Good News, Everyone

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Date: Fri, Sep 26, 2003

The word SUBGENIUS® is now a registered trademark!

Only took 23 years of on-and-off tries....

BUT IT IS DONE. On 9-17-03 the trademark office "published" our
ownership of "the mark."

This will make it a little easier for us to prevent misuse of the name
by dipshits and fuckwads. Actually that has almost never been a problem
-- the "SubGenius" brand name doesn't mean big money to any Pinks. I'm
more concerned with silly braindead amateurs embarrassing us by
claiming they're the "real SubGenius". The Dobbshead, on the other
hand, is routinely swiped, used and sold by Mediocretins, mentally ill
Normals and GimmeBobs, as is "Bob's" very NAME (as occasionally seen on
this newsgroup). We've been able to invoke the trademark regarding the
Graven Image of "Bob's" Portrait to excellent effect and some $ over
the years, and while I hope we never have to do that with "SubGenius,"
it's good to know that now we CAN, much more easily and quickly.

Luckily for most of the Dobbs-copping Pinks, I personally consider
using the courts an absolute last resort. Court cases can kill you even
if you win.

Also, I have a "thing" about letting middle-men, distributors,
publishers, vampiric executive fucks in suits IN GENERAL, but most
especially LAWYERS, leach away money that SubGenius Arteests should
get. (Such as it is.) They leached enough out of us during the first 20
years. The longer we can just cruise along beneath Their radar
generally, the better. It means smalerl cash flow but WAY WAY MORE
SLACK.

So, now, legally, we are COMPELLED to place a little R in a circle next
to SubGenius® in Church of the SubGenius®.

On my screen this, made by typing Option-R, is an R in a circle: ®

But I'd be surprised if it looks like an R in a circle on everybody's
screen after squeezing through the various Internet system tubes.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>

> So, now, legally, we are COMPELLED to place a little R in a circle
next
> to SubGenius® in Church of the SubGenius®.
>
> On my screen this, made by typing Option-R, is an R in a circle: ®

I see it, Praise "Bob"!!!

I can't wait to tell all the SubGenii® tomorrow at the big Austin Clench
party where we're hosting the world premier of _5 X-Day_ the awesomest
DVD in the world!!!!!! I am squealing like a little girl! I have to
change my panties!!

® That's Alt + 0174 for you Windows users out there!! You might want
to reassign your keyboard to make that easier, 'cause you're going to
need it a lot if you want to be a REAL Bobbie from now on!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
>
> The word SUBGENIUS® is now a registered trademark!

Sellout.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Ellis Dee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
...>"The Dobbshead, on the other
> hand, is routinely swiped,...We've been able to invoke the trademark
regarding the
> Graven Image of "Bob's" Portrait to excellent effect and some $ over
> the years..."

I thought the Dobbshead was itself lifted from 1950's advertising copy.

Is this (sub)urban legend?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

SSST!!!

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"It is no measure of health
to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
- Krishnamurti

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: jlwn111@att.net (I AM J'lahn.)

"Ellis Dee" <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> I thought the Dobbshead was itself lifted from 1950's advertising copy.
>
> Is this (sub)urban legend?

That's what Stang and his pals would like you to think. But the REAL
story came out a few years back. Not sure what the verdict was (or if
it ever even went to court). Don't bother asking Stang. They've NEVER
come clean on this. It's one of the Oldest Lies they tell.

ODDLY ENOUGH - Reuters

J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and Norm Appleton - Separated at Birth?
Wed Apr 17, 5:44 PM ET

CLEVELAND, OHIO and AUSTIN, TEXAS (Reuters) - It appears that Time
Magazine's Greatest Fraud of the 20th Century really is just that.
Only this time, the fraud comes in the form of an ongoing copyright
violation that sources say "has gone on long enough."

The clean-cut, pipe-smoking J.R. "Bob" Dobbs icon used by the Austin,
Texas-based Church of the Subgenius to help promote their doomsday
cult was allegedly inspired by the clean-cut, pipe-smoking Norm
Appleton from the mid-70's National Lampoon magazine comic strip, "The
Appletons". Or so say the filers of this week's legal actions in the
state of New York against "Bob" and his Church.

Reached for comment, sources close to the Church's "Reverend Ivan
Stang" brushed off the lawsuit. "You think anyone even remembers the
Appletons? Hello?" they remarked, rebuffing the claims. Church leaders
have yet to officially respond to the legal actions being directed
their way.

"The law is the law," said the group of concerned citizens at a news
conference earlier this week in New York City. They claim that there's
little room left for bargaining in what appears to be a very tough
case against the fledgling cult. "Where a party uses the work of
another without its express written permission, authorization or
consent, that party violates Section 501 of the United States
Copyright, Title 17 of the United States Code," insiders to the suit
noted. "This case is open and shut," they added.

J2 Communications, current owners of the nationallampoon.com website,
are not affiliated with those bringing the claim. BK Taylor, the
original creator of the strip, was unavailable for comment.

Retribution appears to be foremost on the mind of the suit's authors.
"Pulling the plug on the 'Bob/Norm' image now, after nearly 20 years
of blatant Title 17 violation, is a pale form of justice," sources
close to the case lament. "Pulling the plug on the Church of the
Subgenius, now that would be justice!" Apparently, that is their goal.
Can "Bob" and his minions hold them off? Only time, and what is sure
to be a lengthy and costly court battle, will tell.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Reverend DJ Epoch <niunyabiz@noway.com>

jlwn111@att.net (I AM J'lahn.) wrote:
> http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757

Clicked the link.. ain't no such article anywhere on that page.

You licking those magic frogs again Mr. Numerologist?

--
_________________
-- The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
-- Reverend DJ Epoch, prop. and janitor

Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@mrsnoidsubgenius.com>

"Reverend DJ Epoch" wrote
> You licking those magic frogs again Mr. Numerologist?

you know what's even better than 111?

222.

it's TWICE as good.

P.S.. it really sucks that we use that really limiting base 10 system.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@mrsnoidsubgenius.com>

"I AM J'lahn."

1) take a sock and put 3 rolls of quarters in it.
2) hit your self in the face with it as hard as you can.
3) you should get the coolest 111 bruise if you don't totally fag out and
blow it like you have done the rest of your so called life.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>This will make it a little easier for us to prevent misuse of the name
>by dipshits and fuckwads.

Hey, that describes MOST of the Subgenenii!

Me included!

>The Dobbshead, on the other
>hand, is routinely swiped, used and sold by Mediocretins, mentally ill
>Normals and GimmeBobs, as is "Bob's" very NAME

Once again, your talking about most of the Church members!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
>The word SUBGENIUS® is now a registered trademark!
>
>Only took 23 years of on-and-off tries....
>
>BUT IT IS DONE. On 9-17-03 the trademark office "published" our
>ownership of "the mark."
>
>This will make it a little easier for us to prevent misuse of the name
>by dipshits and fuckwads. Actually that has almost never been a problem
>-- the "SubGenius" brand name doesn't mean big money to any Pinks. I'm
>more concerned with silly braindead amateurs embarrassing us by
>claiming they're the "real SubGenius". The Dobbshead, on the other
>hand, is routinely swiped, used and sold by Mediocretins, mentally ill
>Normals and GimmeBobs, as is "Bob's" very NAME (as occasionally seen on
>this newsgroup). We've been able to invoke the trademark regarding the
>Graven Image of "Bob's" Portrait to excellent effect and some $ over
>the years, and while I hope we never have to do that with "SubGenius,"
>it's good to know that now we CAN, much more easily and quickly.
>
>Luckily for most of the Dobbs-copping Pinks, I personally consider
>using the courts an absolute last resort. Court cases can kill you even
>if you win.
>
>Also, I have a "thing" about letting middle-men, distributors,
>publishers, vampiric executive fucks in suits IN GENERAL, but most
>especially LAWYERS, leach away money that SubGenius Arteests should
>get. (Such as it is.) They leached enough out of us during the first 20
>years. The longer we can just cruise along beneath Their radar
>generally, the better. It means smalerl cash flow but WAY WAY MORE
>SLACK.
>
>So, now, legally, we are COMPELLED to place a little R in a circle next
>to SubGenius® in Church of the SubGenius®.
>
>On my screen this, made by typing Option-R, is an R in a circle: ®
>
>But I'd be surprised if it looks like an R in a circle on everybody's
>screen after squeezing through the various Internet system tubes.
>
>.

I think the next step is to start watching the P2P networks, there are
a lot of flagrant (and PROFITABLY ACTIONABLE) violations going on out
there.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.home.mindspring.com

"It is no measure of health
to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."
- Krishnamurti

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: drlegume2001@yahoo.com

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> I'm more concerned with silly braindead amateurs embarrassing us by
> claiming they're the "real SubGenius".

I think you mean "OTHER silly braindead amateurs".

______
Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Ellis Dee <fxtrt22@yahoo.com> wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote in message
>
> ...>"The Dobbshead, on the other
> > hand, is routinely swiped,...We've been able to invoke the trademark
> regarding the
> > Graven Image of "Bob's" Portrait to excellent effect and some $ over
> > the years..."
>
> I thought the Dobbshead was itself lifted from 1950's advertising copy.
>
> Is this (sub)urban legend?

Yes. It was lifted but not from any ad that WE know of. It may have
once been used in an ad but we've never seen such an ad. Sure would
love to.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

I AM J'lahn. <jlwn111@att.net> wrote:

> > Is this (sub)urban legend?
>
> That's what Stang and his pals would like you to think. But the REAL
> story came out a few years back.

"A few years back."

Couldn't name that year... or the people pressing the "suit"... because
then somebody would be able to look up the article and find that it
never existed except in J'lahn's tormented little head.

> Not sure what the verdict was (or if
> it ever even went to court). Don't bother asking Stang. They've NEVER
> come clean on this. It's one of the Oldest Lies they tell.

Old J'lahn here on the other hand is famous for his credibility.

> ODDLY ENOUGH - Reuters
>
> J.R. "Bob" Dobbs and Norm Appleton - Separated at Birth?
> Wed Apr 17, 5:44 PM ET
>
> CLEVELAND, OHIO and AUSTIN, TEXAS (Reuters) - It appears that Time
> Magazine's Greatest Fraud of the 20th Century really is just that.
> Only this time, the fraud comes in the form of an ongoing copyright
> violation that sources say "has gone on long enough."
>
> The clean-cut, pipe-smoking J.R. "Bob" Dobbs icon used by the Austin,
> Texas-based Church of the Subgenius to help promote their doomsday
> cult was allegedly inspired by the clean-cut, pipe-smoking Norm
> Appleton from the mid-70's National Lampoon magazine comic strip, "The
> Appletons". Or so say the filers of this week's legal actions in the
> state of New York against "Bob" and his Church.
>
> Reached for comment, sources close to the Church's "Reverend Ivan
> Stang" brushed off the lawsuit. "You think anyone even remembers the
> Appletons? Hello?" they remarked, rebuffing the claims. Church leaders
> have yet to officially respond to the legal actions being directed
> their way.
>
> "The law is the law," said the group of concerned citizens at a news
> conference earlier this week in New York City. They claim that there's
> little room left for bargaining in what appears to be a very tough
> case against the fledgling cult. "Where a party uses the work of
> another without its express written permission, authorization or
> consent, that party violates Section 501 of the United States
> Copyright, Title 17 of the United States Code," insiders to the suit
> noted. "This case is open and shut," they added.
>
> J2 Communications, current owners of the nationallampoon.com website,
> are not affiliated with those bringing the claim. BK Taylor, the
> original creator of the strip, was unavailable for comment.
>
> Retribution appears to be foremost on the mind of the suit's authors.
> "Pulling the plug on the 'Bob/Norm' image now, after nearly 20 years
> of blatant Title 17 violation, is a pale form of justice," sources
> close to the case lament. "Pulling the plug on the Church of the
> Subgenius, now that would be justice!" Apparently, that is their goal.
> Can "Bob" and his minions hold them off? Only time, and what is sure
> to be a lengthy and costly court battle, will tell.
>
> http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757

What a shitty fake! J'lahn, you must be the second most jealous kook
out there. Couldn't you have at least displayed enough imagination to
come up with a NAME for who is pressing this mighty suit? "A group of
concerned citizens." Odd, but Reuters reporters don't *usually* write
like vindictive cranks. Besides which, J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is the Living
Avatar of Slack, and Norm Appleton is a cartoon character. The only
similarity is that they look like squares, smoke a pipe, and grin
insanely. That describes the male models in about a quarter of all the
ads in American magazines from 1945 to 1967. (Some of whom WERE "Bob".)

It's a moot point anyway, but it's interesting to see that J'lahn is
still spending hours and hours on wishful thinking like this.

If only we could put J'lahn and purple together in one room. It'd be
just like "The Three Christs of Ypsilanti," minus one "Christ". What I
would give for a recording of those particular two super-geniuses
arguing about the origin of "Bob."

We can guess that it would be a very REPETITIVE conversation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:

[snip]

> ...it's interesting to see that J'lahn is
> still spending hours and hours on wishful thinking like this.

Didn't Jelly-Ann say he wasn't going to post here anymore?
He didn't *lie* to us, did he?

Paul E. Jamison

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: pipe_phol_monty@subgenius.T\/ (Pipe Phol Monty)

>->pauljmsn@infionline.net (Paul E. Jamison) wrot:
> Didn't Jelly-Ann say he wasn't going to post here anymore?
> He didn't *lie* to us, did he?

I believe he DID, now you mention it. that's why I didn't bother to
killfile him.

now you mention it...

Phil Monty
Pope of the North of England
and Mornington Crescent
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS
_________________________________
"remember: If you`re not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Paul E. Jamison" wrote:
> Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> [snip]
> >
> > ...it's interesting to see that J'lahn is
> > still spending hours and hours on wishful thinking like this.
> >
> Didn't Jelly-Ann say he wasn't going to post here anymore?
> He didn't *lie* to us, did he?

Have you ALL suddenly become totally retarded or something?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Artemia Salina <y2k@sheayright.com>

nenslo wrote:
> Have you ALL suddenly become totally retarded or something?

Suddenly??

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> >
> > http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757
>
> What a shitty fake!

On the contrary, it was one of the best-written spoof I've seen here
in years. Better than anything YOU'VE posted here in I don't know how
long. Are you totally retarded and brain-dead? Get over your
faggy-assed reactionary snit, you pathetic worm and wake up to the
fact that the guy GOT OVER IT, APOLOGIZED, and is now making more
intelligent and better-written contributions than almost anybody else
in the group. YOU REACTIONARY FUCKHEAD JACKASS, WAKE UP! If ANYBODY
ELSE had written it, me for example, you'd have put it on the website
in a hong kong minute. If I had even one smidge of respect left for
you, the STUPID STUPID response which I deleted would have stubbed it
out. STOP BEING SO FUCKING IDIOTIC!!!! YOU IDIOT. Save you "jealous
kook" bullshit for people who ARE jealous kooks. I'm beginning to
think Jaylon is more of a subgenius than you are and the JEALOUS KOOK
IS YOU. If you were here right now I'd kick your ass CLEAN OFF. And
don't even bother to respond to this before you remember HOW OFTEN YOU
HAVE REALIZED HOW RIGHT I WAS AND HOW STUPID YOU WERE.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: jlwn42@att.net (Horror Show)

"Blackout" <blackout@mrsnoidsubgenius.com> wrote:
>
> you know what's even better than 111?
>
> 222.
>
> it's TWICE as good.
>

From http://jlwn777.home.att.net/index111.html

In the summer of 1980, I worked at the local newspaper delivering
papers to people who didn't get their papers and carriers that were
shorted. I spent a good deal of time in the car and found that I began
to see 111 imbedded in the numbers on the odometer and tripometer at
least once a day. The first few times it happened, it didn't seem odd,
but the problem was that it kept happening. Somehow I would look at
the mileage indicators just as they had turned to 111.

I then got a couple of addresses to deliver papers to that had 111 as
a part of the address. Now I was starting to get a little spooked. At
this point, the experience I was having was very private - I hadn't
told a soul. I approached a woman at the newspaper who was into
numerology and astrology and asked her what it meant if someone kept
seeing the same number all the time. She said "I don't know, but I
keep seeing 222 all the time and it's really starting to piss me off
!!!"

I thought I was dreaming. How could she be saying this? I hadn't told
anyone about my experience until that moment. I said "You're not gonna
believe this, but I was going to ask you why I keep seeing 111 all the
time!" We were both a little scared by this. The probability that we
would both be having such a similar strange experience seemed very
low. At that moment, I began to think that I was experiencing
something paranormal - something that could not be explained with
conventional scientific tools.

<snip>

You were saying?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

Blackout wrote:
> 222.
>
> it's TWICE as good.
>

I always thought Karen Valentine was sexy in a girl-next-door way.
Never watched "Room 222", though. Our local ABC affiliate
had crappy reception.

> P.S.. it really sucks that we use that really limiting base 10 system.

Remember on an old spy-gadget toy named "Sixfinger"? It
looked like an extra finger and it was a gun, real pen and
could do other stuff. They don't make kid's toys like that
anymore.

Paul E. Jamison

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Reverend DJ Epoch wrote:
> jlwn111@att.net (I AM J'lahn.) wrote:
>
> > http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757
>
> Clicked the link.. ain't no such article anywhere on that page.

Duuuhhh... THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A JOKE, DUMBASS.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: prostata@spamcop.net (The Stinkin' Bishop Prostata Cantata)

drlegume2001@yahoo.com wrote:
>"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
>
>> I'm more concerned with silly braindead amateurs embarrassing us by
>> claiming they're the "real SubGenius".
>
>I think you mean "OTHER silly braindead amateurs".

One day we will have a monopoly on silly braindead amateurs.

One day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Good News, Everyone
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Reply-To: stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com
Date: Sun, Sep 28, 2003 12:15 PM
Message-ID: <280920031215325306%stang@subgenius.com>

In article <3F766C46.77C29DBA@yahooX.com>, nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>
cast out a juicy worm which is now floating there before me in the
water, magically suspended, just waiting for me to take a big chomp on
it:

> "Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:
> > What a shitty fake!
>
> On the contrary, it was one of the best-written spoof I've seen here
> in years. Better than anything YOU'VE posted here in I don't know how
> long. Are you totally retarded and brain-dead? Get over your
> faggy-assed reactionary snit, you pathetic worm and wake up to the
> fact that the guy GOT OVER IT, APOLOGIZED, and is now making more
> intelligent and better-written contributions than almost anybody else
> in the group.

Well, since Rev. 11D Meow went away.

> YOU REACTIONARY FUCKHEAD JACKASS, WAKE UP! If ANYBODY
> ELSE had written it, me for example, you'd have put it on the website
> in a hong kong minute. If I had even one smidge of respect left for
> you, the STUPID STUPID response which I deleted would have stubbed it
> out. STOP BEING SO FUCKING IDIOTIC!!!! YOU IDIOT. Save you "jealous
> kook" bullshit for people who ARE jealous kooks. I'm beginning to
> think Jaylon is more of a subgenius than you are and the JEALOUS KOOK
> IS YOU. If you were here right now I'd kick your ass CLEAN OFF. And
> don't even bother to respond to this before you remember HOW OFTEN YOU
> HAVE REALIZED HOW RIGHT I WAS AND HOW STUPID YOU WERE.

Nenslo, I slept on it and, gall durn it, you're right as usual. I guess
I've become so overly sensitive that I jumped to conclusions and
actually thought that that funny joker J'lahn meant it to be taken
seriously! I now see that it couldn't be meant as anything BUT a funny
spoof... duh...

I'm glad somebody is willing to accept J'lahn's apology. His phone
calls to my wife's number subsequent to his apology might have colored
my attitude somewhat.

I look forward to the interesting posts J'lahn might make now that he
knows he has a supporter in you, the loving and caring Nenslo.

Don't put down my posts, though, man. I *know* you're still jacking off
to the SubGenius Porn pics I posted to alt.binaries.slack.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: jlwn42@att.net (Horror Show)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com> wrote:
> J'lahn, you must be the second most jealous kook
> out there.

Actually Doug, I may be the FIRST most jealous. Remember what I said
earlier in the year? When I threw myself at mercy of your merciless
court?

I've just completed an ego-bruising three-month expedition through
everything I've ever posted, since 1995, to alt.slack and several
other as-yet un-indexed message boards. Ouch. What a mess. Listen, at
this point, I'm willing to admit everything. I'm actually a horrible
person. That much is clear. Part of what makes me so horrible is my
oozing-with-black-goo Incredibly Jealous Heart. My Black Heart. Stang,
Legume, and pretty much anyone I've ever attempted to "bust on" here
are awesome, prolific, artistic geniuses. And I've always been jealous
of their talent. The recognition that they have achieved is something
that I wish I could have achieved. I guess it's not too late. But I've
certainly made a mess of things.

I think I need to start smoking pot again. Every day. Multiple times
daily. I think it helped to make me less of an asshole. This goddamn
cold turkey shit that I've been doing for the past six, nearly seven
years now has helped to make me into a real grouch. And I'm sick of
it. I want to party again. And be happy. I hardly ever smile anymore.

As you can tell, I'm throwing myself on the mercy of the
court here. I've still got lots to offer. But I'll only offer it on
YOUR terms, (if you'll still have me, that is). I would like to
re-emerge in time for X-DAY SEVEN. That should give us enough time to
get things in order, no? I'll be waiting for your thoughts with bated
breath.

> It appears that J'lahn left a message for Lisa and Stang over the
> weekend at the 4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath
> of Dobbs Yeti, Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.) in Cleveland.

He mentioned this on IRC last night, and my first thought was, "I
guess Jim'll go off in alt.slack about it now."

>Not
> having heard back from them, he called again last night and actually
> got to speak with the Rev. himself! I guess you had to be there, but
> it seems like J'lahn was told in no uncertain terms that he is NOT
> WELCOME at 6X-Day!

Jeez, can you blame him?

> And if he is found to have sneaked in (not sure how
> that would happen) he will be forcibly REMOVED.

He's not kidding, dude. And he's not saying "we'll have Legume/Ed
Strange/Pastor Craig kick your ass, he's saying "My good friend Frank
Barney, owner of the property, will ask you to leave; if you don't, a
call to the VERY SubGenius-friendly State Policeman for that area will
put your ass in a cage...and being a holiday weekend, it could be four
or five days before the Judge comes in to set your bail."

> J'lahn's recent change of heart appears to have all been for naught -
> Stang told him that it will take YEARS to get back in the good graces
> of The Church.

Why is this surprising, Jim? You spent years cussing and insulting
him...and you expect him to take your recent change of heart at face
value?

>Oh well. Maybe it doesn't really matter. I remember
> reading that the Church of the Subgenius was DOOMED somewhere.

And bang...back to Square One.

> J'lahn isn't welcome this weekend at 6X-Day but Stang said nothing
> about The Stull Demon! After all, Sunday is my parent's 50th Wedding
> Anniversary and I'm flying back to NJ for that later on today anyway!
> A stone's throw from 6X-Day by rental car from Northwest Jersey!

Dude, save yourself the time, money, and hassle. Why the hell would
you want to go someplace you're not wanted? I know if Stang told me I
wasn't welcome, I'd just say, "Well, fuck that talentless old goat"
and move on. I mean, it's not like he's Luke Perry.

> So... see you in Brushwood! I'll bring the sparklers! And the
> soyburgers...

Why not just go into NYC, stop down at the village, have an iced
cappucino, smoke a joint and watch the human circus down in Washington
Square Park? Hell, that sounds a lot more fun than spending five days
in the woods afraid to tell people who you are. In fact, the whole
prospect really sucks.

Legume <none@yerbiz.com> wrote in message news:<Xns93AAAC2EAD7EFCortezLegume18465086@206.127.4.25>...
>
> Why not just go into NYC, stop down at the village, have an iced
> cappucino (sic), smoke a joint and watch the human circus down in Washington
> Square Park?

Well, for one thing, I think METATRON is still locked up (at least he
was about a month ago). And the chess tables are just NO FUN without
METATRON. They're just not. And plus, after 22 years of nearly daily
usage, I quit smoking pot on 12-21-1997. So... anyway... thanks for
the suggestions.

Greetings from the wooded foothills of Northwest New Jersey! Not a
cloud in the sky! Got the sun in my eyes! And I won't be surprised if
it's a dream! Everything I want the world to be is now coming true
especially for me! And the reason is clear, it's because you are here!
You're the nearest thing to heaven that I've seen!

It's undeniable - your love's put me at the top of the world! Thank
you SO much! Seeya REAL soon!

Jim "Jala*AN" Ward-Nichols
"Welcome to the World of Jim Ward-Nichols (aka J'lahn!)"
http://jlwn111.home.att.net

DrLegume: Man, I get that feeling too. Remember the name "J'lahn". I
think HE'LL be the one.
Friday-J: Seven - Two and Two and Two and One - SEVEN BULLETS IN YOUR
HEAD!
Stang: "J'Lahn" is the II-III-II guy, right?
PeeKitty: Yeah...j'lahn. Weird guy. Kinda funny.
DrLegume: J'lahn
Friday-J admires the glow
DrLegume: He's bent
Stang: J'lahn said he was going to be carrying a great big sign.
PeeKitty: Who wants to bet that J'Lahn is one of the FBI agents,
undercover?
Friday-J: Everyone should bring signs, placards, banners, Chinese
dancing dragons, and skulls. And pumpkins.
DrLegume: J'lahn has sent me some really creepy stalker-type emails
GGGordon: legume forward some to me
E_Strange: Legume...forward them
Stang: The TRUE serious SubGenius kooks go by BoSG alone, and probably
have no inkling that Brushwood or even Revelation X exist.
PeeKitty: Legume: Share the stalking!
DrLegume: I deleted then 2 months ago
DrLegume: J'lahn got really pissed when I didn't return an email he
supposedly sent that I never recieved
DrLegume: He FREAKED OUT
Stang: Legume -- I haven't heard from J'lahn... and I'll bet the
Mini-Mwowm pissed him off too!
Stang: The Mini-Mwowm is there specifically to frustrate those nut
cases.
DrLegume: After that I sent him the same form reply over &
over..."Thank you for your interest in "Bob" Dobbs. We value customer
feedback, etc.

Back to MMIII: I've nearly fully and completely assumed my Final
Persona now (still a tiny little bit of movement in the Jala*AN-ian
direction, but mostly we're done with him). The Final Persona? It's
called HORROR SHOW.

There's still time to heal old wounds. I mean, I AM a nice guy, right?
I mean, right? I haven't given up. Yet...

Sincerely,
HORROR "I'm the bad guy? How'd that happen?" SHOW
"Appearing Monthly in NJ, KS, DC, and Washington Square Park, NYC"
http://www.stulldemon.com
http://www.stulldemon.org
http://www.stulldemon.net

"All my life I've awaited your coming and dreaded it."

"I knew soon."

"Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the
fact is I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence.
I pride myself on taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because
I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My
concerns are global. I reject absolutely pride, aggression, and
retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love."

"That such truths may seem trivial I am well aware."

"Show him My Children, show him the Pretty Marks."

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: drlegume2001@yahoo.com

jlwn42@att.net (Horror Show) wrote:
> Stang, Legume, and pretty much anyone I've ever attempted to "bust on" here
> are awesome, prolific, artistic geniuses. And I've always been jealous
> of their talent. The recognition that they have achieved is something
> that I wish I could have achieved. I guess it's not too late. But I've
> certainly made a mess of things.

Jesus, Jim, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard out of you.
"Artistic geniuses". For cryin' out loud, you were closer to the mark
when you called me a 'fat, stupid backyard wrestler-type'.

Yeah, we've achieved so much recognition from our peers. If only we
had a better class of peers, that might mean something.

Even the King of All Dumbasses is still just a dumbass. Only with a
shiny hat.

----
Legume

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

nenslo wrote:
> Have you ALL suddenly become totally retarded or something?

No, but if you'll hum a few bars, maybe we can pick up the tune.

Or something like that.

Paul E. Jamison

"There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say 'It was God's will' when Granny dies,
but they get *angry* when they lose a cow."
- Terry Pratchett

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com>

Artemia Salina wrote:
> nenslo wrote:
> > Have you ALL suddenly become totally retarded or something?
>
> Suddenly??

Yeah, I guess I pulled a Charlie Gordon there.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Reverend DJ Epoch <niunyabiz@noway.com>

jlwn42@att.net (Horror Show) wrote:
> "Blackout" <blackout@mrsnoidsubgenius.com> wrote:
>>
>> you know what's even better than 111?
>>
>> 222.
>>
>> it's TWICE as good.
>>
> From http://jlwn777.home.att.net/index111.html
>
<<snip..snip..snip>
>
> <snip>
>
> You were saying?

I was saying WHO CARES?

Hey, here's an idea... why not start your VERY OWN NEWSGROUP? Then you
can hang out THERE and post all your exquisit findings and chat with all
your adoring fans and never have to listen to our dissatisfaction of your
drollery ever again. It's a WIN-WIN situation!

_________________
-- The Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion
-- Cathedral, Carwash and Dancehall
-- Home of the Traci Lords Memorial Brothel
-- Reverend DJ Epoch, prop. and janitor

Divine Southern Redneck Yeti Clench Recruitment site:
http://revdjepoch.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Subject: Re: Good News, Everyone
From: Reverend DJ Epoch <niunyabiz@noway.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Sun, Sep 28, 2003 8:38 PM
Message-ID: <Xns9404D1F9CBE89revdjeochhotopcom@129.250.170.99>

nenslo <nenslo@yahooX.com> wrote:
> Reverend DJ Epoch wrote:
>>
>> jlwn111@att.net (I AM J'lahn.) wrote in
>> news:1e894c68.0309262240.6e8ac30f@posting.google.com:
>>
>> > http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757
>>
>> Clicked the link.. ain't no such article anywhere on that page.
>>
> Duuuhhh... THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A JOKE, DUMBASS.

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY REPLY SARCASM, FROOTBAT.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

> jlwn42@att.net (Horror Show) wrote:
>
> > Stang, Legume, and pretty much anyone I've ever attempted to "bust on" here
> > are awesome, prolific, artistic geniuses. And I've always been jealous
> > of their talent. The recognition that they have achieved is something
> > that I wish I could have achieved. I guess it's not too late. But I've
> > certainly made a mess of things.
>
> Jesus, Jim, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard out of you.
> "Artistic geniuses". For cryin' out loud, you were closer to the mark
> when you called me a 'fat, stupid backyard wrestler-type'.
>
> Yeah, we've achieved so much recognition from our peers. If only we
> had a better class of peers, that might mean something.
>
> Even the King of All Dumbasses is still just a dumbass. Only with a
> shiny hat.

I'm glad SOMEBODY finally noticed my new crown. The tin cost almost TEN
BUCKS!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Blackout" <blackout@mrsnoidsubgenius.com>

hey, email me with your hat size, I'm sure I can make you a much nicer
higher quality crown that is more in line with your newly found
nenslastatus.

BOW DOWN! WHEN YOU COME TO MY TOWN!
BOW DOWN! WHEN WE WESTWARD BOUND!
CUZ I AIN'T A HATER LIKE YOU
BOW DOWN TO A NIGGA'S GREATER THAN YOU!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

Blackout wrote:
> hey, email me with your hat size, I'm sure I can make you a much nicer
> higher quality crown that is more in line with your newly found
> nenslastatus.

Actually it's RENEWED status I think.

> BOW DOWN! WHEN YOU COME TO MY TOWN!
> BOW DOWN! WHEN WE WESTWARD BOUND!
> CUZ I AIN'T A HATER LIKE YOU
> BOW DOWN TO A NIGGA'S GREATER THAN YOU!

Oookabala Ponga! ookabala Ponga!

I am proud to say that my hat size is 8 1/2, like Fellini's. I might
add that that is ALSO Princess Wei's hat size. I mean, if you're on
crowns.

8 1/2 denotes a HUGE CRANIUM, the size head usually found on tall
persons. My wife and I are both of the Big Head tribe. That's one
reason we both look almost like living cartoons -- cartoon people have
oversized heads. Lucky for her she has long-legs, short-torso which
makes her look like a Cartoon Sex Object. I have long-torso short-legs
which makes me look like a Comical Cartoon Man.

I am aware that brain size is does not correlate with intelligence.
Neanderthal Man had a larger brain than we do, yet, HE FUCKED UP in the
end. Wrinkliness of brain is the better indicator of intelligence. As a
SubGenius I am proud to say that while my skull -- my UPPER skull only
-- is very large, my brain itself is as smooth as a baby's bottom. And
probably has that horrible stinky mustardy-looking stuff coming out of
it, just like a baby's bottom. I know it kicks when I try to diaper it,
and that occasionally makes me miss with the pin and stab it, which
hurts like hell.

Should I start practicing my Napoleon pose, for the official pictures?

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Original file name: Good News, Everyone.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05