The Bulldada Auction

THE BULLDADA AUCTION

From: Modemac <modemac@tiac.net>
Organization: First Online Church of "Bob" Mime-Version: 1.0

radar by Friday

ANNOUNCEMENT: AUCTION IN PREPARATION OF XIST ARRIVAL

Fact: You've got a few pieces of bulldada in your possession. You've got something stupid, something outrageous, something controversial that you've had in your possession for a long time, but you've never made any use of it. You acquired this bulldada one day when you said, "That's so outrageous, I've gotta have it! I can't believe someone would make something this stupid!" This piece of bulldada is probably sitting on a shelf close to you right now.

Fact: J.R. "Bob" Dobbs needs money. He ALWAYS needs money.

So bring your bulldada to X-Day and donate it to the Bulldada Auction!

On July 5, the Xists will be arriving to initiate the Rupture, and we're all going to be so busy that we won't have any more needs for these useless pieces of bulldada. What's more, after July 5 the concept of MONEY ITSELF will be extinct, so you won't have any more need for money! So we're going to bring the two concepts together -- Bulldada and Money -- and use them to make some bucks for "Bob" at Brushwood!

I invite everyone to bring a piece of bulldada to Brushwood for the X-Day celebration, and donate it to the Bulldada Auction. Hell, one of the things we've done more than anything else at the X-Day drills is donate money to "Bob" whenever the plate was passed around (even Someone Else is now a paid-up member because of our donations), so this time you can donate your money and GET SOMETHING in return for it! Bids will be as low as $1 (though we certainly want them to go higher than that). All proceeds from this auction will be donated to "Bob" (via Friday Jones at the sales table).

Samples of bulldada that you can donate include: - racist books and publications
- ridiculous kook creations
- audiotapes or albums or CDs of Rants that SHOULD be heard by SubGenii, but aren't (G.G. Allin, perhaps? William S. Burroughs? Lenny Bruce? Tom Metzger?)
- videos of rare movies very few people have ever heard of before - works considered "controversial" by the Conspiracy (anyone have a copy of "Piss Christ" in their collection, perchance?)
- GOOD bulldada by your favorite SubGenii - yourself (auction off your servitude for a specified period of time)

Donating the "Illuminatus Trilogy" is not reccomended -- why bother, when anyone can buy that one at a bookstore? But a much-harder-to-find Robert Anton Wilson book would be more valuable, and thus worthy of the auction. Besides, you have to consider that it should be something that someone in the audience will want to PAY for!

So bring a piece of bulldada and donate it to the auction. As always, audience participation is encouraged: come on up to the stage and SELL your bulldada to us! Tell us why this thing is so outrageous, so stupid, so valuable that it's worth PAYING for! Even a buck for "Bob" is a buck he didn't have before, so do your part and help scrape up a few more Conspiracy greenbacks for purification!

(Because the tyrannical rules of the Conspiracy still strangle our society until X-Day, things that are unquestionably illegal -- i.e. certain controlled substances, sexual favors for money, child pornography -- will not be allowed and should not be donated to the auction.)

--
Reverend Modemac (modemac@tiac.net)
First Online Church of "Bob"
URL: http://www.tiac.net/users/modemac/
(FINGER modemac@sunspot.tiac.net for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!)

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((NOTE FROM STANG... um, ignore all this stuff below, from last year...))

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From: bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu (Nully Fydyan)

Wait, let me see if I've got this right. We're supposed to bring our crap
with us to Brushwood, and give it to the Foundation. Then other people
will theoretically desire the crap we didn't want enough to keep, and give
their money to the Foundation in exchange for it. Then we will
theoretically desire other people's crap, and repeat the giving money to
the Foundation ritual.

Why don't we just skip the middle man and trade with one another. We can
call it the Great Crap Exchange, and if there's a piece of crap you
dislike enough to donate, someone else can have it. And if find that
some crap somebody else donated strikes your fancy, you're welcome to it.
No cash involved. Just pure crap trading.

I've got this chunky "silver" "necklace" thing with a blood-red "stone"
mounted on the front of it. It's awful, and I simply could not resist
buying it at a street fare when I was 14. Had it ever since. Never
worn. That's the kind of crap I'm talking about. Somebody might want it
for the same (inexplicable) reason I did, but I really doubt anyone would
cough up cash for it.

This has possibilities. You know those boxes of crap we're always sending
one another? It could be like stepping inside one of those. A really
really big one.

--
Rev. Nully Fydyan
Church of the Ungendered Yeti

"You loved me as a loser, but now you worry that I just might win."
-- Leonard Cohen

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From: UnitIV@sputum.com (Doktor DynaSoar)
Subject: Re: The Great Crap Exchange (was: The Bulldada Auction)

Fine. And lose your soul in the process. Fucking cheap ass bastard.
The foundation needs the money more than you need the stuff.
ESPECIALLY since you won't need stuff anymore.
Or are you wimping out on Saucer Day?

--
(@ @)\DynaSoar\___, Doktor DynaSoar Iridium, Scienfictiontologist
ll ll Yetii Genetii Research InstiToot, Somedamnwhere, VA
Clench of The One True Pipe Dream, ElectroChurch of the SubGenius

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From: Modemac <modemac@shell1.tiac.net>

Nully Fydyan <bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu> wrote:
> Wait, let me see if I've got this right. We're supposed to bring our crap
> with us to Brushwood, and give it to the Foundation. Then other people
> will theoretically desire the crap we didn't want enough to keep, and give
> their money to the Foundation in exchange for it. Then we will
> theoretically desire other people's crap, and repeat the giving money to
> the Foundation ritual.

That's about the gist of it.

> Why don't we just skip the middle man and trade with one another.

Because "Bob" doesn't get money that way, that's why! That's what this
religion's all about, isn't it?

--
Reverend Modemac (modemac@tiac.net)
First Online Church of "Bob"
URL: http://www.tiac.net/users/modemac/
(FINGER modemac@sunspot.tiac.net for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!)

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From: bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu (Nully Fydyan)

If I don't need my stuff anymore after X-Day, and money will have no value
after X-Day (as Modemac claimed in the original post), then why is it that
the Foundation needs my valueless money after X-Day? Or my valueless
stuff, for that matter?

Little confused is all,
Nully

--
Rev. Nully Fydyan
Church of the Ungendered Yeti

"You loved me as a loser, but now you worry that I just might win."
-- Leonard Cohen

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From: Modemac <modemac@shell1.tiac.net>

The auction will take place *before* X-Day (the day before), when money will
still have value. Therefore, donating it to "Bob" will still be useful.

--
Reverend Modemac (modemac@tiac.net)
First Online Church of "Bob"
URL: http://www.tiac.net/users/modemac/
(FINGER modemac@sunspot.tiac.net for a FREE SubGenius Pamphlet!)

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From: Peter Hipwell <petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>

Nully Fydyan wrote:

>
> If I don't need my stuff anymore after X-Day, and money will have no
> value after X-Day (as Modemac claimed in the original post), then why
> is it that the Foundation needs my valueless money after X-Day? Or my
> valueless stuff, for that matter?

Because all that stuff about X-Day is just a joke.

--
Sa-ti muste vampirii curul!

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From: friday@subgenius.com (IrRev. Friday Jones)

In article <6jf5ti$o8l@news-central.tiac.net>, Modemac
<modemac@shell1.tiac.net> wrote:

>
>The auction will take place *before* X-Day (the day before), when money will
>still have value. Therefore, donating it to "Bob" will still be useful.

Hey, didn't you read "X-Ecutions"? Don't you want the Pink Boys who breach
the defenses of Brushwood to find heaps of discarded money everywhere?
Man, it'll look SO COOL on TV!

- Friday

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From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <bg19354-1405981152510001@128.226.103.209>,
bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu (Nully Fydyan) wrote:

>
> If I don't need my stuff anymore after X-Day, and money will have no value
> after X-Day (as Modemac claimed in the original post), then why is it that
> the Foundation needs my valueless money after X-Day? Or my valueless
> stuff, for that matter?
>

SEIZE HER! Take her down to the dungeon and drug her. I will be there
shortly to... deal with this.

--
Copyright 1998 by Rev. Ivan Stang / 1st Orthodox Stangian
MegaFisTemple Lodge of People's Covenant Church of the
Wrath of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected / The SubGenius Foundation,Inc.
PO Box 140306 Dallas TX 75214 / Fax 214-320-1561 / PRABOB
http://www.subgenius.com -- SubSITE of Slack

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From: i.stang@subgenius.com (Rev. Ivan Stang)

In article <355B1DFE.513@cogsci.ed.ac.uk>, Peter Hipwell
<petehip@cogsci.ed.ac.uk> wrote:

>
> Because all that stuff about X-Day is just a joke.
>

Now seize HIM and put him in chains with the others.

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From: !!!bmyers@ionet.net (TarlaStar)

bg19354@StUpIdSpAmDeAtH.binghamton.edu (Nully Fydyan) wrote:

>If I don't need my stuff anymore after X-Day, and money will have no value
>after X-Day (as Modemac claimed in the original post), then why is it that
>the Foundation needs my valueless money after X-Day? Or my valueless
>stuff, for that matter?

It's a time control thing, Hon. Some of us end up being bored to tears
by the X-ist planet and come back. We'll need the funding for
certain...projects when we return. If you could think about saving
those wheat pennies and liberty dimes that would help too. Some of us
return at a much earlier date than we left.
*******

Hey listen...before you go, would you mind changing my diaper?
-Ronald Reagan

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