Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 9, 2001 9:46 PM
I reckon some of y'all might be asking, "what the
hell was up with this
Pandromeda thing and the Tiki Bar at XXXXDay?".
Well, here's the scoop. THERE WAS NO TIKI BAR AT XXXXXDAY,
and I wasn't
EVEN THERE. I went, instead, to our company (Pandromeda's)
first annual
executive retreat, which just happened to be July 4th
weekend at Brushwood.
Executive retreat? What kind of shit is that, you might ask?
I SOLD OUT. I TURNED PINK. I went to Brushwood on vacation from my job.
That's right, I repented, GOT A JOB, and found slack.
There's a catch,
though, one that makes all the difference.
I WORK FOR A RICH FREAK.
Dr.Mojo is my employer. My immediate supervisor is
Chas Smith of ESO. What
more could any SubGenius ask for?
I suppose I COULD have preached, could have performed
the baptism, as I
have in all years past. But instead, I opted to CHANGE
ALL THAT. We
shouldn't resist change. That's for normals. I instead
acted as bartender
at the Club Tiki Banzai, where I had an awakening. I
realized that the
greatest thing a man can aspire to be is a PREACHER.
Once you master
preaching, you can do anything you want.
If you can preach, you can preach your way into a good
job. I preached my
way into Mojo's company, into a position that didn't
even EXIST...my
job?...preaching to his customers as part of his marketing
team.
Or you can be a bartender.
Of course, now that I'm a professional preacher, when
vacation rolls
around, I exercised my preaching skills behind the bar,
mixing drinks for
the guests at our retreat (the P-out, as we call it).
Where does that leave me as a SUBGENIUS preacher?
RETIRED.
I've been preaching the word of Dobbs for ten years
now, and I've had a TON
of fun, as well as lots of purty gals to romp with.
But shit, I'm married and settled down now, and to be
honest, my health
just aint what it used to be, all those old barfights
and bike wrecks
coming back to haunt my creaky joints. Hell, a month
ago I was in the
hospital for heart problems, and they gave me some medicine
that packed 25
pounds onto me and made my ankles so swollen that my
every step burns like
fuck-all.
I figure it's time for me to make room for some of the
up-and-coming young
preachers to get into the spotlight. I built MY house
in Dobbstown, it's
time I passed the hammer and nails.
Just keep them away from Jesus, he gets nervous around
those particular
tools.
See y'all next year. Be sure to tip the bartender ;)
--
----------------------------------
Dr. K.C. "Ken the Barkeep" Legume
Dispensing the magical elixer
that makes white men dance better
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
> Where does that leave me as a SUBGENIUS preacher?
>
> RETIRED.
>
SURE, Legume!! Gimme a break. Your very existence is
one long fire and
brimstone sermon. What monstrous entity is delivering
that sermon, I
hope never to know.
--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected
