T'was The Night Before X-Day

I wrote this and used it in a speech at a local X-day shindig here in good old Iowa City, Iowa. There was music, speaking, and shit tons of pornography. Bob wouldve been apeased. So here it is:

T'was the night before X-Day, and all through the streets... Not a creature was stirring, not even a pink... A layer of frop smoke hung low in the air.. As Yeti rejoiced that "Bob" soon would be there... Subgeni were bumpin' and rockin' their beds... As visions of prarie squid danced in their heads... And mama in her handcuffs, and I with my whip... Broke out the Old Crow and each took a nip... When out on the lawn there came a great noise... I sprang from the bed and threw down my sex toys... I leapt to the window, whilst still hard as a rock... Cursing the zipper now pinching my cock... The water on streets from new fallen rain... Gave the cracks in the sidewalk the appearance of veins... When what to my wondering eyes should appear... The thing that the con so vehemently fears... The arch enemy/nemesis to every last pinkish slob... Ring leader of X-ist, who else but J.R. "Bob" Dobbs... More rapid than vultures, his disciples they came... He whistled and shouted and called them by name... Come Yeti, come Subgeni, come X-ists and slackers... Away from the pinks, the con and their backers... All those whove donated, to the vessels of escape... Where an abundance of slack and sex goddesses await... Great beams of light which flooded my eye... Drew my attention to crafts afloat in the sky... Into their houses the hordes of pink flew... Joined by the cheapskates and their bobbie friends too... And then in a twinkling all they were slain... The non-Yeti scum who took "Bobs" name in vain... As a smile lit my lips, I turned myself 'round... Ecstatic at what my eyes had just found... With a grin ear to ear and pipe tucked in mouth... "Bob" gave out a chuckle and blew some smoke out... As he spoke twisted jokes ran amuck on his face... Like a punchline he bellowed, "Lets get outta this place"... His eyes how they twinkled, his dimples how merry... As if all of his deaths had not yet made him weary... He seemed at a glance almost cast out of plastic... This salesman of slack did indeed appear fantastic... The pipe full of frop he held firm in his teeth... Spewed ribbons of smoke circling his head like wreath... He stood tall and slender, as though carved by a master... His gait agreed with his eyes which said to move faster... Though he stood there before me a pillar of health... I laughed when I saw him in spite of myself... A wink of his eye and a twist of his head... Soon gave me to know of the pleasures ahead... He spoke not a word, got straight to the point... Its now or never baby, lets blow this pink joint... He lead us to a spot where the earth seemed to glow... And before I knew it, indeed I arose...

He followed behind me and gave out a whistle... And away we all flew like the down of a thistle... He turned now to face us, and drew his head back.. "HAPPY X-DAY TO ALL! YOUR AT ONCE FREE TO SLACK!"

................................Reverend Josh Hotchkin, The 23rd Apostle

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Every thousand years...this metal sphere...ten times the size of jupiter,falls just a few yards past the earth... you climb on your roof...and takea swipe at it...with a single feather...hit it once every thousand years...til youve worn it down...to the size of a pea...and id say thats a long time...but its only just a blink..."Randy Describes Eternity"-built to spill

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