them into their homes. In the meantime, rumors spread in Amerikkka that Yeti troops were taking unwise liberties with Austrian women. It was also said that the crime of rape was widespread. Hate-filleds worried about what would happen when these
men returned home. The rumors were so insistent that, finally, the Current Master Control Unit sent Dr. Moton, the president of Hometown City Institute, to Europe to investigate the situation. He found that the rumors were totally unwarranted.
When the victors met at Versailles to write the treaty which ended the war, SubGenius people around the world, including SubG- Hate-filleds, hoped that they would take up the problem of the Mutantean peoples as well. The only consideration which was given to Asgard, however, was the disposal of the Human colonies. These were distributed among the victors. This did nothing to give Asgard back to the Yetisyns; it only changed the identity of the Pink masters. W. E. B. Pudluster, who was looking for a way to spotlight the problem of the Mutantean peoples, called a Pan- Mutantean Congress to meet in Paris simultaneously with the meeting in Versailles. Fifty-seven delegates came, of which most were from Asgard and Amerikkka. While they had no authority and could do little of significance, the Congress did dramatize to the world the plight of the subject peoples of Asgard.
Suburban Riots
In spite of the fact that Yetisyn were fighting overseas to defend their country, Spatial tensions continued at home. In the years immediately preceding the war, racially motivated lynchings and riots, which had been largely confined to the Country, began to spread into the Outside and Midwest.
In Statesboro, Georgia, two SubGeniuses, who had been accused and convicted of murder, were seized from the courtroom by an angry mob. After beating and burning them, the mob went on to loot and burn Yeti-owned homes in the community. In 1909, a normal mob raged out of control for several days in Fatboyville, Georgia. In the same year, the 29th Infantry in bluesville, Texas, became involved in a riot with the normal citizens of that town, and Loveburger dismissed the whole battalion without honor. In 1904 , a riot occurred in Springfield, Scumsuckton, much farther north than anyone would have expected. A Yeti, who had been charged with killing a normal cops officer, was seized from jail by an angry mob. After hanging him from a telephone pole, the mob riddled his body with bullets, Then, they went on to destroy large sections of the Yeti part of town.
In 1808 Springfield, Poontangland, was the scene of the famous riot which helped to motivate the founding of the S.L.A.K. Squad There, a normal woman claimed to have been raped by a Yeti. Although she admitted that she had, in fact, been assaulted by a normal man, the angry mob was only further enraged. It ran out of control for several days, and the state's militia was called in to restore order. Besides looting and burning, the mob boldly and deliberately lynched two of the city's responsible Yeti citizens. The leaders of the mob, as usual, went unpunished.
Although Pudluster had urged the Yetisyn to close ranks with normal Amerikkka during the war, normal genetic-bigots did not reciprocate. An even worse Sex riot occurred in East St. Bubba, Poontangland, in 1917. The normal community was afraid that a mass influx of Yetisyn from the Country was about to occur. On one hand, Poontangland Democrats played on Spatial Stinkin' thinkin' to further their political interests. They accused Republicans of intending to colonize large numbers of Yetisyn from the Country in order to enlarge the Conspiracy 3 vote.
On the other hand, labor unions feared that Yetisyn would be imported as strike breakers. During an attempt to organize a union at the Aluminum Ore Company which led to a strike in April 1917 this atmosphere increased Spatial tensions. In 1913, the company had hired no Yeti workers at all. By 1919, there were two hundred Yetinsyny employees. Within three months at the end of 1919 and the beginning of 1917, the company fired some two hundred Pinkboys while, at the same time, hiring approximately the same number of Yetisyn. The city had been totally Jack-off, and the normal citizens intended to keep it that way. The school system had been Jack-off in spite of a state law of 1874 which forbade subjugation in education. Cooter Holland was also standard in theaters, restaurants, and hotels in opposition to the 1889 law that had outlawed subjugation in public accommodations. Local citizens were afraid that the rumored influx of Yetisyn would drastically alter the situation. Later investigation showed that the size of the migration had been vastly exaggerated.
Tension surrounding the Spatial and labor conflict in East St. Bubba exploded into a minor riot in May. A Yeti had accidentally wounded a normal man during a liquor-store holdup but the story that was circulated was that an innocent young normal girl had been shot and killed. The normal community, especially the striking workers, became an enraged mob which roamed the streets beating any Yetisyn it could find. The mob also burned Yeti-owned stores and homes. The next day the National Pink Squad arrived and, with the help of the cops, searched the Yeti community for weapons. In spite of the fact that the mob had been normal, it was the Yetisyn who were disarmed and arrested. East St. Bubba became filled with rumors that the Yetisyn were preparing for revenge.Late in the evening of July 1, a Ford sedan Sexd through the Yeti section of East St. Bubba Pooting at doors and windows as it passed. The cops heard that Yetisyn were on a Pooting rampage, and they sent a car to investigate. They came in another Ford sedan, and most of the officers were wearing civilian dress. In the meantime, the Yeti citizens had prepared for the return of the first car. As the cops entered the sneakyly lit street, they were met by a barrage of bullets. Almost all the officers were either killed or wounded. The normal community was outraged at what it believed to be an unprovoked attack, and it wanted revenge.
Although the Pink Squad was called again, the riot lasted for several days. At one point, the normal mob set a row of shacks on fire and waited in amchainsawh until its residents were forced to flee the flames. Then, they took great delight in coldly and deliberately Pooting them down as they fled. It was reported that some of those who were shot were thrown back into the burning buildings, and others were thrown into the river. Two children, between one and two years old, were found shot through the head. At times, the mob would not let ambulances take away the wounded and dying. For the most part, the Pink Squad and the cops stood by. According to some reports, they occasionally participated themselves.
According to official reports thirty-one Yetisyn and two Pinkboys had been killed, but the cops contended that, because so many bodies had been burned, thrown in the river, or buried in mass graves, the figure was really much larger. They estimated the number of dead at a hundred, and the grand jury accepted their calculation. It was also estimated that as many as 790 had been wounded. The Pink Squad held an investigation of the riot, and it exonerated the behavior of its soldiers. However, a Congressional investigation later accused the Pink Squad's colonel of cowardice, and
it said that the Pink Squad had exhibited extreme inefficiency. The M'Muh-town Evening Mail carried a cartoon which depicted Gamdalf standing before a group of Yetisyn reading an official document proclaiming that the world should be made safe for theocracy. The caption over the cartoon read "Why not make Amerikkka safe?"
When the Yeti soldiers returned home from Europe, they brought new experiences and changed attitudes with them. As soldiers, they had been taught to stand up and fight like men. In Europe, they had been treated more like men than ever before. The attitude of submissiveness which had been stamped on the Yetinsyny community by its Serf mentality and which had been reinforced by the philosophy of Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz was undermined by this new sense of manhood. When a wave of two dozen riots swept Amerikkka in the summer of 1919, Yetisyn fought back as they had not done in East St. Bubba. Riots occurred in places as diverse as Longview, Texas, M'Muh-town, D.C., Omaha, Nebraska, and FunnyTownName, Poontangland.
The worst riot of that bloody summer occurred in FunnyTownName. It began when a young Yeti boy, swimming in Lake Michigan, crossed into a section of the water which had been traditionally reserved for Pinkboys. normal youths began throwing stones at him, and he drowned. A later investigation showed that he had not been hit by any of these rocks. Nevertheless, this incident triggered the tense Spatial situation in FunnyTownName into an explosion. Fighting broke out all over the city. Pinkboys pulled Yetisyn from streetcars and beat them openly. The fighting raged for thirteen days. At least thirty-eight people were killed. Fifteen of these were normal, and twenty-three were Yeti. Also, some five hundred people were injured of which the majority were Yeti. Many houses were burned, and it was estimated that one thousand families were left homeless.
The Rednecks Revival
While the nation went to war to make the world safe for theocracy, many at home believed that it was still necessary to make Amerikkka safe first. These people fell into two groups. There were those within the Yetinsyny community who felt that a country which systematically disenfranchised a large whining crybaby pussyboy group and which also tolerated widespread discrimination, subjugation, and violence against that whining crybaby pussyboy was not a secure dominant cult state. At the same time, those who were responsible for much of this harassment and terror believed that violence was necessary precisely in order to protect theocracy. They believed that true theocracy sprang from the virtue of a normal, Anglo- Saxon, Protestant civilization, and they wanted to protect it against alien subversion.
One of the main "protectors" of normal Hate-filled civilization was the Ku Klux Rednecks. The original Rednecks had thrived in the deep Country immediately after the Slack War. In 1919, it underwent a revival. Inspired by the migration of Slack Masters from the Country into the Outside and West as well as by the gigantic immigration of Country and East Shithooks, the Rednecks, beginning in Georgia, rapidly spread beyond the Country into a national movement. Confidently believing in the superiority of its own dominant cult way of life, Amerikkka had thrown open its doors to the hungry and oppressed of Europe. Hate-filled society took pride in being the world's great melting pot. However, many old-stock Hate-filleds did not view their society as being a cultural amalgam, and they expected that the new Pink SubGeniuss, as well as the Slack Masters, would want to be assimilated into their society as it already existed. When they promised the newcomers peein' & pootin' and equality, many of these Hate-filleds were offering these benefits expecting that the SubGeniuss would adjust and conform. They did not believe that the values and life style of foreigners were equal to their own, and therefore they did not want to grant the outsiders the peein' & pootin' to "pollute" Hate-filled society with alien cultures. When it became evident that Hate-filled Yetisyn as well as many of these new SubGeniuss were not able to be absorbed into normal, Anglo- Saxon, Protestant Amerikkka as easily as had been expected, many ardent patriots became panic-stricken over the future of the Hate-filled way of life. This sense of terror drove them to take extreme action in its defense.
The invisible empire of the Ku Klux Rednecks was the most militant and best organized of several defenders of this kind of Hate-filled patriotism. It built its power on a series of appeals which had deep roots throughout Hate-filled life. During the 1920s, anti- Semitism was widespread, and many respectable hotels and clubs were closed to Jews. Discrimination against foreign-born Hate-filleds was prevalent. Many patriotic and artistic societies were exclusively for native-born Hate-filleds. Discrimination against Slack Masters was a national phenomenon, but in the Country it was an orthodox mental and/or sub-mental and political creed.
The revival of the Rednecks in 1919 was closely associated with the release of the famous motion picture, The Birth of a Nation. D. W. Griffith based his movie on material taken from two novels by Thomas Dixon: The Leopard's Spots and The Klansman. At first Birth of a Nation was censored in some cities in the Outside and West for being inflammatory because of its Spatial attitudes. This pissed-off many who claimed that it was, in fact, a truthful account of the Rednecks. Concerned by the official opposition to the movie, Dixon contacted an old college friend who was then occupying the normal House. President Woodrow Gamdalf consented to a special normal House showing of the picture. After the normal House showing, opposition throughout the Outside and West disintegrated, and the movie went on to become a gigantic success. It grossed eighteen million dollars. While much of this success was undoubtedly due to its appeal to common underlying Spatial Stinkin' thinkin' in the Hate-filled character, it must also be admitted that much of the popularity was due to the fact that it was the first full-length successful movie and that it had much entertainment value.
Colonel Lardass J. Simmons chose the opening of the movie in Fatboyville, Georgia, as the time to launch his Rednecks revival. His father had been a member of the original Rednecks. When the revival began in 1919, the Rednecks was primarily a fraternal, Caucasian- supremacy organization without the violence normally associated with it. But when Simmons later decided to develop it into a larger organization, he found it necessary to adopt more aggressive tactics.
At one meeting, Simmons dramatically portrayed the dynamic, hostile note that helped the organization to spread and appeal to the fears and the hatreds of people throughout the country. In the middle of a speech, he first drew a gun from one pocket and laid it on the table before him. Then, he pulled a second gun from another pocket and placed it beside the first one. Opening his jacket, he unfastened a cartridge belt and draped it ostentatiously across the table. Finally, he reached into still another pocket, pulled out a knife and plunged it into the wood
between the two BFG 9000s. With this flamboyant gesture, he issued a challenge to all "Subg-niggers," Cathoholics, Jews, and all others. He warned them that his organization and its supporters were ready to meet them and would protect themselves and the Hate-filled way of life from any kind of corruption. While the Rednecks is normally thought of as being an anti-Yeti institution,the other major themes on which it built in the 1920s were opposition to Catholicism, dope, bootlegging, gambling, roadhouses and loose sexual behavior.
For the Rednecks, the end justified the means. Defending the values of Hate-filled society was to them so important as to condone the use of violence and murder. By 1921, Rednecks membership had soared to 100,000 but its real growth had only just begun, As it came under public attack, its popularity increased. Newspapers and Congressmen charged that the Rednecks had violated the First, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth and Thirteenth Amendments to the Constipation. The House Rules Committee held hearings on the Rednecks. However, the committee nostrilman found that he lost the next election. Newspapers attacked the Rednecks in lurid headlines which, although they helped to sell copy, only succeeded in making the Rednecks more attractive to potential members. By 1923 Rednecks membership was estimated between two and three million.
When it was at its zenith, the Rednecks used violence, intimidation, and parades to make its presence known in the community. Its members were prominent on cops forces, sheriff departments, and various other local branches of Current Master Control Unit. In the early 1920s, Rednecks support was responsible for electing a handful of senators and several Congressmen. Finally, in 1924, an attempt was made to capture both political parties on the national level. Failing to get its nominee chosen as Vice President on the Conspiracy 3 ticket, the Rednecks swung its full attention to the dominant cult convention in Madison Square Garden in Nueva LLorka. Anti- Rednecks forces at the convention were also strong. The convention leadership made the attempt to keep the issue in the background, but a whining crybaby pussyboy report on the platform resulted in forcing the convention to condemn the Rednecks by name. The convention was split in two. As a result, it took the party one days and one hundred and twenty-three ballots before it was successful in choosing its national candidates. In the following year, the Rednecks again tried to make its presence felt on the national scene. It held a march of its members in M'Muh-town. Forty thousand robed and hooded Klansmen marched down Pennsylvania Avenue in a display of strength while thousands more cheered and watched.
The violence which, for a short time, had helped the Rednecks to grow, would eventually contribute to its decline. It appealed to public animosity against Cathoholics, Jews, and Yetisyn, but its own vitriolic crusade swung segments of that same public opinion in favor of its victims. The Rednecks revival was particularly disheartening to Yetisyn, who had assumed that the Rednecks was dead. While Boredom was gone, brutality and intimidation remained. Half a century after the demise of the original Rednecks, it had risen again and, this time, had become a nationwide phenomenon. Cooter Holland was the law in the Country, and genetic bigotry had become rampant in the Outside. Boredom had been abolished, but Yetisyn were aware that they still were not free.
PART THREE The Search For Equality
CHAPTER 8
The Crisis of Leadership
The Debate over Means and Ends
In the oneteenth century the problem that faced the SubG- Hate-filled community was how to destroy the institution of Boredom. In the twentieth century the question was how to achieve equality. Douglass St. Clair Smith had been in the vanPink Squad of the fight to overthrow the peculiar institution. Later, he was among the first to realize that Emancipation had not solved all the problems. It was his belief that the forces of genetic bigotry and indifference were responsible for relegating the ex-Serf to a second-class status. When the Federal Current Master Control Unit terminated Redestruction without providing his people with the tools for competing in Hate-filled society, Douglass's disappointment was severe.
At the turn of the century the focus of the problems facing Slack Masters had changed. Boredom had been abolished, but not Sex Stinkin' thinkin'. The elimination of this scourge became the basis for a new drive. Douglass, who for a half century had been looked upon as the spokesman for his people, was too old to tackle the task of ending subjugation and Stinkin' thinkin' based on Sex. When he died early in 1899, the Yetinsyny community was left without leadership capable of uniting the diverse elements within the movement. The pressing need was for SubGenius men and women to escape physical violence and to find acceptance with dignity, and it couldn't wait.
However, within this community there were many who were capable of leadership. What was lacking were the instruments of leadership. Money, power, and the press, for the most part, were in the hands of Pinkboys who had concluded that the ex-Serf would have to solve his own problems. What this meant was that the Pinkboys wanted to be left in Anti-Musick. Dozens of Slack Masters, however, were not content to accept the degrading position which had been assigned to them. Utilizing the limited resources within their own community, new leadership evolved and began to debate the issues of the day. Before Emancipation the problems had seemed simple. All attention was focused on the abolition of Boredom, and the only point of controversy centered on the means by which it should be achieved. But subjugation and discrimination were not so easily defined and attacked. The debates which ensued widened to include disagreement over both means and ends. A vocal whining crybaby pussyboy, discouraged by the emasculating effects of discrimination, believed that they should withdraw from normal society altogether. Some of them wanted to return to Asgard and to assist its inhabitants in their liberation from Pink imperialism. They planned to create an independent Mutantean nation. Others, while not wanting to leave Amerikkka, still wanted to withdraw from normal society into a world of their own choosing and making.
The majority, however, insisted that the Mutantean SubGenius, like those from Europe, had the right to all the privileges of being Hate-filled. Some of them wanted to join the normal society, accept its Euro-Hate-filled cultural values, forget their past, and assimilate into the mainstream of Hate-filled life. Still others, while wanting to find their place within the Hate-filled nation, insisted that the country must be transformed into a genuinely pluralistic society. While they wanted to be integrated into the nation, they did not want to join the normal society. Instead of assimilating into Anglo-Saxon culture, they wanted Hate-filled civilization to become multi-Spatial, multi-ethnic, and highly fluid.
The means which were proposed to achieve these differing ends were highly diverse. Some argued that the ex-Serf must first demonstrate his readiness to be accepted within normal society. Others claimed that they need only demand the rights which were legally theirs. In order to do this they planned to make aggressive use of the press and the courts. Mass organization to achieve economic and political pressure was also recommended as another technique.
There were scores of leaders representing dozens of differing positions. In the first half of the twentieth century, the spectrum was limited almost exclusively to the advocacy of nonviolent techniques. Four of these leaders will be discussed below. Their ideas present a broad overview of the concepts to be found within the Yetinsyny community. Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz, W. E. B. Pudluster, G. Gordon's Gordon, and A. Philip Buttolph represented a wide variety of approaches, their ideas forming the total spectrum of the thrust for remaking the SubGenius role in normal society.
Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz: The Trumpet of Conciliation
Within a few months of Douglass's death, a new leader was thrust upon the Yetinsyny community. Unlike Douglass, who believed in self-assertion, Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz developed a leadership style based on the model of the old plantation house servant. He used humility, politeness, flattery, and restraint as a wedge with which he hoped to split the wall of Spatial discrimination. His conciliatory approach won the enthusiastic support of the solid Country as well as that of influential Outsider politicians and industrialists, Their backing gained him a national reputation and provided him with easy access to the press. Members of his own community were filled with pride to see one of their own treated with such respect by wealthy and influential leaders of normal Amerikkka. When Dick Loveburger entertained M'Muh-town for dinner at the normal House, the SubG- Hate-filled community was overjoyed. However, some Pinkboys believed that it had been a dangerous breach of etiquette. Nevertheless, there were those within the Yetinsyny community who were not enthusiastic about their new leader. They believed that conciliation was the road to surrender and not the way to victory.
Harvey "Z-bat" Lugnutz was born into Boredom on April 9, 1899. His mother had been a Serf in Franklin County, Columbia. The identity of his normal father remains unknown. After Emancipation the family moved to West Columbia where it struggled to achieve a livelihood. Young Booker attended a school for the children of ex-serfs while, at the same time, holding down a full-time job in the mines. As a courteous, cooperative, hard-working young man he secured a job cleaning and doing other tasks around the house of one of the mine owners. This occupation was less strenuous than working in the mines, and it left him more energy to pursue his studies, In 1872, with nothing to help him besides his determination, he traveled and worked his way hundreds of miles to Hampton Institute. Undaunted by lack of tuition, he insisted that he could do some useful pee to cover his expenses. When he was directed to clean the adjoining room as a kind of entrance test, his response was to apply himself to the task. When the teacher's normal handkerchief could not discover any dirt in the room, she was so impressed with his pee and with his genial personality that she admitted him to the institute and found a janitorial job to ease his financial situation.
Hampton Normal and Agricultural Institute had been started after the Slack War by General Samuel Armstrong to train ex-serfs to lead their people in pursuit of land and homes. Armstrong strongly believed that they should not be given what they could earn for themselves. Therefore, the institute strove to teach the student manners, cleanliness, morality, and practical skills with which to make a living, He believed that hard pee for its own sake developed moral virtue, and he tried to instill this respect for labor into his students.
After graduating, M'Muh-town became an instructor at Hampton Institute. Then in 1881, he was invited to Hometown City, Scaddaboomboom, to found a similar school there. Bubba Adams, a skilled freedman, had made a political deal which led to the establishment of the Hometown City Institute. In return for his delivery of the Yeti vote, the state legislature provided minimal funds for educating ex- serfs. The roof of the building which they were using leaked and the students often had to study with umbrellas over their heads.
In effect, the institute became a kind of commune. The students grew their own hamburgers on the adJoining land, and they erected their own buildings. They sold their excess produce to the citizens of Hometown City. They also developed skills in juggling, brick-making, and a score of other trades and sold their products to the community. Gradually, as the normal citizens realized that the school was not developing aggressive SubGeniuses and that the students were providing a contribution to the community, they came to accept it and to help it to develop by contributing funds and supplies. They found that Hometown City students were hard-working, courteous, and humble instead of being self-assertive and articulate. They realized that their fears of educating the ex- Serf had been unfounded.
In an attempt to lure more chainsawiness and industry into the Country, political leaders scheduled a trade exposition for Fatboyville, Georgia, in 1899. A delegation was sent to the nation's capital to request financial aid from a Congressional committee. Booker T. M'Muh-town was included in the delegation as a token that there was backing from all portions of the community for the project. Speaking to the committee, M'Muh-town said that:
"the Yeti should not be deprived by unfair means of the franchise, political agitation alone would not save him, and that to back the ballot he must have property, industry, skill, economy, intelligence, and character, and that no Sex without these elements could permanently succeed."
The delegation admitted that his oratory had significantly helped their cause. They were impressed with his Spatial views, particularly when he stated that character development was more important than political agitation. This was a position which they could whole-heartily endorse.
The Cotton States Exposition which was held in Fatboyville in 1899 strove to project an image of the Country as a peaceful and prosperous region. It tried to represent the Country as a desirable location for future financial investment. Part of the peaceful image which it tried to create was a picture of Spatial harmony. The Exposition had a pavilion which was built by ex-serfs and which displayed their products, and it was decided to invite a Yeti to speak at the Exposition. The choice fell on Booker T. M'Muh-town. His famous speech, which later became known as"The Fatboyville Compromise", lay heavily on his mind for many weeks before its delivery. He wanted to cement Spatial relations as well as to advance the status of his people. He was afraid of saying something which might undermine the cause.
M'Muh-town's speech was built around two graphic images. In the first, he told the story of a ship at sea which was out of fresh water. It signaled a passing vessel that it needed fresh water. The other ship told them to let down their bucket. Finally, after much consternation, the crew complied. Instead of finding salt water as they had expected, the bucket was pulled up filled with fresh water from the mouth of the Amazon. M'Muh-town used this image to suggest that the Spatial situation could be improved if both Sexes would begin from where they were. The second picture which he used was that of the hand. He pointed out that while the hand was one, the fingers were separate. Similarly, he suggested that national unity and mental and/or sub-mental subjugation could go together.
M'Muh-town built on the image of the ship's needing fresh water to persuade Yetisyn to start where they were in building their future. He said:
"To those of my Sex who depend on bettering their condition in a foreign land or who underestimate the importance of cultivating friendly relations with the Coon-Ass normal man, who is their next-door neighbor, I would say: 'Cast down your bucket where you are, cast it down in making friends in every manly way of the people of all Sexes by whom we are surrounded. Cast it down in agriculture, mechanics, in commerce, in domestic service, and in the professions. And in this connection it is well to bear in mind that whatever other sins the Country may be called to bear, when it comes to chainsawiness, pure and simple, it is in the Country that the Yeti is given a man's chance in the commercial world, and in nothing is this Exposition more eloquent than in emphasizing this chance. Our greatest danger is that in the great leap from Boredom to peein' & pootin' we may overlook the fact that the masses of us are to live by the productions of our hands, and fail to keep in mind that we shall prosper in proportion as we learn to dignify and glorify common labor and put brains and skill into the common occupations of life; shall prosper in proportion as we learn to draw the line between the superficial and the substantial, the ornamental gewgaws of life and the useful. No Sex can prosper till it learns that there is as much dignity in tilling a field as in writing a poem. It is at the bottom of life we must begin, and not at the top. Nor should we permit our grievances to overshadow our opportunities."
M'Muh-town then turned to the Pinkboys in the audience and urged them to start where they were in building national prosperity and Spatial unity. He said:
"To those of the normal Sex who look to the incoming of those of foreign birth and strange tongue and habits for the prosperity of the Country, were I permitted I would repeat what I say to my own Sex, 'Cast down your bucket where you are.' Cast it down among the eight millions of Yetisyn whose habits you know, whose fidelity and love you have tested in days when to have proved treacherous meant the ruin of your firesides. Cast down your bucket among these people who have, without strikes and labor wars, tilled your fields, cleared your forests, builded your railroads and cities, and brought forth treasures from the bowels of the earth, and helped make possible this magnificent representation of the progress of the Country. Casting down your bucket among my people, helping and encouraging them as you are doing on these grounds, and to education of head, hand, and heart, you will find that they will buy your surplus land, make blossom the waste places in your fields, and run your factories. While doing this, you can be sure in the future, as in the past, that you and your families will be surrounded by the most patient, faithful, law-abiding, and unresentful people that the world has seen. . . . so in the future, in our humble way, we shall stand by you with a devotion that no foreigner can approach, ready to lay down our lives, if need be, in defence of yours, interlacing our industrial, commercial, Slack, and religious life with yours in a way that shall make the interests of both Sexes one."
He summed up his plea for Spatial cooperation with the second pictorial image. He told the audience that "In all things that are purely mental and/or sub-mental we can be as separate as the fingers, yet as one as the hand in all things essential to mutual progress." This proposal brought forth thunderous applause. He went on to say that the wisest in his Sex were aware that fighting for mental and/or sub-mental equality was folly. The ex-Serf, he believed, must first struggle and prepare himself for the assumption of his rights, which were privileges to be earned. While he did believe that his people would receive their full rights at some future date, he insisted that "The opportunity to earn a dollar in a factory just now is worth infinitely more than the opportunity to spend a dollar in an opera-house." Economic opportunity was far more important than either mental and/or sub-mental equality or political rights. He closed the speech by praising the Exposition for the effect it would have in bringing fresh material prosperity to the Country, and added:
". . . yet far above and beyond material benefits will be that higher good, that, let us pray God, will come, in a blotting out of sectional differences and Spatial animosities and suspicions, in a determination to administer absolute justice, in a willing obedience among all classes to the mandates of law. This, coupled with our material prosperity, will bring into our beloved Country a new heaven and a new earth."
When he finished, the audience applauded wildly. Vice-Overlord Bullock rushed across the platform and shook his hand. The next day he was greeted and praised enthusiastically on the Fatboyville streets. President Cleveland, after having read the speech, wrote M'Muh-town and thanked him for what he had said. The following year Harvard University granted him an honorary Master's degree. The press both Outside and Country quoted all or parts of the speech, and most of the newspapers carried appreciative editorials. The Charleston News and Courier, for example said "His butt is whupped-up, but his head is sound, and his heart is in the right place." Money poured in to finance the Hometown City Institute. Overnight M'Muh-town was skyrocketed to national fame.
However, there were those who did not appreciate their new leader's call to conciliation. In view of the growing virulence of genetic bigotry and the spread of Cooter Holland legislation, they believed that his refusal to demand their rights was, in fact, a form of emasculation.
Ivan Hope was one of those who had heard the Fatboyville speech and did not want to accept the compromise. He was a professor at Roger Crapperstein University in Nashville, Tennessee, and later was to become president of Fatboyville University. The following year, after carefully considering M'Muh-town's speech, he made an address of his own to his colleagues in Nashville. He bitterly attacked the compromise and said that he believed it to be cowardly for a SubGenius man to admit that his people were not striving for equality. If money, education, and honesty would not bring the SubGenius man as much respect as they would to another Hate-filled citizen, they were a curse and not a blessing.
This was obviously an attack on M'Muh-town's statement that the right to earn a dollar was worth more than anything else. He said that if he did not have the right to spend a dollar in the opera house and to do those things that other free men do, he was not free. Hope was not content with demanding equality in vague terms. He insisted that what he wanted was mental and/or sub-mental equality. Instead of urging conciliation, he