Yes, that's right, E-mail us RIGHT NOW and send us your snail mail address
and climb on board the NEW church of the subgenius. We promise ACTION, not
hollow words and compromises.
"WATCH two chicks roll around in fake blood?? Hell, I'd rather BE two chicks
rolling around in fake blood!!" - J.R."Bob" Dobbs
We promise DIRECT, CUT-THRU-THE-DUNG paths to money, sex, thrills, eternal
salvation or something damn near it, and all that splop. Best of all, WE DON'T
CHARGE A FRIGGIN' CENT for membership even as we deliver tenfold the results.
Did you quit your job because you really thought SOMETHING big was planned
for X-Day? Sure, only pinks and saps really expected that there would really
be saucers to take them to another planet, but didn't you expect SOMETHING
was in the works, besides just another stupid party in the woods with Stang?
Now your life is in ruin thanks to false "Bob"s? Want to hit the road and
lead a life of adventure? COME ON DOWN TO DOBBSTOWN. We promise more
adventure than you can handle. CAN U TAKE IT???
Don't believe it? You'd better. The next sound you hear will be that of LOU
entering from the rear, and he's packin' a lunch like Milton Berle.
Dobbstown, P.O.Box 75, Renfro Valley, KY 40473
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Unit4@Sputum.Com (Doktor DynaSoar)
In alt.slack creeps@my-dejanews.com wrote:
^WE DON'T CHARGE A FRIGGIN' CENT for membership
Then it's a sad, wimpy little cult you've got there. How can you control their
minds if you can't control their money? I can create better cults than this
several times a day, every day.
Amateurs.
--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Prime@ni.net (Jeffrey Smith)
And you do, although I have a three-cult lead this week. My average is
getting closer to yours...
**** **** **** ****
SubGenius Police, Usenet Tactical Unit (Mobile), aka S.P.U.T.U.M.
Unit CLXXXVII: "Primum Nocere
Parahuman Ragnarok Initiators,METAsysop Element
http://www.sputum.com/
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: creeps@my-dejanews.com
First, J.S.Holland wrote:
"WE DON'T CHARGE A FRIGGIN' CENT for membership."
.....and then "Doktor Dynasoar Iridium" opined:
"Then it's a sad, wimpy little cult you've got there. How can you control
their minds if you can't control their money? I can create better cults than
this several times a day, every day.
Amateurs.
--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius"
and then I am moved to respond:
=== Oh. YEAH. Better cults like...."Clench of the One True Pipe Dream"? How
long did it take ya to think up THAT one? Or the "ElectroChurch of the
SubGenius"? That's real darn nice, kid, now go get your shine kit. "Yetii
Genetii Research InstiToot"? "Scienfictiontologist"? You are SO DARN CLEVER;
how do you think all this stuff up? NEAT-O! You must be the darling of all
the comic book conventions. And your cute funny church name, "DynaSoar
Iridium", that's so FUNNY, oh stop, you're KILLIN' me, hyuk hyuk hyuk! If we
all make up our own FUNNY CULTS and give ourselves FUNNY NAMES and talk about
"frop" and 'slack" and "pink boys", we'll all have some bad craziness, won't
we, as Stang picks our pockets silently like a fruity pebble in the cocoa
night.
See, punk, this time it REALLY IS a NEW DAWN, only the true mother church -
MINE - no longer requires your money or your cooperation. The fat is being
trimmed and your name is Porky. We're going to take the light sweet crunchy
love of "Bob" and ram it up the chute of the zeit, with or without you
devival-heads. We're doing this for YOU, y'know. Cause you won't do it for
yourselves. The Con wants to FRY you in your own couch-potato fat, but "Bob"
wants to SAVE you. And just as soon as he can find his keys, he will.
We don't WANT to control your minds, fool - that's too easy. It's like
shooting fish in a barrel. It's like shooting Oswald as Texas police hold him
still. What makes you think your minds are worth the effort, anyway? We have
our OWN minds and have no use for yours, not even as mulch. You're either on
the bus or off the bus, but make thy decision fast, Nobita.
Dobbstown, P.O.Box 75, Renfro Valley, KY 40473
Write for FREE membership and tell us what you want from "Bob"....you just
might ACTUALLY GET IT this time. Or e-mail us at
creepsrecords@hotmail.com.....
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/rg_mkgrp.xp Create Your Own Free Member Forum
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Sketchy Albedo <revjack@radix.net>
Previously, creeps@my-dejanews.com wrote:
:and then I am moved to respond:
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
:BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK
[snip]
Yah, but DynaSoar is *funny*. You, so far, ain't. Is your new Church
FUNNY?
--
_________________
revjack@radix.net
Use fewer notes
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: e/wbear@hibernia.ca (e/w bear)
> creepsrecords@hotmail.com.....
>
Ask not what "Bob" can do for you...
Your Brave New Cult is gonna get five miles down the road then you're gonna
run out of gas and have to walk back to town because Bro, you are running
on empty.
---
ewb
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: jheikkil@highlander.cbnet.ns.ca (saint bubba of the avocados)
In article <6o2v1b$n1g$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, creeps@my-dejanews.com
BABBLED and generally incoherently mumbled:
>> and then I am moved to respond:
<snip>
>> We're going to take the light sweet crunchy
>> love of "Bob" and ram it up the chute of the zeit
^^^
is this like, you know, a body part?? im afraid ive never heard of it
before, so im sorta curious as to where the hell it is, 'cause, if its
got a chute...that means ive got a NEW ORIFICE i dint know anything
about....
>> Write for FREE membership and tell us what you want from "Bob"....you just
>> might ACTUALLY GET IT this time. Or e-mail us at
>> creepsrecords@hotmail.com.....
but what if what i REALLY REALLY TRULY wont from "Bob" is to gfet
front row tickets of you stapling your lips together with lobster trap
wire and carefully removing the skin from ALL YOUR FINGERTIPS so that
only the bone is remaining...what's the chance of geting that??
st. bubba
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: TheCharlie <charliec@cybernex.net>
creeps@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>
> === Oh. YEAH. Better cults like...."Clench of the One True Pipe Dream"? How
> long did it take ya to think up THAT one? Or the "ElectroChurch of the
> SubGenius"? That's real darn nice, kid, now go get your shine kit. "Yetii
> Genetii Research InstiToot"? "Scienfictiontologist"? You are SO DARN CLEVER;
> how do you think all this stuff up? NEAT-O! You must be the darling of all
> the comic book conventions. And your cute funny church name, "DynaSoar
> Iridium", that's so FUNNY, oh stop, you're KILLIN' me, hyuk hyuk hyuk! If we
> all make up our own FUNNY CULTS and give ourselves FUNNY NAMES and talk about
> "frop" and 'slack" and "pink boys", we'll all have some bad craziness, won't
> we, as Stang picks our pockets silently like a fruity pebble in the cocoa
> night.
Damn.. and here I thought he was gonna make a point or something..
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: geoffrey.v.bronner@dartmouth.edu (Geoffrey V. Bronner)
In article <6o0n1q$6as$1@nnrp1.dejanews.com>, creeps@my-dejanews.com wrote:
>Yes, that's right, E-mail us RIGHT NOW and send us your snail mail address
>and climb on board the NEW church of the subgenius. We promise ACTION, not
>hollow words and compromises.
The "NEW" church? That's the best you can come up with? Not even something
like "The Reformed Church of the SubGenius" ???
>We promise DIRECT, CUT-THRU-THE-DUNG paths to money, sex, thrills, eternal
>salvation or something damn near it, and all that splop. Best of all, WE DON'T
>CHARGE A FRIGGIN' CENT for membership even as we deliver tenfold the results.
I hate to be anal but 10 times nothing is... nothing. You know: zippo,
squat, zero.
For that matter... 10 times infinity is still infinity. So if you're
promising ten times as much "eternal salvation" I have to say this looks
like a lame and obvious scam. I mean, eternal salvation for $30 seems
reasonable. Eternal salvation 10 times over for free sounds like a load of
dung.
>Did you quit your job because you really thought SOMETHING big was planned
>for X-Day? Sure, only pinks and saps really expected that there would really
>be saucers to take them to another planet, but didn't you expect SOMETHING
>was in the works, besides just another stupid party in the woods with Stang?
>Now your life is in ruin thanks to false "Bob"s? Want to hit the road and
>lead a life of adventure? COME ON DOWN TO DOBBSTOWN. We promise more
>adventure than you can handle. CAN U TAKE IT???
So let me make sure I'm following you here... only "pinks and saps" were
dumb enough to expect the saucers. And you're trying to recruit people who
threw their life away because they expected the saucers. So your "NEW"
church is for pinks?
Where the hell is the fun in that? If you're gonna found a pink church you
really should be stealing money from them too!
>Don't believe it? You'd better.
Oops... too late.
By the way.... where the hell is Stang? Did he have a private saucer
shuttle or something?
-Geoff
--
<http://www.dartmouth.edu/~geoffb/>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Pee Kitty <Pkitty@mariner.cris.com>
creeps@my-dejanews.com spewed forth:
> === Oh. YEAH. Better cults like...."Clench of the One True Pipe Dream"? How
> long did it take ya to think up THAT one? Or the "ElectroChurch of the
> SubGenius"? That's real darn nice, kid, now go get your shine kit. "Yetii
> Genetii Research InstiToot"? "Scienfictiontologist"? You are SO DARN CLEVER;
It's a sad, dumb person who can't tell the difference between a clench and
a cult and a church.
Anyways, you get what you pay for. I don't trust no one who isn't after my
wallet....
--
Rev. Pee Kitty, of the order Malkavian-Dobbsian
Meow!
::: Official Martyr of X-Day! <http://www.cris.com/pkitty/xday98>
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: mbaranczak@FuckSpam.earthlink.net (Mike Baranczak)
In article <6o6geu$29n@examiner.concentric.net>, Pee Kitty
<Pkitty@mariner.cris.com> wrote:
> creeps@my-dejanews.com spewed forth:
> > === Oh. YEAH. Better cults like...."Clench of the One True Pipe Dream"? How
> > long did it take ya to think up THAT one? Or the "ElectroChurch of the
> > SubGenius"? That's real darn nice, kid, now go get your shine kit. "Yetii
> > Genetii Research InstiToot"? "Scienfictiontologist"? You are SO DARN CLEVER;
>
> It's a sad, dumb person who can't tell the difference between a clench and
> a cult and a church.
Fuck that, I'm joining them all. I got to keep my ass covered.
> Anyways, you get what you pay for. I don't trust no one who isn't after my
> wallet....
There's an article in the NY Times about some small Turkish town that
claims to be the hometown of the ORIGINAL St. Nicholas. (July 9 Anno Xist
1, page A4) The guy was a local bishop who died in 323 AD; he was buried in
a stone crypt in the church (which was then renamed in his honor). The
crypt was then filled with scented oil, which slowly percolated downward
until it seeped out through cracks at the bottom; the priests would collect
the Magic Santa Potion, and sell it to pilgrims. Apparently, they made
pretty good money that way. Well, holy relics were a big status symbol in
the middle ages - if you had, say, the thumb of Saint Guido, or the
shinbone of Saint Aretha, or whatever, you got major props in the
community. A lot of people forget, but Christianity used to be A LOT
kinkier than it is now. The Vatican still has warehouses full of that shit,
but they don't like to talk about it (and I can't really blame them...)
My point is this: now that Stang's finally dead, we might be able to make
a few bucks on his rotting carcass. Chopping him up and selling off the
parts would be the quickest way, but it seems to me that the infusion
method described above has greater long-term profitability. Just marinate
the fucker in a big barrel of whiskey... The Bobbies will gladly pay 30 or
40 bucks for one-ounce nips of Holy Stangbooze. Even after considering the
liquor tax, state permits, labor costs and so, we're looking at a
positively OBSCENE profit margin. I'd be perfectly willing to co-ordinate
the whole enterprise, of course... But I'm gonna need some help with
locating the actual body.
Anyone have any info?
- MB
Original file name: Is Stang's death
This file was converted with TextToHTML - (c) Logic n.v.