Magdalen's 7-X-Day Report

From: "Rev Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com>
Date: Sun, Jul 11, 2004

I brought my laptop with the idea that I would write down the events of
each day before falling asleep at night, but I ended up only doing
Tuesday, and nothing of any importance happened then, so once again I'll
have to reconstruct my report from a hazy whirlwind of memory.

I have come to the realization that I'm just not a very nice person.
Living in a friendly little Georgia town has forced me to confront the
fact that when complete strangers smile at me and say "Howdy," I just
want to punch them in their face. No real reason, it just makes me feel
like punching.

So that's why I like Camp Detroit so much. Those guys camped as far
away from everyone else as possible, in the absolute worst, most hellish
location in the center of the field under the harsh sun. When asked
why, they just shrugged and blamed one another. I said, "Did you ever
consider that maybe Detroit really IS built above hell, and you guys are
trying to recreate that here?" They just looked at me like maybe they
were thinking about punching me.

So anyway, they're all sitting around there, scowling and glaring at
passersby menacingly, when someone else pulls up not ten feet away and
starts setting up a camp. "We've got neighbors," Miss Lisa informs the
others. "Let's egg 'em!" they answer in unison.

So for about the next six hours they get drunker and drunker and louder
and louder and start talking about how when the eggs run out they'll use
rocks.

The next morning one of the neighbors came over and said, "Um... we
could hear you guys.... talking about the EGGS and the ROCKS."

But did that stop Camp Detroit? HELL NO! They started up again the
second the neighbor meekly turned away to return to his camp.

By that evening the neighbors had constructed an elaborate and probably
quite effective defensive fortification of tarps and poles to protect
them from the egg and rock onslaught which never actually came, due to
the massive quantities of Miller High Life consumed by Camp Detroit.
[Although eventually the eggs were used to try to hit Bucky as he sat
completely obliviously half a field away.]

But the neighbors had their revenge, in true SubGenius style. They
waited until Camp Detroit was past the point of reason, then sent an
emmissary to sit by the Detroit fire dressed in a complete adult-size
Winnie the Pooh costume. It was a full-on surgical surreality strike
to the frontal lobes! Neighbor-Pooh flabbergasted the HELL out of Camp
Detroit!! That's the kind of thing we need more of in this church -
egg-induced feuds spurring each other on to greater and greater heights
of absurdity!

There was so much more funny stuff that my entire torso was aching and I
was gasping for breath most of the time, but nobody let up. There are
so many people to thank for the incredible time this year - Dr. Howll
for being so freakin cool you want to bite your own toes off, Camp
Pressure for the delicious and thoughtful food, Camp Frops for the
hospitality, Stang and Wei for awesomeness, Nickie and Bob for THE
MOOON, the Old Doktors for lechery and perversion, whoever was the third
person joining in on the spontaneous Jerky Boys walkie-talkie show, I
could go on and on, but most of all I thank Camp Detroit for teaching me
just how fun it really is to whip eggs as hard as you can at a living
target.

--
drlegume2001: And I only stabbed him by accident.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: nenslo <nenslo@yahoox.com>

Qinff wrote:
>
> "Rev Magdalen" <magdalen@subgenius.com> wrote:
> > I have come to the realization that I'm just not a very nice person.
>
> Truer words have never been spoken!

I disagree. Truer words have, in fact, been spoken.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Cardinal Vertigo <vertigo@alexandria.cc>

Qinff wrote:

> Name one.
>
> Or several, as the case may have been.

"This sentence is true."

It's infinitely self-confirming, self-strengthening, and
self-reinforcing, so it's the truest possible statement.

--
"There are no whole truths: all truths are half-truths. It is trying
to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil."
- Alfred North Whitehead

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Original file name: Magdalen's 7-X-Day Report.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05