So its now past 7am Eastern US time

From: "Rev. Chain Smerker" <michael@SPAMBEGONEsubgenius.com>

Date: Tue, Jul 5, 2005 7:02 AM

Well, I dont know what too say, this is my first X-day as a paid up
Subgenius, and I was quite sure that this was the year, ya know with the
1000th HOS and all the other bizarre yet true prophecies that have come
true, I have done want I can too ensure my salvation:

1) I have paid my $30

2) I got crap played on the HOS

3) I have attempted to flame Nelso

4) I have sucked up and bought stuff from the Sacred Sribe

5) I have bought the book of the Subgenius and the Arise DVD

6) I have called in to Dr Sinisters program

I have done all this but Mr J R "Bob" Dobbs refuses to get off his arse to
bloddy destroy the pinks in my life, I don't know about you but this entire
Church seems like one big joke, As an Australian I was waiting patiently in
my sleep for the X'ists to arrive this morning and nothing happened, and now
its just past 7am New york time July 5th 2005 and nothing has happened.

I can't really describe how shocked and outraged I am at the moment, sure
its all one big joke and all, and I am sure you are all familiar with the
saying "fuckem if they can't take a joke", but how many of us have bothered
to look deeper into that saying "fuckem if they cant take a joke".

I think its time for the Subgenius leader ship to realise that there are
certain group on this planet who due to biological or pysilogical reasons
may be suspesptable to taking the joke seriously beyond there own will, and
yet the current SubG lederships response too such people wim sure would be
mockery and jives.

Too me, this entire organisation reeks of hypocrisy, and Mr J R "Bob" Dobbs
has as far as im concerned has been exopsed as a liar and a fraud, In
Australia we have strong laws that protect the consumer from false
advertising and I think at this stage it is my ethical and moral duty to
take action against this Church, Rev. Ivan Stang and J R Bob Dobbs under my
states consumer protection laws.

I have achived evidence that Rev. Ivan Stang the current mouth piece for J R
"Bob" Dobbs has currently stated on at least 5 times this year, that this
year 20005 will be THE year.

Im sure most of you will mock and belittle me, but faith is faith and
promises are promises jokes or not.

I don't even know what too feel at this point, I feel as if I am between
emotions trying to bring forth my inner yeti nature to describe in detail
what I feel now, But am certain that no few words can fully get across what
I am feeling right now.

I herby call on all Subgeni to join my class action lawsuit against J R
"Bob" Dobbs, Dr Phillo Drummond and the piss ant Rev. Ivan Stang, after
being treated like this I feel like joining with Purple the Knob Boy and
Rev. 11d Meow., I am shocked and disgusted, and that is too say the least.

Sure, its all been funny and all, oh hahahaha, yes the HOS is soooooooo
grand and all, but what about the promises?, What about the promises?, Its
what ive come to accept from Americans, all talk, flashing lights and
promises but no actions.

Typical, I was unwise too trust any of you Yanks and especially J R "Bob"
Doobs who to me, at this time, represents America in all its glory, A stupid
man with a Stupid grin,

You know, Fuck America, Fuck "Bob" and fuck the Church of the Subgenius, I
am going to start my own Australians only Clench, the Church of the Holy
Bunyip, thoose who know, know that the Bunyip has many more powers then the
Yeti, and guess what, Apart from a few Australians none of you asre invited
to join, we shalll not be Ivangelicals or Holocustials or Nenlionians, Too
hell with you all

Too hell with you.

I am sick of the lies, sick.

Damn you, damn you all, and damn you "Bob".

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "abNorm Nihil" <abnorm.nihil@ comcast.net>

If "Bob" ever does come, you'll end up in exile on Planet V, which is a
criminal colony just like your stinking roo-shit infested island.

--
Rev. abNorm Nihil
Screaming Monkey Institute of Latent Eremitical Studies
"Higher Slack Through Misanthropy"

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Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "Rev. Chain Smerker" <michael@SPAMBEGONEsubgenius.com>

Typical Yank, if you disagree with or don't like someone lock em up or put
them on some "Bob"-forsaken planet, I can whole-heartedly ensure you that
"Bob" has more respect for Australians then you yankee-doodle-dandies.

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Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "Rev. fenian z'ruptrus regaliter." <fenian@start.ca>

Earth hasn't been destroyed, the pinks are still live and wriggling.
Therefore X-Day hasn't arrived. It might be tomorrow. It might be in 8991.
I've got my money on some point in 2012(p). Whenever it is, it's GOING TO BE
ON July 5th 1998(x).

Since you're paid up, you WILL BE SAVED. On X-Day. Which happened to not be
today. You're A MINISTER OF THE CHURCH!! SUCK IT UP TREBECK!! HAVE FAITH!!!

In the meantime, see this as an opportunity to bring more unrealized Yetisyn
to the faith. Ministrate on, Reverend.

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Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: Eddie Vroom <glassgnost@nospam.sbcglobal.net>

For those of you who didn't bother to actually take the fake classes
*before* taking the fake Doktorate of Forbidden Science diploma:

Your mission is to KILL TIME. The central paradox to be resolved in
fulfilling your mission is this: Time does not exist until it's been
sliced into millions of billions of bloody screaming bits. Therefore,
the only way to Kill Time is to make it whole again.

July 5th, 1998 is NOW. All of them. Fused together. The trick is
figuring out which particular incantation and/or twisted texas two-step
gets the job done for YOU.

BTW, this is sooper seecrit advanced material, so you newbies need to
un-read it now.

--
The Tortured Spark -- a Light in the Dark
The Dude what Taught Your Girlfriend
What to Do when You "Park"

the Mystical RevvedErrand Doktor Eddie Vroom
Certified God by the holy authority of
the White Lotus Fortune Cookie Company
June 23, 2004

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Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "Rev. Chain Smerker" <michael@SPAMBEGONEsubgenius.com>

but he said it would be this year

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Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "Rev. Chain Smerker" <michael@SPAMBEGONEsubgenius.com>

>
> In the meantime, see this as an opportunity to bring more unrealized
> Yetisyn to the faith. Ministrate on, Reverend.
>

The problem is Rev., Is that I don't want any more people to join this
Church, the pleasure saucers are already too crowded and I hate crowds.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: snakejuice <snakejuice@dr.dark.co.uk>

The saucers are EXACTLY as big as they need to be. It's up to you now to
prove your predestination to beam at the appropriate time.

--
dr. simon

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: So its now past 7am Eastern US time
From: "fen deludes roy" <fenian @start.ca>

>
> The problem is Rev., Is that I don't want any more people to join this
> Church, the pleasure saucers are already too crowded and I hate crowds.
>

In this district, "people" is a highly debated term. This ministry sees
"people" as "citizens" designated by other "people". Billshut! This ministry
has trust in the judegement of the X-ists. If they put someone on a saucer,
of which there are infinite numbers, then, by "BOB" you want them there.
Please, consider taking action to extend the Al-Islama "Bob" Martyrs Brigade
to your territory? We can certainly help you with your doubts. Hail Reverend
Smerker. Hail Nenslo. Hail Bush (The whole family will prove to the
spectacle of the tri-millenial area in 2002). Hail Gail. Hail Reverend Dave.
Hail Capn SeaCapn.

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Original file name: So its now past 7am Easte#99D56 - converted on Monday, 18 July 2005, 17:18