Subject: MARS ATTACKS !!

From: "unreal cheeze" <chezer11116@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, Aug 5, 2003

http://www.marstoday.com/viewpr.html?pid=12234

Mars in Opposition:

One for the Record Books

On 27th August, Mars will be at its closest to Earth for
almost 60,000 years. On that date, the Red Planet
will approach to within 34,646,418 miles (55,758,006 km)
or 145 times the distance of the Moon.

The last time the two planets were so close our ancestors
were living in caves and struggling to survive the extreme
conditions of the Ice Age. Who knows what will have
happened by the time they are as near again -- 284 years into the future?

(.....Bob?)

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

And I'll bet you those Martians have developed an innoculation against
the common cold, this time. This time they won't just suddenly DIE OFF
as if by a miracle, just when Earth has almost fallen to them. This
time the government won't be doing any cover-ups. Telling people the
god damn shut-down Martian war machines are "water towers." And acting
like it was all just a silly sci fi story and radio show hoax. In fact
I wouldn't be surprised if on Aug. 27, half the so-called "WATER
TOWERS" in America and England suddenly spring back to raging,
radio-controlled life. It would serve the Conspiracy right.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

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From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

...and when the lab boys manage to translate the Martian language,
the first phrase they make out is "ALL RIGHT - WHO'S THE
BOZO WHO POURED WATER IN MY EARS?"

Paul E. Jamison

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From: subspecies23@aol.comyourmom (SubSpecies23)

<< vernment won't be doing any cover-ups. Telling people the
god damn shut-down Martian war machines are "water towers." And acting
like it was all just a silly sci fi story and radio show hoax. In fact
I wouldn't be surprised if on Aug. 27, half the so-called "WATER
TOWERS" in America and England suddenly spring back to raging,
radio-controlled life. It would serve the Conspiracy right. >>

Holy crap! I never realized it before, but those water towers DO look like
giant martian robot walking things! We've got three or four of those right
around town here!

Maybe I should look into moving soon.

--
Beware! The Paranoids are watching you!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Geo" <geovoice@earthlink.net>

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or, maybe they'll just wanna square dance or something...

Geo

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From: "nikolai kingsley" <nikolai@broadway.net.au>

> I wouldn't be surprised if on Aug. 27, half the so-called "WATER
> TOWERS" in America and England suddenly spring back to raging,
> radio-controlled life. It would serve the Conspiracy right.

i guess we'll have to hand over our women after all.

maybe we can sell them realdolls instead.

nikolai
---
i wonder if the martians have RealPrairiesquids *we* can buy from *them*.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: pipe_phol_monty@subgenius.T\/ (Pipe Phol Monty)

>->chezer11116@yahoo.com (unreal cheeze) wrot:
> http://www.marstoday.com/viewpr.html?pid=12234
>
> Mars in Opposition:
>
> One for the Record Books
>
> On 27th August, Mars will be at its closest to Earth for
> almost 60,000 years. On that date, the Red Planet
> will approach to within 34,646,418 miles (55,758,006 km)
> or 145 times the distance of the Moon.
>
> The last time the two planets were so close our ancestors
> were living in caves and struggling to survive the extreme
> conditions of the Ice Age. Who knows what will have
> happened by the time they are as near again -- 284 years into the future?
>
> (.....Bob?)

Even now the Earth is subject to preemptive attack by the Martian Heat Ray -
witness the record temperatures in Britain and elsewhere, and the worldwide
outbreaks of forest and moorland fires.

I suggest we dispatch military forces (armed with the Common Cold virus) to
Grover's Mill and Herschel common immediatly

Phil Monty
Pope of the North of England
and Mornington Crescent
speaking for UK SubGenius Heresy.
incorporating the Church of Scatology and science of DIURETICS
_________________________________
"remember: If you`re not offending somebody, then you're not doing it right"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: joecosby@mindspring.com (Joe Cosby)

pipe_phol_monty@subgenius.T\/ (Pipe Phol Monty) wrote:

> Even now the Earth is subject to preemptive attack by the Martian Heat Ray -
> witness the record temperatures in Britain and elsewhere, and the worldwide
> outbreaks of forest and moorland fires.
>
> I suggest we dispatch military forces (armed with the Common Cold virus) to
> Grover's Mill and Herschel common immediatly

I vote we should detonate several thousand nuclear devices in the high
atmosphere just to see what happens.

Remember: the best solution to massive environmental damage is always
MORE massive environmental damage!

We'll show them damn Marskis. We'll have the whole earth looking like
mars. Then they'll be all like "what, hey, which one are we invading
again? And WHY?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: IMBJR <imbjr@imbjr.com>

"A Mars a day helps you work, rest and flay."

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Original file name: MARS ATTACKS !!.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05