Church Calendar

From: "nu-monet v6.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>
Date: Thu, May 6, 2004

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
> USE NU-MONET'S SUBGENIUS SAINTS BIRTHDAYS LIST!!!

Here is the complete calendar. It is subject to change.
However, EACH AND EVERY SubGenius Saint demands fromage,
scarifice, and obstinence. And if you neglect them,
they will FUCK U UP.

"Cheese, Tattoos, and Stubbornness", these are OUR
Stations of the downright perturbed.

Now Git Up Off Yer Knees And Prey.

January
1 St. Jesus Christ (Feast of the Human Sacrifice)
2 Failure of Will Day
3 St. Harryhausen
4 St. Charles Darwin
5 St. Ludwig II
6 St. William McGonagall
7 St. Russ Meyers
8 St. Jimi Hendrix
9 St. Sigmund Freud
10 St. Mao Tse Tung
11 St. Al Capone
12 St. Peter Sellers
13 St. Werner von Braun
14 St. Gort/St. Guido Franch
15 St. Niccolo Machiavelli
16 Night of the Lemur
17 St. Thingfish
18 St. Martin Luther
19 St. Harlan Ellison
20 St. Tiny Tim
21 St. Fatty Arbuckle
22 St. Basil Wolverton/Annual $2 Contribution
23 St. Sergei Eisenstein
24 St. Klaatu
25 St. Keith Moon
26 St. Steve Jackson
27 St. Michael Jackson (Beastification Pending)
28 St. Alan Funt
29 St. Willy Wonka
30 St. Ice T
31 St. Theodore Kaczinski
February
1 St. Chronos
2 St. Roger Corman
3 St. Pokemon
4 St. Zeus
5 St. Benedict Arnold
6 St. Tlaloc
7 St. Alfred E. Newman
8 St. Teletubbie
9 St. Lewinsky
10 St. Marilyn Monroe
11 Overindulgence Festival
12 High Confiscation of Property
13 St. Snuffleupagus
14 Aztec Day/St. Seka
15 St. Grigori Rasputin
16 Cremation Wednesday/Hash Wednesday (approximate)
17 St. Isaac Asimov
18 St. Frank Miller
19 St. Senor Wenches
20 St. I.G. Farben
21 St. Boris Karloff
22 St. Hunter S. Thompson
23 St. Monty Python
24 St. Huey Newton
25 St. Burke/St. Hare
26 St. Emo Phillips
27 St. Carl Sagan
28 St. Ken Kesey
29 St. Jack Kervorkian
March
1 Obeisance before the Blessed Coney Day
2 St. Wonder Woman
3 St. Newmar
4 St. Bulwer-Lytton
5 St. George Carlin
6 St. Quisling/Treachery Day
7 St. Barbara Eden
8 St. Weird Al
9 St. Millard Fillmore
10 St. Mussolini
11 St. Bela Lugosi
12 St. Houdini
13 St. Firesign
14 St. Archimedes and Pi approximation
15 St. Edward G. Wood
16 St. Hercules
17 Feast of the Blessed Leprechaun/All Snakes' Day
18 St. Barney
19 St. Maxwell Smart
20 St. Xena
21 St. Jack Slade
22 St. Keef Richards
23 St. Charles Ponzi
24 St. Baghwan Shree Rajneesh
25 St. Brian Michael Bendis
26 St. Nero
27 St. John Ramsey/St. Patsy Ramsey
28 Palmistry Sunday (approximate)
29 St. Erik Satie
30 St. Dana Plato
31 St. John Dillinger
April
1 St. Eris/Night of the Evil Clown
2 Passouter (approximate)
3 Goof Friday (approximate)
4 St. Porfirio Diaz
5 St. Robert Bloch
6 Ether Sunday (approximate)
7 St. Columbus
8 St. Geronimo
9 St. Tommy Georgiarides
10 April 10th Day/Chocolate Overindulgence
11 Annual $30 Donation
12 St. Print Olive
13 St. Bill Hicks (The Great)
14 St. Adolph Hitler
15 St. Vlad Tepes
16 St. Messalina/All Hookers' Day
17 St. Tinkerbell
18 St. Lady Macbeth
19 St. David Koresh
20 St. R. Bud Dwyer
21 St. Space Angel
22 St. R. Crumb (The Great)
23 Day of the Glorious Fuckup
24 St. Commodus
25 St. T
26 St. Jethro Tull
27 St. Shemp
28 St. Palmer
29 St. Tito Jackson
30 St. Elvis Costello
May
1 St. Catherine I (The Great)
2 St. Nina Hartley
3 St. Frank Zappa
4 St. Rodney Allen Rippey
5 St. Tiberius
6 St. Guiness (The Stout)
7 St. Peter Lorre
8 St. Buddha/St. Chivington (Delousing Day)
9 St. Medea/St. Oedipus (approximate)
10 St. John Holmes
11 St. Salvador Dali
12 St. Hugh Hefner
13 St. Judy Tenuta
14 St. Wonder Warthog
15 St. Jagger
16 St. Bismarck
17 St. Laval homeboy
18 St. Leonard Nimoy
19 St. Fats Waller
20 St. Edward II
21 Free Money Day
22 St. Elphinstone
23 St. Slim Pickens
24 Victory over the U.S. Day (Can.)
25 St. Stalin
26 St. Lenny Bruce (The Great)
27 St. Edward Teach/Pillage Festival
28 St. Pere Ubu (Roi)
29 St. Spike Jones
30 St. Winnie Ruth Judd
31 Desecration Day
June
1 St. Daniel Boone
2 St. Marquis de Sade/Yell "Fudge" at North
American Cobras Day
3 St. Smurf
4 St. Werner Klemperer
5 St. Wild Man Fischer
6 St. Santa Anna
7 Edtors' Day
8 St. Iggy Pop
9 St. Jim Jones
10 St. Wacky Wall Walker
11 Day of the One Hit Wonders
12 St. Sparky/St. Gerard Hoffnung
13 St. Annie Sprinkle
14 Fag Day (approximate)
15 St. Howard Hughes
16 St. das Steppenwolf
17 St. Zontar of Venus
18 St. Elvis (secular "National Splurge Day")
19 St. Robert Heinlein
20 St. Joseph Smith
21 St. Sam Kinnison
22 St. Kali
23 St. Bob Marley
24 St. Anton LaVey
25 St. Ed Gein
26 St. Archie McPhee
27 St. James Dean
28 St. Carlos Castaneda
29 St. Elizabeth Claire Chapel
30 St. "Papa Doc" Duvalier
July
1 Oh! Canada Day (B.C.)
2 St. Phil Spector
3 St. Alec Guiness
4 St. Elizabeth Montgomery
5 nX-Day (traditional)
6 St. Arthur C. Clarke
7 nX-Day (approximate)
8 St. Zorak
9 St. MojoDick Nixon
10 St. Mel Blanc
11 St. Poncho Villa
12 St. Pam Grier
13 St. Macarena
14 St. Humphrey Bogart
15 St. Neil Gaiman
16 Display of the Embarrassing Swimsuits
17 St. Caligula
18 St. Thomas Morton
19 St. Dr. Doom/St. Thulsa Doom
20 St. Pope John XII
21 St. Alan Moore
22 St. Karl Marx/St. James Whale and 1/Pi approximation
23 St. Groucho Marx
24 St. Sylvester Graham
25 St. Shylock
26 St. Stanley Kubrick
27 St. Madonna
28 St. Marty Feldman
29 St. Brigham Young
30 St. Demento
31 St. Bill Gates
August
1 Drug Side-effects Day (St. Lobster Boy's Day)
2 St. Robert Goddard
3 St. Dymphna
4 St. Charles Addams
5 St. Lucretia Borgia/St. Enola Gay
6 Dance of the Insensitive Bastards
7 St. Idi Amin
8 St. Britishthermalunit, inventor of AC
9 St. Rosencranz/St. Gilderstern
10 St. Irwin Corey
11 St. Clare/St. Mick Foley
12 St. Francisco Franco
13 St. Prospero
14 St. Buck Dharma
15 St. Marilyn Chambers
16 Solarinite Day
17 St. Sharon Mitchell
18 St. Richard Wagner
19 St. Brian Mulrooney
20 St. Harpo/St. Cuitlahac
21 St. Broaderick Crawford
22 St. Ignatius Reilly
23 Nuclear Accident Day
24 St. Aubrey Beardsley
25 St. Heliogabalus
26 St. Lizzie Borden
27 St. Harris/St. Klebold
28 St. Frank Gorshin
29 St. Gahan Wilson
30 St. Thor
31 St. Paul Reubens
September
1 Begins the month of Ramalamadingdong
2 St. Benny Hill
3 St. Wendy O. Williams/St. Lawrence Welk
4 St. Chester Brown/St. Ed the Happy Clown
5 St. Henry Louis Mencken
6 Cesarean Section Day (approximate)
7 St. Susan St. James
8 St. Jill St. John
9 St. Dean Corll
10 St. Chico
11 St. Werewolf
12 Rush to Judgement Day
13 St. Livia/St. Barry Fell
14 St. Vaughn Bode
15 St. Gilles de Rais
16 The Day That Shall Not Be Named
17 St. William Shatner
18 Third Nostril of Christ Day/St. John Harvey Kellogg
19 March of the Reanimated Corpses
20 Yummy Kippers Day
21 St. Jerry Garcia
22 Brother Dave Gardner
23 St. la Cicclioni
24 St. Teddy Ruxpin
25 St. Captain Beefheart
26 St. Franz Liszt
27 St. Hieronymous Bosch
28 St. Hazelwood (Beer Day)
29 The Daily Double
30 St. John Waters
October
1 Descension of the Lawyers Day
2 St. Redd Foxx
3 St. Gomer
4 St. Buster Keaton
5 St. Pope Benedict IX
6 St. Ghengis
7 St. Odin
8 St. Sawney Beane
9 St. Attila
10 St. Madeline Murray O'Hair
11 St. Sid Vicious/St. NENSLO/St. Lt. Columbo/Bitterness
Day (Can.)
12 St. Frank Sinatra
13 St. Alan Turing (Geek Orthodox)
14 St. Judge Isaac Parker (approximate)
15 St. Richard Speck
16 St. Pamela Anderson
17 St. Dean Martin/St. Jerry Lewis
18 St. Richelieu
19 St. Barbarella
20 St. Francis Bacon
21 St. Bruno Hauptmann
22 St. Catherine di Medici/St. Timothy Leary
23 St. Bobby London
24 St. Janis Joplin
25 The Day To Be Named Later
26 St. Onan
27 Festival of the Conspiracies (3.3 days)
28 St. Gumby
29 St. Lazarus Long
30 St. Country Joe
31 St. Bob Crane (Night of a Thousand Screams)
November
1 St. Bozo (approximate, the first Tuesday after first
Monday)
2 Erection Day (approximate)/St. Viagra
3 St. Ambrose Bierce
4 St. Boccaccio
5 St. Albert Camus
6 St. Burroughs (either)
7 St. Charles Baudelaire
8 St. Mae West
9 St. Harold "Doc" Edgerton
10 St. Cthulu
11 St. Charlie Manson/Victory over Pinks VP Day
12 St. L. Ron Hubbard
13 St. Otis Campbell
14 St. Sappho
15 St. Evel Knievel
16 St. Herschell Gordon Lewis
17 Smoke Someone Out Day (approximate)
18 St. Charles Fort/ St. Aleister Crowley
19 Hate for the sake of Hating
20 St. Abdul Aziz
21 Clone Day
22 Clone Day
23 St. Frederick Nietzsche
24 St. Krisfaluchi
25 Bitterness Day (U.S.)
26 St. Hugo Ball
27 St. Eugene V. Debs
28 St. Space Ghost/St. Moltar
29 Ummm.Bacon Day/Vegetarian Remission Day
30 St. Samuel Clemens
December
1 St. Mothra/Feast of Saints Kyle, Stan, Cartman and
Kenny
2 St. Rodan
3 St. Godzilla
4 St. Mechagodzilla
5 St. Ghidra/St. Mechaghidra
6 St. Gamera
7 Feast of All Monsters
8 St. Chesty Puller
9 The Martyrdom of St. Kenny
10 Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms Day
11 St. Roddenberry
12 St. John Wayne Gacy
13 St. John Wayne/St. Larry Storch
14 Whiny Victimization/Co-Dependency Day
15 St. Joseph "Le Petomane" Pujol
16 St. Crispin Glover/St. Philip K. Dick
17 St. Sacco/St. Vanzetti
18 Running of the Roboderos
19 St. Lorenzo di Medici
20 St. Cheech/St. Chong
21 Feelings of Gnawing Guilt Minute(04:00-04:01)
22 St. Bootsy Collins
23 St. John Belushi
24 St. Krishna
25 Robert "Bob" Leroy Ripley /Festival of Fish-Fighting,
Fisting and Felching
26 St. John Calvin
27 St. Loki
28 St. Mike (The Bike) Hailwood
29 St. Vanessa del Rio
30 Boxing the Jesuit Day (Can.)
31 St. Lucifer (Look Good Until You Die Day)

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Original file name: Nu-MONET'S CALENDAR!.txt - converted on Saturday, 25 September 2004, 02:05