who is bob

From: famin@btinternet.com (VeNT)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 22, 2001 8:51 PM
Message-ID: <3ae37b38.6367026@News.btinternet.com>

and how do i get slack
i am intrested and i was wondering what the hell this is all about
(slack, bob, subgenus and everything) can anyone help me? or point me
to some sites that will help me or point me to a site that will, in
turn, pint me to another site that could help me or not as the case
may or maynot be
anyone?
~Famin
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Subject: Re: who is bob
From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: like.excess@sex.org
Date: Sun, Apr 22, 2001 9:42 PM
Message-ID: <3AE388A3.566F@succeeds.com>

http://www.subgenius.com/

http://walkingdead.net/~phxclench/

http://ssucc.ragnarokr.com/nutnet.html

There are a mega-gazillion more...

--
"There is no nu-monet. There is only Zuul."
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2001 1:27 AM
Message-ID: <Hulkturds-2204012327280001@pool-209-128-155-13.hs.ipa.net>

Coat yer body with alfredo sauce before you send in your first $30. It'll
make the insertion of the cybervirus into your brain less painful. And the
resulting orgasms, OH lawdy! Once you've done it stainless-steel-style,
you neber go back!

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Apr 22, 2001 6:44 PM
Message-ID: <H9OE6.159$IX5.190408@news.pacbell.net>

Who isn't "Bob?"

T.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Stephen Clark" <itsclark@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2001 5:44 PM
Message-ID: <Fm1F6.919$AU4.72144@bgtnsc04-news.ops.worldnet.att.net>

Newsgroups: alt.slack
Sent: Sunday, April 22, 2001 5:51 PM
Subject: who is bob

VeNT <famin@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:3ae37b38.6367026@News.btinternet.com...

> and how do i get slack
> i am intrested and i was wondering what the hell this is all about
> (slack, bob, subgenus and everything) can anyone help me? or point me
> to some sites that will help me or point me to a site that will, in
> turn, pint me to another site that could help me or not as the case
> may or maynot be
> anyone?
> ~Famin

SLACK - n. Loosely described as perfect luck; something for nothing.
Ultimately
ineffable ("slack is as slack doesn't"). We are born with original slack
only to be
systematically robbed of it by the degenerate mechanizations of the
Conspiracy
(Cliques of Normals Secretly Plotting Insidious Rituals Aimed at Controlling
You).

BOB - n. J.R."Bob" Dobbs. One-time luckiest man on Earth and world's
greatest salesman
who braved the terrors of the outer gods to receive the mind-melting
revelations upon which the
Church of the Subgenius is founded. He is the ascended master of slack. We
wish to kill him.

For further lies and propaganda sacred to our cause, try these websites:

http://subgenius.com/
http://subgenius.com/pam1/pamphlet.html
http://equinox.unr.edu/homepage/brad/teaching/rpapers/barrett.html
(old & out-of-date, but still very helpful in terms of understanding the
nature of J.R."Bob" Dobbs.)
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Michael W Crichton" <mwcrichton@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2001 8:24 PM
Message-ID: <9J3F6.43107$rX5.3439312@news1.rdc1.il.home.com>

>
>Who isn't "Bob?"

I'M NOT "BOB", and I resent the implication that I am, you fish-masturbating
deviant!
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Boddhisatva Troutwaxer" <tungtung@pacbell.net>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Mon, Apr 23, 2001 6:52 PM
Message-ID: <dn7F6.42732$qv3.18452269@nnrp5-w.sbc.net>

>>
>>Who isn't "Bob?"
>
> I'M NOT "BOB", and I resent the implication that I am, you
> fish-masturbating deviant!

OK, look, there are two positions one can take with regard to a
relationship with one's diety. (assuming one has a diety, of course).

1.) I am seperate from the god. He's in heaven, I'm on earth, He's Spirit,
I'm matter. He rocks, I suck. This leads to the rather stupid bind Xtian's
find themselves in - having to contend with the idea that there is a
limit to one's growth, even as "God" watches critically from above.

2.) God is the embodiment of the universe. I am part of the universe, so I
am part of "God." This leads to the possibility of infinite growth and
learning being possible. In the case of SubGenius theology, we MUST
assume that this is the case, because Dobbs is continually fucking all
things, ourselves included. So every time we fuck, we are "Bob," or our
god is the kind of lamprey felching puppy fucker who won't let you have a
moment alone with your wife, and we all know that "Bob's" a straight line
stand up kind of guy who'd never do a thing like that.

So, you are theologically in error, and are doomed to hell... Unless you
are at one with Dobbs, whose smart enough to stay out of that neighborhood
except when we kill him.

See?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com (Joe Cosby)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 24, 2001 6:00 PM
Message-ID: <3ae5f76c.62659571@news.mindspring.com>

Only the true "Bob" denies his "Bob"ness.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Sig by Kookie Jar 5.98d http://go.to/generalfrenetics/
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Phred" <yougottobekidding@nowhere.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Tue, Apr 24, 2001 10:52 PM
Message-ID: <9c5dv5$9bj$1@slb6.atl.mindspring.net>

"whyaskwhyaskwhy" <blackout@404infomagic.com> wrote in message
news:tecbqen8epoaa2@corp.supernews.com...
>
> "SubGenius Spice" wrote
>
> > > Bruises are purplish, aren't they?
> >
> > so are hemorrhoids.
>
> and bruised hemmorrhoids.
>
> don't forget them.
>
>

sooooooooooo......... purple is a bruised hemmorhoid !

That would explain the ourpouring of diarrhea everytime he posts.

--------------------------------
PreRev. P. S. NoName
Buying his hemmorhoidness a lifetime supply of Preparation H
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Michael W Crichton" <mwcrichton@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 25, 2001 12:52 AM
Message-ID: <4KsF6.49109$rX5.3772019@news1.rdc1.il.home.com>

Boddhisatva Troutwaxer wrote in message ...
>In article <9J3F6.43107$rX5.3439312@news1.rdc1.il.home.com>, "Michael W
> Crichton" <mwcrichton@home.com> wrote:
>>
>> Boddhisatva Troutwaxer wrote in message ...
>>>In article <3ae37b38.6367026@News.btinternet.com>, famin@btinternet.com
>>>(VeNT) wrote:
>>>> and how do i get slack i am intrested and i was wondering what the
>>>> hell this is all about
>>>> (slack, bob, subgenus and everything) can anyone help me? or point me
>>>> to some sites that will help me or point me to a site that will, in
>>>> turn, pint me to another site that could help me or not as the case
>>>> may or maynot be anyone?
>>>> ~Famin
>>>
>>>Who isn't "Bob?"
>>
>> I'M NOT "BOB", and I resent the implication that I am, you
>> fish-masturbating deviant!
>
>OK, look, there are two positions one can take with regard to a
>relationship with one's diety. (assuming one has a diety, of course).
>
>1.) I am seperate from the god. He's in heaven, I'm on earth, He's Spirit,
>I'm matter. He rocks, I suck. This leads to the rather stupid bind Xtian's
> find themselves in - having to contend with the idea that there is a
>limit to one's growth, even as "God" watches critically from above.
>
>2.) God is the embodiment of the universe. I am part of the universe, so I
>am part of "God." This leads to the possibility of infinite growth and
> learning being possible. In the case of SubGenius theology, we MUST
>assume that this is the case, because Dobbs is continually fucking all
>things, ourselves included. So every time we fuck, we are "Bob," or our
>god is the kind of lamprey felching puppy fucker who won't let you have a
>moment alone with your wife, and we all know that "Bob's" a straight line
>stand up kind of guy who'd never do a thing like that.
>
>So, you are theologically in error, and are doomed to hell... Unless you
>are at one with Dobbs, whose smart enough to stay out of that neighborhood
>except when we kill him.
>
>See?

I see that you are _wrong_, yeti-fellater! _I_ am not a part of "Bob".
"Bob" is a part of _me_. Ever since I et the bastard, that is. You, on the
other hand, wellll... I doubt that "Bob" is a part of you. I don't think a
troutwaxer could possibly have the guts to hunt, kill, cook and eat his God.
I'm sure some of the Dobbs-seed that you have swallowed over the years has
given you a bit of the holy "Bob" Essense, but not much.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "whyaskwhyaskwhy" <blackout@404infomagic.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 25, 2001 11:14 AM
Message-ID: <tedqf62uuc1fcc@corp.supernews.com>

"Michael W Crichton" wrote

> I see that you are _wrong_, yeti-fellater! _I_ am not a part of "Bob".
> "Bob" is a part of _me_. Ever since I et the bastard, that is. You, on the
> other hand, wellll... I doubt that "Bob" is a part of you. I don't think a
> troutwaxer could possibly have the guts to hunt, kill, cook and eat his
God.
> I'm sure some of the Dobbs-seed that you have swallowed over the years
> has given you a bit of the holy "Bob" Essense, but not much.

oh,WISE GUY, huh?

D-, wise guy.

do overs
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Phred" <yougottobekidding@nowhere.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Apr 25, 2001 11:40 AM
Message-ID: <9c6quk$k7g$1@slb6.atl.mindspring.net>

Wrong.

Two positions one can take with regard to a relationship with one's diety
are:

1. Missionary
2. Doggy-style

Deities usually prefer #2 as they never have to get on their knees for this
one. Deities NEVER get on their knees...they prefer that their followers to
do that.

--
PreRev. P. S. NoName
This is one subject Dr. Ruth never covered!

Even a band of angels can turn ugly and start looting if
enough angels are unemployed and hanging around the
Pearly Gates convinced that all the succubi own all the
liquor stores in Heaven.
-- P. J. O'Rourke
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 26, 2001 2:16 AM
Message-ID: <Hulkturds-2604010016140001@pool-209-128-155-122.hs.ipa.net>

It is my considered opinion that back in about 1982, when I stopped this
decerebrate asshole from throwing a longneck at Blue Oyster Cult at the
Music Hall, it was "Bob" who stepped in and beaned his equally drunken
asshole buddy when he tried to bean ME with ANOTHER longneck because I
stopped the first asshole. THANKS, "Bob!" Musta been him. I mean, nobody
ELSE I knew who wasn't a Dad would be smoking that kind of pipe at a BOC
show, right? PRAISE him. Yes.

"Bob" can BE everywhere, but its usually not where you think he is. Quit
looking, he's not THERE anymore, he's over THERE now.

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Play that funky stomach pump, wide boy

"
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "Michael W Crichton" <mwcrichton@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Apr 26, 2001 6:08 AM
Message-ID: <ksSF6.54571$rX5.4111080@news1.rdc1.il.home.com>

a
>> troutwaxer could possibly have the guts to hunt, kill, cook and eat his
>God.
>> I'm sure some of the Dobbs-seed that you have swallowed over the years
>> has given you a bit of the holy "Bob" Essense, but not much.

GOOD. Only knob... err, I mean APPLE polishing pinkboy scum care about
grades. I wear that D- as a mark of pride. So there.

Oh, by the way, I didn't mean to disparage anyone who joyfully swallows the
sperm of "Bob" or nuthin like that. I was just saying that anyone who sucked
Dobbs off _without_ killing and devouring him after was a wimp, that's all.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: "The PreRev. P.S. NoName" <yougottabekidding@nowhere.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Fri, Apr 27, 2001 12:42 PM
Message-ID: <9cc7bn$9n5$1@slb3.atl.mindspring.net>

"Bob" takes on the characteristics of a quantum particle via Heisenberg's
uncertainty principle:

1. We can tell that "Bob" moves, but not his location.

2. We can tell where "Bob" is, but not how fast he's moving..

If we only attempt to prove "Bob" exists, ignoring he may be travelling at a
significant percentage of the speed of light, he senses that attempt and
enshrouds himself in a cloud of smoke from his pipe, therefore, we know of
his existance (the frop cloud) but not where he is within the cloud.

If we attempt to prove how fast "Bob" is moving, again all we have is the
frop cloud to obtain a measurement from. We can average the cloud movement
vectors to determine velocity, but we know not where within the cloud he is,
although occasionally his pipe may be visible along the leading edge.

You may THINK you've seen "Bob", but from the short period of contact and
that fact that other incidents force an adaptation of "chaos theory" (there
was chaos, therefore, any observations are subject to interpretation), the
conclusion is that it MAY HAVE been "Bob", but you didn't get to see his
driver's license.

However, given that Blue Oyster Cult was involved, there is a high
probability it was him.

--
PreRev. P. S. NoName

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
-- Albert Einstein

The great tragedy of science, the slaying of a beautiful theory by an ugly
fact.
-- Thomas Henry Huxley
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: who is bob
From: Hulkturds@crappagammabrick.ouch (HellPope Huey)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sat, Apr 28, 2001 12:38 AM

Phred, you scare the piss outta me. Who is gonna clean up this mess!? But
I also laffed until I shit. I'd kiss you if I was into guys and not
covered in my own excreta. GawDAMN you ,Phred! BWAHAHAHAEIEIEIEIE!!!

HellPope Huey, hellpopehuey@subgenius.com
Kiss me, I'm dervish.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

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Original file name: who is bob - converted on Friday, 29 June 2001, 22:34