2005 BOBBIE AWARDS

doled out, 8X-Day Drill

Lifetime Achievement Award: Dr. Philo U. Drummond, OverMan 1st Degree

Best Speechifying: Dr. Howl

Most Realistic Human Cartoon: Lonesome Cowboy Dave

Best Escape Vessel: Brushwood

Most Conspicuous Absence: Jesus

IRC Maintenance: Rev. Weinholt and Rev. Ankara

Alt.Slack Writer Who Cracked Stang Up the Most: AssCo

Most Initiative: Rev. Hostage

Best Creator God and Sex God: Modemac

Least Recognized: Bachelors for "Bob"

Most Valued Craziest: The Gription Clench, Pammy and Random

Most Insistent Enabler: Dok Frop

Sexiest: Kali

Time and Rhythm Control: Rev. Nickie Deathchick

SubSITE Chassis Detailing: Rev. Fenian and Rev. Paco

Dripping CandelaBra of Connie Award: Overmistress Salacia

Hospitality/Best Sustainers of Life: Rev. Chris Mok & Rev. Ellis Dee

Best Diction: Rev. Alex Thompson

Best Dressed Preacher: Rev. Carter LeBlanc

Best New Pope: Pope Perro (Rev. Kay Wittke, Pope Keeper)

Rogue SubGenius Award: Pope Jimbo of Brighton

Coolest: Rev. Chris Lee

Sacred Garter of the Sodality of the White Glove of Connie: Heart
Ignition

Most Exploited for Commercial Purposes: Espira

Best Recent Eruction of Dobbsheadism: Mister Fernandinande LeMur

Best Taste in Tastelessness: DJ Shaver

Best Invokers of Titanic Unseen Forces: The Amino Acids

Best Pope Black Imitation: Rev. ErRoR

Best Pronunciation of The Name of "Bob": Pope Mickey Finn

Planetary Science Research Grant Award: Uncle Dr. Onan Canobite

Nicest Mean Person: Pope Phil Monty

Best Blog/ SubGenius News Service: Rev. Nu-Monet V. 8

Most Balls: Governor Rocknar

Most True-to-Life Goddess In or Out of Costume: Rev. Susie the Floozy

Chaos Coordinator and Special Nepotism Award: Rev. Nickie Deathchick

Bulldada Preservationist Society -- Epopt 2nd Degree Special Award: Dr.
Dark

Best Award Award: Her Highness Hellno

Least Killfiled: Rev. Joe Cosby

Unmasker of False Prophets: Nenslo

Sexiest Den Mother: Rev. Magdalen

The Unremembered Award Category Award: The Oyeh Guy ("Masturbating
Shawn")

LongDurPerSav, HOUR OF SLACK: Mister Fernandinande LeMur

Best Non-Old Radio Doktor: Dr. Sinister, Radio Synaesthesia

Everything: Pater Nostril

Worst Role Model: Banjo Bob

Best Role Model: Dok Frop

Sharer of Most Wanted Knowledge Erasers: Rev. Joseph, Daddy of Jesus

Keeper of Sifu: Rev. Diana

Most Brain-Scrambling String-Bending: Rev. Angry Larry

Best Stage Presence: Rev. Ed Strange's Pulpit

Inspirational Good Humor Amidst Slacklessness: iDRMRSR

Best GuitCollage: Rev. Norel Pref

Most Patient Wife: Rev. Sinphaltimus Exmortis

Best Children's Books: (TIE) IMBJR / Rev. Artemia Salina

Participation Award: the late Rev. Eris Pagana

--
The SubGenius Foundation, Inc.
(4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected, Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
P.O. Box 181417, Cleveland, OH 44118 (fax 216-320-9528)
Dobbs-Approved Authorized Commercial Outreach of The Church of the SubGenius
SubSITE: http://www.subgenius.com PRABOB

Honest, I've tryed to get the sperm stains out of it. I shall forward
it one as soon as possible.

Subject: Re: 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS
From: "Heart Ignition" <cardiacflambe@REMOVEcomcast.net>

Soil it all you want-in fact the more the better! Late at night I can sniff
thart there fugger n dream you're there with me!

Subject: Re: 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS
From: Pope Phil <pope_phil_minty@sunbgeniuz-yaho.co.uk>

I claim ALL of these as my own - except "Nicest Mean Person", which sound like you made it up

Hey, Stang -- these Xistmasstime Philips DiVX player thingies are
malfunctioning en masse. 1 year warranty. I know they were cheap but I
expected mine to last longer than this.

unscrewed the back, pushed all the ribbons in tighter
and jimmied the ac connection -- finally opened.

Subject: Re: 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

I repaired my last two Apexes and one of my employees last time by
doing pretty much the same thing -- open it up, push all the springy
things and wiggling things tighter, close it back up. But eventually
all the cheap springy things lose their spring. Even Coily dies.

A sound guy at a club broke one Apex by yanking the wrong cable so that
the Apex flew off my table and landed flat on its TOP upside down on
the floor . AND IT STILL WORKED, but only for DVDs -- for some reason
it wouldn't play Internet movies on CDR after that!

What do you expect for $50. The way I use these things when I look at
pornography on them, it's a miracle they last 6 months.

I would assume the Phillips has a similar life-span to the Apex.
Philo's Phillips survived a trip on the plane to Brushwood and back
again, though.

SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
They did it to me again
ITS BULLSHIT
ITS A CONSPIRACY
I've been wallet farmed by "Bob" again
Buy me beer
Shut Up
Shut Up
Shut Up
Buy me a beer
Shut Up
ITS BULLSHIT

"HELP ME "BOB" !" I exclaimed "SAVE ME I'VE BEEN A REALLY GOOD BOY!"
and "BOB" spake these words unto me:
"ITS BULLSHIT ! SHUT UP ! "

--
Do not commit the error, common among the young, of assuming that if you cannot
save the whole of mankind you have failed.
Jan de Hartog

Subject: Re: 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS
From: Pope Phil <pope_phil_minty@sunbgeniuz-yaho.co.uk>

Ne , hadaway, tha is me bonny award te claim,
dunna be canny sweer. Yee canna hev it.
If you divvent give us it noo, I'm gannin yearm.
Howay the boozer for a beeya. Wee's yon slapper?

Subject: Re: 2005 BOBBIE AWARDS
From: Pope Phil <pope_phil_minty@sunbgeniuz-yaho.co.uk>