God hates a good time...

From: MurderThatCowboy@yahoo.com (Sr. Lackluster)
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Wed, Oct 31, 2001 5:54 PM

If it isn't divinating the weather with kitten genitals, it is washing
your body in soy product and worshipping Vishnu. Certain religious
fanatics will do anything to appease their powers that be. Members of
the Church of the Subgenius often seem more devout to Dobbs than
Christians are to Christ. ?Why are a bunch of doped up morons more
serious about their religious satire than those who ACTUALLY think
that Jesus will dictate their eternal souls? I just want a few
straight answers to loaded questions.

Yes, you have all become my class project. First, I will make a
few assumptions: you don't want to disbelieve the Dobbs, but you do;
you can understand the mechanics of slack, and are better than your
fellow humans at obtaining or receiving the said slack; the Church of
the Subgenius is an un-religion that is your religion, a way to
contact others like you. If my postulation is close, then obnoxiously
agree with me and move onward. If it isn't true then by all means rip
my pink heart out, and explain to my dying brain how your Subgenism
relates or correlates to religious experience...
i.e. ?What does the church hold for you, and why do you participate in
it?

<<for all of you stupid fucks out there, this last sentence is the
most important part of the post. *thank you for your time*>>

Dissenter extraordinaire,

Senior Lackluster
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From: nu-monet <nothing@succeeds.com>
Date: Wed, Oct 31, 2001 6:31 PM

Sr. Lackluster wrote:
>
> ?Why are a bunch of doped up morons more serious about
> their religious satire than those who ACTUALLY think
> that Jesus will dictate their eternal souls? I just
> want a few straight answers to loaded questions.

1) Slack
2) Luck
3) Canned Meat
4) Something
5) We're right. They're wrong.
6) We *know* we're right. They aren't so sure anymore.
7) Payback is a bitch. Our bitch.

--
*
MILLIONS SURVIVE FLU EPIDEMIC
"A flu epidemic will strike in 2006.
Happily, a cure will be found before
there are any fatalities."
--Robert Schultz, psychic for "The Sun"
*
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From: iDRMRSR <alex.i.thymia@depression.org>

>>What does the church hold for you, and why do you participate in
it?<<

Masturbation. Pyroflatulation. And a CONSISTENT fuck from the greatest
fucker of all, Bob Dobbs.

In our Church, there is no hope. You don't have to. And no
disappointments, no elaborate rituals, diets, vestments, or headgear.
No salesman will call. All for one money.

Sure, this may all LOOK like a JOKE to the non Yeti.

But Bobdammit, it is one FUCK of a SERIOUS joke.

[*]
-----
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From: "The Not Quite Sane" <blargh3-spamfilter-@yahoo.com>

Hmmm. It was eternal salvation for a mere $30, versus the 10% of my
income the Christians wanted.

--
----------------------
The Not Quite Sane One
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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Beats the hell out of working.

--
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From: prostata@bronze.coil.com (The Stinking Bishop Prostata Cantata MP)

I'm just here for the nakid chicks.

--
-------
I have burped, farted, and sneezed at the same time, and I am still
alive. --Dan Povenmire, Los Angeles
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From: Reverend DJ Epoch <nunyabiz@noway.com>

MurderThatCowboy@yahoo.com (Sr. Lackluster) lost his train of thought
and instead came up with this ....

>What does the church hold for you,

My coffee....it's a neat mug with a pic of "Bob ".

>and why do you participate in it?

It keeps me off the streets after dark.

--
Rev. DJ Epoch

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Original file name: God hates a good time... - converted on Thursday, 20 December 2001, 03:27