Date: 2 Jul 1996 21:32:47 GMT
Well, I got a copy of SubGenius Pamphlet #1 from my friend, the cult expert. I think things are worse than I thought. These SubGenii (thats theyre term for each other) are more demented than I thought.
I will be fair and say that I was wrong, wehn I said you send them $1 dollar and they send a form letter back. Their pamphlet costs $1 dollar, yes, but it's LONG. It is 16 pages long, with lots of really small type. Its hard to read. There are all sorts of little pictures throughout the pamphlet that dont seem to have anything to do with the text, like the product of a deranged mind. (It looks like clippings from old ads in magazines.) And its on slick clay paper. I think they are a bigger organization than I had feared, if they can put out as much material as they do for only $1 dollar. In it's own way it's a "bargain", but its utter filth. Thats all the good I can say about them.
The cover says: REPENT! QUIT YOUR JOB! SLACK OFF! The world ends tomorrow and YOU MAY DIE!
I guess they think the end of the world is funny.
Then they say: ARE WE CONTROLLED BY SECRET FORCES? ARE ALIEN SPACE MONSTERS BRINGING A STARTLING NEW WORLD?
The have picutres of flying saucers zapping people with mind control rays. Again, they think demonic posession is funny too.
And they say: Are you abnormal? THEN YOU ARE PROBABLY BETTER THAN MOST PEOPLE!
Well, I cant argue with the fact that they are abnormal.
The Church of the SubGenius is all about this guy named "Bob", and they always say his name in quotes. I guess its an alias, like hes a fly-by-night huckster. (The copyright says 1981, but I dont believe that. They are probably only a couple years old.)
They contradict themselves all over the place. And they admit theyre a mind control cult. Actually, they call themselves all kinds of things. "A SPAZZ-CHURCH OF MACHO IRONY!!!" "an inherently bogus religion". "weirder than the most obscure UFO/Atlantis cults." See, even THEY dont take themselves seriously. You shouldnt either.
The pamphlet has all kinds of filthy material in it. There are lots of pictures of women in bathing suits and leather "S and M" clotheing. Their motto is: "f**k them if they cant take a joke". (See how ready they are to break out the filthy language?) They promise: "Have intercourse with a beautiful live girl". I wonder how they can do that. Do they have prostitution rings?
I guess they believe in God, but they acll him "JHVH-1". They say he "is a mad alien, full of eye round about, He cometh with the clouds, radioactive, all-pervading, He has forged His covenant with the SubGenius in CHAINS of GENETIC PROGRAMMING and DEMANDS OBESIANCE to His caveman sense of humor." The capitalization is just like in the pamphlet; its like a two year old is shouting this stuff. And it shows that they don't understand God's prommise at all.
They also seem to be racists and they say that the SubGenius race is the Master Race. I will be fair and say that theyre racism isnt based on skin color, but haveing SubGenius genes or somethign. They say you cant tell who's a SubGenius just by looking at them, so it sounds like there are no guidelines as to who is superior. (Maybe they explain it somewhere. I had a lot of trouble reading this pamphlet. They talk in long circulair sentences like the one I quoted above. Its easy to miss details in this, and I don't really want to reread it.)
They claim that flying saucers full of Sex Goddesses are on their way to earth. How to get on the saucers? Send them $30 dollars and they will ordain you, and then you can get on. The worst part is, I'm afraid that some people actually pay that $30 dollars.
"Bob" is an idiot. They even say so. They say they dont want you to worship "Bob", they just want you to treat him as a "Short Duration Personal Savior". that means they dont want you to take him seriously. I almost think this religion is a joke, except I dont think its the slightest bit funny. It's all about blasphemy and filth. They admit theyre sinners, in fact they're proud of it. Well, if I were proud of sinning Id probably like this church too.
They worship bad movies too. Like "Plan 9 from Outer Space". They say they can read prophecies from bad movies.
And they believe in something called Slack. I dont quite understand it. Its kind of like luck and wealth. To me it sounds like getting all the things in this world at the price of you're soul. And "BoB" will bring you Slack, they say. That sounds a bit like selling your soul to them.
They also have a sacrament called Excremeditation. They seem to think that the use of the toilet is a holy thing. I said theyre filthy; well their scatalogical tendencies are obvious. Theres even a "cute" little picture of a plumber pointing to a toilet and saying, "My Constipation worries are over!" The toilet is smiling too.
They wallow in filth and are proud of it.
I could go on, but I wont. I warn you people to saty away from the Church of the SubGenius. They seem to think their joking, but I think the joke will be on them.
I pointed out before that someone listed their mailing address like it was an organization for stopping the Church of the SubGenius. I hesitate to post theyre address because I know there will be some sickos who will send them the $1 dollar like they want, but I dont want any good and decent people bilked out of their money either. Their address is:
P.O. Box 140306
Dallas, TX 75214
Be careful when you see this address. They say its all sorts of different organizations. I must stress that I cant recommend giving them any money. They admit they have a bogus religion. It cant help anyone. The answers you need are in the Bible. Look to Jesus, not Bob.
Original file name: Lou's FakeFAQ
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