JULY 1 - 5, "2020"
at your house,
via Zoom video chat
The Church of the SubGenius now offers a fully expense-paid trip to X-Day -- IN YOUR OWN HOME!
Rev. Stang here.
I and three able computer-nerd pals (Pressure, Taj, Shoggoth) have worked out a three-teleconference system for the Virtual X-Day Gathering, July 1 through July 5.
A real X-Day consists of some very basic elements:
#1 activity: Standing around in the road or somebody's camp, talking. Strange as it may seem, that is probably most X-Day Drill veterans' favorite part.
#2 activity: stage shows -- either "live radio" with three or four skilled blabbermouths talking, or bands and preachers. Or a magic show. Or CLOWNS. There is an audience that mainly just watches.
#3 activity: a "grindhouse" theater of bulldada movies and old cartoons, where people can duck in to get a shot of media and escape social interaction for awhile.
#4 involves insane and dangerous outdoor activities like the Nude Bobtism in the pond or pool, Burning the "Bob" Dummy, and Awaiting the Saucers at 7 am.
For #1, standing around talking to other SubGeniuses, there will be a free-for-all teleconference chat room. The Zoom system works well for this. We've been doing it every Saturday for weeks now with a dozen or so people most times. That will be available 24-7 for all five days, just like the campground road and camps.
For #2, stage shows, we will use a "SEMINAR"-style Zoom "room," where a few featured speakers with presentations or "show" skills, or bands, or sadomasochistic clowns, can be seen and heard, but the "audience" can't be heard. (This is mainly to guarantee decent audio.) Those will only happen during set times, like 3 pm to 5 pm (EST) for "Hour of Slack" and 8 pm to 11 pm (EST) for bands/preachers.
For #3, hilariously bad or wonderful movies and cartoons, the traditional Grindhouse of Rev. FEIT C. TAJ will be on 24-7 for the entire festival.
For #4, wild outdoor stunts involving earth, fire, water, rock, stick, beast, and air, and possible nudity and accidental injury... well, we'll play that by ear. Some with weird-ass stunts or rituals in mind may want to connect to the Zoom chatroom via their portable phones from "on location"in their backyards, or, from actual SubGenius parties in real life.
If you want to preach solo, or sing songs, or perform with your band, on the Seminar or "stage" channel, contact me to arrange specific times. Email email@example.com (preferable) or text 216-320-9528. We will soon offer a HOW-TO for presenters.
These times... they are Eastern Standard time. The first twenty four big Drills having been held in Ohio or New York, our current virtual meet-up space has so far tended to be used more by East Coasters. But this could be our first truly international one. We'e trying to schedule things so that they aren't TOO late for the EST SubGeniuses and not TOO early for the West Coast Subs. Australians? U.K.? You may need coffee.
For the key period, 7 am July 5th, exact moment of the End of the World... well, doctrinally, that's a 24-hour period as the saucers hover in place above the planet as it rotates beneath them. So 7 am, july 5, moves from the middle of the Pacific Ocean to Australia to Beijing to Moscow to England to New York to Dallas to Denver to L.A., in real time. I'll join the East Coast Subs for that (at 6 am my time, in Texas) in the 24-7 all-purpose Chat Room, and hopefully be Ruptured right then and there, but if not I'll stick around for the Central Time Rupture (or disappointment? NO!) and maybe even for the Mountain Time one, but for California I'll probably put a handwritten sign in front of my laptop camera saying "FUCK IT, I'M GOING BACK TO BED, COMPLAIN TO PHILO."
Anyone wanting the links and passwords to get into these online events has to go through me, because X-Day is by definition Members Only, and I'm the only person allowed to access The Book of Life which shows who has actually paid up that huge $35 lifetime donation. I will also ENCOURAGE people to donate the traditional EXTRA $35 for X-Day, but I want to keep that optional, because we can't promise anything, and I hate to charge any poor folks $35 just to look at a screen for a few minutes or hours in their own home, during this crappy year when everybody who wasn't pretty rich already is now generally more poor.
IF you are a Dues-Paid SubGenius Minister: for the passwords and links, EMAIL STANG@SUBGENIUS.COM or -- if you want to help us out with the traditional extra $35 X-Day donation -- use the X-DAY PRE-REGISTRATION form
or THIS DONATION BUTTON HERE:
Friends, this is all an experiment. It looks like it will be fun, but probably also a learning experience. We'll be surprised if there aren't glitches. It's kind of a miracle that any of this stuff works at all, and of course, not everyone has the latest computer or phone gear.
But you CAN join just by phone! If you don't have a video camera on your phone, well, that just means you don't have to shave, comb your hair, put on make-up or wear a face mask -- or even any clothes!
So, let a thousand Li'l X-Days bloom! The Xists know OUR addresses. Stay Home to Know What You Really Think!
Check this page or, perhaps better, the 23X-Day Facebook page as The End of the World approaches.
LAUGH 'TIL YOUR LUNGS BLEED!
OLD PROMISES: Check out our lavishly illustrated PRE-COVID 23X-Day page, promising all the things that MIGHT have happened had not the Conspiracy sacrifced so many of its own just to prevent our annual camp-out and annual migration to our mating grounds. It also has links to the photo-illustrated reports and videos related to all 24 previous X-Day Drills! And it goes into excruciating detail about what to expect in the unlikely event that we have to do it all over again next year -- but not "virtually"!
ART CREDITS, TOP OF PAGE TO BOTTOM: Unknown; Hellswami Satellite Weavers; Unknown; Paul Mavrides; Ed Flynn; Uncle Dr. Onan Canobite
And here is this year's DOBBSTOWN NANO-HELIOGRAPH from editor Dr. Hal: