((The entire interview is now available on the Shatnerology web site. We must disclaim that the interview is uncut --the hideous hack editing job 2/3 of the way through the interview is exactly how it played in Dallas.
http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/phone.html
Scroll down to the section entitled "We're all adulterous radio preachers on this bus!"))
3:40 pm CST, 5-15-98
My quickie in-out with Bob Larson on his nationally-broadcast Christian
Demon Fighter radio show today went SWIMMINGLY!!
I just got off the phone with him. They were taping the show then, but will
broadcast it at 4 pm (in about 10 minutes). We're waiting with bated tape
decks. ((I had my little handheld running while I was talking to Bob, but
you don't hear his end of it, just mine.))
It was like we were OLD PALS! He mentioned before we even started that this
was going to be a short one, and that he was interested in having us on
later for a more in-depth thing. For the time being, though, his main
interest in having us on today (as his producers told Jesus, who SUGGESTED
this) is that he's doing a "show" at some junior high auditorium in Dallas
TOMORROW NIGHT (Friday night) and he figured we'd be good for drumming up
interest.
We were both very civil to each other. I'm sure he too figures that we
should hold off on the REAL fireworks for a later, longer show. We insulted
each other's religions in fairly reasonable ways. I think we were both
enjoying ourselves. I also suspect that Larson himself is a TOTAL fake,
PURE SHOW-BIZ, an UTTER CHARLATAN who believes in demons about as much as
I do. (This is what Jesus gathered from sweet-talking Larson's
producer-girls, "cult employee-to-cult-employee.) Unlike the average drive
time talk jock, he let me finish my sentences. We respected each others'
"space" in that he never used the old, "Come on, this is just a joke isn't
it" cop-out that most smarm-meisters use, and by the same token, when an
anti-Larson caller tried to call Larson "an adulterous radio preacher," I
stuck up for him and said, hey, we're ALL adulterous radio preachers around
HERE!
I was able to get in my line about how we've declared War on God because
we're sick of this weak, sissy invisible monster that has to be defended by
illiterate little old ladies from jerks like me... after that, Larson faded
me out and went into a nice rant to his audience about how those illiterate
little old ladies were gonna kick my spiritual ass if I dared to show up at
this Dallas Larson revival. (Actually it's in Arlington, at the Workman
Junior High. Larson will also be on Channel 29 in Dallas from 10 am to 12
am, on some local Xian show.)
Jesus, Nickie and I are MUSKIN' for it! Reports and hopefully pics to follow.
*** (LATER IN THE EVENING) ***
YAY!!! Sure enough, they played that show at 4 pm and I got a tape of it --
albeit not a very good one, as that station has bad reception here. The
only thing that Bob "bleeped" out was when the caller mentioned Bob being
an "adulterous radio preacher" and my defense of same. (See the reprinted
letter below for details on Larson's adultery!)
After about 7 or 8 minutes of banter, he cut me off rather suddenly and
said (this is transcribed from the tape):
"Alright, well I'll tell you what, one of these days we'll get you back and
talk a little longer... I would SUGGEST however... beware those "little old
illiterate ladies" as you refer to them, because there are some godly women
of the Lord who deeply resent what you've just said, and they are gonna
kick your spiritual butt with the power of prayer if you show up on Friday
night, so Be...WARE! Those PEOPLE that you DENIGRATE have got more
spiritual power and COMMON eternal horse sense in their little finger than
you've got in a lifetime of pursuing illicit religions ... and they're
ready to take you on, and they're ready to pray you into the Kingdom. So I
say, Prayer Warriors, my friends in Dallas, be there... as you can see,
it's going to be an interesting evening!"
Bob took calls for the rest of the show, and several times he refered to us
crazies in Dallas, and July 5, and how he was under attack, and weren't his
people shocked and shouldn't they be calling in and pledging. Mostly he was
getting the usual smarmy "Bob, you're SO GREAT and there's only ONE GOD and
those people are gonna be SORRY when they're in the Lake of Fire forever,"
which Larson seemed to be bored with. One pro-Stang guy calling himself
"Rev. Wally from the ULC" called in to tell Larson how hilarious he finds
Larson's show, but he sounded like a Discordian -- nervous and
quavery-voiced, and Larson tore into him and bullied him like a pit bull. A
few Christians then called in to wish hell on Rev. Wally.
I got the impression that Larson kinda LIKED me. At one point I said we
were disgusted with the Normals, and Larson said, "Well, you certainly
aren't normal," and I said, "Well, Bob, in that respect, I think you and I
have a lot in common," and he said, "Touche', ya got me on that one." Even
when he was saying the little old ladies were gonna kick my butt, you could
tell that he was tickled by the whole thing and was bound and determined to
exploit the hell out of us so as to draw more paying folks to his Dallas
show. WHICH WAS EXACTLY HOW JESUS PITCHED THIS TO LARSON'S PEOPLE WHEN HE
CALLED THEM. Jesus had a good idea and Larson was smart enough to pick up
on it.
I can't believe I just typed that preceeding sentence.
Sometimes I just LOVE this old Church.
I can see how Bob Larson Ministries and The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.,
could mutually get a lot of mileage out of this End Times battle. His
exorcisms are getting old and he could use a new villain. For our parts,
we're just happy to be able to reach out to his audience this way. As
Larson himself pointed out, his show attracts more weirdos than our cult
does. (He couldn't resist some one-upmanship.)
What a strange yet exciting day this has been!
An hour before Jesus told me about having set up the Bob Larson thing, we
got a delivery of the Steve Jackson Games INWO/SUBGENIUS BOXED SETS!! My
verdict: IT KICKS ASS!!! The printing is EXCELLENT! The pictures are
uniformly more contrasty and vibrant than I was used to seeing 'em on
computer screens, and it's an IMPROVEMENT. The detail and resolution is
UNCANNY! I've been sitting here just thumbin' and thumbin' through them,
marvelling. COLOR SUBGENIUS ART. ON PAPER. What a concept. And what FINE
WORKS OF ILLUSTRATION! WHAT BRILLIANT SUPER-TALENTS MUST HAVE CREATED THESE
CARDS!!! The structure and text of the game itself is written by Steve
Jackson according to old-school, back-to-the-pamphlet orthodox doctrinal
SubGenius liturgy, with the occasional New School addition such as Prairie
Squid.
One of these days I'll have to play the game.
We only got 4 copies but I should have more in a couple of days, and we'll
be mailing 'em out to the contributors A.S.A.P.!! SJG hasn't gotten the
full shipment yet, so games are being rationed out, but we should have
enough in to SELL 'em to ye by week's end so WHIP OUT THE $16!! WHILE THEY
LAST!! JESUS WILL POST THE POSTAGE AND HANDLING COST!
And coolest of all:
A Sign of the End Times is hanging over Dallas... the sky is like
sack-cloth, and the sun is made of blood. The neighborhood I live in looks
like a Martian Chronicles illustration made in Bryce with the Haze control
turned up all the way and colored orange. According to the Conspiracy news
media, this thick, smoky, throat-burning haze is being produced by massive
out of control forest fires in Mexico, and not by one of the Vials of the
Plagues being poured out by the Archangels. It makes for quite a visually
arresting, moody atmosphere. It's, like, Pompei-sville, daddy-o. People
with asthma are suffering greatly and can hardly breathe. Yet there was not
ONE WORD about it in the Dallas Morning News! Supposedly it's even worse in
Houston, and they're closing schools in Florida. Wow, if just some vast
forest fires in Mexico can do THIS in North Texas, think was a MASSIVE
MOUNT VESUVIUS-LIKE VOLCANO in the middle of MEXICO CITY would do!
COOL!!!
I'm DYING to see DEEP IMPACT now, since I hear it's more like ON THE BEACH
than ASTEROID. I used to COLLECT "End of the World" movies. I have a whole
shelf of unplayable Betamax copies of old AIP flicks like PANIC IN YEAR
ZERO plus, of course, all the classier Hollywood EotW movies like FAIL
SAFE. I stopped trying to collect them because after awhile, the advent of
ROAD WARRIOR-genre imitations meant there were simply TOO MANY to KEEP UP
WITH. Now, as Legume and Joe Mama predicted at last year's drill, we're
seeing a new End of the World movie released every MONTH, soon every WEEK,
and by July 1, there will be a new End of the World movie EVERY HOUR.
Anyway, even though someone else can hardly breathe in this End of the
World smog, I can't help but in the back of my mind enjoy this latest
little REHEARSAL for DOOMSDAY. It helped make it a really "SUBGENIUSY" DAY.
And it ain't over yet. As soon as I post this, I'll need to tune in
www.wcsb.org to listen in and tape ESO Radio while joining in by phone!
IT'S THE GLOBALLY-INTERCONNECTED, FOREST-FIRE BESMOGGED END TIMES, PRAISE
"BOB!"
**************************************************
REPRINTED LETTER:
Date: Tue, 12 May 1998 07:43:21 -0600
From: Ranger57 <Ranger57@ix.netcom.com>
Reply-To: Ranger57@ix.netcom.com
Mime-Version: 1.0
To: i.stang@subgenius.com, John Hattan <hattan@fastlane.net>
Cc: steiners@primenet.com
Subject: Re: Upcoming Larson guest FYI
John Hattan wrote:
>
> While wandering through alt.slack, I found this (snipped from a larger
> post). Stang's email is i.stang@subgenius.com
>
> It might be fun to mention that lawsuit about the botched exorcism. Bob
> would certainly squirm if that got out.
>
> ---
>
> (Incidentally, we ARE FINALLY talking to Bob Larson's office, praise
> Jesus!! Looks like we may get to do the long-awaited BATTLE OF THE TITANS!!
> If he doesn't wimp out.)
Rev. Stang:
If you want to _WIN_ a debate with Beggin'Bob (whom we at the Bob
Larson Fan Club have been known to refer to as the "Sultan of Slack,"),
you will take these bits of advice to heart. We have also advised other
Larson guests (Rob Sherman, Van Hale, et al.) on how to drive der
Begmeister crazy, with Margo-riffic success.
First and foremost, INSIST on doing a live show. If he balks, taunt
him! Say that he doesn't have the courage to face you, mano y mano.
Tell him that you want followers of Bob to call in. Whatever it
takes. You'll be more likely to get solid digs in if the only defense
he has is his "panic button."
Second, tape all telephone calls (assuming that it's going to be a
phone interview). Yes, it's legal in Texas, and it costs about $10 for
a hookup for your tape recorder. If Bob bleeps you out, or demands that
you not talk about a specific subject, it would be hilarious to have
that on record. Being able to play a tape of Beggin'Bob's people
demanding that you not talk about certain subjects will reap great
dividends.
Finally, become familiar with all the dirt out there. Mentioning that
while his first wife Kathy didn't understand "slack," his new concubine
Laura was herself a world-class slack artist, will annoy the shit out of
him while staying on topic. And congratulating him on buying a
multi-million dollar mansion in Vail -- a world-renowned slack-artists'
community, will infuriate him. Working in a plug for the Internet's Bob
Larson Fan Club (that's bitsmart-dot-com-slash-boblarson) should have
him reaching for his panic button. When Beggin'Bob gets bent out of
shape, that is when he is the most fun.
If you're interested in playing, visit
http://www.bitsmart.com/boblarson, and let us know. We will keep you
apprised of pertinent developments, including (I hope and pray this one
isn't a dry hole) info on the case of Beggin'Bob's Botched Exorcism.
[Jason: Time is of the essence in finding that Phoenix case!]
Regards, Ken
--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: DrLegume <drlegume@bellatlantic.net>
Ivan Stang wrote:
> Now, as Legume and Joe Mama predicted at last year's drill, we're
> seeing a new End of the World movie released every MONTH, soon every WEEK,
> and by July 1, there will be a new End of the World movie EVERY HOUR.
And next week, another End of the World movie: "Fear and Loathing in
Las Vegas". A Terry Gilliam movie that depicts what the world will be
like for some of us after Xday...those of us who've paid their $30.
Of course, some of us live (or lived) that life everyday. I know...I was
there, and the police have records to prove it. Hell, if you have enough
guns and LSD, EVERYDAY is XDAY!
--
Dr.K'taden Legume
Visit the Holocaustal Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index.html
Also Visit The "Battle of Armageddon" Website at:
http://members.tripod.com/~DrLegume/index-2.html
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hattan@fastlane.net (John Hattan)
"König PreuBe, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com> wrote:
><whack>
>
>"We're all adulterous radio preachers on this bus!"
It was an immortal quote. Too bad it didn't make it over the air.
---
John Hattan High UberPopeness -The First Church of Shatnerology
The Code Zone Sweet Software for a Saturnine World
hattan@fastlane.net http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: cht@NOSPAMgis.net (Rev. Jihad Frenzy)
In article <i.stang-ya02408000R1405982202050001@enews.newsguy.com>,
i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
> little old ladies were gonna kick my spiritual ass if I dared to show up at
> this Dallas Larson revival. (Actually it's in Arlington, at the Workman
> Junior High. Larson will also be on Channel 29 in Dallas from 10 am to 12
> am, on some local Xian show.)
>
> Jesus, Nickie and I are MUSKIN' for it! Reports and hopefully pics to follow.
>
> After about 7 or 8 minutes of banter, he cut me off rather suddenly and
> said (this is transcribed from the tape):
>
> "Alright, well I'll tell you what, one of these days we'll get you back and
> talk a little longer... I would SUGGEST however... beware those "little old
> illiterate ladies" as you refer to them, because there are some godly women
> of the Lord who deeply resent what you've just said, and they are gonna
> kick your spiritual butt with the power of prayer if you show up on Friday
> night, so Be...WARE! Those PEOPLE that you DENIGRATE have got more
> spiritual power and COMMON eternal horse sense in their little finger than
> you've got in a lifetime of pursuing illicit religions ... and they're
> ready to take you on, and they're ready to pray you into the Kingdom. So I
> say, Prayer Warriors, my friends in Dallas, be there... as you can see,
> it's going to be an interesting evening!"
>
FRIDAY NIGHT! The BOB LARSON REVIVAL! It's the Battle between Good and Evil
and Dr. Larson takes on Ivan Stang in a no holds barred, any throw, falls
count anywhere in the UNIVERSE Texas Death match!
For the hundreds in attendence and the thousands listening in worldwide via
RealAudio,
LETS GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMBLE!
Stang, one good chair shot by you will generate tons of heel heat from the
marks! Make sure Larson juices hardway before you put the Figure 8
Squidlock on him.
Make him BELIEVE!!
--
Rev. Jihad Frenzy
"Gadzooks!", quoth I, "But here's a saucy bawd!"
I, Libertine
by Fredrick R. Ewing
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack,alt.binaries.slack
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
WHICH WAS EXACTLY HOW JESUS PITCHED THIS TO LARSON'S PEOPLE WHEN HE
> CALLED THEM. Jesus had a good idea and Larson was smart enough to pick up
> on it.
This BEGS for a series of FIRED-UP public debates like unto G.G. Liddy
and
Timothy Leary! $30 fee at the door. $30 from TicketMeister.
Lincoln and Douglas! Nixon and Kennedy! Sturm and Krieg!
I wanna see the faithful down on they knees, prayin' up a storm to
cast
you and your WHOLE DAMN BUNCH O' HEATHEN ATHEISTIC SINNERS down into the
FIERY DEPTHS O' HELL! And on the other side of the auditorium--THE
UNGODLY,
THE UNHOLESOME, and with cheerleaders like N. Deathchick, T. Star,
Annna,
Meg--in a virtual FLOURISH OF STRUMPETS! egging on the beer-drinking,
anti-God-
cigarette-smoking, SCOFFISH SCOFFLAW SCOUNDREL SUBGENIUSES!
I sense some really BIG BUCKS here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In article <355DB4D0.672@ix.netcom.com>, Ranger57@ix.netcom.com wrote:
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> > It was like we were OLD PALS! He mentioned before we even started that this
> > was going to be a short one, and that he was interested in having us on
> > later for a more in-depth thing. For the time being, though, his main
> > interest in having us on today (as his producers told Jesus, who SUGGESTED
> > this) is that he's doing a "show" at some junior high auditorium in Dallas
> > TOMORROW NIGHT (Friday night) and he figured we'd be good for drumming up
> > interest.
>
> I take it that it didn't work. There hasn't been any chatter on
> either NG about it, so it sounds as if the Workman Junior High Waste of
> Time was a complete bust.
Not at all! He had at least 1500 people, maybe 2,000. The place was PACKED.
I wish the Church of the SubGenius could get that many people to show up in
Dallas.
Mostly the audience was whitebread illiterates -- "Megalo Mart Shoppers". I
ran into a couple of fellow kookspotters there... Forrest Jackson (the Man
Who Met Francis E. Dec) was there, and I wouldn't be surprised if Brother
Russell hadn't been lurking.
WE were not the ones who pulled the fire alarm, I promise you. That has
been done to us and I consider it cheating.
--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: hattan@fastlane.net (John Hattan)
i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang) wrote:
>Mostly the audience was whitebread illiterates -- "Megalo Mart Shoppers". I
>ran into a couple of fellow kookspotters there... Forrest Jackson (the Man
>Who Met Francis E. Dec) was there, and I wouldn't be surprised if Brother
>Russell hadn't been lurking.
Yep, Russ was there.
>WE were not the ones who pulled the fire alarm, I promise you. That has
>been done to us and I consider it cheating.
Actually, Bob's now claiming that a fire spontaneously started in
another room when a demon manifested in a woman.
Gotta give Larson credit. When he lies, he doesn't go for little ones.
---
John Hattan High UberPopeness -The First Church of Shatnerology
The Code Zone Sweet Software for a Saturnine World
hattan@fastlane.net http://www.fastlane.net/~hattan/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: pugmon <pugmon@netaxis.com>
I have something awesome to reveal to you.
Bob Larson is my shordurpersav! Horrible but true. "How can this be?"
you ask. "Is this guy crazy?" you wonder."What a dumb ass." you say.
Well, that may be true. But think about this: "Bob" Larson lives in a
nicer house than you do. How many millions is it worth?"Bob"'s house is
bigger than your house. "Bob" Larson has a bigger bank account than you
do. Oh sure his ministry may be in the red. But I'm talking about HIS
personal offshore bank account. "Bob"'s bank account is bigger than your
bank account. "Bob" Larson has believers. True believers. And are we
not, for the most part merely believers, mere followers ourselves? Did
you ever really get around to gathering that flock which is to be
fleeced? "Bob"'s flock is bigger than your flock. Yes, even yours Stang.
"Bob" Larsen gets up in front of audiences and preaches things that he
himself does not believe in nor practice himself. Uh, well actually, we
all do that. Damn it, LISTEN TO ME AND BE SAVED! I have been praying,
worshiping and ju-juing to the shameless Bob"PR"Larson for five, maybe
ten minutes now! And what have I got? Have my prayers been answered?
Well, no. Dogs still farting like a bull. Which is the exact same
response I've gotten from every other god from every other pantheon I've
ever prayed to! Granted, christians are not considered the most
difficult people to sell to but "Bob" Larsen actually GOT UP OFF HIS ASS
AND SOLD SOMETHING TO THEM! Praise "Bob"! I, Pugmon, do here buy
initiate the great, immoral "PR" Bob Larson into the Subgenius mythos,
eternal, everlasting, cult without end. Hence forth, from this day
forward, let him be known to Sub's in good standing only as "The OTHER
Bob.". Fuck that guy in Canada, anyway.
"Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and those
DUMBASSES aren't sending me donations."
1 The OTHER Bob. 6:10
Woah! Glad that didn't last long. But what will I worship now? Say that
remote control actually DOES something for me. Maybe.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "König PreuBe, GmbH" <bbombere@erols.com>
Subject: Re: Stang on Bob Larson TODAY 3 PM CST
Organization: Lou Minotti & the Clamsauce Enema Band
Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> That's right -- Jesus just called and told me that Christian Talk Show
> Godzilla, BOB LARSON wants me on his show TODAY (Thursday) in TWO HOURS!!
> That will be 3 pm Central time (4 pm Eastern). I don't have a list of the
> stations that carry Larson but Jesus says he'll post one immediately.
>
Exzerpt from Bob Larson and Joe Christ--
No stranger to controversy (he gleefully notes that occasional police
interference with his shows increases his video sales), the irreverent
filmmaker actively seeks hostile attention. A recent stunt involved
appearing on a Christian talk show hosted by Bob Larson. "Larson
wasn't quite sure what to make of me," says Christ. "They ran his radio
show just like we taped it; but for the TV broadcast, Larson cut the
interview up to serve his purpose. He kept trying to get me to admit that
various 'sins' were 'wrong' and he was bothered when I had some
justification for any he could name. His specialty is asking a question and
interrupting before you answer, but I interrupted him more often -- and
left him speechless with what I said. He finally told me I was the most
'morally vacant' person he'd ever met -- and that's on top of him knowing
[Satanist] Anton LaVey! I thanked him for the compliment."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
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