From: "Rev. Back It On Up 13" <evielust@aol.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Jul 6, 2009 8:11 PM
X-Day 12 started out like some really miserable shit.
We got there
just as everyone we cared about left for lunch. We
waited for them to
come back, and as soon as they got there, it started
raining and
didn't stop for 45,000 days. It truly felt like the
end times, and my
ass literally froze off. Luckily I was able to grow
it back via lots
of SAUSAGE and BEEF etc.
But it became the X-Day of Righteous Anger! "Why
don't you go and
fuck yourself" was the motto of the day, and who
knew we'd have so
very many opportunities to use that motto in context.
So, thanks to everyone, especially my Main Man Sifu
13, and our most
beloved extended family, Dok Frop, Sister Decadence,
Sinphaltimus
Exmortus, Princess Buzzkill, Pater "Tarchesio"
Nostril, honorary
Italian, Lord "X-Day Interruptus" Sloth, Original
Pickles, Christopher
"Cool Motherfucker" Lee, Susie the Floozie
and Dr. Hal. It was fun to
get to talk to Rev. Angry Larry and Rev. Rev. Angry
Larry's Wife, who
are cool as shit. I also got to meet my Identical Twin,
who is a man
and looks nothing like me, but these are trivial technicalities
to
superb personalities such as us.
Special thanks also to Bob Wild and Nickie Deathchick
for the super
great thing they made for me that I had for the first
time that
lubricated my anger gland and allowed me to respond
appropriately when
dressed down for no reason by some mouthy idiot with
illusions of
enforcement power. Law don't go 'round here, cleveland
law dog.
Thanks also to everyone who read my fucking words on
stage. Listening
to you is when I got this vicious and strangely patterned
sun burn, so
I'll be sure to remember your gesture of kindness every
day for at
least a few weeks until the redness fades.
Nomination for the They Don't Know How Close They Come
Award goes to
Pastor Craig. Hey Pastor Craig, next time you want
to badmouth me,
check to make sure my husband isn't standing RIGHT NEXT
to you, ya
fuckin goober. Actually, next time just think better
of it and shut
your wordhole.
If we got an opportunity to feed you, it was our pleasure
to do so.
If you didn't stop by, we're sorry we missed you. We
could never hope
to fill in for the very generous and saintly Pastor
Pressure and
Joyce, who are wonderful and excellent and cool, but
we got to stuff
food down the necks of many more people than we ever
expected to. My
inner guinea was pleased to fatten you up.
I didn't get to wrestle Pisces, I just realized when
I unnpacked and
found my virginal unsullied luchador mask stuffed in
between all the
warm weather garments I never found a need for. Just
as well, because
I like Pisces, and I never REALLY wanted to drown her
in chocolatey
goodness.
So, even when I was cursing this fucking vacation for
the rain, and
the mysterious aches and pains I had, and the bruise
I got on my knee
slamming it into the car door, and the bruise on my
other knee from
crawling over a tree root, I was still glad to go because
every
mission was accomplished. I got Bobtised finally, twice,
and I got a
Bobbie Award, and I got laid in the woods, and I devoured
the flesh of
many beasts.
Thanks for another great year, Stang! I hope you're
taking your
vitamins and getting regular exercise, so this thing
can keep going on
for many more years until the concept is totally beaten
to death and
everyone just starts phoning it in. Can't wait for
next year, lucky
#13.
I have much more to report but sifu is gazing at me
with longing in
his eyes, so that means it is time to wrap this shit
up. More later,
unless I don't care about it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "iDRMRSR" <idrmrsr@sssssubgenius.com>
>>I got Bobtised finally, twice,
Heh, and I taw your 'too! I did! I did!
[*]
-----
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: From the Desk of the Big Boss: X-Day 12
- Mass Destruction!
From: RevNickie <revnickie@gmail.com>
On Jul 6, 8:11 pm, "Rev. Back It On Up 13" <eviel...@aol.com> wrote:
> Special thanks also to Bob Wild and Nickie Deathchick
for the super
> great thing they made for me that I had for the
first time that
> lubricated my anger gland and allowed me to respond
appropriately when
> dressed down for no reason by some mouthy idiot
with illusions of
> enforcement power. Law don't go 'round here, cleveland
law dog.
HA! When I had one, and witnessed The Incident, the
effect was that
all I could do was gape slack jawed, and mutter, over
and over, "Oh,
my fucking GOD!" I was just so gob-smacked with
the hilarity of it
all.
Praise the holy ass-handers!
-RevNickie
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Re: From the Desk of the Big Boss: X-Day 12
- Mass Destruction!
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
On Jul 6, 8:11 pm, "Rev. Back It On Up 13"
<eviel...@aol.com> wrote:
I got Bobtised finally, twice, and I got a
> Bobbie Award, and I got laid in the woods, and
I devoured the flesh of
> many beasts.
I got to Bobtize you once and I thank Dr. Legume for
being so
thoughtful and passing you on to me for re-use. I also
got a Bobbie
award, although that was only because I stole it. I
found one that
Susie and Pantiara had forgotten, in my car. The Pee
Dog one. I
decided I deserved that. I also found a Connieite Award
and presented
that to Princess Wei.
*I* got laid in *THE BIG HOUSE.*
It seems to have shrunk slightly since last year, by several rooms.
>
> Thanks for another great year, Stang! I hope you're
taking your
> vitamins and getting regular exercise, so this
thing can keep going on
> for many more years until the concept is totally
beaten to death and
> everyone just starts phoning it in.
You'll be relieved to know that Doc Frop left me many
vitamins, and I
have enjoyed the regular exercise of packing the entire
festival into
the iVan and then unpacking it all into all the right
slots in the
Slackermansion. Wouldn't have been able to do it without
those
vitamins!
In two weeks I get to do it all, all over again. Only
with fewer
SubGenii and more money.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
From: "Rev. Back It On Up 13" <evielust@aol.com>
On Jul 7, 9:37 pm, "Rev. Ivan Stang" <st...@subgenius.com>
wrote:
>
> I got to Bobtize you once and I thank Dr. Legume
for being so
> thoughtful and passing you on to me for re-use.
You did it better. He just rushed through it and then
on to the
next. I hardly felt like my soul had been smeared with
SubGeniusness
at all until Pantiara and I got to double team you.
You're incredible, Ivan Stang. Half the balls of the
average joe, but
twice the man.