Subject: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO.

From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>
Newsgroups: alt.slack
Date: Thu, Oct 31, 2002 3:31 PM

Whoo, a special day.

Dress up different.

Pretend you're somebody else.

Act kooky and crazy. Have a weird name.

SPECIAL day. Whoo.

I used to LIVE for Halloween. But when every day is Halloween... it's
just not the same.

I think St. Stupid from San Francisco will be calling the ESO show
tonight, along with Rev. Ed Holmes from the San Fancisco Mime Troup,
who were doing their noisy theater thang in Northern Ohio, "Mister
Smith Goes to Obscuristan". Until then I'm planning to sit in a chair
on my porch in the Tor Johnson mask, silently, unmoving, and wait until
Princess Wei lures reluctant little kids up onto the porch to get their
candy and THAT"S WHEN I'LL EVER SO SLOWLY TURN MY HEAD AND LOOK AT
THEM.

It worked great last year and was really easy. Also there's a guy
around the corner who does a huge, elaborate haunted house -- down the
road from Mister Sister about 4 houses -- and I'll go videotape that
for him, and maybe get some candy. When we wandered in to his amazing
Burning Man-style haunted yard, and started chatting, one of his buds
suddenly said, "Hey, are you one of those Lonesome Cowboy Dave guys?"

Maybe I'll wear the Dave mask again instead of the Tor Johnson.

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Subject: Re: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> Whoo, a special day.
>> Dress up different.
>> Pretend you're somebody else.
>> Act kooky and crazy. Have a weird name.
> > SPECIAL day. Whoo.
> > I used to LIVE for Halloween. But when every day
> is Halloween... it's just not the same...

I think that *someone* here needs a

HALLOWEEN DUTCH RUB! nYANYANYANYA!

(Grabs head in elbow lock and scrubs with
stiff wire brush until scalp is bloody)

You've forgotten the SPIRIT of Halloween!

When was the last time you got the neighborhood
kids really, really drunk and gave them Molotov
cocktails?

Phoned in a bomb threat?

Put a homemade tear gas generator in the sewer
to drive all the rats and cockroaches up and out?

When you were waving that ceremonial dagger over
the virgin during the high mass and the thought
crossed your mind, "Hey, what the heck, let's be
ORTHODOX!"?

Dug up a corpse and raped it?

Opened the sluice-gates on the dam so that the
town would be flooded at midnight?

THAT's what Halloween is about! NOT this candy-
munching COMMERCIALIZED version.

PRANKS! VICIOUS PRANKS! LET THEM *KNOW* THAT
DEMONS WALK THE EARTH.

Yes, Virginia, there *are* fucking monsters.

And we have met the monsters and they are us.

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Subject: Re: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO.
From: "Rev. Ivan Stang" <stang@subgenius.com>

nu-monet v5.0 wrote:

> When was the last time you got the neighborhood
> kids really, really drunk and gave them Molotov
> cocktails?

An hour ago. (It being Halloween. This is the one thing on your list I
DON'T do every day or so.)

> Phoned in a bomb threat?

3 a day all week just like every week.

> Put a homemade tear gas generator in the sewer
> to drive all the rats and cockroaches up and out?

Just before I got off work yesterday.

> When you were waving that ceremonial dagger over
> the virgin during the high mass and the thought
> crossed your mind, "Hey, what the heck, let's be
> ORTHODOX!"?

That wedding in August in NYC.

> Dug up a corpse and raped it?

On the way to the post office Monday. "And so from my pocket I pulled
out a straw, and sucked out the load I'd shot in." Check.

> Opened the sluice-gates on the dam so that the
> town would be flooded at midnight?

Can only do one town per state per year, smart guy.

> THAT's what Halloween is about! NOT this candy-
> munching COMMERCIALIZED version.
>> PRANKS! VICIOUS PRANKS! LET THEM *KNOW* THAT
> DEMONS WALK THE EARTH.
>> Yes, Virginia, there *are* fucking monsters.
>> And we have met the monsters and they are us.

Yeah yeah right, but I'm telling you it gets old if you do it EVERY
FUCKING DAY. Like the sheepdog and the coyote in those Warner Brothers
cartoons, who punch in, dutifully act like cartoon characters for 8
hours, and then punch out.

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Subject: Re: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO.
From: "nu-monet v5.0" <nothing@succeeds.com>

Rev. Ivan Stang wrote:
>
> Yeah yeah right, but I'm telling you it gets old
> if you do it EVERY FUCKING DAY. Like the sheepdog
> and the coyote in those Warner Brothers cartoons,
> who punch in, dutifully act like cartoon characters
> for 8 hours, and then punch out.

Oh, so you'd rather be the SHEEP in the sheepdog and
coyote cartoons? Sucked down into 5" holes then
extruded back out again, and NOBODY even believes
that you were THIS CLOSE to having your intestines
torn out by a savage coyote; OR, IF YOU'RE LUCKY,
having a Securitat sheepdog preventing your escape
until that fateful day when you are herded on board
a carryall and taken to a place where they put a .38
slug in your ear and slice your throat and hang you
upside down to bleed SO YOU'LL BE FUCKING KOSHER,
before chopping off your head and dissecting you for
a dozen Swanson's breaded veal cutlet teevee dinners
to the tune of Carl Stallings "Factory" music?

Boy, now THAT'S a fucking choice!

Now, GET YER ASS IN GEAR, PUNCH THAT *DAMN* CLOCK,
AND STEAL SOME FOOKIN' SHEEP, MAN!

--
"I'd just like to say I'm sailing with the Rock
and I'll be back like Independence Day with Jesus,
June 6, like the movie, big mothership and all.
I'll be back."
--Executed Serial killer Aileen Wuornos

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Subject: Re: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO.
From: fossil_1984@hotmail.com (chaosisrael)

The worst part is, it's the *other* 364 days that I wear the costume.
--
C. is for Cookie.

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Original file name: Halloween. WHOOP TEE DOO. - converted on Monday, 21 July 2003, 13:44