Subject: Those Crazy Filipino Crucifixions

From: "DogPunter" <monkeidoge@yahoo.com>
Date: Sat, Apr 10, 2004

--------------------------------------

http://www.itechnology.co.za
09 April 2004
San Pedro Cutud. Phillipines

In a depiction of Jesus Christ's crucifixion, Filipino
devotees were nailed to wooden crosses on
Good Friday, with some saying they got nervous
about doing it after watching bloody scenes
of the film The Passion Of The Christ.

The Lenten ritual, opposed by religious leaders in
the Philippines - South-east Asia's largest
predominantly Roman Catholic nation - attracts droves
of foreign and local tourists each year to the
farming town of San Pedro Cutud in Pampanga
province, about 70km north of the capital, Manila.
The thick crowd that sweated it out under a blistering
sun on Friday included the French and Swiss ambassadors.
Many said more people gathered than in previous
years and speculated it may have been because
of interest drummed up by Mel Gibson's film, which
depicted in graphic detail the torture and crucifixion of Jesus.

"I got a little nervous, I got a little nervous because what
happened to him was too much," said Romelito Vergara
a 37-year-old jobless man, before lining up to be nailed
to one of three wooden crosses erected on a dirt hill.

He said it was his 10th crucifixion.

The Catholic devotees, including at least three women,
had their palms and feet pierced to crosses with
10cm nails as a form of penance for sins, to pray for
a sick relative or to fulfill a vow.

Vergara said he decided to be nailed to the cross 24 times
to thank God for helping him recover from a bout with
polio that temporarily crippled him several years ago and
after he recovered from alcoholism. It was also a sacrifice
for a prayer for the Philippines to be cleansed of drug traffickers, he
said.

Dozens of men, faces shrouded by scarves and heads
crowned with thorny vines, struggled around San Pedro
Cutud's dusty streets carrying wooden crosses, followed
by crowds of children and oglers. Some men, stripped
to the waist, cut their bare backs with broken bottles
attached to a piece of wood and beat their wounds
with bamboo whips, causing more blood to ooze.
Many visitors winced at the sight; others took photographs.

(...and if I was there I'd have one of those electric-penis
punp thingies working with six D-Cells)

A man and a woman were also crucified in a church
compound that teemed with camera-toting tourists
in Paombong town, in nearby Bulacan province.

The ritual combines many Filipinos' deep religious
and superstitious nature and reflects the poor
devotees' longing for a better life. It has drawn
mixed reactions, but large throngs of curious
onlookers troop to the event each year.

Christian missionary Everett McKinney, from Seattle
Washington said the bloodletting was unnecessary
because Jesus already sacrificed to atone for man's sins.
"All these flagellants, blood flowing and the beatings
we believe Jesus did all these 2 000 years ago and
we don't see any necessity of imitating or doing
it again," he said. But McKinney, whose wife toted
a Sony CD digital video camera, said he did not want
the practice to stop after becoming a popular tradition
that shows Filipinos' deep religious devotion and
attracts large numbers of foreigners. "This is truly unique,"
he said, adding he has not seen anything like it in
the dozens of countries he has visited. -
---------------------------------------------

This story is priceless. I laughed out loud.
Repeatedly. Nail yerself to a stick to win the lottery?
All I want to know is how can the dammed Japanese be so smart
and Filipinos be so post-hole stupid? Were not their respective
root race both grafted from the same DNA?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

DogPunter wrote:
> All I want to know is how can the dammed
> Japanese be so smart and Filipinos be so
> post-hole stupid?

Don't be so sure about the Japanese. Didn't
they just have that festival where about 50
guys climb on top of a giant log and ride
down the muddy side of a mountain?

--
THE ETERNAL CONTEST

"God adores filthy, downtrodden wretches,
and covers the Earth with his favorites;
but Mother Nature abhores the ignorant
peasant, and seeks ever creative ways of
reducing their profligate numbers."
--nu-monet

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "ghost" <ghost@ghost.net>

"DogPunter" <monkeidoge@yahoo.com> wrote :
(snip)
> All I want to know is how can the dammed Japanese be so smart
> and Filipinos be so post-hole stupid? Were not their respective
> root race both grafted from the same DNA?

Somewhat.

But the answer is: the Spanish and Catholicism. 400+ years of those two
influences would drive even the sanest of cultures irretrievably mad.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Ay Eye <wo-rl-ey@th-ew-or-ld.c-m>

Certainly Flip Catholicism is weird and perverted. And it seems to me
that among the major Christian sects, Catholicism seems to generate
the *weirdest* excrescences.

Does anyone know of any religious faction that has stranger outbursts?

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From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

I don't know... fundamentalist Protestantism is pretty out there, as are
some Mormon schisms.

There are some Pentecostal sects that make Mel Gibson's pappy look
downright enlightened.

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From: enoid801@dumpthiscomcast.net (Citizen Ted)

Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com> wrote:
>I don't know... fundamentalist Protestantism is pretty out there, as are
>some Mormon schisms.

I just took possession of "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon
Krakauer, a journalistic insight into the radical sects of Utah
Mormonism. My buddy tells me the book is a sheer delight, carefully
noting the polygamy, child rape, torture and murder that these crazed
Mormon fuckers thrive on.

For sheer weirdness and idiotic religious thought, the Mormons have
the RC church beat hands-down.

- TR

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From: "Raymond Schlongdoogler" <timmysez67@yahoo.com>

"Ay Eye" <wo-rl-ey@th-ew-or-ld.c-m> wrote in message
> Does anyone know of any religious faction that has stranger outbursts?

The dwindling but firm devotees of Lyndon LaRouche
qualify in my book, although the kookiest people I've met
to date are the Scientologists and their can-scam-engram
bullshit.

from the same:

"The Sea Organization derives its name from its
beginnings in 1967 when Mr. Hubbard, having
retired from his position as Executive Director
International, set to sea with a handful of veteran
Scientologists to continue his research into the
upper levels of spiritual awareness and ability..."

http://www.whatisscientology.org/html/part06/Chp26/

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "cloudwilliam" <william@theyangs.net>

"DogPunter" <monkeidoge@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> http://www.itechnology.co.za
> 09 April 2004
> San Pedro Cutud. Phillipines
>
> In a depiction of Jesus Christ's crucifixion, Filipino
> devotees were nailed to wooden crosses on
> Good Friday, with some saying they got nervous
> about doing it after watching bloody scenes
> of the film The Passion Of The Christ.

They would have been really nervous if Jesus had been killed in a different
way. Say if had been impaled on a sharpened stake, or been buggered to death
by the entire Roman Legion.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: reflex <reflex@zippydoodah.com>

"cloudwilliam" <william@theyangs.net> wrote:
> They would have been really nervous if Jesus had been killed in a different
> way. Say if had been impaled on a sharpened stake, or been buggered to death
> by the entire Roman Legion.

I don't know why, but all day today, Easter, I've had visions of
a crucifix, in my mind. But instead of Jesus, it's been Chewbacca
nailed up there. Lifting his head to heaven every once in a
while, giving a pathetic "rrrrrRRRRAAAWWWW!" to express the
pathos.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

The nearby Babtist church, in its continuing bid to take over several blocks
of this neighborhood, is just about finished an auditorium that they call
a "worship center". They've just last week erected a cross on top, and
the sucker is 110 feet high. I keep getting visions of the 50-Foot Woman
as a crucified martyr.

Paul E. Jamison

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

There are three of these monstrosities in my city. The parking lots
alone are each probably bigger than the Vatican.

I bet God (assuming he exists) is REAL impressed. Didn't these people
get the point of the story in Genesis of the Tower of Babel? Apparently
not.

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From: "Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net>

Cardinal Vertigo wrote:
> [snip punchline]

Spoilsport.

> There are three of these monstrosities in my city. The parking lots
> alone are each probably bigger than the Vatican.
>
> I bet God (assuming he exists) is REAL impressed. Didn't these people
> get the point of the story in Genesis of the Tower of Babel? Apparently
> not.

Come to think, I have no idea how well the lightning protection
is on our local monstrosity. (Maybe "the power of prayer".) I'm
waiting for the first real powerful storm - not uncommon here
in Kansas - to come along so we can see how well it stands up
to wind and lightning strikes. I believe that it's far enough away
that it won't hit my house if it falls down.

Paul E. Jamison

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From: "Rev. Theophiline" <stixfigs7@yahoo.com>

"Paul E. Jamison" <pauljmsn@infionline.net> wrote:
> The nearby Babtist church, in its continuing bid to take over several
blocks
> of this neighborhood, is just about finished an auditorium that they call
> a "worship center".

In this area the xian tamborine bangin, tongue speakin jigaboos
have taken to buying up old industrial buildings and converting
the same into 'worship centers'. One was a 60's plant that used to
process vermiculite and fibreglass. Praize the laawd an pass a
dose of silicosis. They must get these contaminated industrial
near-superfund sites dirt cheap. Clean em up? Why bother.
Just sell em cheap to a couple-a-niggers or white trash xians

One building we know of has over
400K sq feet indoors that they are using perhaps 20K of in a
room for their sunday morning chicken-dance-praise-sessions.
The back of the building has about 200 rusting fifty-five gallon
drums of "Indeterminate Mixed Solvents" under filthy blue plastic
tarupes that the local DEP said were "safe".....if left undisturbed...

The place was a machine shop and metals cutting plant that used
to be a thriving place of employment (..and cancer) for the local
blue-collar populace. Now it's "The Deliverance and New Beginnings
Miracle Center" - being run of course by some Southern accented
white polyester suit preacher what drives a BMW and has his
own private parking space labeled next to the front door.

We're taking bets as to what will kill off these happy ignorant
jigaboos first. The fact that every other one is morbidly obese
and goes to the local KFC or Churches every sunday
afternoon to stuff themselves full of greasy 'shicken, or the fact
that their new church home was a toxic waste dump from which
1/3rd of the former employees are taking an early dirt nap from
assorted cancers due to years of tobacco and 1-1-1 TCE exposure.

> They've just last week erected a cross on top, and
> the sucker is 110 feet high. I keep getting visions of the 50-Foot Woman
> as a crucified martyr.
>
> Paul E. Jamison

Hopefully a primary lightning strike will hit or a tornado
will roll thru and blow saidsame big sesame street
letter-T thru the roof of the building like a falling redwood tree....

ObTgoodoleboyerrections: A bunch of unemployed cracker
sloopheads making their own 110 foot cross and lighting it up
in celebration of David Duke's release from prison last week
on the other side of town..

From: http://www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/NewTestament.html
"....the church steeple is a copy of the Egyptian
Obelisk, the only difference is the crucifix on top. We are all familiar
with the Egyptian obelisk, such as "Cleopatra's Needle." This has
a lot in common with the "Maypole." The "Maypole" was the
symbol for the May King's phallus (erect penis). This is a symbol
of fertility. On the eve of Beltane (April 30th), celebrants danced
around the maypole. The original Egyptian obelisks were symbols
of the phallus. They represented the erect organ of the earth God
"Geb" as he lay on the ground trying to reach up to unite himself
with the Goddess "Neith/Nut" of the overarching sky."

(Man on da bottom....get it?)

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "drdoody" <drdoody@dieslowly.sbcglobal.net>

"reflex" <reflex@zippydoodah.com> wrote:
> I don't know why, but all day today, Easter, I've had visions of
> a crucifix, in my mind. But instead of Jesus, it's been Chewbacca
> nailed up there. Lifting his head to heaven every once in a
> while, giving a pathetic "rrrrrRRRRAAAWWWW!" to express the
> pathos.

Syd and I had the idea of dubbing sections of the soundtrack for "Life Of
Brian" into "Passion Of The Christ".

"I had a friend, you know. His name was Biggus Dickus."

Doc

ObT: Somehow digitally inserting The Gimp or Zed from "Pulp Fiction" into
the torture scenes of Gibson's opus.

--
"I'm completely in favor of the separation
of Church and State. My idea is that
these two institutions screw us up
enough on their own, so both of them
together is certain death."

George Carlin

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Steve Wertz <swertz@cluemail.com.gov.invalid>

"DogPunter" <monkeidoge@yahoo.com> wrote:
>All I want to know is how can the dammed Japanese be so smart
>and Filipinos be so post-hole stupid? Were not their respective
>root race both grafted from the same DNA?

You haven't seen those Japanese "Game Shows"?

-sw

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

What I want to know is why Japanese porn is so fucking WEIRD.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Theophiline" <stixfigs7@yahoo.com>

"Steve Wertz" <swertz@cluemail.com.gov.invalid> wrote in message
> You haven't seen those Japanese "Game Shows"?

Good point "Most Extreme Challenge" on Spike TV is
a good example. It's remarkable that they can squeeze
a gazillion transistors into a chip the size of a zit and build
Honda cars that run for 200K miles, and yet their domestic
and export television is produced written for the intellect of
a 5-year-old. As to their porn, quite unique also. I can recall
seein a Jap fetish video that featured women in leather taking
shits atop surfboards with nip buisnessmen in dog collars
or giving the same enemas, who enjoyed the same to their
delight.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Semolina Pilchard <ushat@myactiveware.com>

"Rev. Theophiline" <stixfigs7@yahoo.com> wrote:
>Good point "Most Extreme Challenge" on Spike TV is
>a good example. It's remarkable that they can squeeze
>a gazillion transistors into a chip the size of a zit and build
>Honda cars that run for 200K miles, and yet their domestic
>and export television is produced written for the intellect of
>a 5-year-old.

Ah, yes. Now I remember why I used to killfile all posts crossposted
from alt.slack. Full of Reverends, no reverence. No fucking sense,
either. Do you honestly want to suggest that American or UK
television rises *above* the toddler audience? Honestly? Really?
Are you amused, informed or intrigued by something you see on
television? Do they allow you out of the Home?

> As to their porn, quite unique also. I can recall
>seein a Jap fetish video that featured women in leather taking
>shits atop surfboards with nip buisnessmen in dog collars
>or giving the same enemas, who enjoyed the same to their
>delight.

Grammatically, that made as much sense as a dogfight, but given that
it came from slack, one would be foolishly optimistic to expect
better. What is it that you object to, you unutterable cretin, the
shitting, the enemas or the dog collars? If you take a seizure from
the effort of clarification, get your tard-handler to interpret your
saliva-sprayed verbal drippings.

Still awaiting a slacker without a contemptible inherited mental
abnoramality. It must be inherited; no female of any species would
deign have coitus with such contemptible feebs.
--
Semolina Pilchard

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From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

Am I the only one who's terribly amused by the irony of an alt.tasteless
poster going for the moral high ground?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Semolina Pilchard <ushat@myactiveware.com>

I seriously doubt you'd ever be the one to do anything alone, Cardinal
Vertigo. You can't even clip what's irrelevant to your mushy
mumblings.

I am terribly amused by the fact that you thought I was claiming the
*moral* high ground. Just shows how unutterably stupid you are, along
with all of your damaged kind.

For alt.tasteless, I was merely claiming the intelligent ability to
express oneself in language understandable to others, which you and
your cabbage-brained ilk have never attained.

If you are in any doubt ( and I fail to see how you can be) I can only
refer you to the floating scum perpetrated by the sadly deficient
Hellpopehuey, who unashamedly posts his unutterable rubbish all over
usenet, to the apalled horror of readers everywhere.

They tell me that slack was once challenging and interesting.

It's a lie.
--
Semolina Pilchard

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From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

Semolina Pilchard wrote:

> I seriously doubt you'd ever be the one to do anything alone, Cardinal
> Vertigo. You can't even clip what's irrelevant to your mushy
> mumblings.

What should I have snipped?

> I am terribly amused by the fact that you thought I was claiming the
> *moral* high ground. Just shows how unutterably stupid you are, along
> with all of your damaged kind.
>
> For alt.tasteless, I was merely claiming the intelligent ability to
> express oneself in language understandable to others, which you and
> your cabbage-brained ilk have never attained.
>
> If you are in any doubt ( and I fail to see how you can be) I can only
> refer you to the floating scum perpetrated by the sadly deficient
> Hellpopehuey, who unashamedly posts his unutterable rubbish all over
> usenet, to the apalled horror of readers everywhere.
>
> They tell me that slack was once challenging and interesting.
>
> It's a lie.

Tip: Verbosity and radcliffiness don't make your point any more valid.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com> wrote:
>Am I the only one who's terribly amused by the irony of an alt.tasteless
>poster going for the moral high ground?

I thought they'd be fun for flame wars once but their material is
incredibly repetitive.

They don't seem to have grasped that on usenet, being really really
angry doesn't necessarily make your insults any more cutting.

Now this one, in addition to the misspellings and the grab for the
moral high ground, is trying to flame you to the ground because you
didn't snip enough.

It's all pretty random.

This group is evidently where usenet lamers go when they die.

--
Joe Cosby

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "drdoody" <drdoody@dieslowly.sbcglobal.net>

"Joe Cosby" <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote:
> This group is evidently where usenet lamers go when they die.

Actually, it's where we go when we don't wish to be bombarded by alt.slack
stupidity. Which is the whole point of Mr. Pilchard's frustration.

I might flame one or two of you drooling children every few weeks out of
sheer boredom, but usually I couldn't care less about anything the resident
herd of mongoloids hopping around alt.slack has to say. This is because I
not only possess a killfile, but I'm definitely willing to use it.

Pilchard will argue with you nattering twits because it is in his nature to
do so. Personally, I don't care about what you or your clueless fuckstain
brethren have to say any more than you care about what I have to say. Less,
in fact. I'll just fling every resident of alt.slack, alt.tasteless.jokes
and every other talentless Usenet cesspit overhanded into the nearest
digital compost heap every time they poke their misshapen heads into my
crosshairs. Usually without any of the fanfare I've bestowed upon you.

I would suggest that everybody in alt.tasteless who finds themselves annoyed
by the crossposting noise do the same.

Doc

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com>

"drdoody" <drdoody@dieslowly.sbcglobal.net> wrote:
>I would suggest that everybody in alt.tasteless who finds themselves annoyed
>by the crossposting noise do the same.

Yes, don't let the high standards of alt.tasteless slip, guys.

--
Joe Cosby

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <jhobbs@myrealbox.com>

Joe Cosby wrote:
Cardinal Vertigo
> <jhobbs@myrealbox.com> wrote:
>>Am I the only one who's terribly amused by the irony of an alt.tasteless
>>poster going for the moral high ground?
>
> I thought they'd be fun for flame wars once but their material is
> incredibly repetitive.
[snip]

Yeah, but this Pilchard character looks like a lot of fun. Come help.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Semolina Pilchard <ushat@myactiveware.com>

Joe Cosby <joecosby@SPAMBLOCKmindspring.com> wrote:
>I thought they'd be fun for flame wars once but their material is
>incredibly repetitive.

Pot, kettle, black, cunt. And you squealed like a fucked piggie, you
big girl's blouse. Thank heaven for Google Groups, Joe. Your
humiliation will never go away.

>They don't seem to have grasped that on usenet, being really really
>angry doesn't necessarily make your insults any more cutting.

Angry? With you and your little coterie of cocksucking reverends?
You misevaluate your position in the scheme of things. At worst
you're an irritating crossposting flyspeck, at best you're good for a
hoot because of your pretentious, juvenile blathering. Not a good
enough hoot to want to read you twice in the same lifetime, though.

My apologies to a.t. Joey and his catamites are safely in the
killfile and I won't repeat my slight indiscretion. Next time I feel
like ripping the slackers a new arse (the old one's thoroughly worn
because of their perverse and shameful habits) I'll subscribe to
alt.slack for as long as it takes to effect a thorough scorched earth
policy. If Cosby's their champion, as he seems to imagine, it'll take
ten minutes, quarter of an hour with time out for a coffee break.
--
Semolina Pilchard


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