Re: X-Day: The Miracle of 2004

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>
Date: Thu, Jul 8, 2004

Modemac <modemac@modemac.com> wrote:

Not only that, but the real miracle arrived
> when IVAN STANG FINALLY GOT THE SLACK HE DESERVED on the morning of
> X-Day! The sodomized corpse of J.R. "BOB" DOBBS HIMSELF appeared
> mysteriously at the pulpit after a two-year absence, and no one knows
> how it appeared! The domain name subgenius.org was given to Stang as
> a gift on the morning of X-Day! He finally got his Slack!

Modemac. No offense. Thank you very much for the kind words. But having
two things that were stolen from us years ago finally returned is not
Slack. It's just a slight decrease in the antiSlack brought on by what
was unimaginative Pink behavior to begin with.

I always had Slack, or I would not be a SubGenius.

My understanding of my Slack started becoming a lot more clear around
the time of XX-Day '99 and has been getting better and better since
then, but believe me, it has nothing at all to do with anything
X-Dayish. It did kinda start at Brushwood, coincidentally. I now not
only have Slack but something BETTER THAN SLACK. But since nobody else
can have it, I shan't break hearts by bragging about it.

The biggest charge I got from all of the 7X-Day Drill came, ironically,
after I was home, and had read the last paragraph of Zosodada's report,
which I proudly reprint here:

"The biggest highlight of the event that remains with us
is the release of NEW DOBBS PRODUCT -- particularly the
mind-bending psychedelic music video compilation known as
INDOCTRINATION FILM No. VII: DOBB$EDELIA$TE$E$
(or, perhaps more correctly: "DOBBSEDELIASTESES:
INDOCTRINATION FILM No. 7"). Any SubGenii who DOES NOT
HAVE A COPY OF THIS MUST GET A COPY! No hyperbole
can actually do this video/DVD enough justice. Every song
on this is a classic, every eidetic vision is an illumination.
It is MORE than just a video or DVD -- IT IS A MIND-ALTERING
DRUG. Epileptics should use this product with extreme caution.

"***THIS SHIT FUCKS HEAD ALL UP!***"

I got more of a buzz from reading that one statement than from anything
else SubGeniusly that happened to me during the last several MONTHS,
except for the actual MAKING of the videos (including the 6XDay
documentary which I finished two hours before leaving for 7X-Day, also
partly shown at Brushwood). Zosodada is my new bestest friend, my
ShorDurperSav, my HERO, because he alone dared to say what I very most
wanted to hear. I DON'T CARE whether it's true or not, it's what I most
wanted to hear; in fact, I had gotten to the point of vainly begging
people at large, strangers, anybody, to say something nice about those
videos, and I appreciate it so much that tears come to my three eyes
just reading it ((cut to Stang weeping and wiping both eyes, and then
his butt, with a Kleenex))

Aside from mistaking two undone thefts for Slack, though, Modemac, your
report is MUCH appreciated... almost as appreciated as the SHEER LABOR
and HELP you contributed. Your ability to go without sleep OR drugs is
absolutely amazing, but the fact that you spend your energy doing "THE
STUFF THAT ISN'T FUN," that which actually keeps the Church going in
the real world, WHOOO-DOGGIES, that's even more astounding, and puts
you into a truly rarified area of high SubGenius rank. There are less
than a dozen of us in THAT particular Hierarchy. You, me, Jesus,
Magdalen, Nickie, Bachner, and a smattering of others can, if we so
choose, with absolute impunity, look snootily down our noses at the
ones who ONLY seek attention, whine, or drink, and then loudly tell
themselves that that's somehow "more Slack".

But then, there is only one Emergentile for every ten Rewardians, and
as I have told several of the wheedling, whining Rewardians during the
last few weeks, they should just be damn thankful that we take so few
of them.

I remember a moment that happened Sunday night during the big storm. I
was sitting in the trailer with Wei, Dr. Howll, Dr. Drummond, and Dr.
Gordon, having been unable to find chairs at the S.R.O. SubG TV
screening in the studio, and us being too tired to stand any longer
after having done the Bobbie Awards and the Auction all evening. (When
I was a young drunk feller, we offered our chairs to worn out, limping,
organ-lacking old soldiers, using an extinct instinct called "MANNERS".
*AHEM*; *HARRUMPH.*) The storm was raging outside, and somebody
mentioned the unfortunate fact that we were sitting in a flimsy house
trailer on a hilltop in tornado weather. I said, "You know, if a
tornado came along and killed everybody in this trailer, I have a
feeling that in about 10 or 15 years, The Church of the SubGenius would
be a successful going concern, making good money, and with a staff and
a TV show, but it would be a horrible Pink monstrosity, the very thing
that we've spent 25 years sabotaging." Dr. Howll, somewhat under his
breath, muttered to me, "Actually I think you're right about that,
Stang." I believe that Jesus and Magdalen would TRY to keep it on
track, but that without we few remaining Early Apostles, they would be
overwhelmed by the more Pinkfully ambitious Bobbies by sheer force of
numbers.

I have heard some real HORROR STORIES about what happened to Otter
G'zell, the guy who started The Church of All Worlds (well, the Earth
version anyway), because he made the organization he founded all
DEMOCRATIC, enough so that the worst elements could eventually dump him
and enjoy the fruits of his labors without having to be reminded that
they were all really just a bunch of bad copycats by comparison.

Some of the stuff "Bob" said was SO OBVIOUSLY designed to sound like
JUST EXACTLY what a PINK KOOK would most want to hear, that many such
ACTUALLY DID BELIEVE IT. More of them, we now worry, heard what "Bob"
said, than did those capable of understanding what he MEANT when he
laid down all that holy bullshit. Some so-called SubGeniuses start out
laughing at all the wrong things, and when they finally figure out what
the rest of us were laughing at all along, they piss their pants in
rage and become the alt.slack trolls that now reside in our our
killfile lists.

WE *MUST* KEEP OUR FOCUS ON J.R. "BOB" DOBBS. At 7 am on July 5, where
was that crowd of the Faithful looking? Not at the sky. Not at the
Dobbshead. They were looking AT *ME* as if *I* were the whole god
damned Xist Saucer Fleet, their new MWOWM Kit and J.R. "Bob" Dobbs all
rolled into one. And I knew they would be, from 6 years' experience, so
I had a good loud BERATING ready for them on the tip of my tongue, and
it sprang out, automatically, as I had trusted it would, also from 6
years' experience. That quit them sucking the finger, all right, for a
little while, at least. AGAIN I proclaim: PHOOEY!

Sirma'am, if you are going to insist on making ME, the mere CLERK, the
FLACK-CATCHER, the p.r. dipshit at the front desk, into the SUCK-FINGER
OF JEHOVAH-ONE ITSELF, then I might as well tell you how to really JACK
ME OFF GOOD.

Grabbing one of my dicks with your hand and pumping it is NOT the thing
to do. I can do that myself, and a whole lot better. Telling me I'm
SEXY merely confuses and upsets me, in much the same way that it would
confuse The Elephant Man or anybody else with my formative romantic
history. The time to tell me THAT would have been back when it was
TRUE, but then, if you HAD, I wouldn't be the guy throwing X-Day Drills
that you're saying it to NOW. Telling me what a great party I put
together, for you to meet each other, gives me very little Squirt
because Jesus and Magdalen deserve that praise and I didn't get into
this to throw parties. This particular annual party was Jesus's idea
anyway, and the ones who really throw the party are JESUS, MAGDALEN,
and NICKIE DEATHCHICK and the people who HELP PHYSICALLY. So if you
want to thank somebody for X-Day Drills, BY ALL MEANS, THANK THEM, and
DO SO PROFUSELY! Especially MAGDALEN this year, who had to keep being
her usual highly productive and Slackful self even while being savaged
by the chronically unproductive and Slackless. And JESUS, Who had to do
His Job WHILE WORKING DOUBLETIME FOR THE CONSPIRACY TOO!!!

The way to jack me off, if that is indeed one's intention, is to
remember that I am a JACK OFF *ARTIST* myself. The most SINCERE KIND of
artist. The only reach-around that you can possibly give me that will
make your fucking of me feel good is to tell me you HEARD my rant or
WATCHED my little film or APPRECIATED my little radio show-organizing
job, and tell me it JUST ABSOLUTELY KICKED ASS, whether you actually
heard or saw the thing or not, and even if it SUCKED.

OR, if you're shy, BUYING the things with those rants and videos and
shows on them actually SAYS EXACTLY THE SAME THING, but in EVEN
STRONGER TERMS.

In other words, the best way to jack me off is to tell me I jack off
well. I'm guess I'd have to admit I'm a little insecure on that score,
even after all these years, and even with "Fuck 'Em If They Can't Take
a Joke" as my only Code, THEORETICALLY. In practice, breakthinking is
much easier said than done.

BUT I SHOULDN'T COMPLAIN!! I lamented because I had a weak chin and
then I met a Wallmart clerk who had no face.

Seriously. A big friendly Wallmart employee who helped me in the Cory,
NY Wallmart had one of those faces that had been burned off and was
being reconstructed. Really ghastly looking. But, by Gobbs, he was out
there DEALING WITH THE PUBLIC, EXPLOITING HIS ABNORMALITY, and
overcoming HIS LACK OF A FACE by being the most helpful and
knowledgeable Wallmart employee ever, admittedly not a field with a lot
of competition, but hey. Here was a guy engaged in an UPHILL STRUGGLE
just like The Little Engine That Could. That made me feel better.
Seeing his misfortune and all. Funny how that works.

I am fixing to go through the ELEVEN HOURS OF VIDEO shot on the
borrowed ACE camera by Princess Wei and myself so that I can figure out
what happened. We didn't take any stills this time because we broke our
little camera, and replaced the car instead of the camera.

I see that there are some excellent photos from Sister Decadence and
Dok Frop on alt.binaries.slack already.

The 83 minute cut of 6XDay is on alt.binaries.monter-movies now (in 5
parts). We never got around to showing Part 5 in the Studio at 7XDay.
Part 5 is pretty funny. I saved some of the best and most horrifically
poignant bits for the end. I think I made Part 4, The Amino Acids, too
long, because the audio just isn't good enough and the camera work is
too shaky for that long a stretch, so I might shorten that for future
releases, if any. Must not spend too much time on one question, though.
First try to finish test overall before time's up, then go back and
tackle tough parts if any time remains. That's our policy.

****

The "Bob" Dummy which was stolen and returned (originally made to last
by Dr. Legume, and last it has) is now sprawled over the
laundry-folding table next to the Foundation Washing Machine in the
Slackermansion basement, on its back with arms outstretched as if in
ecstasy. His Pipe however -- which had been desecrated anyhow by the
stupidest Bobbie in the universe, three X-Day Drills prior, during
Huey's rant, causing me to miss it -- has been replaced by a water
pistol pointing inwards.

--
4th Stangian Orthodox MegaFisTemple Lodge of the Wrath of Dobbs Yeti,
Resurrected (Rev. Ivan Stang, prop.)
PRABOB

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: asscoassc@aol.com (AssCo Assc)

Stang ranted, " I DON'T CARE whether it's true or not. . . ."

I wouldn't say it if it weren't true -- well,
maybe I would say it if it weren't true,
but it IS true and not just because the
Overman thing is in there. I can't remember
the last time I bought a record album where
every song was one I'd pay for or read
an anthology comic where every comic was
just the kind of comic I like, or. . . well, you
get the idea. THAT is EXACTLY my cup of
tea in terms of T.V. -- I could watch it over
and over with the sound on or off or with
some other sound of my choosing. Even
though I'm a Sam Raimi/old comic book fan
I can only find the time to watch SpiderMan
ONCE -- even with all its big-budget
special effects. I've practically had
INDOCTRINATION FILM No. 7 on ever since
I got back just for ambience. Repeated viewing
makes for good value from an entertainment-
destined dollar.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

HEUNH-splort-splort-splort-SPLORRRT-sportsplort bloop.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......

Oh god what a relief.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

Whether you believe it or not, Dude, you are SEXY.

Whether you believe it or not, Jack Off Artist, you are TALENTED. At everything
you put your right OR left hand to.

Whether you believe it nor not, Reverend, everyone loves to hear and read your
rants because you are a GREAT STAND UP PHILOSOPHER. (Unless you're getting all
pissy and nenslitic like with this post.)

That's your fucking problem, right there in a nutshell.

You are not sexy by the typical People Magazine Sexyman quotient and you are
not elephant man sexy either. Don't ask me to figure out exactly WHY you are
sexy. It's like mojo or something.

I'm VERY SURE that the reason people are not complimenting you every time they
write to you or speak to you is because they figure YOU MUST KNOW HOW FABULOUS
YOU ARE AND ARE TIRED OF HEARING IT. The last thing a genuinely fantastic guy
like Rev. Stang would want is a bunch of ass kissing sycophants. AM I RIGHT????

Why are you complaining that no one tells you how much they love your ranting
and then turn around and berate people for staring at you on X-Day morning.
"Boo-Hoo, Why are people staring at me instead of "Bob"? Why am I the focus of
attention? WAHHHHH!
And then you complain about some "ambitious" bobbies who would just ruin the
church and make it pink, pink, PINK, if they ever had the chance. I have no
clue whatsoever who you are referring to here...but until you are ready to
relinquish some of your least favorite CHORES? to some trusted up and comers,
STOP THE BITCHING. You don't have to do this shit anymore if you don't feel
appreciated for it. I think you're just sick of the bullshit that comes with it
and a little bored. Move on and do what you like then.

Start a new non-prophet or something. Make soap.

There are plenty of talented up and comers who really impressed me. #1 on that
list is the young Rev. Alex. That boy can preach. He's got your talent and
charisma, he just needs more experience. Ask him to handle X-Day morning next
year. You just come out in your floppy slippers and robe when it's time, and
piss on HIM if the Xists don't show. There's a lot of people who can do that
stuff for you. Huey (If he's OK). Lilith. Nickie Deathchick. ANYBODY YOU WANT.
Blow it off! Be like Philo fer Chrissakes!

KILL STANG!

But be very, very gentle.

Because, the good people of the Church of the SubGenius will miss you. Because
they have a sincere affection for you. Not because they can get something out
of you. Or whatever you think in your head that people want to get out of you.
Yes, some even want to fuck you. Most want to fuck you for the right reasons.
Just deal with it and stop snivelling. You are blessed.

~Salacia

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

Here's the problem. We set up this situation in which any authority is
the target. So naturally even the authority who SET UP the
anti-authority targetting becomes a target. The way to be a cool
SubGenius isn't to say, "Wow, Rev. Stang, that video kicked ass!" The
way to be cool in the Church -- the ONLY way especially for those
lacking skills -- is to say, "Fuck you, Stang! You're old!" or else to
SARCASTICALLY MIMIC the way a Bobbie would be obnoxious, proving that
the mimic "gets it" and isn't a real Bobbie. My ass hasn't had a good
kissing in years. It's lucky if the token kicking halts now and then.

I guess the worst thing is knowing that we built that aspect into it
from the get-go. I just didn't expect it would be so THOROUGHLY adhered
to.

>
> Why are you complaining that no one tells you how much they love your ranting
> and then turn around and berate people for staring at you on X-Day morning.
> "Boo-Hoo, Why are people staring at me instead of "Bob"? Why am I the focus of
> attention? WAHHHHH!

Actually it's just that some of these people are repeat
Rupture-Awaiters, and I hate to do the same old schtick over and
over... this time I thought I'd go the Brother Gene Scott route for a
change. When they pulled out the rubber hammers, I could foretell that
Old Testament-style berating was the only way to prevent a really corny
frat-boy denouement.

> And then you complain about some "ambitious" bobbies who would just ruin the
> church and make it pink, pink, PINK, if they ever had the chance. I have no
> clue whatsoever who you are referring to here...

"Oh, you'd be surprised... we get ALL KINDS here." -- Oliver Reed as
Vulcan in Terry Gilliam's BARON MUNCHAUSEN

Again, you'd have to see the sort of email and phone messages that we
get, but which for legal reasons do not share with you lucky
alt.slack.fux. Rev. Susie the Floozy also could tell you some
bloodcurdling stories about the Ambitious Bobbies and their
money-making or politics-bent notions. Then there are the TRUE BELIEVER
"SubGeniuses", the ones who believe to be REAL anything that I insist
is really REALLY REALLY just a JOKE on standard kook belief-idiocy.

>but until you are ready to
> relinquish some of your least favorite CHORES? to some trusted up and comers,
> STOP THE BITCHING. You don't have to do this shit anymore if you don't feel
> appreciated for it. I think you're just sick of the bullshit that comes with
> it
> and a little bored. Move on and do what you like then.
>
> Start a new non-prophet or something. Make soap.

No, Bronner's got that field totally covered. (WE TRIED!!)

> There are plenty of talented up and comers who really impressed me. #1 on that
> list is the young Rev. Alex. That boy can preach. He's got your talent and
> charisma, he just needs more experience. Ask him to handle X-Day morning next
> year. You just come out in your floppy slippers and robe when it's time, and
> piss on HIM if the Xists don't show. There's a lot of people who can do that
> stuff for you. Huey (If he's OK). Lilith. Nickie Deathchick. ANYBODY YOU WANT.

That may be well and good theoretically but in practice I did indeed
urge Rev. Alex to chime in or pipe up (like he did at the '03 Awaiting)
but he just looked sad like everybody else was. I also wish that Dr.
Howll would have spoken LOUDER and LONGER, and I certainly left plenty
of scissor-space for ANYONE to take the little yearly impromptu passion
play in another direction.

Also I was annoyed that everybody had waited for ME to get to the
roundhouse to light the fucking Ikon bonfire, the night before. I don't
so much mind the lack of initiative as much as the expectation that I
am supposed to securely wrap the cables of the projector and DVD player
and valuable props and put them in the car and lock them up and then
get over to the fire AS FAST AS THEY WANT ME TO. In other words, if the
SubGeniuses want me to move faster, they're first going to have to
believe me when I tell them that other things besides me have to be
moved first. It would go faster if I had more assistants than Princess
Wei and Steve Synic, since between the three of us we're also manning
the only two cameras that we can know, judging from past experience,
we'll ever get the footage from.

You know what? Wei had prepared Dobbshead Toast nd Kool-Aid for
everyone so we could have a 7 a.m. "toast," but they were left in
Cleveland in the hecticness of her car breaking down just before she
was to pick up Howl at the airport.

Yes, right after we got a new used second car, our old used first car
broke down pretty badly.

> Blow it off! Be like Philo fer Chrissakes!
>
> KILL STANG!
>
> But be very, very gentle.

It would be a lot better if I could just find another Stang or three,
but so far the only other person who has wholly repented, quit its job,
and Slacked off is Jesus, and even He was unable to do it for long and
still have a Life.

>
> Because, the good people of the Church of the SubGenius will miss you. Because
> they have a sincere affection for you. Not because they can get something out
> of you. Or whatever you think in your head that people want to get out of you.

YOU'D BE SURPRISED. Oh, yes you would indeed.

> Yes, some even want to fuck you. Most want to fuck you for the right reasons.
> Just deal with it and stop snivelling. You are blessed.

Well, yes, I know, except from 10 to 11 every morning, when I get my
Hate-On... but... if you could see my recent email you'd have a better
idea of why I might be just a mite touchy, and Joe Cosby would
understand better why I felt I had to literally card him -- look at his
driver's license -- before I'd believe he was Joe, since to this day
probably nobody in SubGeniusland but me and Sister Decadence even know
what he looks like. (I thought he would have a completely different
complexion, for some reason... must be his Ife I was whiffing.)

I DON'T trust hardly ANYBODY, that's true, but I can't stop, and won't
anyway because I'm too ornery. "Bob" would hound me to my grave, and
besides, my bills are paid only if I can move a certain amount of swag
every month. If I stopped processing this ever-gathering "Bob" art
stuff for half a second, it would back up the inflow pipes and the
whole thing would explode. And I'd have to get a job working full time
for SOMEBODY ELSE and that would probably just flat out kill me dead
after the relative WorkSlack I've admittedly enjoyed. Believe me, I'd
love to delegate more, but I'm still waiting for the last three new
volunteers (since Bucky) to actually do anything whatsoever of what
they said they were about to do months ago. (Same as the three
volunteers previous to St. Bucky.) People are CONSTANTLY saying, "I'm
gonna edit and send you a whole bunch of stuff that you can use on Hour
of Slack, okay?" and I say "OKAY!" and then I never hear from them
again. This occurs across the board. I am lucky that those insane
artists on a.b.s. keep making "Bob" stuff that I can scavenge and find
uses for IN MY SPARE TIME. No, there ISN'T anybody else I can trust,
yet, not to do "THE STUFF THAT ISN'T FUN." Not on OUR pay scale. We do
need at least two more Stangs and about three more Jesii. Or, ONE
really rich crazy guy. When it comes right down to it, that's all the
other religions have that we DON'T have. That one crazy rich guy.

Just 5,000 crazy poor guys -- and three or four rich guys, but they
aren't crazy. (We use the word "guy" unisexually, like "it.)

Did you know that Magdalen, Jesus and I had to be somewhat on the
lookout for no less than THREE crazies who had said they'd be at X-Day
to kill (or whatever) me? We didn't seriously expect them to show, they
never do, but what makes us worry are the ones that DON'T send the
threatening emails FIRST.

And even more disturbing are the crazies who don't buy any swag. They
are the greatest threat of all.

So if I'm paranoid, I come by it fair and square. The fears are of
bankruptcy, exhaustion, theft, and physical attack. If all really are
facing us then I have good reason for concern and I'm not paranoid at
all. If you don't believe they're threats, take a look at my
still-heavy swag case, my eyes during any Drill or Devival,
subgenius.net or an Enzyte commercial, and Mag's IRC logs.

Now that all that's said, I can't wait to look at the videotapes
because I know there's a ton of stuff on there that's funny as hell.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Joe Cosby <http://joecosby.com/code/mail.pl>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
>Well, yes, I know, except from 10 to 11 every morning, when I get my
>Hate-On... but... if you could see my recent email you'd have a better
>idea of why I might be just a mite touchy, and Joe Cosby would
>understand better why I felt I had to literally card him -- look at his
>driver's license -- before I'd believe he was Joe, since to this day
>probably nobody in SubGeniusland but me and Sister Decadence even know
>what he looks like. (I thought he would have a completely different
>complexion, for some reason... must be his Ife I was whiffing.)

It was no big deal, I just thought it was funny.

But then you have probably figured out by now that I think most things
are funny.

I feel bad about it now though. I was originally planning to kind of
hide in back of everything for a little while so I was going to get a
phony membership under another name and register with that. So I go
to the Brushwood front cabin and the big bear guy has me sign in to
Brushwood in case I get eaten by squirrels. I knew Jesus was supposed
to be registering so I figured I'd buy them off him and then get a
little tipsy and introduce myself around after I knew who was who and
where the bathrooms were and all that.

So the bear guy says "wait, I'll get Stang".

I suppose by that time I should have just said "aw fuck it" but this
was messing up my "hang around in back" thing.

So I talked him out of it. He didn't seem happy about this at all ...
in retrospect though, I guess he was looking out for you.

I knew Bob Dean had said something about showing up, but I didn't know
about others.

It was just funny, anyway. I was starting to wonder if you were
RIGHT. How do I KNOW I'm Joe Cosby?

Anyway it was great to meet you. You looked like you had a million
things to deal with, so I didn't want to hang on you.

Really if I do this next year maybe I can help. You really did seem
to be buried in thngs to do.

I used to help work the sound setup for a friend's band, but I don't
know how much I remember. I can usually guess my way through things
though.

--
Joe Cosby
http://joecosby.com/
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE NERVE GAS, PUPPET BOY! IT'S
THE EDGE, AND THERE IS ONLY BEYOND!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

Joe Cosby wrote:
> Anyway it was great to meet you. You looked like you had a million
> things to deal with, so I didn't want to hang on you.

Maybe I was wondering how much tape was left in the camera or where my
car keys were or something along those lines.

> Really if I do this next year maybe I can help. You really did seem
> to be buried in thngs to do.

It's always the people I *DO* want to talk to who are too polite to
"PESTER" me. Funny how that works! God damn it.

> I used to help work the sound setup for a friend's band, but I don't
> know how much I remember. I can usually guess my way through things
> though.

The kind of help we're talking about is more like pushing a broom and
washing dishes after the slobs are done trashing the place. Making sure
the Full Metal Dobbshead is locked away securely, shit like that. Mom
and dad stuff. The Drill is basically a giant babysitting job. We have
a hundred creative geniuses wanting to do creative genius stuff but
only a handful of zombie brutes capable of doing zombie brute work like
picking up trash and putting it in bags, panning video cameras to
follow the action if a ranter steps off stage, going to the store for
batteries, those sorts of chores. For me, doing the zombie brute stuff
is when I get a certain Zen-like Slack because it's the one time I can
be fairly sure no jerks will bother me, lest they be asked to help.
Also it's a good way to find out who the cool people are -- they OFFER
to help. Goofus watches Stang haul shit and makes ten year old
wisecracks about hippies. Gallant helps Stang haul shit and has all-new
wisecracks about hippies. Jesus, Wei, Pater Nostril, Modemac, Senator
Speck, Rev. Angry Larry, Ray Hey, Sphinx Drummond and Rev. Steve Scynic
have obviously been reading their Hi-Lites Magazine. I missed Rev. Toth
Wilder and Rev. Steve Chekey because they also must be or have been
readers of that fine children's mag. Philo, Dok Frop and GGG read
Hi-Lites too but they CHOOSE to be Goofus, the lazy bastards.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Sister Decadence <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:

>I am fixing to go

All New Yorkers NOTE the proper use of "fixing to" ("fixin' to" also
accepted).

Yup, private joke.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Two Beans <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

I was wondering, as a fellow "fixing to" using Michigander, are the
latests derivitives of this superior phrase accepted into the company
of the proper lexicon?

Such as the "fitting to" or, "fittin' to", or even the more urban
"finna". Do they meet the approval of the highly cultured Texan
volcabulary, even if they are just debasements of the proper and
original?

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

Absolutely, although they reveal poor breeding. My favorite variation
is "fence to." I once saw a school paper from a 3rd or 4th grader on
which was written, "The chidrens is fence to go to the sto." Phonics.

In Michigan, do you know of the verb, "to tump," as in, "Let's tump
over that big rock and see if there's a snake under there"? Or "The
wind tumped over the garbage can." That one has been discussed by the
Fort Worthians. We didn't know each other at the time, but the Drummond
brothers, Dok Frop and me all grew up in pretty much the same Fort
Worth suburb. Throughout the early sixties were all four in the same
room together every week without knowing it -- The Haltom Theater (now
a furniture store). We all saw the same monster and Jerry Lewis movies
at the same time. We probably threw Milk Duds at each other.

Independently, we tumped over a lot of things.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Two Beans <twobeans@godhatesyou.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:

>In Michigan, do you know of the verb, "to tump," as in, "Let's tump
>over that big rock and see if there's a snake under there"?

Hmm, nope. That one has yet to make it this far north yet. But with
diligance and positive thinking, it just may one of these days.

Everything is possible with positive thinking, just ask the Bedtime
Champ.

-2B

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rich Clark, aka The Left Reverend Egg Plant, ULC, CotSG" <spammers_lie@rrclark.net>

I'll sound off as another Michigander -- ain't never heard of no "tump" as
in, "Let's tump over dat big bucket of gas and set it on fire."

Rich

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

Sister Decadence <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com> wrote:
> "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com> wrote:
> >
> >I am fixing to go
>
> All New Yorkers NOTE the proper use of "fixing to" ("fixin' to" also
> accepted).
>
> Yup, private joke.
>

Y'ought not to be teasing the Yankees that way, Sis.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Sister Decadence <decadence@nospam.subgenius.com>

It was a fair trade....I learned how to say "What the FUCK" right
and proper, like a good New Yorker. It's all intonation...and knowing
to not really say the "what" part. I liked hearing Exmortus say "y'ont
to" over and over. Evidently "y'ought" is difficult for
foreigners...er, northeners.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

"Rev. Ivan Stang" wrote:

>HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com> wrote:

> > Start a new non-prophet or something. Make soap.
>
> No, Bronner's got that field totally covered. (WE TRIED!!)

I meant the Fight Club soap.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgeniusNOSPUM.com>

I didn't hear that.

Not something we talk about.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>

http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/pics5/nensloTN/_SOAP.html

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "HdMrs. Salacia the Overseer" <seventhsqueal@yahoo.com>

Hi, Nenslo. Your Mom was at XDay7.
I have pictures of her making lewd gestures in the direction of the Dagobah
system.

Wanna see?

~Salacia

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>

My mother died in an automobile accident in February. She was
broadsided by a drunk in a pickup truck and "lived" for two days.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "nu-monet v7.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

nenslo wrote:
>
> My mother died in an automobile accident in
> February. She was broadsided by a drunk in
> a pickup truck and "lived" for two days.

I thought it was in March.

--
Baksheesh makes the world go round.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Glenn Knickerbocker <NotR@bestweb.net>

nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com> wrote:
>http://www.subgenius.com/bigfist/pics5/nensloTN/_SOAP.html

BOGDAMMIT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DAVID F LYNCH?

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>My mother died in an automobile accident in February. She was
>broadsided by a drunk in a pickup truck and "lived" for two days.

"Lived" is such a vague term in this modern Pink Driven World we live in.

Many who "live" are atually Dead. Stuck in dead-end Pink-Conspiracy Jobs that
are nothing more then a living death.

Many who are "dead-enders" are actually alive. When you must live form paycheck
to paycheck, you learn to adapt and inovate to survive.

But as long as the Conspiracy Controlls our live, only the Dead (or the
Ruptured) are really free.

At least until the Con learnes to VooDoo Zombie technigues that "BoB" used to
keep Stang and Philo animated. Once they get that secret, the Con will raise
the dead as a source of cheap passive labor. The living, forced out of work,
will soon die form starvation os suiceide, and also join the "workforce" of the
living dead!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: mshotz@aol.commonkeypo (Rev. Richard Skull)

>nenslo wrote:
>>
>> My mother died in an automobile accident in
>> February. She was broadsided by a drunk in
>> a pickup truck and "lived" for two days.
>
>I thought it was in March.
>
>--
>Baksheesh makes the world go round.
>

It was what ever day is neccesary to get out of work.

My Mom died six times before she actually died.

But that was six days that I got off work with pay!

MSHOTZ: The Post Post Modern Man


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