In the pristine wilderness of the Ozark Mountains in northern
Arkansas lie the sparkling blue waters of Bull Shoals Lake. Five
miles north of the dam that forms the lake there is an island. Two
Dokstoks have been held on this island in the past - gutblowout
events that featured the best that SubGenius anti-musicians have to
offer. This summer, Dokstok XVI will be held at the same location.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO MISS IT, YOU STUPID FUCKS!!!! Other than the
ORIGINAL APOSTLES and "WITH-IT" DOKTOR BANDS whose invitations were
pre-ordained, a mere TWO alt.slackfux responded to the CALL. The REST
of you SNIVELING SHITS cowered in abject terror at the thought of
FACING THAT WHICH MUST BE SHAT! Oh Wotan, how can a TRUE DOKTOR face
the implications inherent in this utter LACK OF FAITH amongst those
who CLAIM to love the TRUE WOR? GODDAMIT, I gave each and every one
of you the CHANCE to CAVORT with REAL FUCKED UP PO-BUCKERS and
'fropped-to-the-gills DOKTORS and you FUCKING BLEW IT!!!! While WE
bathe in the power and glory that is EIN KLEINE NACHTMUSIK, YOU'LL be
numbly staring at your miserable reflection in a pool of
lap-fuck-vomit, while the horrible realization that you're MISSING
the fucking PARTY OF THE CENTURY drills its way into your pathetic
exuse for a brain like an alien spirochete burrowing through the
spasming corpse of an X-ist FUCK-MONKEY. Holy fucking SCHMEDLAP IN A
GREEN HAT - you didn't just fuck up like Hogan's Goat. You let
Hogan's Goat insert his great barbed Moonie-Splitter into your
quivering Valley of the Kink, WITH NO SOCIAL LUBRICANTS applied,
topically or otherwise. My contempt for you KNOWS NO BOUNDS! You are
LESS THAN GNAT SPUNK. You fuck the SHIT that greasily oozes from the
cancerous bowels of a slug-sated RAPE GORILLA! Each and every one of
you incomprehensibly shit-besmirched PINK BOYS can wallow in the
festering knowledge that YOU are one of THEM! You don't even deserve
to FELTCH the BLOODY STUMP of a CON-MAN's wart-encrusted
copra-nozzle. Your cojones are FUCKING MICROSCOPIC you sons and
daughters of leprous dick-shitting whore RETARDS! YOU DON'T DESERVE
TO BE HERE!!!! Why don't you form alt.barbie/ken and DROWN IN YOUR
OWN SMEGMA, you weasel-dicked fucking SMARM-CUNTZ. YOU'RE ALL FUCKING
HOG ASS LICKERS. Your PRIVATES belong in the BUTTS of BRAINLESS,
PALSIED, TAPE-WORM INFESTED SLOTHS!!! Your BUNG HOLES need to be
surgically molded to your FACES, you PEENOID conspiracy dupes. I hope
each and every one of you LAME ASS JIT BAGS are forced to run the CON
GAUNTLET with your pants down around your amputated, footless LEG
STUMPS while Billy Samuels rams a couple hundred yards of RUSTY
BARBED WIRE up your lilly-pink ASSHOLE!! YOU SUCK OFF GREAT DANES on
NATIONAL TELEVISION. YOU'RE fucking NORMAL, you goddam SQUID BAIT!
You have the fucking GALL to call yourselves SubGeniuses, when you're
all nothing but fart-sniffing, brain bereft, mealypuss, SNARF SUCKERS
who wouldn't know a bleeding head if it fucked you in the eye socket.
IF I EVER SEEN ANY OF YOU IN PERSON, I WILL FUCK YOU UP! You're DEAD
MEAT, fuckshitz! I'll chainsaw your goddam BUTTS off and feed 'em to
my ZOMBIE LEGIONS! I'll make you SUCK OFF A COP in front of your
SECOND GRADE CLASSMATES! I'll KILL YOUR ASS and then PEE IT THE WRONG
WAY. Fuck you. You're ALL disconnected!
Rev. Spurn-the-Flock
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried to tell 'em. Honest I did. I told 'em but they wouldn't
listen. They just don't understand. They will pay for their ignorance,
but they can't blame me. I tried. I'm feeling really bad, I'm a fuckin'
failure cause no one would listen. Those fool hardy bastards would not
heed my warning. Don't they know "Bob" is not merciful.
"Bob" fucks mercy in the butt with a big ol' huge steel spiked
dick. Fear the wrath you pathetic losers for your destiny is nothing but
a grimly dark asshole filled with pain and misery. The very best you can
hope for is abject terrorization. You suckers. You poor bastards.
Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: clavis@ix.netcom.com (John P. Olinyk)
Well, SHIT. I'm sorry, Spermo, didn't you get the Business Reply Card I
filled out? Didn't your operators relay my phone-call? Didn't you get my
completed Application Form?
What the fuck do you expect, Sperbo? I mean, I don't have any Frequent
Flyer Miles to cash in! Which incomprehensible post of yours was the one
with the actual INFORMATION about Dokstok, as opposed to the
five-hundred-odd posts about "shit-vacuums" and "pee-borers"? I must
have missed it. In fact, I must have just started glancing over and then
generally ignoring your 5-10 page cussfests! Little did I know that I
missed the important one, in which you gave more exact details than
"somewhere north of some dam or other". Gee, unlucky me!
Yep, Spervo, I guess I'm not the telepath I once was. I am interested in
Dokstok, but I guess my Portable Pocket Telegraph station isn't picking
up the dots and dashes it did when I was 5. Oh, well, fuck me.
By the way, at was point were people supposed to respond? You act as
though some sort of DEADLINE has passed. What are you, a fucking
NEWSPAPER? This event occurs, I wager, on July 5. It's the beginning of
APRIL, for Blobbs' sake! How much warning do you need to know that a van
or two full of maniacs with Ordination Cards are going to show up in the
middle of a field north of some Cobb-forsaken LAKE? Excuse me for not
notifying your "people", Steamo, I had no idea you could be so
loquaciously vicious and yet so ORGANIZED!!!
Unless this is some sort of reverse-psychology last-ditch attempt to get
some sort of response about what is probably an Armeggedenous event, but
which, until now, has probably been considered to be "in the primary
stages of planning". So, we don't know otherwise; why would we ask to
buy a ticket when we don't even think they are on sale yet?
Methinks thou dost profess too much, Doxy. Smaller campaigns than yours
have gone down the royal toobs for the evil combination of "ASSUMPTION"
and "BAD PLANNING"; or, in your case, "OVER-PLANNING" and
"UNDER-PUBLICITY". Ouch!
the Grand Clavister
(who has a bass guitar, a jumbo-sized psychically-charged ring of keys
and a libido, all of which can be packed into the Holy Bag just in
case.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu (Captain Midnight)
Sternodox (glatter@delphi.com) wrote:
: You have the fucking GALL to call yourselves SubGeniuses, when you're
: all nothing but fart-sniffing, brain bereft, mealypuss, SNARF SUCKERS
: who wouldn't know a bleeding head if it fucked you in the eye socket.
All this! And I didn't have to send ONE DOLLAR to Spermy...
Unfortunately, there's a Conspiracy side of my life and she has a
name: XHONX. Xhohx is the Godess Who Must Be Obeyed. I must say
no more about this matter.
Also, I've called myself a GUILTLESS LYING LAZY SOCIOPATH just as
often as I've claimed Sub-Ghood.
Finally: How do I know this isn't some sort of DELIVERANCE thang?
You're good, Reverend Spermy. But you're a ~scary~ dude. How do
I know that you are not in reality Rev. Dose-the-Flock and Pastor
No-Need-Butter-He's-a-"Bob"ie? Do I sound kind of PARANOID? Well,
what do you expect from a alt.slack reader?
.......................TEAR.ALONG.THE.DOTTED.LINE.......................
Epopt of the Exploding Head of JFK Licensed to blaspheme the Gods!
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Spermo -- I've been reading the follow-ups to this while "whiffing the
vibe" on the aethernet, and IT'S WORKING PERFECTLY! I have been getting
"the backwash signal" from ALL the Type 1s that we know of and several NEW
(!) ones, while the Type 2s are buzzing like angry bees, flying around in
circles and stinging anything that moves. This is probably the best
filtering system yet. Don't worry, I'll remember to disable the newsgroup
icon so that this letter only goes to you privately.
Maybe this time it really WILL be straight-across Type 1s with NO "TWOBIE"
interference at all! MAN!
--
Copyright 1995 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
Subject: DOKSTOK NATION
Date: 11 Apr 1995 01:56:24 GMT
FUCK YOU and your HIPOLITICAL SCIENTOLOGOTH DEMOCRAP-IT GIMME
YOUR MONEY SHIT - I want YOUR money more than you. There will be a lot
of beautiful artsy "Hollywoody" type, lame thread supporting, trend
mongering, arse sniffin' people that are gonna wish they would have gone
to DOKSTOK. When the skin starts to fissure and fester and the sewers
back up with maggots & stanky blood-shit, they are gonna be saying,
"Damn, I knew I should have gone to DOKSTOK. I wish I would have paid
more attention to the DOKSTOK threads on the internet/alt.slack instead
of contributing to that Panama-Scientology-privacy-Jesus-HotHeaded-gOTH
longest-master-flame-baiting-paladramatic-cyberjizz-CRAP"
When the crack in the ground opens even wider and up comes a
bubbling green fog that reeks of 13,000 rotting dead 'gyptians and
they're fuckin' dogs and cats, with their distended bowels hangin' down
'round the ankles so that the ooze from the gang greenotic AlterNatives
completely covers not just the fleshy parts or the dry crusty parts, but
da bode uv um. When the lightening goes on strike the thunder boycotts
the sun who's gonna wish they had gone to DOKSTOK then?
For crying out loud, some people would die to sniff the anal
mist of FART DOG EXPLOSION and yet they still find a way to miss
DOKSTOK. Just where the crunt do they think FART DOG EXPLOSION lives if
not at DOKSTOK. The dead will be there, just walking around like nothing
was wrong, every excuse is invalid. Maybe "Bob" will appear. The sound
of CHAINSAWS is in the air. Even the SPINELESS BASTARDS will be there!
I've got a DOKSTOK state of mind. I'm living on DOKSTOK time.
DOKSTOK is apple pie. Chainsaw ball is the DOCKSTOK NATION's national
past time. PILS® and AIR. and LUV© will abound. The bellies of the fish
will be glowing. You CAN'T GET TOO HIGH ON DOKSTOK MOUNTAIN. The long
awaited SWINGIN' LOVE CORPSE reunion. The average CORPSE will be
floating a foot off the ground. 5 DEAD JACO'S, need I say more???
COMBO GANG BUNCH vs. DR. FOR "BOB"...
The world will never be the same. Would you rather be home going
blind playing DOOM & MYST? Don't you want to be a part? Don't you want
to add your contribution? If you don't know, don't go, you will only be
made fun of, harassed, ridiculed, and possibly immortalized in song.
But, if you should have been there and don't go, you will hear how badly
you FUCKED UP for the rest of your miserable life.
Just thought you MIGHT want to know, dammit! AND FUCK YOU TOO
BILLY SAMUELS.
Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Biggles <biggles1@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK NATION
Date: Sat, 15 Apr 95 20:51:25 -0500
Ah yes, It's good to see that a SubGenius isn't about being one thing, doing
one thing, etc. Lemme see, I guess you'd say something like, "Man, we're
all just so fuckin' different that we're so fuckin' similar, so man, fuck,
we all just gotta go to Dokstok!"
Please understand, oh mighty commander of S.L.A.C.K., my intentions when I say:
Fuck you.
None may tell me my path towards slack, even those who use disgusting visions
and vague metaphysical threats. If you want lots of people there just to
make you feel like Dokstok was a success, just say so! If you want us there so
we can hear your bands and pat you on the back saying, "That was cool! You
do have talent and aren't a fucking waste of protein!", then I will be more than
happy to do as such.
But please ask openly. I hate coy Subs.
-- Pope-King Biggles I
"You're gonna hunt me down and kill me? Okay."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
Disgusting visions...Vague metaphysical threats... Wow, I wasn't even
tryin', you flatter me. I'm blushing with DOKSTOKIAN PRIDE.
But DOKSTOK ain't no fun anymore. I'm starting to think DOKSTOK is
either a bad idea or TOO MUCH of a good idea. Everybody wants to kill
the fuckin' messenger...fine, KILL ME.
Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jch9334@is2.nyu.edu (Kid Ginsu)
Subject: dokstok
whatever. You wouldn't want me there anyway. i'm inchohate, insensitive
and i ramble on and on. never staying on topic and often responding to
things that have been 'finished' for years and often using incomplete.
sentences. kill me for not being such a cool dok as to not be completely
gaga over an event that i've heard about only in legend and which sounds
like the simplest thing in the world to 'do'. Why you would want someone
like me there is even a mustery to me, I'm boring depressing and so
withdrawn that I have to live through notoriously bland posts like these
just to FEEL like I'm 'someone', abandoning my love life musical career
and pot life just to live through this board, and this board alone. Fuck
"Bob" if i'm not unhep enough to spend God knows how much money & time
travelling to some east bumblefuck backwoods sodomite's lair to play
shitty incoherent antimusic with a bunch of decrepit hipster geezers who
will remind me of the seventies' TV sitcom reruns I DESPISE anyway. I
know you have know use for my particular brand of antiknowledge humour
and luck and if i'm unlucky enough not to be invited i think maybe that
means i might just be lucky enough not to go. So there.,
Kid Ginsu,World's Greatest Sidekick
ps Keep It Up!
pss Watch It.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
Yeah, dude, I think you're right. I think in order for you to have fun
there, the ley lines would have to be going in the right direction or
something. Go with yer first instinks. Don't risk it.
----Rev. Nickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
Subject: I'm sorry about the DOKSTOK crud.
Date: 13 Apr 1995 12:25:50 GMT
Dear everybody,
Nobody SHOULD go to DOKSTOK. Nobody wouldn't have any fun there no how.
I'm so very sorry for my feeble efforts to hype this big fat non-event.
I'm so very very sorry if I offended anyone's sensibilities, may I
emasculate myself with barbed-wire to show how sorry I am. To tell the
truth, I don't even remember what was so great about the last DOKSTOK. I
just remember I didn't hate it. [sidebar--my cat just puked and now my
dog is eating the cat's puke...I'm sorry for writing about cat puke,
too. I don't think my dog is sorry (yet) for eating it.] YOU should
not do anything YOU don't want to do. No one SHOULD be forced to have
fun...especially if the definers of said fun (in the case of DOKSTOK)
are considered by normals as sick weirdoes who probably suffer from some
distorted repressed memories. Hell, if I was hypnotized I might realize
how much I really hated the last DOKSTOK.
Your everloving buddy,
Col. Sphinx Drummond I always lie and that's the truth.
Commander of S.L.A.K. I just think...Hell, I don't know.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu (Captain Midnight)
Subject: Re: I'm sorry about the DOKSTOK crud.
Colonel Dummond Suh, Ahhm suhr thaht thah raht people would have
LOTS OF FUN. But, please be realistic (well, no don't be realistic...)
Either some of use don't have the money to go or else some of
us are ENSNARED in the Conspiracy Hell-on-Earth Tar Baby Society.
: YOU should
: not do anything YOU don't want to do. No one SHOULD be forced to have
: fun...especially if the definers of said fun (in the case of DOKSTOK)
Well, that's what this is all about isn't it? Having fun?
: are considered by normals as sick weirdoes who probably suffer from some
: distorted repressed memories. Hell, if I was hypnotized I might realize
: how much I really hated the last DOKSTOK.
But you ARE a BUNCH of SICK WEIRDOES! What's the problem? I thought
that was how you REAL SUBGENIUSES got where you are today and my
simpering compliance to the Conspiracy's requirements for EXTERNAL
APPEARANCE is what got me where I am. An office with no windows
and Rolaids and Tylenol by the cartload.
Just for your information, I used to be a semi-quasi-hippie for
six months back in 1968 and I even attended a protest against the
Vietnam War in Washington in 1971 and I went to a rocket festival
in Atlanta in 1969 where people were using lots of scary drugs.
Now then class: How many of you have seen and heard a screaming
hallucinating girl being dragged of to a tent for medical attention?
There. I've undressed in public. What more can I do?
--
.......................TEAR.ALONG.THE.DOTTED.LINE.......................
Epopt of the Exploding Head of JFK Licensed to blaspheme the Gods!
My skull is bigger on the inside than the outside!
Send $1 to SubGenius Foundation, P.O. Box 140306, Dallas TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gilmore@en.com (Gilmore)
Subject: Re: I'm sorry about the DOKSTOK crud.
Captain Midnight (ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu) wrote:
: Now then class: How many of you have seen and heard a screaming
: hallucinating girl being dragged of to a tent for medical attention?
Medical attention. Is THAT what they told you they were doing to her?
--
\\\ _ / Gilmore Web Designer
\\\ // i r t u a l gilmore@vv.com "The world won't stand still..."
\\// / http://www.en.com/users/gilmore/gilmore.html
\/ \/ i S i o N s --------------- http://www.vv.com ----------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
Subject: Re: I'm sorry about the DOKSTOK crud.
Captain Midnight (ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu) wrote:
: Now then class: How many of you have seen and heard a screaming
: hallucinating girl being dragged of to a tent for medical attention?
Nenslo replies:
Yeah, you're right. Dokstok, they don't got a TENT. You're
lucky if you get a MUD HUT to drag your screaming hallucinating girl off
to. Or to BE a screaming hallucinating girl GETTIN dragged off to. I
member I had to drag MY screaming hallucinating girl off to a SHALLOW
DEPRESSION IN THE GROUND FULLA SHARP GRAVEL. It was awful.
Just say NO to DOKSTOK.
--
-Copyright NENSLO KDV 1995-
Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
This is a READER SUPPORTED ministry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Come on NENSLO, everybody KNOWS yer just sayin' that because you've already
got the best site reserved - that one over by Jones' acid pool. That one
where that one girl (she WASN'T HALUCINATING, she was DEAD) gave you that
Camba Sleeve Job last Dokstok. And hey, man, your CHECK bounced. But that's
OK, I xeroxed that Palmer Stomach Graft Painting and forged your signature
and sold TWENTY of 'em for $100 EACH! (Bought some spam and 'frappy with
most of it). Shit, man, YOU'RE the emcee this year. AND you're bringin'
the N.P. last I heard. You're my fren' man 'n I jus' love yuuuuu. Did you
ever have a dawg? Tha' bitch kicked me out agin', fuggin' shit ... fuggin'
sheeeeeit. I got a chainsaw for ya man ... got HER name writtin BIG all
over it. I love you, man ... you're so .... so ... GROP! So KILL ME now and
keep all the proceeds ... your Dokstok was better anyway. I'm givin' up.
I'm goin' HOME. I'm SEEDIN' the WOR with a batch of nominally spirited
GLORP and peein' in my own bed. I'm a BATCH OF ANTI-LIFE waitin' to
PLAY IN YOUR BAND in September. (I guess you get the free round-trip
ticket to Arkansas). Did you get my dollar yet?
SDOX
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
Sternie, man, TELL ME ABOUT IT! I give her ALL MY MONEY and she won't
even give me a dollar. Happens every payday. This time I'm telling my
no good boss off, and I mean it. Shit, I WOKE UP drunk.
I've had a headache for five years,
N
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
Oh yeah, one other thing. I told her she was a cold-hearted bitch and
she laughed in my face. So does that mean she isn't? Or not?
--
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: DOKSTOK: THE DEAL
Date: Sun, 16 Apr 95 16:50:36 -0500
OK OK Slack Slack. Now that I have everybody's attention: The Grand Clavister
probably got closer to the TRUTH than anybody else. (ICEKNIFE was CLOSE).
This is the way we ALWAYS plan a Dokstok. Stir up the whorenets nest, stand
back and see who stings themselves to death, gather up the survivors and
have a FUCKING PILL/CHAINSAW festival. You got it schmedlaps, there ain't
no date yet. THAT'S THE CRUX, main! WE'RE DOIN' IT NOW! We're plannin'
Dokstok AND YOU'RE ALL HELPING. I've got the site (it's REAL NICE), now
WHEN'S IT GONNA BE? WHO's COMIN'? I know half of you have REAL JOBS and the
other half have THERAPY sessions that can't be missed. How does September sound?
Say, September near the END? EVERY ONE OF YOU SLACKFUX is on the Dokstok
planning committee STARTING RIGHT NOW! Let's get rollin' you fucks. Let's
get this job DONE!!!!!!!!! Come on, man. Let's hear from the bands, the cooks,
the 'fropmeisters, the layabouts, the small engine repair specialists, the
soundwomen, the stagehounds, the gabs, nabs and flabs, the tick-shitters, the
gropemen, the FUCKING DOERS AND FAKERS! LET'S HAVE A DOKSTOK!!!!!!!!!!!
County Law don't like 1,000 numbnutz hangin' out at the LAKE, so your
cousin's sister's amputation therapist can come BUT HER LAME ASS UNCLE
DICK CAN't. Let's have some numbers. Let's have some SHIT! (It'll cost
about $20 bux each for the campsites, electricity, boats, gas, beer, etc.
Ask former attendees if it's worth it!) YOU'VE GOT THE NEXT MOVE, bruhs
and suhs.
SDOX
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK: THE DEAL
From: iceknife@ashram.com (ICEKNIFE)
WELL FUCK ME DEAD! THAT'S what gave me this queasy feeling! I got too close
to CLAVIS...EEWWWWWW! PLEASE ADMINISTER 230cc R-MEMNOSENE 28 AND ROYAL JELLY
SUSPENSION (COMPOUND COOTIESHOT COMPLEX)
and help me wipe some of this stuff OFF... IT BURNS!
WHY HAVEN'T THE LOCAL CONSTABULARY BEEN REMUNERATED APPROPRIATELY FOR THEIR
DEDICATION AND UNWAVERING DEVOTION TO DUTY? WHY AREN'T THEY RUNNING TO THAT
BANK IN ZURICH TO SALT AWAY WHAT WE'LL JUST TAKE BACK EVENTUALLY? WHY AREN'T
THEY ALL GOING ON VACATION? OR FLEEING IN ABJECT ECSTATERROR?
IF THAT GEEKSHIT ROGER IS SHOWING, I'M OUT!!! I don't care WHO his fuckin'
brother is, and he can buy 1,000 memberships, I COULD FUCKING CARE LESS!
Do you have ANY IDEA AT ALL how hard it is to explain the missing fuckin
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS when one of yer pets has goddamn SHOELACES hangin'
outta his mouth???
WHERE'S WALDO? WHERE'S WALDO? WHERE'S WALDO? AAAAYYYYIIIEEEEE!!!!!!
I ain't going if he's gonna show up with those guys...
WE'RE BEING WATCHED BY CHOWDERS AND CHEDDARS... EVERYBODDY SCATTER!
wow, that was fast! nice work, people! way to hustle! BUT YOU CAN DO BETTER!
ICEKNIFE
... NEKKID PEOPLE : SASE & $1 to P.O.BOX 140306 DALLAS TX 75214
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ncm5662@is2.nyu.edu (Nicole C. Michaud)
ICEKNIFE (iceknife@ashram.com) wrote:
: I ain't going if he's gonna show up with those guys...
Yep. All them people. I think it's in your best interests to stay away.
Far away.
---Rev. Nickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Do I have to come naked? Or can I arrive covered in the blood of the
unsaved?
It really matters.
--
Reverend Mutha Tarla, Little Sisters of the Perpetually Juicy,
A Proud Jism Schism of the Church of the SubGenius, Worshipping
"Connie" Dobbs and Juicy Retardo since 1986
http://www.ionet.net/~bmyers/homepage.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: merilieu@aol.com (MERILIEU)
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!
hey sternofuck! i ambut one of the many who compose the entity kown as
MERILIEU. i ain't no subg dok yet, 'cos i'm too busy smokin' 'frop and
drinking pussymeal water. anywho, MERILIEU will fuck yer festerin shit,
ben. i already told i.stang where he could inflate his worm-like dilly
porc for just 19.95! would you be interested in a trial flab festooning?
i've got the heavy equipment if you've got he bleeding cornea! c'mon, you
driveliing piece of stinky aged clit burger! bleed! BLEED!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but the overabundance of obscure colloquialisms in your missive
precludes serious consideration of your rather stilted offer. I, for one,
am loathe to acquiesce any further piss for fucking the blood of Wanda's
blasting cooter. Smooth out the frosh, mosh and GIMME BACK THE BIT. Hell,
that fucking drill press AIN"T SHIT anymore since it did the THANG with
the BITCHES THAT KNOW. Fuck it, man you ain't sent your $35 for a ticket
to Dokstok. What the fuck is THIS SHIT. You better show up on the back
porch TOMORROW NIGHT with a bucket of fucking PILLS or you gonna be
THIRD BASE with a BULLET, Flo. Think I'm fucking' KIDDING. I can see
you've never been to Arkansas.
Sterno (Uzi-Golf Master and Slack Slicker Emeritus)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: STERNO'S DOKSTOK NEWS
Date: Fri, 28 Apr 95 19:39:06 -0500
Well I'll be butt-fucked sideways by a horde of shit ticks, you
alt.slackfux DO care! My rEtch-MAIL box has been nigh on t'bustin'
with eager, groveling, squirtin'/oozin'-to-please BOBBIES who wanto to
send me DOUBLE the ticket price to Dokstok just to be able to say
they had a check cashed by Rev. Spermy, AND by REAL STUD-ly and
FEMME-ly SubGenius Dues-Players who just want to get in on the
frappin', clappin' and crappin'. THAT's the way it SHOULD be. Now all
I gotta do is see which checks, money orders, U-O-Me's, and DebitFrop
CollaCaards have the right Pstench so as to more accurately divide the
GATHERING into Scat-ERS and SCAT-EES. Here's the lates in a LONG and
ARDUOUS series of Dokstok Updates: For a while (48 hours) it looked as
if Dokstok wasn't gonna HAPPEN, because I had a Con-Job offer
that, on the surface, looked too good to turn down. BIG BUX and a FREE
house in Bangkok, THAILAND (!) -- all to live it up tradin' rocks to
pinks for dough. Woulda hadda leave USA in June and not return til
December. BUT, the conspiracy intervened and made DAMN CERTAIN that
the company couldn't get its financing shit together for at least
another six months so there's NO $$$ to send me and I'm on hold at my
regular job, sittin' around experimenting with large mammals, tossing
fully charged capacitors at whomever walks into the office, wasting
entire DAYS jabbering with my cohorts on the Net, gazing at HUGE
glittering piles of gemstones and generally doin' the REGULAR
eat/excrete/sleep/fuck/kill-pinks that I ALWAYS do. So, how's THAT
for IRONY, slackfux? The Con thought it would protect my blue-veined
throbbver from the ravages of SouthEast Asian Rotchacockoff Virus and
unwittingly guaranteed that I'll be in Arkansas to host Dokstok
XXVIII! FUCK 'EM, I SAY! ("How ya gonna fuck 'em," Jones queried?)
"WITH A DICK!! WITH A BIG FAT DICK," Doktors for "Bob" answered in
unison. So - it looks like late August/early September. Listen up:
THIS DOKSTOK, like ALL others will be SMACK DAB IN THE MIDDLE OF
PO-BUCKER HELL! That means if you wander off alone into the woods,
frapped to the gills and unable to distinguish left from wrong, YOU
WILL ASSUREDLY BE NABBED BY BUBBA GHEE AND HIS UNPOLISHED
BRETHREN AND SUFFER A HIDEOUSLY PROLONGED EXERSIZE IN RECTAL
STRETCH AEROBICS!
Either that or County Law will be VERY CURIOUS about certain aspects
of your psyche and will be more than willing to thoroughly EXAMINE
your pockets, GARMENT and BIOLOGICAL. Get mah drift? It ain't gonna
BE Club Med. If you DO come to this Dokstok, YOU CAN'T ACT LIKE A
FUCKING DUMB-ASS in the surrounding community (such as it is.) You
can BE a Dumb Ass (hell, just about everyone LIVING in the area is),
but you gotta pretend you're passing through a FIRE-ZONE till you get
to the SAFE PIT. If you have snake or BIG SPIDER phobias, stay home!
You'll have to bring EVERYTHING you're gonna EAT, SLEEP IN/ON/WITH,
DRINK, INJEST, because there ain't NOTHING for miles and miles except
survivalist/white supremicist compounds, black bears, poison ivy and
shit-chiggers.
BUT --- There's gonna be Doktor BANDS!!!! That's the
WHOLE POINT of Dokstok, bwana. If you have a band or plan on forming
one for this event, lemme know so's I can get ya on the poster. I
need a fucking HEAD COUNT -- ARE YOU COMING OR NOT? All I can say is
you fucking well BETTER! The trick would be to get to Little Rock the
day BEFORE Dokstok. Whether you fly/bus or drive in don't matter. That's
where we'll meet. The location of the EVENT will be revealed
on the morning of departure. That way we can weed out any ASSHOLES
before WE start doing the du. (We've had to do this at past Dokstoks.
Who wants to hang around for three days with somebody who may GET US
ALL KILLED?) If you've seen the video from past Dokstoks, you have a
general idea of the tone. It ain't a bunch of fucking bullshit PAGAN
RITUAL, jumping around nekkid, drumming on shit and chanting. At
Dokstok we jump around nekkid, drum on shit, and chant -- but we have
CROWBARS STUCK UP OUR BUTTS AND DEAD CARP SEWN TO OUR SKIN
while doing it! This is supposed to be SERIOUS fun ... if you
come planning on acting like a jerk-off, YOU WILL BE FUCKED UP
AND PHYSICALLY EJECTED, TOOT SWEET!!!
Sorry, NO GUNS! (National Forest and all that. Besides, my daughters
will be there) If you arrive on a Harley, you get in FREE. OK the
next move is YOURS. (And NO; my REAL name is NOT Rev. Does-the-Flock)
Rev. STERNODOX
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: philo@YELLABELLY
Subject: Re: TODD, YOU'RE MY "DOKS
Ol' Spink said:
> But DOKSTOK ain't no fun anymore. I'm starting to think DOKSTOK is
> either a bad idea or TOO MUCH of a good idea. Everybody wants to kill
> the fuckin' messenger...fine, KILL ME.
>
Hey Spinky,
Don't get your panties in a bunch. After all DOKSTOK is not a place...
it's a STATE OF MIND! I should know because I live at DOKSTOK all the time
no matter where I am. I mean, to some, it can simply be a DOKSTOK UNIVERSE!
So calm down and take a deep meta-psycho-social-somatic-physical breath and
say, "AHHHEEUUUGGHH!!!", man.
Preacheringly Yours,
Philo "Jason" Drummond
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: ricky@usenet.nerdc.ufl.edu (St. Ain-Soph)
Me tarzan. Me buhhdist.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
Ahhheeuuugghh mani padme aum.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: DOKSTOK BANDS, SO FAR!!!
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 95 14:19:34 -0500
OK, so far we've got the following bands booked and solid for
performing at Dokstok XXXIX: The Swingin' Love Corpses (natch!), the
RETURN of Doktors for "Bob", Doktors for Extreme Predjudice, The
Bleeding Head of Arnold Palmer Launchers Society Warm Water
Reservoire Chorale, The Buttplugz, Fart Dog Explosion, The Shitty
Beatles, String of Felonies, The Band That Dare Not Speak Its Name,
Jefferson Fistfuck, The Grateful Dudes, Suzy Whitetrash and the
Jewshitniggers, The Adolf Jesus Experience, Wound Face and the Pus
Men, Goat Family, Wad, The Wallmen, O.B.E., Kings of Feedback,
Razorfuck, Acid Eye, Lucious Tate and the Absolvers, The Smegma
Kings, The Girlfuckerz, Baby Head, Generation of Degenerates
(G.O.D.), Southland Corporation, My Friend Flikka & the Dog Food
Cannibals, Stanky Butt, Arm Hole & the Rusty Syringes, The Un, The
Walking Fucked, The Slug Fuckers, Eat It All, Combo Gang Bunch Group
Orchestra Boys Band, Sliced Peckers, Left Nut Joe and the Square
Needles, Doktors for (Classified), The Shit Ticks, Pussy Fart Jello,
The Camba Killers, The Colla Killers, Reagan's Polyp, T. C. & the
Eddies, The Band That Sucks, The Band That Sucks Even More, The
Eagles, The Moonie-Butt Splitters, Dead Can Fuck, Pokerquim, The
Solvent Sniffers, Dead Homos, The Mansters, Peter Frampton, Heroin
City, Testors Innabag, The Frop, The Ho, Ass Tongues, Peter & the Pud
Pounders, Finnegan's Wart, Larks Tongues in Assholes, Christ I'm
Fucked, The Glands, Too Many Monas, Homicidal Briefcase, Testicle
Vice, Cooter Juice Boys, and LAST BUT NOT LEAST - Crosby, Stills,
Nash & Satan. How's THAT for a fucking LINE-UP, you fucks??!!??!! I
oughtta UP the ticket price to $45 for a show like this, eh?! Well,
who're we gonna ADD to the list? When the fuck is YOUR band gonna
commit, you chicken shit BOBBIES! C'mon, ante UP, fuckface! We got
the P.A. and stage, but we need some more microphones. And some
stands. What do ya GOT? I haven't got all fucking DAY -- ANSWER UP,
FAST!
Rev. Sternly Pox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Shit...I haven't GOT a band...I haven't a chainsaw either...
don't you people need an AUDIENCE?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: DOKSTOK -- THE DATE!!!!!!!
Date: Mon, 1 May 95 10:34:12 -0500
To the Coolkat who said he (she?) could score THREE 70 lb tanks of
Church Air to bring to Dokstok - I lost yer e-mail address. Send me
another. And - hey - can you get FOUR? To EVERYBODY ELSE: This thing
is finally moving along like it's s'posed to. Looks like August 25-27
is gonna be the date of this fucking EVENT. Now you impatient fuckwads can
start planning your vacations and LET ME KNOW WHO'S FUCKING COMING!
Like I said, we'll meet in Little Rock, search all the vehicles for
stowaway SHITBOBBIES, suck up a good 1/3 of the CHURCH AIR, shit our
dicks for the night and HEAD OUT EARLY FRIDAY MORNIN'. It's a THREE HOUR
drive from LR. I need to know who's flyin' in (so I can have
the local WandaSquad pick 'em up at the airport) and who's drivin'
and how much fucking room they got in their van, tank, Hawg or whatever.
There will be an AMAZING tattooist on site and we've already designed
the Dokstok Commemerative Tattoo (it's real purty - a HUGE purple
prairie squid suspended from "Bob"'s neck wounds with BIG RED STRAPS
and the words "Dokstok" and "Kill Me" forming out of a combination of
the squid's excretions and the blood streaming from the bullet holes
in "Bob"'s head.) Don't worry, we won't make YOUR KIDS get one.
(For Subs, the tat will run $125, which is one FUCK of a deal, since
it'll take a good three hours to apply - bring your own antiseptic
cream). If I can get the permit from County Law it looks like we may
be able to bring guns AFTER ALL. There's also a Vienna Sausage company
in North Little Rock (Dogtown) who will give us case lot prices
on those little "peckers in a can" if enough people like that sort
of thing. Although there is electricity at the site, the shortage of
outlets will make lots of multi-boxes and extension cords necessary
- so plan on bringin' yer own. The lake will be WAY UP, so fishin'
oughtta be good - bring yer poles if you're so inclined. If you're
a drummer, it would probably behoove you to leave your GOOD kit home
and bring the SHIT KIT for Dokstok - we've lost control in the past
and I don't see any difference THIS year. The asshole who dosed
the barrel of Purple Jesus Punch at Dokstok II is DEAD so we don't have
to worry about THAT shit again. REMEMBER: August is TARANTULA MIGRATIN'
month in Arkansas, so bring trapping jars if you wanna score a real
cool new pet. YOU CAN'T HAVE TOO MANY SNAKE BITE KITS! If you need a
special size of water ski, bring yer own.
SPerM-On_Dobbs
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: MONTYKINS@news.delphi.com (MONTYKINS@DELPHI.COM)
I'm oofficially organizing a BOYCOTT of DokStok. Join me and we'll SIT
AROUND THE LIVING ROOM during the 'Stok. We'll watch some TV and GO TO
BED EARLY! Hell, if we're feeling WILD and CRAZY, we might even play
some Yahtzee!
Boycott the insanity! Just say no to Bad Stuff! The picket signs are on
order! We've reserved a Protest Singer, who comes complete with a Harmonica!
-Monty
(Can't make it, so NO ONE SHOULD!)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
In <ZM0-Kwk.glatter@delphi.com> Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> writes:
>The lake will be WAY UP, so fishin' oughtta be good - bring yer poles
if you're so inclined.
Will the lake be stocked with Grand-Ma Faced Gar this summer? And is
there really a "Bleedin' Head" Driving range at the camp grounds? I
heard there was going to be a bunch of abondoned cars to shoot at and
blow-up, and also old pianos and junk for chain-sawin'.
Sphinx
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (Sphinx Drummond)
Dear Churno,
You fucked up man, you left out a bunch of bands. Did you forget about:
The Saggy Britches, Wino Congress, My Baby's Dolly, Spunky Comewell and
the Dong Jackers, Mojo Lincoln, Grand Pa at 13, The Umbilical Chords,
Quasimodo's Breath, Aggressive Sheep, The Zuper Kolliders, 2 Week Too
Kill, The Rash of Stabbings, Baby Circus, The Grizzly Bares, Jar of
Nerves, Mastoid Vibrators, Quo Pro Squid, Poo Poo Pee Pee Pants, The
Sax Organs, Brute Force and the Shields, Five Man Trio, Eternity
Squirt, Hawg Noodle, Flossies Tragic Comeback, Bob Dylan, Viking Boots,
The Oozing Crud, Uranus Itch, The Probers, Nominal Wit, Night of Bombs,
Good Old Torture, Ball of Fish Hooks, Hapless Experts, The Bleedin'
Farts, Zone of Egos, Idiot Pet, the Trojan and the Horse, The Peepers,
the Shit Hooks, Hobo Surgeons, The Flared Skinners, Honest Liars,
Something to Avoid, Tony Bent It, Liquid Trousers, Homo Dyke, The
Gloppin' Ooze, Planet Boo Boo, Heavenly Fodder, Dilute B4 Diluting,
Bottle of Aggression, A Dry Slime Sheen, Uriah Heep, the Vile Hume,
Grand Ma Seizure, Plague of Flowers, The Doberman Bitches, The Cups,
The Po'Bucker Family Band, Utensil, The Flakes, Tonic Youth, Isolated
Zeitgeist, Art Strike, Bozo Gun, New Shitty Toy, The Robot Farmers,
Bone Ark, Human Grease, Elvis Hilter & Jesus, The Moe Cuts, The
Eyeballs, Remote Controllers, Easy on Herman, The Burger Flippers, The
Jizz Boyz, GGG and the Homicide Addicts, The Master Baitors, Jello
Britches, Hairy Butt Pimple, Big Midget and the Tiny Giants, Jimbo Sun,
Post Flatulance and the Poop Particles, The Kelivns, Licentious Angels,
Larry's Favorite Drug, The Meaning Fools, The Void Fillers, Stew Pit
and the Dumbasses, Wax Moo Moo, The Wussies, Spaztic Nature,
Polyfactual, Big Daddy Jasper, Fluid Dreamscape, the Floppy Hard One,
Gumby Bastard, The Elvern Dubbmann Trio, and Stinky Big Toe.
Col. Sphinx Drummond
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
You mean you wanted to know who's playing SATURDAY night TOO. Man, I was
gonna leave all THOSE bands as a SURPRISE. But, now that the cat's outta
the bag, I guess I'll have to let SUNDAY'S SURPRISE BANDS be the SURPRISE.
(can you get me a date with Easy On Herman's cute bass player? That IS
a GIRL isn't it?)
Rev. Sternodxoxoxoxo, Dokstok Nation
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Dokstok -- EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 2 May 95 12:41:44 -0500
Alert to all alt.slackfux: THEY'RE FUCKING WITH ME!!! The Goddam Sons
of Moab SHITHOOKS are lobbying amongst their crusty, honker-mouldy
selves in a BLATANT effort to BLIND THE HEARING-IMPAIRED and yank the
wank right out from under the BREAD SPREAD. And the Fucked-Up
"Queered" Engineers, in league with what's LEFT of the C.S.A.
(Covenant, Sword, and Arm of the Lord -- recall big F.B.I. bust, up
the road a piece from LAST Dokstok) has seen fit to REQUEST of the
local constabulary a PERMIT DENIAL for "any and all activities,
pursuits, usages, and public displays by or for any group larger than
twelve (12) ... such usage shall constitute a violation of A.S.L. #
134-87 A and sited (!) individuals shall be subject to a fine of not
more than $500 and/or imprisonment for no longer than one year! How's
THAT for a bunch of Con-SUX contempt for the Wor Wardens, kidz? What
a bunch of FUCKING SHIT to spring on the larders and HARDers of
Dokstok Nation. I'm telling you, they prolly been plannin' this for
fucking THREE YEARS, since the LAST Dokstok. I fucking KNEW IT! I
read about shit like this in H.H.'s fucking DIARIES when I was twelve
years old. How the muthaFUK(!) can we have a Dokstok with only TWELVE
(or less) FUCKING DOKTORS???!!! Any lawyers steeped in the arcana of
PUBLIC, NATIONAL park usage for the furtherance of the DESTRUCTION of
their ilk, for bilk? I'm telling you what, bruhs and suhs, I'm
getting DAMN SICK of being shat upon simply for wanting to get REAL
fucked up, lay about with a buncha SLACKFUX, shoot a few million
rounds into the paw-paw patch and generally SLACK OFF in PUBLIC. And
these fucking PROVINCIAL ARSES of a CONSPIRACY-fucked Low-Level
MERITOCRACY, consisting SOLELY of the benighted products of
GENERATIONS of North Arkansas Inbreeding, are DENYING US THE RIGHT to
shit where we want, piss where we want, Wotan where we want and every
OTHER freedom guaranteed by the Constitution. AAAIIIEEEEEE! I'm
fucking PISSED, Jimbo. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! The
Posse Comitatus and the TGAS are in on it too. This Conspiracy ain't
no fucking WONDERBREAD card-castle to be blown down with a puff and a
kiss. HELL NO! This CON-struct must be SHIT UPON and EXPLODED from
WITHIN by a chili-bean PULSE CANNON FART ARMADA that won't stop at
"next-to-last" measures. ARE YOU WITH ME? I know. I know. This is HOW
IT WILL BE IF WE'RE TO HAVE A FUCKING DOKSTOK. Who's gonna be on the
front lines of this battle with the stinking, whitescum, normally
boys who's butts wax PINK in the moonlight, and who's daughters are
ALL named BUBBETTE? Me and YOU, NOT snoozin', but BOOZIN' & CRUISIN'
for D-A-N-G-E-R. Well, I for one am NOT gonna sit around and let THEM
confirm in their own INFIRM one fucking IOTA of satisfaction and smug
self-congratulations -- WE'RE GONNA FUCKING TAKE IT, the whole
schlemeil!!!!!! County Law can come ON, if they can come FAR enough,
get my drift?! OH "BOB", it's SO HARD risking ALL with the REWARD so
far away, and HOW in the fucking NAME of WOTAN are we supposed to
DEAL with shit like this? Oh, they got the first round PACKED IN A
DEEP-FREEZE, but fret not slackfux, there WILL be a Dokstok this
year!!!! If I have to SKANK-STRANGLE every blue-hair in Horse-Alley
and Dogtown to get a permit SOMEWHERE, I'll fucking do it, even if I
have to watch the HAPS on TV from a Safe-House, as a result of my
efforts. I'm doing my best. I'm UP!!
Rev. Pissed Off Sternodox.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: philo@subgenius.pee
Subject: MORON DOKSTOK NOW WHIZ
Yeah, there's gonna be a Moonie Baiting Contest and don't forget the ever
popular "Scare the Shit Outta the Campers in the Adjacent Campgrounds By
Repeatedly Saying la-la-la-la-la-la Like a Homocidal Retard Just Outside of
Their Tents While They're Sleeping" Starlight Expeditions, (My favorite!)
Thoughtfully,
Philo
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: MORON DOKSTOK NOW WHIZ
But the key is that you have to say "la-la-la-la-la-la" very SOFTLY.
Almost SWEETLY. That's what provokes the nerve-cutting "oh no this maniac
is a REALLY REALLY CRAZY maniac!" terror when they wake up and hear it.
You creep up outside a tent and just start singing this lullaby:
"lalalalala.... lalalalala.... lalalalala... you pause now and then. It's
sort of tuneless. The victim FREEZES. Makes the perp feel like a cat
toying with a helpless mouse. What was that Werner Hertzog ,movie --
AGUIRRE, THE WRATH OF GOD. There was a big fat killer-guy on that raft of
Conquistadores... whenever some loser was about to be killed aboard the
raft, the goony-eyed fat killer guy would start this sweet litle tuneles
"lalalalalala.... lalalalalala...." chant. It works great late at night in
campgrounds.
You probably think we made this all up.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: MORON DOKSTOK NOW WHIZ
And, of course, the SlugFuck Marathon Saturday at noon. Bring your own
dick Butter and Mason Jars.
SDOXZ
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: trucksv2@dekalb.dc.peachnet.edu (vaylor russell trucks)
Subject: Re: MORON DOKSTOK NOW WHIZ
... That and angrily quoting Gilligan's Island.
"GILLIGAN!!! WHERE'S THE COCONUTS?!!!"
Vaylor
"I don't like it and I am sorry I ever had anything to do with it."
-Erwin Schrodinger
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: nenslo@teleport.com (NENSLO)
Subject: Re: MORON DOKSTOK NOW WHIZ
Sternodox (glatter@delphi.com) wrote:
: Uh BUUUHHHHH, Uh BUUUUUHHHHH, Uh BUUUUUUHHHHH.....
Nenslo replies: Hey Scrag, you gonna do like last time where every gal
that shows up gets a hundred dollar bill and every guy that shows up gets
an unjection in the balls with a big square needle?
If not, I'm not coming, and I MEAN that sincerely. Not with your
"daughters" going to be there again, that one was thirtyfive if she was a
day, it was her mind that was nineteen, the one that kept trying to swap
t-shirts with everybody and nobody'd do it but J***r. She's the one they
WROTE the word "skanky" for.
--
-Copyright NENSLO KDV 1995-
Send One Dollar to box 86582 Portland OR 97286
This is a READER SUPPORTED ministry.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: ZOOGZ RIFT APOLOGIZES!!!
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 95 13:41:14 -0500
ANYBODY who sends Zoogz $100 or more gets to come to Dokstok FREE, gets to
be the OFFICIAL, THRICE-DAMNED SECRET EMCEE of the ENTIRE fucking weekend, gets
to have his/her/its WAY with Wanda and ALL her brothers, sisters, pets and
appliances, gets to lick the oil of my Harley's pan, gets to SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH JANOR (!!!!), AND gets the to have the HONOR of having Zoogz Rift cash
one of your checks! And who sez the universe ain't FAIR!
Rev. Sternodox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: Dokstok -- EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In article <pA2d7nP.biggles1@delphi.com>, Biggles <biggles1@delphi.com> wrote:
> Would someone please change the diaper on the Sternodox? He's
> crying an awful lot.
>
>
> -- Pope-King Biggles I
Well, his hoped-for Dokstok site fell through.
I hesitate to say this, because I don't wanna take ANY responsibility for
"PRODUCING" ANY SubGenius show ever again, at least until the big X-Day
Conflagration.
BUT...
A crazy pagan SubGenius in Austin turned me on to a campground about an
hour outside Austin, Texas, where one COULD, were one SO INCLINED, hold a
Dokstok. Or an X-Day Party for that matter. I just KNEW there had to be a
place in Texas as "loose" yet comfy as Brushwood in New York state, and
there is. As I understand it, if you pay the $10 a day or $5 a day camping
fee, or whatever, you can do pretty much anything you want "within reason"
there. That is, you can plug in the amps and make horrible noise all
night, you can run around nekkid, etc. etc. (I doubt that most Subs are
interested in running around nekkid, per se, but that option is a good way
to judge the "slackness" of a campground.)
Now, IN THEORY, one could simply SET A DATE and tell all one's pals to be
there, and IT WOULD HAPPEN. One would have to consult the camp owner to
make sure it was a weekend that did NOT have a bunch of stuck-up,
humorless Texas pagans or ravers running an event simultaneously. Pagans
and ravers are like every other group -- mostly Pink. And because they're
so tantalizingly CLOSE to true Slack awareness, their corniness is all the
more cloying. Some of my best friends are pagans and I know from YEARS of
experience doing devivals at pagan events that they are in general FAR
LESS PINK than most religious nuts. But the bad, stupid, humorless ones
are REALLY BAD NEWS -- like sci-fi or comics geeks who actually BELIEVE
the science fiction -- and they're REAL SNOBS about it. One or two large
SubGenii could easily whup their asses, but it would put a damper on
things.
Don't get me wrong -- pagans are BELOVED and VALUED MEMBERS of the
audiences at MANY SubGenius devivals. All I'm saying is that WERE one to
just up and announce that there will be a Dokstok on such-and-such-date at
the campground Stang was talking about, we'd want it to be a date when the
only pagans around were SUBGENIUS pagans.
We don't care who comes to a commercial Devival if their money is green.
But Dokstok is not commercial, there's no "show" and no "audience," and
it's generally by invitation only. The main event is BLABBERING and
JAMMING. The three previous ones were that way. As I said, I refuse to be
a producer of such a thing, partly because I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO CHOOSE
WHO'S INVITED, but if somebody else has the energy, I can tell you about
the campground privately.
I haven't actually been there but it gets used a lot for raves, has a
bathhouse and AC power, and County Law won't hassle you.
Keep in mind that Austin in late summer is akin to Venus in temperature
and desneness of atmosphere. And Venus has no bugs YET, that we know of.
I was real glad to hear about this campground and will eventually check it
out further, because I'd kinda rather hold the giantest X-Day party in '98
in Texas rather than New York. Mainly because it's more centrally located.
But the HEAT... well... at 7 am it shouldn't be too bad, and that's the
last non-airconditioned place we'll be. 'Less'n we WANTED our Escape
Vessel Personal Planets to be "natural."
Rev. Ivan "Barnum" Stang
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: clavis@ix.netcom.com (John P. Olinyk)
Subject: Re: Dokstok -- EMERGENCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In <i.stang-1805951724380001@net243.metronet.com> i.stang@metronet.com
(Rev. Ivan Stang) writes:
>I'd kinda rather hold the giantest X-Day party in
'98
>in Texas rather than New York. Mainly because it's more centrally
>located.
Central, SHMENTRAL!!! New York is the place for me! Then again, I
already LIVE in New York. Here in the 5 burros (Queens, sometimes
Man-Hat-Tan). New York... ANYWHERE in New York, besides being closer to
focal lei lines, would have the added advantage (as Rev. Stang mentioned
in some of the text I deleted) of NOT BEING AS FUCKAWFULLY HOT, SWEATY
and BUGGY! I don't know about you, but I prefer to get sucked by
creatures I can SUCK BACK!
But that's just me being selfish. Besides, the X-day 1998 Gut Blowout
had BETTER be in Dallas, or we'll be standing around in the wrong time
zone, wondering where all the sawcirs are.
But for previous years, SURE, Brushwood sounds fantastic! Hay, hay ay!
Now, let's pray.
the Grand Clavister
(who likes to party by the rules. Well... party WHILE he rules,
actually...)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: STERNO RECANTS ... sort of
Date: Fri, 19 May 95 12:16:50 -0500
OK. I'm sorry. Maybe I flew off the handle a bit. Maybe the stress of
organizing the single most important event a fledgling SubGenius
could ever hope to attend subsumed my rationality and caused me to be
a mite hasty in my evaluation of the motivation and panache of the
average alt.slack.fuck. Maybe I FUCKING FORGOT to give out the
correct address for the Dokstok pre-registration fee. BUT THAT'S NO
EXCUSE FOR YOU NOT SENDING IN YOUR MONEY ANYWAY!!!! Do I have to do
EVERYTHING?!?! I mean, shit, it's not THAT fucking hard to find me.
It's not like I'm hiding or anything. The more astute Subs here did a
little investigation on their OWN, found out where I am AND SENT ME
THEIR MONEY! THEY'LL be lounging in ECSTACY at Dokstok Central while
all you OTHER worthless fart-brains are sitting around whacking your
trouser-snakes and bruising Mama's Little Turtle! THAT'S RIGHT you
besodden lickers of other people's BUTT-BABIES, Dokstok is ON and
YOU'RE gonna be left out in the below-zero poop-holes that constitute
whatever pitiful exuse for existence you call a life. Hell, I'd line
every one of you FUCK-FACES up against the wall and let Billy Samuels
have his way with your fart-brownie chute for a couple of hours if I
thought it'd do some fucking good. YOU'RE NOT SUBGENIUSES! You're
less than NEGATIVE ZERO! You choke-cunted shit-tick snot-gobblers are
ALL gonna RUE the day you ever posted to alt.slack. I'VE GOT YOUR
FUCKING NUMBERS and the pay-off AIN'T gonna be very pretty. I'd
rather have a thousand castrated Scientologists give me a drano enema
than have even ONE of you namby-pamby cum-stain worshippers set FOOT
on the hallowed ground of Dokstok Nation. None of you has sense
enough to pour piss out of a boot! You're all a bunch of retro-dicked
and feltch-cunted STINKING NORMALLY BOYZ who couldn't grop a
groove-go if your BUTT-BLOW-OUT depended on it!! I can't stand to
EVEN LOOK AT YOU MULE-DICKIN', MEDIOKIN', MOTHERFUCKIN'
JIZM-SNARFERS. You ALL poot a chili-induced BUTT-BLAST and sniff it
for THREE HOURS! You all wallow in the insipid normalcy that IS the
conspiracy! I hope whatever gangrenous lap noodle you call a pecker
turns black, withers up and falls into your cream o' abortion soup
and you EAT IT before anyone tells you how badly you're FUCKING UP! I
hope your EVERY WAKING MOMENT is rife with expectations that are
trampled on by legions of dumb-ass BOBBIES! May your hamstrings SNAP
at your moment of achievement! May you ALL wallow FOREVER in the
piss-stink of PINKNESS!!!!! Wotan would fucking PUKE if he had the
most miniscule INKLING of how utterly shit-besmirched you
alt.slack.shiz really are. You're ALL Nhee Ghee's HENCHMEN, aren't
you?! You can't fool ME you crusty-wanged neo-Gimme-"Bob"'s. It
wouldn't surprise me in the LEAST to discover that the whore you call
a mother cohabited with a syphlitic PIG in order to conceive you.
You're ALL brainless ABORTIONS who don't have the fucking RIGHT to
call yourselves SubGeniuses!!! Get outta town by SUNDOWN or face the
righteous wrath of Doktors for "Bob" and then SMOOCH MY
LAP-FUCK-VOMIT!
Rev. Sterno (the restrained and considerate) Dox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: anarch@cse.ucsc.edu (Anarch)
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK? It's up to YOU!
Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> wrote:
>You all acted REAL FUCKING EXCITED for about
>ten minutes, then went back to your pud-pounding and squid-splitting,
>leaving ME with all the fucking work! AND (and this is what REALLY pisses
>me off) only TWENTY-SIX of you have sent in your $45 Dokstok
>pre-registration fee! HOLY SHIT you goddam Moonie-feltching
>lolly-laggards, that's only $1,170!
So what's yer goddam ADDRESS?? What about the Bluenoses and Pinkdicks and
their Pink-and-Blue LAWS??? Is it still ON? Is 25 Aug the true MOMENT
we're shootin for or not?
anarch@cse.ucsc.edu +-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+ I do not believe in anything
D I S C L A I M E R : E V E R Y T H I N G I W R I T E I S F A L S E
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: DOKSTOK? It's up to YOU!
Date: Thu, 18 May 95 18:44:03 -0500
OK all you fecal-encrusted, slug-fucking alt.slack.shitz. You all
whined and cried and boo-hooed about the possibility that there
wouldn't be a Dokstok for you to go to this year. You sniveled and
wheezed about not being able to 'frop up REAL GOOD and GROP to your
fave Doktor bands. You shivered and shat about perhaps not being in
on the Church Air Consumption/Jit Bag Enema Contest. You bemoaned the
fact that you may not be getting the official commemorative Dokstok
tattoo engraved on your butt cheeks. You oozed and squirted about the
long drive to Arkansas, forcing me to have the Toad Suck Airfield
re-opened, so you could charter your little private airplanes to
ferry you in. You all shit a rag doll sideways when you realized
you'd have to wait til September to come to the Savage Mind of the
Country's Interior to carouse and get fucked up with your favorite
Churchly studs and buds. You all acted REAL FUCKING EXCITED for about
ten minutes, then went back to your pud-pounding and squid-splitting,
leaving ME with all the fucking work! AND (and this is what REALLY pisses
me off) only TWENTY-SIX of you have sent in your $45 Dokstok
pre-registration fee! HOLY SHIT you goddam Moonie-feltching
lolly-laggards, that's only $1,170! What the fuck am I supposed to do
with $1,170 muthafukkin' dollars? How the livin' maggot snot am I
supposed to put on a Dokstok for that paltry sum? Oh why do I even
bother? I could just invite the REAL COOL DOKTORS and probably have a
MUCH more NON-FECAL time (like we did in Austin last weekend at the
pre-Dokstok weinie roast and Bobbie-tarring). That's EXACTLY what I'm
gonna do if you fucking TURD-BOWL STEW EATERS don't get off your
festering arses and send in your registration fee! Hell, the fucking
insurance ALONE is gonna be something like $2,000! And if we let the
under-18 attendees into the firing range it'll be even MORE. Goddam,
I gotta pay for all the Vienna Sausages I've already ordered and
those SECURITY fucks don't come cheap either. I'M FUCKING FRUSTRATED
with you smegmatic so-called SubGenius DICKHEADS! You are SO FUCKING
WORTHLESS as to be nigh invisible to the light that is TRUE
DOKTORDOM. If your brains was in a hummingbird's head it'd SUCK A
MULE'S ASS THROUGH MORNING GLORY! You are the IGNORANTEST God Damn
ONE GROUP OF lazy, piss-drinking, turtle-fucking LOSERS I've ever
encountered in one place in my entire FUCKING LIFE! You are ALL the
cast-off jism of ENTIRE tribes of diseased, malodorous,
trench-mouthed BUTTFACED NORMALS and I wouldn't spend TEN FUCKING
SECONDS on you if I didn't think I could make a bit of a profit on
this year's Dokstok. Look, I've gotta reserve the fucking campsites
by NEXT WEEKEND and if I don't have your registration fee by then YOU AIN'T
FUCKING COMING! Jesus H. Christ on a fucking crutch, what is with you
people? Are you all just TOTALLY FUCKED or what? I'll bet your grandma's
face is PASTED to your putz 24-7! You fuck GIGANTIC mounds of Po-Bucker
shit, you BRAIN DEAD excuses for SubGeniuses. Holy fuck, Dobbs would
SHIT a BRICK if he saw how far his "followers" and "haters" have fallen.
YOU CAN ALL KISS MY BUTTSNAKE. My BROWN STAR is WINKIN' at your gramma's
blister-bespeckled tongue as I write this. She ADMITS that you all
suck. Dokstok will be better off WITHOUT YOU, you grimy SweatLoafs!
I had a FEELING you'd all be this lame, but even I didn't realize just
HOW fucking limp-dicked and butt-sucked you all were. You can all just
KISS MY FUCKING SLIDER-EXHAUST!
Rev. Sterno (the exeedingly dissapointed) Dox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: STERNO RECANTS ... sort of
One thing about Pope Sterno's posts... ye cain't SKIM 'em. You have to
read 'em REAL SLOW as if they were being spewed at you in a combination
Arkansas inner-city and 17th century Muscovian accent.
Well, you heard the man. Send him your damn MONEY instead of your MOUTH!
Send it to that address he gave -- QUICK, or you'll MISS OUT on DOKSTOK,
YOU PURBLIND FIXED-LEGGED EARTH FOOLS -- TRAPPED MILLING ABOUT IN YOUR
CAGE OF THREE DIMENSIONS!!
Stang
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: i.stang@metronet.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK? It's up to YOU!
Date: 24 May 1995 05:17:52 GMT
AND THEN, JUST BEFORE JANOR INFORMED HIM THAT HE'D ACCIDENTALLY POURED THE
ANTIDOTE DOWN THE SINK, STERNO SWALLOWED A WHOLE HANDFUL OF THE "In
article <xmy-Tbb.glatter@delphi.com>, Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
wrote:
> OK all you fecal-encrusted, slug-fucking alt.slack.shitz. You all
> whined and cried and boo-hooed about the possibility that there
> wouldn't be a Dokstok for you to go to this year.
Hell, they started thinking there never WERE Dokstoks!!
You sniveled and
> wheezed about not being able to 'frop up REAL GOOD and GROP to your
> fave Doktor bands. You shivered and shat about perhaps not being in
> on the Church Air Consumption/Jit Bag Enema Contest.
They wouldn't know what the fuck to do with the Jit Bags to begin with.
They'd probably try to shove 'em up each other's butts.
You bemoaned the
> fact that you may not be getting the official commemorative Dokstok
> tattoo engraved on your butt cheeks. You oozed and squirted about the
> long drive to Arkansas, forcing me to have the Toad Suck Airfield
> re-opened, so you could charter your little private airplanes to
> ferry you in.
I guarantee, Sterno, that they don't even believe there is a town called
Toad Suck ferry in Arkansas, because they've never looked at the fucking
MAP!
You all shit a rag doll sideways when you realized
> you'd have to wait til September to come to the Savage Mind of the
> Country's Interior to carouse and get fucked up with your favorite
> Churchly studs and buds. You all acted REAL FUCKING EXCITED for about
> ten minutes, then went back to your pud-pounding and squid-splitting,
> leaving ME with all the fucking work! AND (and this is what REALLY pisses
> me off) only TWENTY-SIX of you have sent in your $45 Dokstok
> pre-registration fee!
And they want to know where to send it TO!!! That's what really kills me.
HOLY SHIT you goddam Moonie-feltching
> lolly-laggards, that's only $1,170! What the fuck am I supposed to do
> with $1,170 muthafukkin' dollars? How the livin' maggot snot am I
> supposed to put on a Dokstok for that paltry sum?
Sphinx says he's gonna be able to get some of the snot for Staurday night.
Oh why do I even
> bother? I could just invite the REAL COOL DOKTORS and probably have a
> MUCH more NON-FECAL time (like we did in Austin last weekend at the
> pre-Dokstok weinie roast and Bobbie-tarring). That's EXACTLY what I'm
> gonna do if you fucking TURD-BOWL STEW EATERS don't get off your
> festering arses and send in your registration fee! Hell, the fucking
> insurance ALONE is gonna be something like $2,000! And if we let the
> under-18 attendees into the firing range it'll be even MORE.
What he's saying is true. Sterno is practically GIVING IT AWAY and you
people complain.
Goddam,
> I gotta pay for all the Vienna Sausages I've already ordered and
> those SECURITY fucks don't come cheap either. I'M FUCKING FRUSTRATED
> with you smegmatic so-called SubGenius DICKHEADS! You are SO FUCKING
> WORTHLESS as to be nigh invisible to the light that is TRUE
> DOKTORDOM. If your brains was in a hummingbird's head it'd SUCK A
> MULE'S ASS THROUGH MORNING GLORY! You are the IGNORANTEST God Damn
> ONE GROUP OF lazy, piss-drinking, turtle-fucking LOSERS I've ever
> encountered in one place in my entire FUCKING LIFE!
And Sterno's 31!!
You are ALL the
> cast-off jism of ENTIRE tribes of diseased, malodorous,
> trench-mouthed BUTTFACED NORMALS and I wouldn't spend TEN FUCKING
> SECONDS on you if I didn't think I could make a bit of a profit on
> this year's Dokstok. Look, I've gotta reserve the fucking campsites
> by NEXT WEEKEND and if I don't have your registration fee by then YOU AIN'T
> FUCKING COMING!
SEND IT IN!!! He's NOT KIDDING!! You're gonna MISS OUT. Money orders are
fine if you don't have a checking account.
Jesus H. Christ on a fucking crutch, what is with you
> people? Are you all just TOTALLY FUCKED or what? I'll bet your grandma's
> face is PASTED to your putz 24-7! You fuck GIGANTIC mounds of Po-Bucker
> shit, you BRAIN DEAD excuses for SubGeniuses.
That bit about fucking the mounds of shit isn't so FUNNY after what you
did to me and GGG in Austin, man. I'm still scraping my teeth.
Holy fuck, Dobbs would
> SHIT a BRICK if he saw how far his "followers" and "haters" have fallen.
> YOU CAN ALL KISS MY BUTTSNAKE. My BROWN STAR is WINKIN' at your gramma's
> blister-bespeckled tongue as I write this. She ADMITS that you all
> suck. Dokstok will be better off WITHOUT YOU, you grimy SweatLoafs!
> I had a FEELING you'd all be this lame, but even I didn't realize just
> HOW fucking limp-dicked and butt-sucked you all were. You can all just
> KISS MY FUCKING SLIDER-EXHAUST!
> Rev. Sterno (the exeedingly dissapointed) Dox
Hey look man, I don't blame you a bit. They had ALL THE SLACK IN THE WORLD
dangling right there in front of their fucking faces, and they BLEW IT
OFF. Hell let's just do it at Gordon's house and invite the 273-degree-ers
ONLY."-ERS, THEN HE FREAKED.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK? It's up to YOU!
Tarla, you can come for FREE. Just go to Kansas City and hang a left.
It's at the end of that dirt road (about 15 miles) just after you
pass the wrecked El Camino that crashed into that phone pole. See
ya there.
STernOD
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: STERNO to sue ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 13 Jun 95 15:10:47 -0500
That fucking RIGHT, you Gog/Magog-humping Satan-Fuckers. I'm SUING
every ONE of you shit-begrimed DADDY-FUCKERS! I've spent practically
my whole SPRING and half the fucking SUMMER gallyvanting all over the
fucking state trying to find the CORRECT Dokstok site, and when I
finally DO find it, how many of you fucking alt.slack.dipshitz
offered to help me out a little bit? NONE OF YOU, that's how
many!!!!! You people like nothing more than slitting your momma's
fucking throat, shitting in it, mixing the throat-shit with NINETY
BILLION TONS of cast-off WHIGGER DICKS, fucking the mixture
eighty-eight times a second for SIXY-QUADRILLION GIGA-EPOCHS and then
standing in line FOR ALL ETERNITY to jack off to 3-D animated
computer renderings of yourself actually DOING the fucking, you
spam-mixed-with-pig-shit-and-then-rolled-into-a-cigar smoking BLOODY
TAMPON SUCKING asswipes. You use EACH OTHER to stuff up EACH OTHER's
BUTTS to keep the shit-stream from becoming so all encompassing it
would literally strangle the life out of you, you isomorphic,
re-blook-fucked DICK VOMIT DRINKERS!!! Here's what you stupid
motherfuckers do EVERY FUCKING DAY OF YOUR LIFE, you dick-addled
pussy-prawns: You get up and the FIRST THING YOU DO is go immediately
to the GOAT-PISS-STREAM and you wash your fucking dicks with GOAT
PISS; then you shit in ALL the PUSSIES and fuck them en toto with
your goat piss soaked microscopic peckers; then you descend into the
local sewer where you proceed to fuck all the accumulated SHIT, PISS,
BLOODY TAMPONS, FLUSHED GOLDFISH, PISS-SOAKED RAGS and KOTEXES that
have been up some fucking BLOODY CUNT for
90,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 centuries; then, sated with all the
shit-fucking you can handle for one morning, you emerge from the
sewer system (thoroughly covered in ACRES of PISS-Soaked SHIT) and
you immediately LICK all the SHIT off each other, vomit it into each
other's PUSSIES after cutting each other's DICKS off and shoving them
into each other's ASSHOLES while singing the Lord's Prayer all the
while! THEN you all sandpaper fuck an entire orphanage of crippled
children while re-blood-fucking and gland-sucking each other's
lap-fuck-vomit into each other's massively bleeding and cancerous
RECTUMS, you utter shit-mixed-with-Spam fucking TOAD VOMIT fuckers! I
think you alt.slack.mother/fatherfuckers are, without a fucking
DOUBT, the most VILE, ODOROUS, gigantically zit-infested, shit-tick
fucking FAGGOT-MEXICAN-JEW-SHIT-NIGGER-PENTACOSTAL BABY-FUCKERS in
the entire MULTIVERSE. You lick SHIT out of the VIRGIN MARY'S SMELLY
OLD PUSSY, you fucking fart-breathing SCUM-SUCKING BABY-SHIT EATING
TURD-FUCKING SON-of-a-BITCH lousy MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You
think I'm not ready to kick EVERY ONE of you STUPID ASSHOLES'
ASSES???!!! Think again, vomit-brains! I'll do better than THAT! I'll
CUT YOUR FUCKING BUTTS OFF and rent the 'roidal assholes out for
TARGET PRACTICE at the local HOMO-FUCKERY you shit-all-in-your-teeth,
COMPLETELY FUCKED UP & OVER, pay each other to butt-fuck each other's
FATHERS and GRANDFATHERS and GREAT-GRANDFATHERS all the way back into
HYPER-MEGA-ETERNITY and then fucking the futuristic CLONES of every
diseased, cum-stained throat of a fucking JIT-BAG CIRCUS in the
WORLD, DOG-LICKING PISS-FACES!!!!!!! DOKSTOK IS FUCKING CANCELLED!!!!
Rev. (So PISSED OFF I CAN'T EVEN FUCK A SLUG) Dox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Subject: Re: STERNO to sue ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Date: Tue, 13 Jun 1995 20:39:59 GMT
Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> wrote:
>That fucking RIGHT, you Gog/Magog-humping Satan-Fuckers. I'm SUING
>every ONE of you shit-begrimed DADDY-FUCKERS! I've spent practically
>my whole SPRING and half the fucking SUMMER gallyvanting all over the
>fucking state trying to find the CORRECT Dokstok site, and when I
>finally DO find it, how many of you fucking alt.slack.dipshitz
>offered to help me out a little bit? NONE OF YOU,
So...I guess you missed my post offering to bring the potato salad?
Rev Mutha Tarla (A little cranky, herself) Star
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: blackmer@scunix4.harvard.edu (John Blackmer)
Subject: Re: STERNO to sue ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Sternodox (glatter@delphi.com) wrote:
:DOKSTOK is fuxksccin cancleld
Actually, I bought the rights to Dokstok from you grandma when you wasn't
lookin' and had my own Dokstok without ya, ya stupid ass-sniffin' zombie.
It was great. We rented a Noise Machine from them good ol' boys in the NSA, and I
tell you, them pinkboys in the audience sure was sorry when they heard that Noise!
Ain't one of their bland asses wasn't consumed by uncontrollable spasms on the
ground tryin' desperately to dig their own eardrums out
with their fingernails as their brains wriggled and flopped in vain attempts to
escape from their POUNDING QUIVERING SKULLS.Yes sir, we had a GRAND old time!
Me and your grandma, we been practicin' from that old Songs of the Bad Boy Gods book,
you know the one. And I TELL YOU, we figured out how to play the Song
That Brings On the Rain of Razor Worms on banjo, and any o' them Bobbies who didn't
have a Storm Suit on (that being NONE) got theirselves cut to BITS, a PIECE AT A
TIME, not that they wasn't already in enough trouble with their ears bleedin' and
their skin meltin' and their innerds at war, panicking shakin and flinching in
epileptic COMMUNION, cause there AIN'T NO ESCAPE once them Machines go on!
In fact, you LUCKY you wasn't there, you WET STEAMING FLOW OF MASHED FETUSES
GUSHING OUT OF A BUTT!! You wouldna been there FIVE NANOSECONDS before I personally
kicked your ass.
-John Boy
P.S. Your fuck-slugs need a bath
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: STERNO to sue ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Actually, Tarla, I DIDN'T miss your generous offer. In fact, YOU get a
refund without actually sending in any money! Some dumb fuck is getting
RIPPED OFF so you can get some money back just for offering to bring
potato salad to Dokstok. Something to tell the progeny, eh? HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rev. Spermy
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: STERNO to sue ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Ok Ok! So I WON'T kill the puppy!
Rev. Sterno (the restrained) Dox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (cuthulu)
Subject: Re: STERNO to suck ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> wrote:
>DOKSTOK IS FUCKING CANCELLED!!!!
>Rev. (So PISSED OFF I CAN'T EVEN FUCK A SLUG) Dox
Again. Like any of the poontang larva here on alt.what.is.slack? were
ever expecting your reversible, blood-tick shitting esophagal dick to
actually manage to pull it off. If you spent less time sticking your
sorry shriveled shit soaked scrotum into your own urine covered
pustulent ebola secretions, maybe you'd have the mettle to pull it
off. Instead, you pulled it off when it became so leprous it turned
green and became a maggot factory. Geez, we should all just fuck the
hole where your nose used to be before your vomit encrusted,
jism-filled, shit-&-piss-coated butt plug infected it so bad. That's
all you're good for nowadays.
Kevan Smith
Radar Labs 23
http://www.unicomp.net/prysm/cuthulu.
"Hit me with your rhythm stick/hit me slowly/hit me quick."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com>
Subject: Re: STERNO to suck ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
Well, you don't have to CUSS me, do you?
Rev. Sterno (burning ears) Dox
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: cuthulu@unicomp.net (cuthulu)
Subject: Re: STERNO to suck ALT.SLACK!!!!!!!
I admit it -- it wasn't me posting the original. It was a wretched
combination of the coffee and tobacco demons.
And then I reread it, and I thought to myself, "Geez, why don't I take
this to the golf course." So I did. And I shot the same sorry game I
always do, but entertained the pee out of my foursome (and you _know_
why they call it a foursome).
Anyway, I guess we can get back to our regular dick shitting now, and
loving one anothers ass zits.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)
Subject: Re: YES!!! DOKSTOK SAVED!!!!!!!!!
Date: Wed, 07 Jun 1995 17:53:17 GMT
Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> wrote:
>...If ANY of you alt.slack.fuckwadz
>DARE to show up at this year's Dokstok, I will PERSONALLY hold EACH
>of you down while Billy and the Boys shove UN-LUBRICATED shotguns up
>your buttholes and UNLOAD 12-guage PORK-BISQUIT-BULLETS up your
>fucking bung-holes till your intestines are literally EXPLODING, then
>I'll feed the exploded butt-hole debris to your WHOLE FAMILY while
>"60 Minutes" interviews your neighbors about how TOTALLY FUCKED UP
>you are!
I can't believe it...my childhood dream realized! I'll BE there!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: sphinx1@ix.netcom.com (sphinx drummond )
Subject: Re: DOKSTOK
Date: 8 Jun 1995 23:22:48 GMT
In <xi+8lEm.glatter@delphi.com> Sternodox <glatter@delphi.com> writes:
> You cut off your dicks and then stretch the WOUND apart until it
>looks something like a PUSSY and then you stuff it full of SHIT and
>THEN you fucking JACK OFF to it.
God Dammit Sterno,
I know you weren't talking about me but the above mention sounded
like it could be fun. I convinced one of my patients to give it a try.
Problem is my patient isn't sure how he is supposed to JACK OFF now.
Also the sight of his SHIT packed dick WOUND streched apart until it
looks something like a PUSSY had made him extremely horny. Should he
use his emasculated dick as a dildo and JACK OFF into his SHIT packed
dick WOUND streched apart until it looks something like a PUSSY, or
not?
Anxiously,
Col. Sphinx Drummond
Commander of S.L.A.K.
The corpse than can be buried is not a Swingin' Love Corpse.
Original file name: Dokstok-1
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.