The Subgenius Religion -- Legally Recognized?

From: "Jake" <Jake379@home.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Nov 4, 2001 8:56 PM

Does anyone truely know if we are recognized as a real religion by the
U.S. government? Any resources would be appriciated.
-Rev. Jake
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Subject: Re: The Subgenius Religion
From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

I don't know, but I would hope not. I mean, I'd always thought of The
Church as an anti-religion, and so I'd be disappointed if they thought
otherwise.

--
Artemia Salina -- http://www.drpez.com/drali1.htm
Matterless Spermalist Trimmingly Delimits Hellenian Interstition!!! -- see page 32

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From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>

Well, the truth of the matter is a little embarassing.
It seems that for a long time now, the world government
has been ruled by the conspiracy, known as the CON for
short. Well, as it turns out, the CON was a lot better
in scheming to take over the world than they were in
predicting the future.

Unfortunately their "ancient elders" kinda ran out of
accuracy in the predictions department a long time ago.
You would probably laugh if you saw what they thought the
world would be by now. All sorts of bizarre inventions
and weird shit that just wasn't scientifically feasible.

Well, they had one little part of their predictions that
mentions "Bob" and the Church of the SubGenius. Not a
very big part, but one of the few accurate predictions,
and for that reason, what has become some of the most
sacred elements of their arcane and twisted CON belief
system.

So, the bottom line is that we have these hard-corps
fanatics that are utterly powerful and wealthy and all
that shit, and they are totally fixated with everything
we say or do in the CotSG. But secretly so. In fact,
this entire "war" thing, the police state and all, are
just a mystical misinterpretation of a funny "gag" post
that Dr. K'tanden Legume did some years back; plus some
crap they heard on the Hour of Slack radio show.

The trouble is, that you can't just up and tell them to
quit being such assholes. They would act like they didn't
know what you were talking about. So instead, we try to
come up with something that they will interpret as
mystically meaning that they should "cool it."

So, in a manner of speaking, WE control the CON. If we
can just come up with the right jest, witticism, or ironic
post or artwork, it might result in there being a millenium
of peace, personal fulfillment and prosperity for all.
But then again, if we fuck up, they just might launch all
them missiles and destroy the world. You just can't count
on fanatics to make reasonable decisions.

I guess it's all up to us.

--
*
MILLIONS SURVIVE FLU EPIDEMIC
"A flu epidemic will strike in 2006.
Happily, a cure will be found before
there are any fatalities."
--Robert Schultz, psychic for "The Sun"
*
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From: Geoff Bronner <geoff.bronner@dartmouth.edu>

The CON marks recognized religions with tax exempt status...

-G

--
<http://www.dartmouth.edu/~geoffb/>
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From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@home.com>

No, we are not. I suppose you could look this up in the CIA Factbook or
some almanac or something like that. In order to be an official religion, a
group must meet certain criteria. For example, you must have a "church" --
an actual physical structure where "worship" is carried out. You must have
regular "meetings" for the purpose of "worship". You must have a "belief"
in some kind of "divinity", and a statement of accepted "dogma".
"Ministers" must have some kind of "training" in this "dogma" and then
"teach" it to the "congregation". If you do all these things and more, you
may/must apply for "tax-exempt" status, a whole other headache.

Obviously, all of this is quite a problem for us, since we don't even HAVE
congregations, only Reverends, and they take it as a sacred duty to make up
beliefs as they go along, stamping out dogmaticism wherever it rears its
head. But, even if the government made all those rules lenient enough for
us to pass, we still would not apply for tax exempt status, as a form of
protest, since we believe Pat Robertson and all his swinely ilk should pay
their taxes just like Joe Sixpack has to, instead of hiding behind Jesus to
keep all their filthy lucre.
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Subject: Re: [Best joke punchline]
From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

"Actually I'm a gynecologist but ... this is my lunch hour."

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Original file name: The Subgenius Religion - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:27