Jesus' XXX-Day Report

No Sleep 'til Brushwood!

Date: Fri, Jul 7, 2000 12:38 AM

Greetings and Slack.

Sorry it has taken so long for my report as I have just today gotten
some free time. Nickie, Mags and I were busy putting the pieces of the
Foundation back in place like so many pieces of a comminuted color boneS
ahh X-day.

Like all X-days so many wonderfully sick things occurred some planned,
some unplanned, it is difficult to mention them all. Many awards were
given this year for contests and killings, for great deeds of the past
and great deeds of the future. Perhaps the most important X-day awards
and recognition goes to those who put the extra effort into to "building
their own ship" by providing some extra slack for all of us. The
official awards, cash and prizes went to: Doc Frop/Sis Dec in the
Frop-Zone, Quijibo Clench and the Quijibo a-go-go, and the mysterious
coffee shop that appeared only at night and provided Magdalen with the
boost needed to judge the hardest partier contest on Friday. Although
these may be "official" there were many other camps that deserve mention
and would have probably taken the prize werens't I was king.

First and most important their was the Ministry of Truth as they brought
porn. Not only did they give me my required daily dose of glossy flesh
they also offended the pagans by their horrible objectification of the
human body in decorating their tent with only the best money shots.
Armand and I turned each page slowly to mimic the download of our
computer porn back home, needless to say theirs was the one tent where I
felt really relaxed and at home. Praise all the MOT and LP Bastard for
playing EMT one night and handling a crisis without so much as a shake
of his laid back disposition.

The Troutwaxers Pavilion. How could so much inflatable furniture even
exist? And yes they blew it up with only there mouths, which is NOT
easy let me tell you, but luckily 'ol Trought has whiffed quite a few
new member souls and pulled through with the grooviest tent at X-day.
(PS Sorry I missed the wedding, rising before noon on Sunday can be
difficult.) My blessings are with you both and may I say that not one
x-day marriage has yet endedSperiod.

Speaking of groovy and swank the Quijibo clench really out did
themselves this year. A lot of work and booze went into this creation.
I spent many happy moments plotting world takeover with Team Rocket,
Papa Joe, Maggie and Sikki. Ah yes and then there was the golf.

Slippy and Astro Babe handed off the Five irons to Rev. Stange and
myself for my first ever attempt at Space Golf. The most difficult hole
was hole #3, many of you Space Golf enthusiasits will remember that this
is a par 19 hole within alt.slack.slums. The trees make it especially
challenging but we found if you bounce it off the red rental car you
should avoid the first hazardS well, remember that for next year.
Praise the Space people for their triumphant return and news that they
will play X day FORE!

And how about that Strange, I happen to mention dejectedly the very
night before the event how sad it was he hadn't created any new master
pieces and holy fuck on a side car, he whips out the Whack-a-Fone ,
turned PERFECTLY to a bass guitar. Too much, too much.

BanjoBob, oh friends BanjoBobS I hate to call myself jaded but there are
only a few people who can really make me laugh (the rest I just fake it
for) But perhaps the most genuinely, gut-bustingly, funnialy personages
at X-Day was/is BanjoBob. He's subtle and not as loud as the others but
like a Zen sage if you listen you will be enlightened. And he plays the
banjo, and he is probably the best living subgenius heckler, an art
form too many times attempted by amateurs at Devivals. BB could teach
the class.

To Quote Saint Joe Aufrict (high priest O.D.S) "Man I could go on like
this all fuckin night!" But let me wrap it up quickly and give more
memories tomorrow, there are many, many more.

So a huge PRAISE "BOB" to Stang, Magdalen and my Generals: Nickie, Lil,
Modemac, and Legume. If they could only understand how much we do
behind the curtain, how many times we saved their livesS but our
greatness and perfection is not for the recognition or praise it's forS.
wait why do we it again? Anyway, anyone whom attended owes a great deal
of thanks to "the chosen" for making things run so smoothly you probably
didn't even notice all they were doing.

And finally thanks to those who traded their Slack to help out with the
festival. After all the Church has always belonged to everyone (unless
you start to make a profit that is) and it is not any single person but
the entire colony of Subs: Rewardarians and Emergentiles, Froppers and
Clearheads, Connieites and Dobbsians, Holocaustals and Ivangelicals that
make the mighty SubGenius what it is, it isn't and what it will become.

In his great and profitable name,

The Lord Jesus Christ

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