Send help!

From: "fenian" <fenian@start.ca>
Date: Sun, Mar 28, 2004

London, Ontario, bastion of Canadian pinkness, has recently brought to
the airwaves a radio station known as BOB FM. It started with signs, "Bob is
coming". You can imagine my terror, and my joy.Upon first hearing this, I
thought, praise the indomitable name, has he come? I lay prostrate before my
radio, and tuned it to 93.9 frequency modulated, and waited to be taken.
Imagine my horror when Green Day spewed forth. I'm still trying to get
clean. For BOB FM spews pinkness. And it claims the holy name for its foul
wares. Do I misread this phenomenon, Reverends? Is this, perhaps, some
message from "Bob" that I do not comprehend? Or is this high sacrilege,
demanding vengeance, torn muscle tissue and bone chips on every level? What
to do?? WHAT TO DO??! Even their website (http://www.939bobfm.com) reaks of
unholy lies. BOB's Got Bowie. Does "Bob" got Bowie???? Of course he has.
Back To The 80's With BOB At Capital Music Hall???? Time control?!!? With
"Bob"?! No. BOB. Who, what is this BOB? It is not "Bob". Or is it? Surely,
the BOB which can be named is not the true "Bob". Evaluate please. If you
feel you must, then please, send troops. I will feed them.

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From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

Thanks the the heads-up, but it's a false alarm. Many people seem
surprised to learn this, but Bob is the most common name in the English
speaking world. Several physiolinguistic characteristics distinguish
the one true J. R. "Bob" Dobbs from the rest: the quote marks, the last
name, the first two initials, and the Pipe. Without the quote marks
and the Pipe, especially, it's just another of the hundred million Pink
Bobs.

This has been going on forever. Every year some big advertising company
uses a psuedo-"Bob" as the centerpiece of a national ad campaign. Just
hearing the name "Bob," flatly spoken, makes some people laugh. This
won't change and is a part of Nature.

Pinks imitate poorly, but continuously and instinctively.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

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From: fenian <fenian@start.ca>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:

>This has been going on forever. Every year some big advertising company
>uses a psuedo-"Bob" as the centerpiece of a national ad campaign. Just
>hearing the name "Bob," flatly spoken, makes some people laugh. This
>won't change and is a part of Nature.

Ack! The Reverend Ivan Stang himself replies! Is there a
protocol to follow here? Thank you for your insight. But, I feel a
need to take some action. Any suggestions? I don't know how to build
or acquire particle weapons, so thats out. I was thinking of calling
them up, say every 4:20 pm on Tuesdays, and laughing hysterically, or
vomiting, on the phone, until they hang up. They'd probably like that
though. What I'd really like to do is get a bunch of people to run
around their headquarters, with their pants off, just uriniating
continuously, willy nilly everywhere, screaming various pro-war
slogans. Lots of problems there though, with the spacial limitations
of bladders, and jails that eat people who do stuff like that. I
could get a job there, as a DJ, and play thriller and criminal mind
(canadian content laws up here) over and over again. Or maybe I'll
bide my time, satisfied that *I* know that *they* don't know that BOB
is making "Bob" very very angry, and they'll all be eaten one day.
Damned theys.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: rabbs@subgenius.com (Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde)

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
> Thanks the the heads-up, but it's a false alarm. Many people seem
> surprised to learn this, but Bob is the most common name in the English
> speaking world. Several physiolinguistic characteristics distinguish
> the one true J. R. "Bob" Dobbs from the rest: the quote marks, the last
> name, the first two initials, and the Pipe. Without the quote marks
> and the Pipe, especially, it's just another of the hundred million Pink
> Bobs.

Some folks need to be reminded of this information in a calm,
non-threatening voice. Otherwise they get very upset. Best to speak
soothingly as you fumble for the pepper spray.

Stang, sometimes you are the best truth screamer in the world, my
darling dear. Granted, the rest of the time I take what you say with
a shaker of salt, but this is a refreshing moment.

--With love, the Rabbs

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: hellpopehuey@subgenius.com (HellPopeHuey)

rabbs@subgenius.com (Rabbi Jacklyn Hyde) wrote:
> Stang, sometimes you are the best truth screamer in the world, my
> darling dear.

Sometimes he is also the scary "bad man" away from whom people
shepherd their kids in the shopping maul, even though we know him as
the friendly huggy-bear Chinaman who is our leader. Of course, he
leads us the way Moe led Larry & Curly. I guess certain neo-Bobbies
get a boner from having him slap 'em in the back of the head, but I
find it amusing.

Its the SubGenius version of "Jackass," except that it rarely leads
to broken bones, except for that unfortunate Pastor Craig X-Day
collarbone incident and I SAW him not do THAT one. However, he IS the
last person I saw with young Rev. Peyote PeeBone while he was still
alive.... hm. Guess we should let that one alone.

HellPope Huey / www.subgenius.com
I came by my evil grin honestly, honest!

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
- Evan Davis

"You've got a lot more going for you than wiggly nostrils."
- "Anger Management"

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Original file name: Send help!.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05