From: 2cool4school <cuttlefish707@yahoo.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Jul 5, 2008 7:18 PM
Newly discovered theories unequivically explain confusion
about the
miscalculation of the exact date of Xday. Authorities
at the Kook
Instructional School for Subgenius Mutant Yeti in the
dept. of
Astrological Research Science Experts or K.I.S.S.M.Y.A.R.S.E.
as they
are known in the academic community have determined
that Dark Matter
may be to blame. Jeebus Christ or Fightin' Jesus as
he is known to
most is said to have been born during the alignment
of three stars
known as the "three kings" with the rising
sun of the winter
solstice. Large areas of dark matter between earth
and the three
kings may have caused the light coming from them to
bend around said
dark matter making them appear as though they were in
alignment when
they weren't. By calculating the suspected mass of
dark matter known
to be in the area at the time, our scientists can estimate
that our
calendar is off by exactly 11 years. When questioned
about the
continuing Xday debaucle church propheteer J.R. "Bob"
Dobbs is
reported to have replied, "kiss my ass" as
he sped off in a cab,
presumably referring to this news from the institute.