Original file name: Interior Layout of the Sex ÉFrom: HellPope Huey X <radiopopeNOraSPAM@hotmail.com.invalid>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
As XXX-Day approaches, we seem to be forgetting the main goal in
all the hubub, which is to GET ON THOSE SAUCERS! Yet many don't
know what to expect when they step on board. Here's a foretaste
that should pop open a few recalcitrant wallets:
First off, the seats are pnuematic as hell and are all swathed
in a sensuous velour/fur-like covering that mysteriously sucks
down sweat and OTHER FLUIDS, which are transmuted into fuel for
the saucer. Sex toys, bondage gear and various nipples (not
attached to the Goddesses proper) appear on command. The chairs
will accomodate ANY size of ass, which is important when dealing
with the huge, hard-, tight- or extra-lush varieties common to
paid-up members. Unpaid Bobbie poseurs can suck wart hog balls.
The control panel is Virtual; you just slip on the goggles,
gloves and genital-covering appliance and barnstorm at will. One
popular adjustment gives you an orgasm every time you flatten a
church. This feature should only be used by full-blood Yetis, as
lesser beings are sucked dry and turned into unsightly husks
after the 4th come.
The beverage dispensers are a big favorite. They, too, provide
nipples as one of the main dispensing elements, although
pipe-handled Dobbshead flagons ARE available. These offer
chocolate milk, Crown Royale, lemonade, JanorJuice (not what you
think), V-8, Remy Martin cognac, frop smoothies in a rainbow of
flavors, sparkling spring water guaranteed not to be suffused
with benzene OR isotopes and a variety of exotic teas containing
or NOT containing aphrodisiacs of your choosing, from simple
Spanish Fly (irritating) to Secret Church Compounds B431
(M'HUNH!) through XXX999. I prefer H24. Gives you a dependable
stiffy that doesn't last longer than the tread on your foreskin
for that session. Compound L765 will REBUILD that foreskin
rapidly, but the side effect of the crotch tentacles is kind of
rough. Sure, they fall off within a day, but they itch & they
won't act as French Ticklers, so why bother?
The food is naturally the best available system-wide! Most of it
cooks itself and leaps right into your waiting mouth, much like
the Goddesses themselves! And its JUST the right temperature when
it hits your salivating orifice! The tenderloin of Pink is done
to a golden turn, basted in its own unnatural juices, with a
crust that 10,000 alien overlords have died in vain to possess.
Fruits from a THOUSAND galaxies are waiting to peel fruit from a
MILLION galaxies and drop it into your gullet like they had
nothing better to do. You'll think bananas are as passe as go-go
boots on sheep once you've sampled the lush melons of the Fung
women of G'rthaglkyts piled high with the Glingo berries that not
only taste like Heaven on the hoof, but contain a unique
hallucinogen that'll make you think your feet are female sex
organs! But don't worry, THOSE will be serviced TOO! And there's
nothing to compare with the cheese aged between the toes of the
mammary glands of Susie-12, the Queen of A Thousand and TWELVE
DELIGHTS!!!
The entertainment features, aside from the sexual favors, are to
die for! Floating nanite projectors create holo-images in mid-air
on command. Limitless porn from hundreds of worlds is yours for
the plugging via the holodeck amenities. The holos also wrap
around any stumbling, giddy Sub who wanders through them, so
there's no "Get out from in front of the SET, ASShole!" Syndrome
to contend with. The cartoons from the Coal Sac region are pretty
inscrutable; watching methane-breathers do it is amusing, but not
much of a turn-on. Also, sex between crystalline entities is a
towering bore. On the other hand, the Rigellians go at it in a
pile that'll make you turn purple with envy.
Let's not forget the travel possibilities. There are stadiums on
other worlds that make Buddokan look like a plywood stage at a
pagan campground! Some of the music is beyond the range of human
hearing, but that's okay, you'll be temporarily mutated for the
show and if you don't like the new extensions, they can be
removed later. You have to step carefully with otherworldly
refreshment stands, but the t-shirts are WAY AWESOME!
THIS stuff makes OUR idea of rock n' roll sound like a Mexican
wrestler's locker room after a losing bout! You'll have to take
your ass back in a BAG after hearing Big Mama Slithy and the
1101100011011000110 Neutrino Ensemble!!! Its RAD!
And of course, there's Blart, the living hookah from
Zapyercrain-7, who sports an endless array of succulent tubes
that excrete a frop so sweet, it makes opiated crack look like a
Fruit Roll-up with a dead chihuahua in the middle! Yes, you can
suck your way to happiness, alternating between nipples of every
size, shape & description, foods from the delis of Olympus,
fluids that cater to your every whim of the moment and exotic
entertainment that'll make you think you're living inside God's
own arcade!
And its ALL AVAILABLE TO *YOU*, seeker, IF and *ONLY* if YOU
SEND YOUR $30 to "BOB," RIGHT NOW!!!! Of course, if you don't
take care of it before July 5th, fuck ya. Void where prohibited
by hyper-religious local bullshit. Of course, we'll be in the
woods, so we'll work a mojo that'll strangle the shitheads with
their own red tape and SEND *YOUR* BLESSED ASS A-FLYIN'!!! Act
now or be Xist pizza topping! 14030675214HOTCHA!
HellPope Huey,
Pumped up, Screwed up, Hopped Up, PAID up
"A quitter never wins and never trust Whitey."
- "Family Guy"
"Does the noise in my head bother you, bother you, bother you?"
- Loop Guru, "Loop Bites Dog"
For all you'll ever need to know about Saint Raymond Scott, (bio
plus CD info) BobFather of all electronic music and creator of
the Looney Tunes musical classics, peruse ye this site, courtesy
of Revs. Irwin Chusid and Byron Werner, stout SubGs of
long-standing:
www.raymondscott.com
Humlipsible, lipsible blip; cantankerous, ornery & flip; cankery
sore with four on the floor, the syph, the clap & the grip;
tittie supremous, thighs on the hoof, get that reindeer crap off
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